The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
*big manly voice*
Hello, I'm Hank Deadlift. You may remember me from such games as "Lone Hero takes on the entire Soviet Bloc" and "Renegade Scientist Saves The World"
My appearance varies with each game, but I am essentially a one-man killing machine. But only the bad guys.
I have the ability to carry up to 8 different weapons without dropping them or shooting myself in the head if I fall over.
Which I never do.
I am a master of all vehicles, even space-ships present no problem. I can get into anything that moves and there usually follows a cut-scene.
Most times my travel in such things is interrupted by an alien or a missile or stupid enemies, meaning I have to bail out and run like a nancy for cover.
Whenever I shoot someone, they conveniently drop their weapon next to them and it works, thereby ensuring I have plenty of ammo. The strange thing is, although I can carry rifles, bazookas, machine guns, pistols, grenades and knives with no effort, I am unable to pick up more than 200 rounds for each weapon.
This confuses me, but I'm not here to think.
Which is why I am never faced with complicated puzzles to solve on my missions in labs/military bases/buildings/planet surfaces.
I leave that for those less violent characters in platform/puzzles games.
I have endless stamina and can run for miles with no sign of a stitch or stone in my shoes.
Although I can never see my shoes.
Or arms.
Or body.
I can't even see the side of my nose, I don't even know what I look li-..ah, a mirror. Cool.
Watch me jump up and down in front of it and shoot at it.
Hmmm..it doesn't break.
Being unable to see my limbs presents me with one major drawback.
I am crap at using ladders, I look to one side as I climb and I instantly plummet to my death.
Jumping is also a bit of a bind for me, but I have mastered the art of quick-save, so I don't care.
My hobbies include crawling in pristine shiny air-vents and tunnels, collecting keys and ket cards and smashing vending machines with a crowbar because they refuse to give out life-enhancing sodas.
I have a shadowy boss that gives me missions but never asks how my family are.
I don't think I have a family to be honest, I probably shot them in the tutorial mode where I learned my moves.
I may be stupid, unable to open certain doors and spend an age trying to climb trees but damned if I'm not a top killer.
Hank Deadlift, signing out.
Hello, I'm Hank Deadlift. You may remember me from such games as "Lone Hero takes on the entire Soviet Bloc" and "Renegade Scientist Saves The World"
My appearance varies with each game, but I am essentially a one-man killing machine. But only the bad guys.
I have the ability to carry up to 8 different weapons without dropping them or shooting myself in the head if I fall over.
Which I never do.
I am a master of all vehicles, even space-ships present no problem. I can get into anything that moves and there usually follows a cut-scene.
Most times my travel in such things is interrupted by an alien or a missile or stupid enemies, meaning I have to bail out and run like a nancy for cover.
Whenever I shoot someone, they conveniently drop their weapon next to them and it works, thereby ensuring I have plenty of ammo. The strange thing is, although I can carry rifles, bazookas, machine guns, pistols, grenades and knives with no effort, I am unable to pick up more than 200 rounds for each weapon.
This confuses me, but I'm not here to think.
Which is why I am never faced with complicated puzzles to solve on my missions in labs/military bases/buildings/planet surfaces.
I leave that for those less violent characters in platform/puzzles games.
I have endless stamina and can run for miles with no sign of a stitch or stone in my shoes.
Although I can never see my shoes.
Or arms.
Or body.
I can't even see the side of my nose, I don't even know what I look li-..ah, a mirror. Cool.
Watch me jump up and down in front of it and shoot at it.
Hmmm..it doesn't break.
Being unable to see my limbs presents me with one major drawback.
I am crap at using ladders, I look to one side as I climb and I instantly plummet to my death.
Jumping is also a bit of a bind for me, but I have mastered the art of quick-save, so I don't care.
My hobbies include crawling in pristine shiny air-vents and tunnels, collecting keys and ket cards and smashing vending machines with a crowbar because they refuse to give out life-enhancing sodas.
I have a shadowy boss that gives me missions but never asks how my family are.
I don't think I have a family to be honest, I probably shot them in the tutorial mode where I learned my moves.
I may be stupid, unable to open certain doors and spend an age trying to climb trees but damned if I'm not a top killer.
Hank Deadlift, signing out.
Page:
Another FPS cliche that bugs me:
Bosses.
Why?
Why ruin a game by having to repeatedly throw yourself at this megalithic boss that requires loads and loads of hits?
And who the hell leaves medpacks lying around the boss-arena?
"You must die now Hank Deadlift, die at the hands of this massive thing...oh, and please don't use the health packs I left lying around, because then you'd do it"
Ladders and Bosses.
Rubbish.
Halo on the X-box.
A FPS with no ladders and no bosses.
THAT is why I am buying the X-box.
Bosses.
Why?
Why ruin a game by having to repeatedly throw yourself at this megalithic boss that requires loads and loads of hits?
And who the hell leaves medpacks lying around the boss-arena?
"You must die now Hank Deadlift, die at the hands of this massive thing...oh, and please don't use the health packs I left lying around, because then you'd do it"
Ladders and Bosses.
Rubbish.
Halo on the X-box.
A FPS with no ladders and no bosses.
THAT is why I am buying the X-box.
It wouldn't sell. Whats a game if its designed specifically with the idea of p*ssing you off?
And another thing....... those damn ladders which don't let you climb up them unless you approach them at exactly 90 degrees and are EXACTLY in the middle. They always spring up when you are being chased by rabid dogs or something!
And another thing....... those damn ladders which don't let you climb up them unless you approach them at exactly 90 degrees and are EXACTLY in the middle. They always spring up when you are being chased by rabid dogs or something!
That's it!
LADDER GAME
Lots of ladders with the big boss being a massive great ladder.
I hate ladders.
LADDER GAME
Lots of ladders with the big boss being a massive great ladder.
I hate ladders.
Goatboy wrote:
> Rubbish ladders on 1st person perspective games.
Rubbish.
Agreed! Games get it all wrong:
Scenario 1:
Approach ladder and proceed to run up it. Still have gun in hand and can look around whilst shooting. Usually results in you doing the grand slalam up the ladder and falling off two rungs from the top. Hit floor which seems a lot further down than you started from and die a horrible death.
Scenario 2:
Approach ladder to run up. Get to bottom and run straight into the wall, headbutting the ladder. Remember that you have to actually press 'use' to climb it. Press use and gun disappears while you man takes all year to climb the ladder. Half way up 6 million men come round the corner. Your man decides it might be time to slow down and go as slow as possible. You get riddled with more bullets than you have seen in your life yet still keep trudging up the ladder. Eventually you die and only then does your man relinquish his grip to fall back to the floor.
Always seems to be one of the two. They should make a game where the final boss is a bloody great ladder. Would be the hardest and most frustrating boss ever!
> Rubbish ladders on 1st person perspective games.
Rubbish.
Agreed! Games get it all wrong:
Scenario 1:
Approach ladder and proceed to run up it. Still have gun in hand and can look around whilst shooting. Usually results in you doing the grand slalam up the ladder and falling off two rungs from the top. Hit floor which seems a lot further down than you started from and die a horrible death.
Scenario 2:
Approach ladder to run up. Get to bottom and run straight into the wall, headbutting the ladder. Remember that you have to actually press 'use' to climb it. Press use and gun disappears while you man takes all year to climb the ladder. Half way up 6 million men come round the corner. Your man decides it might be time to slow down and go as slow as possible. You get riddled with more bullets than you have seen in your life yet still keep trudging up the ladder. Eventually you die and only then does your man relinquish his grip to fall back to the floor.
Always seems to be one of the two. They should make a game where the final boss is a bloody great ladder. Would be the hardest and most frustrating boss ever!
Rubbish ladders on 1st person perspective games.
Rubbish.
I fell to my death last night on IGI, no save facility on that game so you play careful.
And what happens?
I'm being shot at and proceed to jump off and swan-dive into the floor.
Thereby wasting 43 minutes of gameplay time.
So I smashed the CD up and ate it.
Damn dirty ladders and damn dirty stupid me.
Rubbish.
I fell to my death last night on IGI, no save facility on that game so you play careful.
And what happens?
I'm being shot at and proceed to jump off and swan-dive into the floor.
Thereby wasting 43 minutes of gameplay time.
So I smashed the CD up and ate it.
Damn dirty ladders and damn dirty stupid me.
LOL - thats very good.
Don't get me started on ladders though. Someone had a rant a few weeks ago about ladders and i joined it whole heartedly over there!
Damn dirty ladders
Don't get me started on ladders though. Someone had a rant a few weeks ago about ladders and i joined it whole heartedly over there!
Damn dirty ladders
haha
its funny cos its true
its funny cos its true
*big manly voice*
Hello, I'm Hank Deadlift. You may remember me from such games as "Lone Hero takes on the entire Soviet Bloc" and "Renegade Scientist Saves The World"
My appearance varies with each game, but I am essentially a one-man killing machine. But only the bad guys.
I have the ability to carry up to 8 different weapons without dropping them or shooting myself in the head if I fall over.
Which I never do.
I am a master of all vehicles, even space-ships present no problem. I can get into anything that moves and there usually follows a cut-scene.
Most times my travel in such things is interrupted by an alien or a missile or stupid enemies, meaning I have to bail out and run like a nancy for cover.
Whenever I shoot someone, they conveniently drop their weapon next to them and it works, thereby ensuring I have plenty of ammo. The strange thing is, although I can carry rifles, bazookas, machine guns, pistols, grenades and knives with no effort, I am unable to pick up more than 200 rounds for each weapon.
This confuses me, but I'm not here to think.
Which is why I am never faced with complicated puzzles to solve on my missions in labs/military bases/buildings/planet surfaces.
I leave that for those less violent characters in platform/puzzles games.
I have endless stamina and can run for miles with no sign of a stitch or stone in my shoes.
Although I can never see my shoes.
Or arms.
Or body.
I can't even see the side of my nose, I don't even know what I look li-..ah, a mirror. Cool.
Watch me jump up and down in front of it and shoot at it.
Hmmm..it doesn't break.
Being unable to see my limbs presents me with one major drawback.
I am crap at using ladders, I look to one side as I climb and I instantly plummet to my death.
Jumping is also a bit of a bind for me, but I have mastered the art of quick-save, so I don't care.
My hobbies include crawling in pristine shiny air-vents and tunnels, collecting keys and ket cards and smashing vending machines with a crowbar because they refuse to give out life-enhancing sodas.
I have a shadowy boss that gives me missions but never asks how my family are.
I don't think I have a family to be honest, I probably shot them in the tutorial mode where I learned my moves.
I may be stupid, unable to open certain doors and spend an age trying to climb trees but damned if I'm not a top killer.
Hank Deadlift, signing out.
Hello, I'm Hank Deadlift. You may remember me from such games as "Lone Hero takes on the entire Soviet Bloc" and "Renegade Scientist Saves The World"
My appearance varies with each game, but I am essentially a one-man killing machine. But only the bad guys.
I have the ability to carry up to 8 different weapons without dropping them or shooting myself in the head if I fall over.
Which I never do.
I am a master of all vehicles, even space-ships present no problem. I can get into anything that moves and there usually follows a cut-scene.
Most times my travel in such things is interrupted by an alien or a missile or stupid enemies, meaning I have to bail out and run like a nancy for cover.
Whenever I shoot someone, they conveniently drop their weapon next to them and it works, thereby ensuring I have plenty of ammo. The strange thing is, although I can carry rifles, bazookas, machine guns, pistols, grenades and knives with no effort, I am unable to pick up more than 200 rounds for each weapon.
This confuses me, but I'm not here to think.
Which is why I am never faced with complicated puzzles to solve on my missions in labs/military bases/buildings/planet surfaces.
I leave that for those less violent characters in platform/puzzles games.
I have endless stamina and can run for miles with no sign of a stitch or stone in my shoes.
Although I can never see my shoes.
Or arms.
Or body.
I can't even see the side of my nose, I don't even know what I look li-..ah, a mirror. Cool.
Watch me jump up and down in front of it and shoot at it.
Hmmm..it doesn't break.
Being unable to see my limbs presents me with one major drawback.
I am crap at using ladders, I look to one side as I climb and I instantly plummet to my death.
Jumping is also a bit of a bind for me, but I have mastered the art of quick-save, so I don't care.
My hobbies include crawling in pristine shiny air-vents and tunnels, collecting keys and ket cards and smashing vending machines with a crowbar because they refuse to give out life-enhancing sodas.
I have a shadowy boss that gives me missions but never asks how my family are.
I don't think I have a family to be honest, I probably shot them in the tutorial mode where I learned my moves.
I may be stupid, unable to open certain doors and spend an age trying to climb trees but damned if I'm not a top killer.
Hank Deadlift, signing out.
Page: