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1. Assume consoles are mutually exclusive.
You've bought one, you can't buy again until next gen. Be careful, no matter how poor, you'll have to stick with your decision. Only fools buy more than one console to enjoy the full breadth of gaming... for some reason or other.
2. No matter how stupid, your company is always right.
Apparently we hurt the ones we love the most. Luckily, that doesn't apply to consoles. No matter what they do, your guys are always right. If they want to delay releases, that’s fine. Must be some reason. Mumble some factually incorrect, sorry, gospel about how long international conversions take. Price hike? That's totally worthwhile and you think it's worth every penny. International courts slapping your guys' wrists - must be some mistake. They want to shoot anyone who bought their console - get in line baby! If worse comes to worst, say nothing. People will assume you're the "strong silent type" and so confident in your knowledge that your favourite manufacturers are right they'll immediately be won over.
3. No matter how clever, the other companies are always wrong.
Fools. How could they possibly do anything good? I mean, if they were all that you would have bought their console in the first place.
4. Everyone who doesn't do exactly as you do are wrong, but just because they don't know.
Sale figures, pah! I mean, what do the majority of people know? They obviously buy all those other games time after time because the marketing catches them out and/or they don't know better. All those people that regularly enjoy Franchise X are just misguided; they're not really having fun. If only they knew about my guys......
5. Opinion is irrelevant.
Everything is universal, it applies to everyone equally. Therefore if I like something, everybody likes it. In no situation whatsoever can two different people have differing views on the same game. If this ever arises, you are right and they aren’t playing the game correctly, or their brain is too small to understand the brilliance.
6. The stereotypes are holy... so long as they don't bad mouth your guys.
I mean, come on. The only possible reason left for people not agreeing with you is that they are sheep. They stick to their own, geeks with geeks, trendies with trendies, kids with kids. Consoles with a myriad of games, many of which appear on our own beloved, are easily put into these groups when we apply fanboy logic.
7. My guys do it for the love.
All those stinking corporations. Just do it for the cash, they don't really care about the games. They don't care about their customers like my favourite manufacturer does (see points 2 and 3). However, if anyone belittles they're performance, you must stand up for them. Have a portfolio of historic sales figures, 10-year revenues, and minutes of the last twenty years of shareholders meetings at hand for quick reference. Oh, and meaningless yet supportive statistics, have lots of those. These can be used in the most tenuous of situations as they obviously prove the point anyway:
Guy A
"Company X's long awaited game is a little lacklustre, and playing it on-line will cost £1,000; whereas Company Y just released the best game in the world, for free, with free internet gaming and everyone who buys it gets a night with the girl of their choice."
Company X Fanboy
"So??? What's your point??? In 1982 the labour turnover in their Hiacki production subsidiary was 3.9383 pizans you fool. Sheep!"
8. History can be bent.
My guys invented X. They won the market race with this logical extension of the area, so they should obviously get all credit. Even if someone else actually did it first or it didn't get any good until someone else improved on it. Oh wait, sorry, my guys did it right first off, everyone else stole it.
9. No matter how hackneyed, my guys are always innovate.
Whoa, they used a different colour! What'll they think of next?!?!? The present version of point 8, point 9 provides us with lots to get excited about. EVERYTHING your guys do is "innovative", even if it seems like a bad idea; it is innovative and therefore good. Also, innovation is important - without it we all shrivel up and die. This allows us to talk about it non-stop.
10. Everybody wants to know about your guys.
They're so great, you just have to tell everyone, all the time. Everyone is interested in the latest release or a detailed summation of they're glorious history. The smallest thing is super important if it, in anyway, can be used to say your guys are great (note: luckily logic is irrelevant, there is a higher purpose to attend to). If the listener’s eyes are closed, they are just in quiet contemplation trying to fathom how awesome your console is. If they act disinterested, the evil marketing of some rival company has got to them. You must heal at all costs; the fools don't know what they're missing! Even when a rival fanboy posts something and you say "I'm not even going to bother replying to that rubbish", you must write a long reply. It's a good tactic, catch them off guard.
11. Everything is serious.
No one ever jokes - I mean, come on, playing games it is hardly a laughing matter. You must defend everything, let nothing slip by. You’re in it for the long term so it pays (somehow) to correct these fools.
Lastly...
12. You're NOT a fanboy.
You're hardcore baby! You're all about the games. You were playing your favourite manufacturer's console since you were in the womb (invoke point 8 if needs be), and they were still the best then (obviously). You see, loving a console is a very serious thing. Much like religion, race, and marriage any changing is frowned upon. What would you want to change for anyway?!?!?! Your guys are the best!
You've bought one, you can't buy again until next gen. Be careful, no matter how poor, you'll have to stick with your decision. Only fools buy more than one console to enjoy the full breadth of gaming... for some reason or other.
2. No matter how stupid, your company is always right.
Apparently we hurt the ones we love the most. Luckily, that doesn't apply to consoles. No matter what they do, your guys are always right. If they want to delay releases, that’s fine. Must be some reason. Mumble some factually incorrect, sorry, gospel about how long international conversions take. Price hike? That's totally worthwhile and you think it's worth every penny. International courts slapping your guys' wrists - must be some mistake. They want to shoot anyone who bought their console - get in line baby! If worse comes to worst, say nothing. People will assume you're the "strong silent type" and so confident in your knowledge that your favourite manufacturers are right they'll immediately be won over.
3. No matter how clever, the other companies are always wrong.
Fools. How could they possibly do anything good? I mean, if they were all that you would have bought their console in the first place.
4. Everyone who doesn't do exactly as you do are wrong, but just because they don't know.
Sale figures, pah! I mean, what do the majority of people know? They obviously buy all those other games time after time because the marketing catches them out and/or they don't know better. All those people that regularly enjoy Franchise X are just misguided; they're not really having fun. If only they knew about my guys...
5. Opinion is irrelevant.
Everything is universal, it applies to everyone equally. Therefore if I like something, everybody likes it. In no situation whatsoever can two different people have differing views on the same game. If this ever arises, you are right and they aren’t playing the game correctly, or their brain is too small to understand the brilliance.
6. The stereotypes are holy... so long as they don't bad mouth your guys.
I mean, come on. The only possible reason left for people not agreeing with you is that they are sheep. They stick to their own, geeks with geeks, trendies with trendies, kids with kids. Consoles with a myriad of games, many of which appear on our own beloved, are easily put into these groups when we apply fanboy logic.
7. My guys do it for the love.
All those stinking corporations. Just do it for the cash, they don't really care about the games. They don't care about their customers like my favourite manufacturer does (see points 2 and 3). However, if anyone belittles they're performance, you must stand up for them. Have a portfolio of historic sales figures, 10-year revenues, and minutes of the last twenty years of shareholders meetings at hand for quick reference. Oh, and meaningless yet supportive statistics, have lots of those. These can be used in the most tenuous of situations as they obviously prove the point anyway:
Guy A
"Company X's long awaited game is a little lacklustre, and playing it on-line will cost £1,000; whereas Company Y just released the best game in the world, for free, with free internet gaming and everyone who buys it gets a night with the girl of their choice."
Company X Fanboy
"So??? What's your point??? In 1982 the labour turnover in their Hiacki production subsidiary was 3.9383 pizans you fool. Sheep!"
8. History can be bent.
My guys invented X. They won the market race with this logical extension of the area, so they should obviously get all credit. Even if someone else actually did it first or it didn't get any good until someone else improved on it. Oh wait, sorry, my guys did it right first off, everyone else stole it.
9. No matter how hackneyed, my guys are always innovate.
Whoa, they used a different colour! What'll they think of next?!?!? The present version of point 8, point 9 provides us with lots to get excited about. EVERYTHING your guys do is "innovative", even if it seems like a bad idea; it is innovative and therefore good. Also, innovation is important - without it we all shrivel up and die. This allows us to talk about it non-stop.
10. Everybody wants to know about your guys.
They're so great, you just have to tell everyone, all the time. Everyone is interested in the latest release or a detailed summation of they're glorious history. The smallest thing is super important if it, in anyway, can be used to say your guys are great (note: luckily logic is irrelevant, there is a higher purpose to attend to). If the listener’s eyes are closed, they are just in quiet contemplation trying to fathom how awesome your console is. If they act disinterested, the evil marketing of some rival company has got to them. You must heal at all costs; the fools don't know what they're missing! Even when a rival fanboy posts something and you say "I'm not even going to bother replying to that rubbish", you must write a long reply. It's a good tactic, catch them off guard.
11. Everything is serious.
No one ever jokes - I mean, come on, playing games it is hardly a laughing matter. You must defend everything, let nothing slip by. You’re in it for the long term so it pays (somehow) to correct these fools.
Lastly...
12. You're NOT a fanboy.
You're hardcore baby! You're all about the games. You were playing your favourite manufacturer's console since you were in the womb (invoke point 8 if needs be), and they were still the best then (obviously). You see, loving a console is a very serious thing. Much like religion, race, and marriage any changing is frowned upon. What would you want to change for anyway?!?!?! Your guys are the best!
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1. Assume consoles are mutually exclusive.
You've bought one, you can't buy again until next gen. Be careful, no matter how poor, you'll have to stick with your decision. Only fools buy more than one console to enjoy the full breadth of gaming... for some reason or other.
2. No matter how stupid, your company is always right.
Apparently we hurt the ones we love the most. Luckily, that doesn't apply to consoles. No matter what they do, your guys are always right. If they want to delay releases, that’s fine. Must be some reason. Mumble some factually incorrect, sorry, gospel about how long international conversions take. Price hike? That's totally worthwhile and you think it's worth every penny. International courts slapping your guys' wrists - must be some mistake. They want to shoot anyone who bought their console - get in line baby! If worse comes to worst, say nothing. People will assume you're the "strong silent type" and so confident in your knowledge that your favourite manufacturers are right they'll immediately be won over.
3. No matter how clever, the other companies are always wrong.
Fools. How could they possibly do anything good? I mean, if they were all that you would have bought their console in the first place.
4. Everyone who doesn't do exactly as you do are wrong, but just because they don't know.
Sale figures, pah! I mean, what do the majority of people know? They obviously buy all those other games time after time because the marketing catches them out and/or they don't know better. All those people that regularly enjoy Franchise X are just misguided; they're not really having fun. If only they knew about my guys......
5. Opinion is irrelevant.
Everything is universal, it applies to everyone equally. Therefore if I like something, everybody likes it. In no situation whatsoever can two different people have differing views on the same game. If this ever arises, you are right and they aren’t playing the game correctly, or their brain is too small to understand the brilliance.
6. The stereotypes are holy... so long as they don't bad mouth your guys.
I mean, come on. The only possible reason left for people not agreeing with you is that they are sheep. They stick to their own, geeks with geeks, trendies with trendies, kids with kids. Consoles with a myriad of games, many of which appear on our own beloved, are easily put into these groups when we apply fanboy logic.
7. My guys do it for the love.
All those stinking corporations. Just do it for the cash, they don't really care about the games. They don't care about their customers like my favourite manufacturer does (see points 2 and 3). However, if anyone belittles they're performance, you must stand up for them. Have a portfolio of historic sales figures, 10-year revenues, and minutes of the last twenty years of shareholders meetings at hand for quick reference. Oh, and meaningless yet supportive statistics, have lots of those. These can be used in the most tenuous of situations as they obviously prove the point anyway:
Guy A
"Company X's long awaited game is a little lacklustre, and playing it on-line will cost £1,000; whereas Company Y just released the best game in the world, for free, with free internet gaming and everyone who buys it gets a night with the girl of their choice."
Company X Fanboy
"So??? What's your point??? In 1982 the labour turnover in their Hiacki production subsidiary was 3.9383 pizans you fool. Sheep!"
8. History can be bent.
My guys invented X. They won the market race with this logical extension of the area, so they should obviously get all credit. Even if someone else actually did it first or it didn't get any good until someone else improved on it. Oh wait, sorry, my guys did it right first off, everyone else stole it.
9. No matter how hackneyed, my guys are always innovate.
Whoa, they used a different colour! What'll they think of next?!?!? The present version of point 8, point 9 provides us with lots to get excited about. EVERYTHING your guys do is "innovative", even if it seems like a bad idea; it is innovative and therefore good. Also, innovation is important - without it we all shrivel up and die. This allows us to talk about it non-stop.
10. Everybody wants to know about your guys.
They're so great, you just have to tell everyone, all the time. Everyone is interested in the latest release or a detailed summation of they're glorious history. The smallest thing is super important if it, in anyway, can be used to say your guys are great (note: luckily logic is irrelevant, there is a higher purpose to attend to). If the listener’s eyes are closed, they are just in quiet contemplation trying to fathom how awesome your console is. If they act disinterested, the evil marketing of some rival company has got to them. You must heal at all costs; the fools don't know what they're missing! Even when a rival fanboy posts something and you say "I'm not even going to bother replying to that rubbish", you must write a long reply. It's a good tactic, catch them off guard.
11. Everything is serious.
No one ever jokes - I mean, come on, playing games it is hardly a laughing matter. You must defend everything, let nothing slip by. You’re in it for the long term so it pays (somehow) to correct these fools.
Lastly...
12. You're NOT a fanboy.
You're hardcore baby! You're all about the games. You were playing your favourite manufacturer's console since you were in the womb (invoke point 8 if needs be), and they were still the best then (obviously). You see, loving a console is a very serious thing. Much like religion, race, and marriage any changing is frowned upon. What would you want to change for anyway?!?!?! Your guys are the best!
You've bought one, you can't buy again until next gen. Be careful, no matter how poor, you'll have to stick with your decision. Only fools buy more than one console to enjoy the full breadth of gaming... for some reason or other.
2. No matter how stupid, your company is always right.
Apparently we hurt the ones we love the most. Luckily, that doesn't apply to consoles. No matter what they do, your guys are always right. If they want to delay releases, that’s fine. Must be some reason. Mumble some factually incorrect, sorry, gospel about how long international conversions take. Price hike? That's totally worthwhile and you think it's worth every penny. International courts slapping your guys' wrists - must be some mistake. They want to shoot anyone who bought their console - get in line baby! If worse comes to worst, say nothing. People will assume you're the "strong silent type" and so confident in your knowledge that your favourite manufacturers are right they'll immediately be won over.
3. No matter how clever, the other companies are always wrong.
Fools. How could they possibly do anything good? I mean, if they were all that you would have bought their console in the first place.
4. Everyone who doesn't do exactly as you do are wrong, but just because they don't know.
Sale figures, pah! I mean, what do the majority of people know? They obviously buy all those other games time after time because the marketing catches them out and/or they don't know better. All those people that regularly enjoy Franchise X are just misguided; they're not really having fun. If only they knew about my guys...
5. Opinion is irrelevant.
Everything is universal, it applies to everyone equally. Therefore if I like something, everybody likes it. In no situation whatsoever can two different people have differing views on the same game. If this ever arises, you are right and they aren’t playing the game correctly, or their brain is too small to understand the brilliance.
6. The stereotypes are holy... so long as they don't bad mouth your guys.
I mean, come on. The only possible reason left for people not agreeing with you is that they are sheep. They stick to their own, geeks with geeks, trendies with trendies, kids with kids. Consoles with a myriad of games, many of which appear on our own beloved, are easily put into these groups when we apply fanboy logic.
7. My guys do it for the love.
All those stinking corporations. Just do it for the cash, they don't really care about the games. They don't care about their customers like my favourite manufacturer does (see points 2 and 3). However, if anyone belittles they're performance, you must stand up for them. Have a portfolio of historic sales figures, 10-year revenues, and minutes of the last twenty years of shareholders meetings at hand for quick reference. Oh, and meaningless yet supportive statistics, have lots of those. These can be used in the most tenuous of situations as they obviously prove the point anyway:
Guy A
"Company X's long awaited game is a little lacklustre, and playing it on-line will cost £1,000; whereas Company Y just released the best game in the world, for free, with free internet gaming and everyone who buys it gets a night with the girl of their choice."
Company X Fanboy
"So??? What's your point??? In 1982 the labour turnover in their Hiacki production subsidiary was 3.9383 pizans you fool. Sheep!"
8. History can be bent.
My guys invented X. They won the market race with this logical extension of the area, so they should obviously get all credit. Even if someone else actually did it first or it didn't get any good until someone else improved on it. Oh wait, sorry, my guys did it right first off, everyone else stole it.
9. No matter how hackneyed, my guys are always innovate.
Whoa, they used a different colour! What'll they think of next?!?!? The present version of point 8, point 9 provides us with lots to get excited about. EVERYTHING your guys do is "innovative", even if it seems like a bad idea; it is innovative and therefore good. Also, innovation is important - without it we all shrivel up and die. This allows us to talk about it non-stop.
10. Everybody wants to know about your guys.
They're so great, you just have to tell everyone, all the time. Everyone is interested in the latest release or a detailed summation of they're glorious history. The smallest thing is super important if it, in anyway, can be used to say your guys are great (note: luckily logic is irrelevant, there is a higher purpose to attend to). If the listener’s eyes are closed, they are just in quiet contemplation trying to fathom how awesome your console is. If they act disinterested, the evil marketing of some rival company has got to them. You must heal at all costs; the fools don't know what they're missing! Even when a rival fanboy posts something and you say "I'm not even going to bother replying to that rubbish", you must write a long reply. It's a good tactic, catch them off guard.
11. Everything is serious.
No one ever jokes - I mean, come on, playing games it is hardly a laughing matter. You must defend everything, let nothing slip by. You’re in it for the long term so it pays (somehow) to correct these fools.
Lastly...
12. You're NOT a fanboy.
You're hardcore baby! You're all about the games. You were playing your favourite manufacturer's console since you were in the womb (invoke point 8 if needs be), and they were still the best then (obviously). You see, loving a console is a very serious thing. Much like religion, race, and marriage any changing is frowned upon. What would you want to change for anyway?!?!?! Your guys are the best!
Page: