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"If Consoles could catch colds..."

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Wed 28/11/01 at 10:03
Regular
Posts: 787
Delving straight in to this one, a topic sparked off by a recent virus plaguing my computer – what if consoles had the ability to contract viruses? It’s not the most brilliant of acquisitions, but if you were online through your PlayStation 2’s broadband modem (like we’ll see that in the next 12 months), what if somehow a virus got into your PS2? I don’t know if it would be possible, but could you imagine the consequences?

Ok, so maybe your PS2, or any other console for that matter, had a virus – perhaps it just stopped working, full stop, just like that. But, what if the software was infected too? You might be able to replace the console, but if you entire games collection became mutated by some 13 year-old (in a country you’d never heard of) school boy’s devastating creation, aptly name a worm – what would happen??

Thankfully, and hopefully your games console will never become as vulnerable as the common Personal Computer, and I hope I haven’t put any ideas into anybody’s minds…but if…

Top 10 PlayStation 2 Viruses:

10. ‘Crazy Drive’ – the PS2’s disc drive becomes restless, opening and shutting 24/7, (>whispers< “even when the power’s off”)…
9. GTA3 ‘violence override’ – when infected, Liberty City is transformed into an ecological paradise, instead of offing someone, your missions now include planting trees and sweeping the streets…
8. ‘SSX meltdown’ – if your PS2 picks this up, you’ll never be able to snowboard again – the virus, which probably came from a competitor to SSX, melts all the snow in the game, thus, you can’t play it…:-(
7. ‘Tekken Tag Literally’ Unfortunately, if you have the misfortune to play an infected TTT game, all the fighting elements are removed, with the only game playing mode being ‘tag’. Remember your primary school, schooldays? Well, it’s that sort of tag…great eh?
6. ‘Metal Gear So-long in the tooth-lid’ – after so many complaints that the sequel to the greatest stealth game of all time was too short, a highly amusing, and very ironic virus became widespread making the game 14 hours longer – a special ‘waiting’ mission was configured into the game…
5. ‘Granny Turismo’ – someone obviously got annoyed with the game and introduced a rather funny virus whereby giant grannies were implanted into the game, on every single track, oh and they’re angry – therefore as well as racing against your opponent drivers, you also have to avoid rampaging and stampeding 30ft wrinkly giants…
4. ‘Crazy Taxi snigger’ – a group of diehard Sega fans create the ‘clamping Sonic’ virus which in effect destroys the PS2 version of Crazy Taxi, when infected, the Sega mascot finds your cab in the game, and clamps you, leaving you stuck, and unable to play the game unless you have a Dreamcast…ho, ho, ho…
3. ‘Mad Motty’ – a virus, which changes the commentary into complete ripping of the game, affects thousands of Fifa 2002 titles – e.g. Motson says “what an awful control system” instead of “what an awful pass”. Quite funny really…
2. ‘Silent Silent Hill 2’ – The game becomes significantly less creepy when you can’t hear anything – the ‘Silent Silent Hill 2’ virus totally wipes the sound, which effectively makes the game unplayable. Not very nice!
1. ‘Oh dear’ – herds of PlayStation 1 owners get annoyed at not being able to afford the mighty PS2, and so create the most damaging virus of all making all PS2 games have deteriorated visuals – so much so that they look like PS one games – ahem – strangely, no one liked these people and they were forced to play Fantavision for 3 years on end…

That’s the top 10 PS2 viruses and my point being, err, there was a point somewhere…

Thanks for reading - perhaps you want to do an X Box, Game Cube, Dreamcast viruses list?

Hollow Gladiator :-)
Wed 28/11/01 at 12:40
Posts: 0
I think Sega were pretty peeved that they didn't catch the virus known as EA...not contracting it kinda killed the dreamcast, odd that.
Wed 28/11/01 at 10:53
Posts: 0
:¬O
Wed 28/11/01 at 10:14
Regular
"Not your monkey"
Posts: 2,104
My money is on Micro$soft to manage the first console which can get virus'. Not sure how but i'm sure old mr gates wont let us down there.
Wed 28/11/01 at 10:03
Posts: 0
Delving straight in to this one, a topic sparked off by a recent virus plaguing my computer – what if consoles had the ability to contract viruses? It’s not the most brilliant of acquisitions, but if you were online through your PlayStation 2’s broadband modem (like we’ll see that in the next 12 months), what if somehow a virus got into your PS2? I don’t know if it would be possible, but could you imagine the consequences?

Ok, so maybe your PS2, or any other console for that matter, had a virus – perhaps it just stopped working, full stop, just like that. But, what if the software was infected too? You might be able to replace the console, but if you entire games collection became mutated by some 13 year-old (in a country you’d never heard of) school boy’s devastating creation, aptly name a worm – what would happen??

Thankfully, and hopefully your games console will never become as vulnerable as the common Personal Computer, and I hope I haven’t put any ideas into anybody’s minds…but if…

Top 10 PlayStation 2 Viruses:

10. ‘Crazy Drive’ – the PS2’s disc drive becomes restless, opening and shutting 24/7, (>whispers< “even when the power’s off”)…
9. GTA3 ‘violence override’ – when infected, Liberty City is transformed into an ecological paradise, instead of offing someone, your missions now include planting trees and sweeping the streets…
8. ‘SSX meltdown’ – if your PS2 picks this up, you’ll never be able to snowboard again – the virus, which probably came from a competitor to SSX, melts all the snow in the game, thus, you can’t play it…:-(
7. ‘Tekken Tag Literally’ Unfortunately, if you have the misfortune to play an infected TTT game, all the fighting elements are removed, with the only game playing mode being ‘tag’. Remember your primary school, schooldays? Well, it’s that sort of tag…great eh?
6. ‘Metal Gear So-long in the tooth-lid’ – after so many complaints that the sequel to the greatest stealth game of all time was too short, a highly amusing, and very ironic virus became widespread making the game 14 hours longer – a special ‘waiting’ mission was configured into the game…
5. ‘Granny Turismo’ – someone obviously got annoyed with the game and introduced a rather funny virus whereby giant grannies were implanted into the game, on every single track, oh and they’re angry – therefore as well as racing against your opponent drivers, you also have to avoid rampaging and stampeding 30ft wrinkly giants…
4. ‘Crazy Taxi snigger’ – a group of diehard Sega fans create the ‘clamping Sonic’ virus which in effect destroys the PS2 version of Crazy Taxi, when infected, the Sega mascot finds your cab in the game, and clamps you, leaving you stuck, and unable to play the game unless you have a Dreamcast…ho, ho, ho…
3. ‘Mad Motty’ – a virus, which changes the commentary into complete ripping of the game, affects thousands of Fifa 2002 titles – e.g. Motson says “what an awful control system” instead of “what an awful pass”. Quite funny really…
2. ‘Silent Silent Hill 2’ – The game becomes significantly less creepy when you can’t hear anything – the ‘Silent Silent Hill 2’ virus totally wipes the sound, which effectively makes the game unplayable. Not very nice!
1. ‘Oh dear’ – herds of PlayStation 1 owners get annoyed at not being able to afford the mighty PS2, and so create the most damaging virus of all making all PS2 games have deteriorated visuals – so much so that they look like PS one games – ahem – strangely, no one liked these people and they were forced to play Fantavision for 3 years on end…

That’s the top 10 PS2 viruses and my point being, err, there was a point somewhere…

Thanks for reading - perhaps you want to do an X Box, Game Cube, Dreamcast viruses list?

Hollow Gladiator :-)

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