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1.-"Docter, docter! Everyone keeps ignoring me." "Next, please."
2.-"I see you've got a new dog. Is he a watch dog?"
"Yes, he watches television."
"Have you had him long?"
"Only two weeks and already he's a one-man dog. He only bites me."
3.- Can you spell "Blind pig"?
Sure - B.L.I.N.D. P.I.G.
No, it's B.L.N.D. P.G. If it had two eyes it wouldn't be blind!
4.- Barber: Tell me sir when you came in here were you wearing a red scarf?
Customer: no, I wasn't.
Barber: Blimey, i've cut your throat!
5.-How long will my pizza be?
We don't do long ones, sir. Only round.
6.-Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grannie. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grannie. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grannie. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grannie. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Aunt.
Aunt who?
Aunt you glad Grannie's gone?
7.- What is the most commom illness in birds?
Flu.
8.- What do you get if you cross a bear with a skunk?
Winnie the pooh.
9.- What's white and goes up?
A stupid snow-flake.
10.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mister
Mister who?
Mister last bus home.
11.- "Docter, docter! I can't stop telling lies!"
"I don't believe you."
12.- What happened when a man bought a paper shop?
It blew away.
13.- What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
14.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
No need to cry- it's only a joke.
15.- Were does a dog go when he loses his tail?
To a re-tailer.
16.- What can't you do if you put 250 melons in the fridge?
Shut the door.
17.- "My brother's a professional boxer."
"Heavyweight?"
"No, featherweight. He tickles his opponents to death."
18.- Why couldn't the leopard escape from the zoo?
"cos he was always spotted.
19.- Will you remember me in one day's time?
Of course I will.
Will you remember me in a week's time?
Of course I will.
Will you remember me in a year's time?
Of course I will.
Will you remember me in ten year's time?
Of course I will.
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
See- you've forgotten already!
20.- What is brown, has four feet, a hump and is found in Alaska?
A lost camel.
21.- "How big is an elaphant?."
"What kind of elephant."
"A big one"
"how big?"
22.- What's stupid and yellow?
Thick custard.
23.- Did you here about the man that was tap dancing?
He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink!
24.- What do you get if you dial 4978344672355746392837462?
A blister on your finger.
25.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris locked- that's why I knocked.
26.- My new neighbour's got a glass eye. Mind you, you'd never know unless it came out in the conversation...
27.- "I like your easter tie."
"Why do you call it my easter tie?"
"It's got egg on it."
28.- "Why did you put that spider in my bed?"
"'Cos I couldn't find a frog."
29.- Husband: Why can't you make bread like my mother?
Wife: I would if you could make dough like your father!
30.- "May I go swimming mummy?"
"No, you may not. There are sharks here."
"But Daddy's swimming."
"He's insured."
31.- Cusomer: This loaf is lovely and warm!
Baker: So it should be, madam. the cat's been sitting on it all morning!
32.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur any Biccuits left?
33.- Customer: Ironmonger, have you got two inch nails?
Ironmonger: Yes, madam.
Customer: Scratch my back, will you?
34.- Did you hearabout Paddy who opened a shop next to the Chinese Takeaway?
He called it an irish Bring-back...
35.- "How long will the next bus be, Inspector?"
"About eight metres, sir."
36.- What goes ha-ha-ha clonk?
A man laughing his head off.
37.- "Are you counsel for the defence?"
"No. I'm the feller what stole the chickens."
38.- Why is tennis a noisy game?
'Cos when you play it you have to raise a racket.
39.-
"How did you get on in court yesterday?"
"Oh, fine..."
40.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Waiter.
Waiter who?
Waiter minute while I tie my shoelaces up.
41.- What room has no walls, floor, ceiling or windows?
A mushroom.
42.- If your clock strikes thirteen, what time is it?
Time to get a new clock.
43.- Why doesn't the sea ever fall into space?
It's tide.
44.- What did the pilot say as he left the pub?
Must fly now!
45.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Nasty cold you've got.
46.- "My grandfather didn't shave till he was thirty years old."
"Where was his beard?"
"down to his knees!"
47.- "Docter, docter! I feel like a strawberry!"
"You are in a jam, aren't you?"
48.- Why did the elephant cross the road?
'Cos it was the chicken's day off.
49.- What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"I simply do not believe in people."
50.- What did the policeman say to the three headed man?
"'Allo, 'allo, 'allo!"
2.-"I see you've got a new dog. Is he a watch dog?"
"Yes, he watches television."
"Have you had him long?"
"Only two weeks and already he's a one-man dog. He only bites me."
3.- Can you spell "Blind pig"?
Sure - B.L.I.N.D. P.I.G.
No, it's B.L.N.D. P.G. If it had two eyes it wouldn't be blind!
4.- Barber: Tell me sir when you came in here were you wearing a red scarf?
Customer: no, I wasn't.
Barber: Blimey, i've cut your throat!
5.-How long will my pizza be?
We don't do long ones, sir. Only round.
6.-Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grannie. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grannie. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grannie. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grannie. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Aunt.
Aunt who?
Aunt you glad Grannie's gone?
7.- What is the most commom illness in birds?
Flu.
8.- What do you get if you cross a bear with a skunk?
Winnie the pooh.
9.- What's white and goes up?
A stupid snow-flake.
10.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mister
Mister who?
Mister last bus home.
11.- "Docter, docter! I can't stop telling lies!"
"I don't believe you."
12.- What happened when a man bought a paper shop?
It blew away.
13.- What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
14.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
No need to cry- it's only a joke.
15.- Were does a dog go when he loses his tail?
To a re-tailer.
16.- What can't you do if you put 250 melons in the fridge?
Shut the door.
17.- "My brother's a professional boxer."
"Heavyweight?"
"No, featherweight. He tickles his opponents to death."
18.- Why couldn't the leopard escape from the zoo?
"cos he was always spotted.
19.- Will you remember me in one day's time?
Of course I will.
Will you remember me in a week's time?
Of course I will.
Will you remember me in a year's time?
Of course I will.
Will you remember me in ten year's time?
Of course I will.
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
See- you've forgotten already!
20.- What is brown, has four feet, a hump and is found in Alaska?
A lost camel.
21.- "How big is an elaphant?."
"What kind of elephant."
"A big one"
"how big?"
22.- What's stupid and yellow?
Thick custard.
23.- Did you here about the man that was tap dancing?
He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink!
24.- What do you get if you dial 4978344672355746392837462?
A blister on your finger.
25.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris locked- that's why I knocked.
26.- My new neighbour's got a glass eye. Mind you, you'd never know unless it came out in the conversation...
27.- "I like your easter tie."
"Why do you call it my easter tie?"
"It's got egg on it."
28.- "Why did you put that spider in my bed?"
"'Cos I couldn't find a frog."
29.- Husband: Why can't you make bread like my mother?
Wife: I would if you could make dough like your father!
30.- "May I go swimming mummy?"
"No, you may not. There are sharks here."
"But Daddy's swimming."
"He's insured."
31.- Cusomer: This loaf is lovely and warm!
Baker: So it should be, madam. the cat's been sitting on it all morning!
32.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur any Biccuits left?
33.- Customer: Ironmonger, have you got two inch nails?
Ironmonger: Yes, madam.
Customer: Scratch my back, will you?
34.- Did you hearabout Paddy who opened a shop next to the Chinese Takeaway?
He called it an irish Bring-back...
35.- "How long will the next bus be, Inspector?"
"About eight metres, sir."
36.- What goes ha-ha-ha clonk?
A man laughing his head off.
37.- "Are you counsel for the defence?"
"No. I'm the feller what stole the chickens."
38.- Why is tennis a noisy game?
'Cos when you play it you have to raise a racket.
39.-
"How did you get on in court yesterday?"
"Oh, fine..."
40.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Waiter.
Waiter who?
Waiter minute while I tie my shoelaces up.
41.- What room has no walls, floor, ceiling or windows?
A mushroom.
42.- If your clock strikes thirteen, what time is it?
Time to get a new clock.
43.- Why doesn't the sea ever fall into space?
It's tide.
44.- What did the pilot say as he left the pub?
Must fly now!
45.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Nasty cold you've got.
46.- "My grandfather didn't shave till he was thirty years old."
"Where was his beard?"
"down to his knees!"
47.- "Docter, docter! I feel like a strawberry!"
"You are in a jam, aren't you?"
48.- Why did the elephant cross the road?
'Cos it was the chicken's day off.
49.- What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"I simply do not believe in people."
50.- What did the policeman say to the three headed man?
"'Allo, 'allo, 'allo!"
Page:
FinalFantasyFanatic wrote:
> Dá_Mástá_Rástá_Blástá
> wrote:
> Whats a Euro Heaven??
French food, British humour and
> German
> technology.
Whats a Euro hell?
British food, French
> technology and
> German humour
you've alredy posted that one
> somewhere else.
just because no-one laughed the first time, doesn't mean
> anyone's gonna laugh this time.
>pick a better one.
>floob-pop
I thort it was funny so stop picking on him.
> Dá_Mástá_Rástá_Blástá
> wrote:
> Whats a Euro Heaven??
French food, British humour and
> German
> technology.
Whats a Euro hell?
British food, French
> technology and
> German humour
you've alredy posted that one
> somewhere else.
just because no-one laughed the first time, doesn't mean
> anyone's gonna laugh this time.
>pick a better one.
>floob-pop
I thort it was funny so stop picking on him.
kingklik wrote:
> I don't get joke 39 at all.
he got fined
> I don't get joke 39 at all.
he got fined
Dá_Mástá_Rástá_Blástá wrote:
> Whats a Euro Heaven??
French food, British humour and German
> technology.
Whats a Euro hell?
British food, French technology and
> German humour
you've alredy posted that one somewhere else.
just because no-one laughed the first time, doesn't mean anyone's gonna laugh this time.
pick a better one.
floob-pop
> Whats a Euro Heaven??
French food, British humour and German
> technology.
Whats a Euro hell?
British food, French technology and
> German humour
you've alredy posted that one somewhere else.
just because no-one laughed the first time, doesn't mean anyone's gonna laugh this time.
pick a better one.
floob-pop
I don't get joke 39 at all.
oh yer I forgot if you have any jokes to shear post here
1>
Four Wheel Drive Study:
The National Transportation Safety Board recently
divulged they had covertly funded a project with U.S.
auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto
makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive
vehicles in an effort to determine, in fatal
accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds
before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 44 of the 50 states
the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal
crashes were, "Oh, S**t!"
Only the states of Kentucky, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas,
Alabama and West Virginia were different, where 89.3 percent
of the final words were, "Hold my beer and watch this!"
2>
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1. You believe in Santa Claus.
2. You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3. You are Santa Claus.
4. You look like Santa Claus.
Visit
100percentjokes.com
awesome jokes...
Four Wheel Drive Study:
The National Transportation Safety Board recently
divulged they had covertly funded a project with U.S.
auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto
makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive
vehicles in an effort to determine, in fatal
accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds
before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 44 of the 50 states
the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal
crashes were, "Oh, S**t!"
Only the states of Kentucky, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas,
Alabama and West Virginia were different, where 89.3 percent
of the final words were, "Hold my beer and watch this!"
2>
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1. You believe in Santa Claus.
2. You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3. You are Santa Claus.
4. You look like Santa Claus.
Visit
100percentjokes.com
awesome jokes...
very good
1.-"Docter, docter! Everyone keeps ignoring me." "Next, please."
2.-"I see you've got a new dog. Is he a watch dog?"
"Yes, he watches television."
"Have you had him long?"
"Only two weeks and already he's a one-man dog. He only bites me."
3.- Can you spell "Blind pig"?
Sure - B.L.I.N.D. P.I.G.
No, it's B.L.N.D. P.G. If it had two eyes it wouldn't be blind!
4.- Barber: Tell me sir when you came in here were you wearing a red scarf?
Customer: no, I wasn't.
Barber: Blimey, i've cut your throat!
5.-How long will my pizza be?
We don't do long ones, sir. Only round.
6.-Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grannie. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grannie. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grannie. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grannie. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Aunt.
Aunt who?
Aunt you glad Grannie's gone?
7.- What is the most commom illness in birds?
Flu.
8.- What do you get if you cross a bear with a skunk?
Winnie the pooh.
9.- What's white and goes up?
A stupid snow-flake.
10.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mister
Mister who?
Mister last bus home.
11.- "Docter, docter! I can't stop telling lies!"
"I don't believe you."
12.- What happened when a man bought a paper shop?
It blew away.
13.- What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
14.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
No need to cry- it's only a joke.
15.- Were does a dog go when he loses his tail?
To a re-tailer.
16.- What can't you do if you put 250 melons in the fridge?
Shut the door.
17.- "My brother's a professional boxer."
"Heavyweight?"
"No, featherweight. He tickles his opponents to death."
18.- Why couldn't the leopard escape from the zoo?
"cos he was always spotted.
19.- Will you remember me in one day's time?
Of course I will.
Will you remember me in a week's time?
Of course I will.
Will you remember me in a year's time?
Of course I will.
Will you remember me in ten year's time?
Of course I will.
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
See- you've forgotten already!
20.- What is brown, has four feet, a hump and is found in Alaska?
A lost camel.
21.- "How big is an elaphant?."
"What kind of elephant."
"A big one"
"how big?"
22.- What's stupid and yellow?
Thick custard.
23.- Did you here about the man that was tap dancing?
He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink!
24.- What do you get if you dial 4978344672355746392837462?
A blister on your finger.
25.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris locked- that's why I knocked.
26.- My new neighbour's got a glass eye. Mind you, you'd never know unless it came out in the conversation...
27.- "I like your easter tie."
"Why do you call it my easter tie?"
"It's got egg on it."
28.- "Why did you put that spider in my bed?"
"'Cos I couldn't find a frog."
29.- Husband: Why can't you make bread like my mother?
Wife: I would if you could make dough like your father!
30.- "May I go swimming mummy?"
"No, you may not. There are sharks here."
"But Daddy's swimming."
"He's insured."
31.- Cusomer: This loaf is lovely and warm!
Baker: So it should be, madam. the cat's been sitting on it all morning!
32.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur any Biccuits left?
33.- Customer: Ironmonger, have you got two inch nails?
Ironmonger: Yes, madam.
Customer: Scratch my back, will you?
34.- Did you hearabout Paddy who opened a shop next to the Chinese Takeaway?
He called it an irish Bring-back...
35.- "How long will the next bus be, Inspector?"
"About eight metres, sir."
36.- What goes ha-ha-ha clonk?
A man laughing his head off.
37.- "Are you counsel for the defence?"
"No. I'm the feller what stole the chickens."
38.- Why is tennis a noisy game?
'Cos when you play it you have to raise a racket.
39.-
"How did you get on in court yesterday?"
"Oh, fine..."
40.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Waiter.
Waiter who?
Waiter minute while I tie my shoelaces up.
41.- What room has no walls, floor, ceiling or windows?
A mushroom.
42.- If your clock strikes thirteen, what time is it?
Time to get a new clock.
43.- Why doesn't the sea ever fall into space?
It's tide.
44.- What did the pilot say as he left the pub?
Must fly now!
45.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Nasty cold you've got.
46.- "My grandfather didn't shave till he was thirty years old."
"Where was his beard?"
"down to his knees!"
47.- "Docter, docter! I feel like a strawberry!"
"You are in a jam, aren't you?"
48.- Why did the elephant cross the road?
'Cos it was the chicken's day off.
49.- What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"I simply do not believe in people."
50.- What did the policeman say to the three headed man?
"'Allo, 'allo, 'allo!"
2.-"I see you've got a new dog. Is he a watch dog?"
"Yes, he watches television."
"Have you had him long?"
"Only two weeks and already he's a one-man dog. He only bites me."
3.- Can you spell "Blind pig"?
Sure - B.L.I.N.D. P.I.G.
No, it's B.L.N.D. P.G. If it had two eyes it wouldn't be blind!
4.- Barber: Tell me sir when you came in here were you wearing a red scarf?
Customer: no, I wasn't.
Barber: Blimey, i've cut your throat!
5.-How long will my pizza be?
We don't do long ones, sir. Only round.
6.-Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grannie. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grannie. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grannie. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grannie. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Aunt.
Aunt who?
Aunt you glad Grannie's gone?
7.- What is the most commom illness in birds?
Flu.
8.- What do you get if you cross a bear with a skunk?
Winnie the pooh.
9.- What's white and goes up?
A stupid snow-flake.
10.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mister
Mister who?
Mister last bus home.
11.- "Docter, docter! I can't stop telling lies!"
"I don't believe you."
12.- What happened when a man bought a paper shop?
It blew away.
13.- What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
14.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
No need to cry- it's only a joke.
15.- Were does a dog go when he loses his tail?
To a re-tailer.
16.- What can't you do if you put 250 melons in the fridge?
Shut the door.
17.- "My brother's a professional boxer."
"Heavyweight?"
"No, featherweight. He tickles his opponents to death."
18.- Why couldn't the leopard escape from the zoo?
"cos he was always spotted.
19.- Will you remember me in one day's time?
Of course I will.
Will you remember me in a week's time?
Of course I will.
Will you remember me in a year's time?
Of course I will.
Will you remember me in ten year's time?
Of course I will.
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
See- you've forgotten already!
20.- What is brown, has four feet, a hump and is found in Alaska?
A lost camel.
21.- "How big is an elaphant?."
"What kind of elephant."
"A big one"
"how big?"
22.- What's stupid and yellow?
Thick custard.
23.- Did you here about the man that was tap dancing?
He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink!
24.- What do you get if you dial 4978344672355746392837462?
A blister on your finger.
25.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris locked- that's why I knocked.
26.- My new neighbour's got a glass eye. Mind you, you'd never know unless it came out in the conversation...
27.- "I like your easter tie."
"Why do you call it my easter tie?"
"It's got egg on it."
28.- "Why did you put that spider in my bed?"
"'Cos I couldn't find a frog."
29.- Husband: Why can't you make bread like my mother?
Wife: I would if you could make dough like your father!
30.- "May I go swimming mummy?"
"No, you may not. There are sharks here."
"But Daddy's swimming."
"He's insured."
31.- Cusomer: This loaf is lovely and warm!
Baker: So it should be, madam. the cat's been sitting on it all morning!
32.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur any Biccuits left?
33.- Customer: Ironmonger, have you got two inch nails?
Ironmonger: Yes, madam.
Customer: Scratch my back, will you?
34.- Did you hearabout Paddy who opened a shop next to the Chinese Takeaway?
He called it an irish Bring-back...
35.- "How long will the next bus be, Inspector?"
"About eight metres, sir."
36.- What goes ha-ha-ha clonk?
A man laughing his head off.
37.- "Are you counsel for the defence?"
"No. I'm the feller what stole the chickens."
38.- Why is tennis a noisy game?
'Cos when you play it you have to raise a racket.
39.-
"How did you get on in court yesterday?"
"Oh, fine..."
40.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Waiter.
Waiter who?
Waiter minute while I tie my shoelaces up.
41.- What room has no walls, floor, ceiling or windows?
A mushroom.
42.- If your clock strikes thirteen, what time is it?
Time to get a new clock.
43.- Why doesn't the sea ever fall into space?
It's tide.
44.- What did the pilot say as he left the pub?
Must fly now!
45.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Nasty cold you've got.
46.- "My grandfather didn't shave till he was thirty years old."
"Where was his beard?"
"down to his knees!"
47.- "Docter, docter! I feel like a strawberry!"
"You are in a jam, aren't you?"
48.- Why did the elephant cross the road?
'Cos it was the chicken's day off.
49.- What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"I simply do not believe in people."
50.- What did the policeman say to the three headed man?
"'Allo, 'allo, 'allo!"
Page: