Viewing Thread:
"Generic FPS Character"

*big manly voice*

Hello, I'm Hank Deadlift. You may remember me from such games as "Lone Hero takes on the entire Soviet Bloc" and "Renegade Scientist Saves The World"

My appearance varies with each game, but I am essentially a one-man killing machine. But only the bad guys.
I have the ability to carry up to 8 different weapons without dropping them or shooting myself in the head if I fall over.
Which I never do.

I am a master of all vehicles, even space-ships present no problem. I can get into anything that moves and there usually follows a cut-scene.
Most times my travel in such things is interrupted by an alien or a missile or stupid enemies, meaning I have to bail out and run like a nancy for cover.

Whenever I shoot someone, they conveniently drop their weapon next to them and it works, thereby ensuring I have plenty of ammo. The strange thing is, although I can carry rifles, bazookas, machine guns, pistols, grenades and knives with no effort, I am unable to pick up more than 200 rounds for each weapon.
This confuses me, but I'm not here to think.

Which is why I am never faced with complicated puzzles to solve on my missions in labs/military bases/buildings/planet surfaces.
I leave that for those less violent characters in platform/puzzles games.

I have endless stamina and can run for miles with no sign of a stitch or stone in my shoes.
Although I can never see my shoes.
Or arms.
Or body.
I can't even see the side of my nose, I don't even know what I look li-..ah, a mirror. Cool.
Watch me jump up and down in front of it and shoot at it.
Hmmm..it doesn't break.

Being unable to see my limbs presents me with one major drawback.
I am crap at using ladders, I look to one side as I climb and I instantly plummet to my death.
Jumping is also a bit of a bind for me, but I have mastered the art of quick-save, so I don't care.

My hobbies include crawling in pristine shiny air-vents and tunnels, collecting keys and ket cards and smashing vending machines with a crowbar because they refuse to give out life-enhancing sodas.

I have a shadowy boss that gives me missions but never asks how my family are.
I don't think I have a family to be honest, I probably shot them in the tutorial mode where I learned my moves.

I may be stupid, unable to open certain doors and spend an age trying to climb trees but damned if I'm not a top killer.

Hank Deadlift, signing out.

Evenin.......

Paul is doing the Cheshire Cat race Sun 27th March.

If anyone can donate here's the link with further info:

http://www.runningsponsorme.org/cheshirecat

Thanks ;)

PK

Oh yeah, you said that. I really should pay more attention/actually post when I first click reply instead of waiting ten minutes and then returning.

Shame I can't just smash open that window that looks like it's painted on the side of the wall.

Hey, look, an airport. Why can't I take one of those planes and fly it?

I think we had a discussion absolutly ages ago, about what would be the best game ever... it was something like Elite, where you could fly all over the place, and then land on a planet, and run around on there.

And not just fly towards the planet and press the enter key... actually fly through the atmosphere, and land... anywhere.

Then get out and pick up some first aid kits which happen to be lying deep in the jungle/desert/iceland.

Now THAT'S a real game.

I am also unable to smash a window with my crowbar and get through, despite the fact I just despatched an evil space monster with it 30 seconds ago.

I seem unable to open a red door without the red key, even though I just blew up a 70 tonne spaceship with my rocket launcher. Obviously it's easier for me to backtrack and find the right coloured key.

This is true also.

What about every time ol Hank starts a new mission all he he as in his firepower is a dinky little handgun, where's all the heavy artillery he scavanged from the previous level gone.

Gah

Yup.

Bosses in rooms with handy ammo/health packs.
Ladders that are rubbish.
Bugs that are too small to shoot, to big to ignore.
Stuff happening on the other side of a glass door, usually involving scientists/soldiers being ripped to shreds by big thing.
A rubbish flashlight.
Having to swim underwater with no gauge for breath level.
Throwing a grenade and it bouncing back because you threw it wrong, detonating up your pipe.

All these are too frequent occurences in FPS.

AND......
The extra ammo thing. Bosses genaerally very kindly leave a load of extra rockets and stuff lying around for you. Very convenient huh!

Ideal game:
No ladders
Bosses which do not have stainless steel, impregnable skin.
I want a some dodgy geezer who you keep getting references to through out the game and eventually you have a showdown with at the end. At this point it should be 'license to kill' a la goldeneye - first shot wins it.

Now that would be cool! Especially if you started in different buildings or something so you had to find this guy first before he found you!

Yeah. How'd they get to be the boss if there dumb enuff ot leave med packs lying around.