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1.-"Docter, docter! Everyone keeps ignoring me." "Next, please."
2.-"I see you've got a new dog. Is he a watch dog?"
"Yes, he watches television."
"Have you had him long?"
"Only two weeks and already he's a one-man dog. He only bites me."
3.- Can you spell "Blind pig"?
Sure - B.L.I.N.D. P.I.G.
No, it's B.L.N.D. P.G. If it had two eyes it wouldn't be blind!
4.- Barber: Tell me sir when you came in here were you wearing a red scarf?
Customer: no, I wasn't.
Barber: Blimey, i've cut your throat!
5.-How long will my pizza be?
We don't do long ones, sir. Only round.
6.-Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grannie. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grannie. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grannie. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grannie. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Aunt.
Aunt who?
Aunt you glad Grannie's gone?
7.- What is the most commom illness in birds?
Flu.
8.- What do you get if you cross a bear with a skunk?
Winnie the pooh.
9.- What's white and goes up?
A stupid snow-flake.
10.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mister
Mister who?
Mister last bus home.
11.- "Docter, docter! I can't stop telling lies!"
"I don't believe you."
12.- What happened when a man bought a paper shop?
It blew away.
13.- What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
14.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
No need to cry- it's only a joke.
15.- Were does a dog go when he loses his tail?
To a re-tailer.
16.- What can't you do if you put 250 melons in the fridge?
Shut the door.
17.- "My brother's a professional boxer."
"Heavyweight?"
"No, featherweight. He tickles his opponents to death."
18.- Why couldn't the leopard escape from the zoo?
"cos he was always spotted.
19.- Will you remember me in one day's time?
Of course I will.
Will you remember me in a week's time?
Of course I will.
Will you remember me in a year's time?
Of course I will.
Will you remember me in ten year's time?
Of course I will.
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
See- you've forgotten already!
20.- What is brown, has four feet, a hump and is found in Alaska?
A lost camel.
21.- "How big is an elaphant?."
"What kind of elephant."
"A big one"
"how big?"
22.- What's stupid and yellow?
Thick custard.
23.- Did you here about the man that was tap dancing?
He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink!
24.- What do you get if you dial 4978344672355746392837462?
A blister on your finger.
25.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris locked- that's why I knocked.
26.- My new neighbour's got a glass eye. Mind you, you'd never know unless it came out in the conversation...
27.- "I like your easter tie."
"Why do you call it my easter tie?"
"It's got egg on it."
28.- "Why did you put that spider in my bed?"
"'Cos I couldn't find a frog."
29.- Husband: Why can't you make bread like my mother?
Wife: I would if you could make dough like your father!
30.- "May I go swimming mummy?"
"No, you may not. There are sharks here."
"But Daddy's swimming."
"He's insured."
31.- Cusomer: This loaf is lovely and warm!
Baker: So it should be, madam. the cat's been sitting on it all morning!
32.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur any Biccuits left?
33.- Customer: Ironmonger, have you got two inch nails?
Ironmonger: Yes, madam.
Customer: Scratch my back, will you?
34.- Did you hearabout Paddy who opened a shop next to the Chinese Takeaway?
He called it an irish Bring-back...
35.- "How long will the next bus be, Inspector?"
"About eight metres, sir."
36.- What goes ha-ha-ha clonk?
A man laughing his head off.
37.- "Are you counsel for the defence?"
"No. I'm the feller what stole the chickens."
38.- Why is tennis a noisy game?
'Cos when you play it you have to raise a racket.
39.-
"How did you get on in court yesterday?"
"Oh, fine..."
40.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Waiter.
Waiter who?
Waiter minute while I tie my shoelaces up.
41.- What room has no walls, floor, ceiling or windows?
A mushroom.
42.- If your clock strikes thirteen, what time is it?
Time to get a new clock.
43.- Why doesn't the sea ever fall into space?
It's tide.
44.- What did the pilot say as he left the pub?
Must fly now!
45.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Nasty cold you've got.
46.- "My grandfather didn't shave till he was thirty years old."
"Where was his beard?"
"down to his knees!"
47.- "Docter, docter! I feel like a strawberry!"
"You are in a jam, aren't you?"
48.- Why did the elephant cross the road?
'Cos it was the chicken's day off.
49.- What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"I simply do not believe in people."
50.- What did the policeman say to the three headed man?
"'Allo, 'allo, 'allo!"
2.-"I see you've got a new dog. Is he a watch dog?"
"Yes, he watches television."
"Have you had him long?"
"Only two weeks and already he's a one-man dog. He only bites me."
3.- Can you spell "Blind pig"?
Sure - B.L.I.N.D. P.I.G.
No, it's B.L.N.D. P.G. If it had two eyes it wouldn't be blind!
4.- Barber: Tell me sir when you came in here were you wearing a red scarf?
Customer: no, I wasn't.
Barber: Blimey, i've cut your throat!
5.-How long will my pizza be?
We don't do long ones, sir. Only round.
6.-Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grannie. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grannie. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grannie. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grannie. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Aunt.
Aunt who?
Aunt you glad Grannie's gone?
7.- What is the most commom illness in birds?
Flu.
8.- What do you get if you cross a bear with a skunk?
Winnie the pooh.
9.- What's white and goes up?
A stupid snow-flake.
10.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mister
Mister who?
Mister last bus home.
11.- "Docter, docter! I can't stop telling lies!"
"I don't believe you."
12.- What happened when a man bought a paper shop?
It blew away.
13.- What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
14.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
No need to cry- it's only a joke.
15.- Were does a dog go when he loses his tail?
To a re-tailer.
16.- What can't you do if you put 250 melons in the fridge?
Shut the door.
17.- "My brother's a professional boxer."
"Heavyweight?"
"No, featherweight. He tickles his opponents to death."
18.- Why couldn't the leopard escape from the zoo?
"cos he was always spotted.
19.- Will you remember me in one day's time?
Of course I will.
Will you remember me in a week's time?
Of course I will.
Will you remember me in a year's time?
Of course I will.
Will you remember me in ten year's time?
Of course I will.
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
See- you've forgotten already!
20.- What is brown, has four feet, a hump and is found in Alaska?
A lost camel.
21.- "How big is an elaphant?."
"What kind of elephant."
"A big one"
"how big?"
22.- What's stupid and yellow?
Thick custard.
23.- Did you here about the man that was tap dancing?
He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink!
24.- What do you get if you dial 4978344672355746392837462?
A blister on your finger.
25.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris locked- that's why I knocked.
26.- My new neighbour's got a glass eye. Mind you, you'd never know unless it came out in the conversation...
27.- "I like your easter tie."
"Why do you call it my easter tie?"
"It's got egg on it."
28.- "Why did you put that spider in my bed?"
"'Cos I couldn't find a frog."
29.- Husband: Why can't you make bread like my mother?
Wife: I would if you could make dough like your father!
30.- "May I go swimming mummy?"
"No, you may not. There are sharks here."
"But Daddy's swimming."
"He's insured."
31.- Cusomer: This loaf is lovely and warm!
Baker: So it should be, madam. the cat's been sitting on it all morning!
32.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur any Biccuits left?
33.- Customer: Ironmonger, have you got two inch nails?
Ironmonger: Yes, madam.
Customer: Scratch my back, will you?
34.- Did you hearabout Paddy who opened a shop next to the Chinese Takeaway?
He called it an irish Bring-back...
35.- "How long will the next bus be, Inspector?"
"About eight metres, sir."
36.- What goes ha-ha-ha clonk?
A man laughing his head off.
37.- "Are you counsel for the defence?"
"No. I'm the feller what stole the chickens."
38.- Why is tennis a noisy game?
'Cos when you play it you have to raise a racket.
39.-
"How did you get on in court yesterday?"
"Oh, fine..."
40.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Waiter.
Waiter who?
Waiter minute while I tie my shoelaces up.
41.- What room has no walls, floor, ceiling or windows?
A mushroom.
42.- If your clock strikes thirteen, what time is it?
Time to get a new clock.
43.- Why doesn't the sea ever fall into space?
It's tide.
44.- What did the pilot say as he left the pub?
Must fly now!
45.- Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Nasty cold you've got.
46.- "My grandfather didn't shave till he was thirty years old."
"Where was his beard?"
"down to his knees!"
47.- "Docter, docter! I feel like a strawberry!"
"You are in a jam, aren't you?"
48.- Why did the elephant cross the road?
'Cos it was the chicken's day off.
49.- What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"I simply do not believe in people."
50.- What did the policeman say to the three headed man?
"'Allo, 'allo, 'allo!"
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Mystique wrote:
> No.2 wrote:
> kingklik wrote:
> I don't get joke 39 at all.
he got
> fined
THATS one of your top 50 jokes?!
my god you are strange
My sentiments exactly. That joke is trully shocking.
> No.2 wrote:
> kingklik wrote:
> I don't get joke 39 at all.
he got
> fined
THATS one of your top 50 jokes?!
my god you are strange
My sentiments exactly. That joke is trully shocking.
No.2 wrote:
> Mystique wrote:
> to a 12 yr old they are
they may be funny to a 12 yr
> old but the 12 yr old would have to be quite immature one the only reason I
> didn't put funny ones is cos i'd get banned for swering. cos someone like you
> would report my post.
Ooh, touchy, and anyway, if you knew they weren't funny, why post them as My top 50 jokes??? Now that puzzles me
> Mystique wrote:
> to a 12 yr old they are
they may be funny to a 12 yr
> old but the 12 yr old would have to be quite immature one the only reason I
> didn't put funny ones is cos i'd get banned for swering. cos someone like you
> would report my post.
Ooh, touchy, and anyway, if you knew they weren't funny, why post them as My top 50 jokes??? Now that puzzles me
Mystique wrote:
> to a 12 yr old they are
they may be funny to a 12 yr old but the 12 yr old would have to be quite immature one the only reason I didn't put funny ones is cos i'd get banned for swering. cos someone like you would report my post.
> to a 12 yr old they are
they may be funny to a 12 yr old but the 12 yr old would have to be quite immature one the only reason I didn't put funny ones is cos i'd get banned for swering. cos someone like you would report my post.
RiCkOsS wrote:
> Looking for a corny joke? Look no further. *Gestures at himself*
could have stopped there.....
;-)
> Looking for a corny joke? Look no further. *Gestures at himself*
could have stopped there.....
;-)
to a 12 yr old they are
Oh god, not one of those jokes are funny.
well done on writing out 50 jokes.
Looking for a corny joke? Look no further. *Gestures at himself*
Why did the truck cross the road?
The chicken was driving it.
Who owns the best garage in Egypt?
TutanCARMAN
P.S. If you think they're crap, i made them up, OK!
Why did the truck cross the road?
The chicken was driving it.
Who owns the best garage in Egypt?
TutanCARMAN
P.S. If you think they're crap, i made them up, OK!
No.2 wrote:
> kingklik wrote:
> I don't get joke 39 at all.
he got fined
THATS one of your top 50 jokes?!
my god you are strange
> kingklik wrote:
> I don't get joke 39 at all.
he got fined
THATS one of your top 50 jokes?!
my god you are strange
Page: