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Since the dawn of man, old people constantly told young people that they're in the middle of the 'best years of their lives'.
No responsibilities + no 'serious' adult problems = Best time of your life.
To be honest, I'm not so much thinking childhood - it may have been reasonably fun at the time, but 'going to play' at friends' houses doesn't hold much appeal now, and crucially, you have very little personal or financial freedom.
However, sixth form and uni - you have a bit of money, you can do 'adult' things like drink and go to clubs. You have fewer responsibilities than the old-timers. You gain new-found freedom, and aren't yet tied down by families or mortgages.
Having finished uni, I think I wasted it.
In the first couple of years I played quite hard - played a lot of basketball, went out quite a lot. Didn't do too much in the days, and slept quite a lot. I think my first year bed may have been the most comfortable I ever had (though that's not saying much).
I played a lot of pool too.
However, going out wasn't great. I got swept along with the culture of drinking well beyond the nice point of being comfortably fuzzy (although I only drank heavily roughly once a week), was often a bit bored with the night-out crowd, and didn't pull enough.
Basketball and pool were fun, but didn't exactly set my soul on fire.
In my third year I contracted a serious case of academia, worked extremely hard for a year, and pulled off a decent grade. Cut back heavily on the going out, basketball, pool, and general 'good times'.
In hindsight, it seems a little bland for the 'best years of your life'.
At the moment I'm looking for my first career-shaped job. I'm wondering whether I'll be able to have a better time than I did at uni. I won't have so much free time (as I did in the first two years at least), and will have to go easy on the late nights before work.
But I'll have much more money than at uni, and hopefully pretty quickly a car, which = more freedom.
Whether I'll be able to get more out of my social life remains to be seen, there won't be the ready-made societies and their automatic social groups but I think I should manage pretty well.
Is it too late to pursue the good times I was promised I'd have in uni?
How've 'the best years of your life' been for you?
No responsibilities + no 'serious' adult problems = Best time of your life.
To be honest, I'm not so much thinking childhood - it may have been reasonably fun at the time, but 'going to play' at friends' houses doesn't hold much appeal now, and crucially, you have very little personal or financial freedom.
However, sixth form and uni - you have a bit of money, you can do 'adult' things like drink and go to clubs. You have fewer responsibilities than the old-timers. You gain new-found freedom, and aren't yet tied down by families or mortgages.
Having finished uni, I think I wasted it.
In the first couple of years I played quite hard - played a lot of basketball, went out quite a lot. Didn't do too much in the days, and slept quite a lot. I think my first year bed may have been the most comfortable I ever had (though that's not saying much).
I played a lot of pool too.
However, going out wasn't great. I got swept along with the culture of drinking well beyond the nice point of being comfortably fuzzy (although I only drank heavily roughly once a week), was often a bit bored with the night-out crowd, and didn't pull enough.
Basketball and pool were fun, but didn't exactly set my soul on fire.
In my third year I contracted a serious case of academia, worked extremely hard for a year, and pulled off a decent grade. Cut back heavily on the going out, basketball, pool, and general 'good times'.
In hindsight, it seems a little bland for the 'best years of your life'.
At the moment I'm looking for my first career-shaped job. I'm wondering whether I'll be able to have a better time than I did at uni. I won't have so much free time (as I did in the first two years at least), and will have to go easy on the late nights before work.
But I'll have much more money than at uni, and hopefully pretty quickly a car, which = more freedom.
Whether I'll be able to get more out of my social life remains to be seen, there won't be the ready-made societies and their automatic social groups but I think I should manage pretty well.
Is it too late to pursue the good times I was promised I'd have in uni?
How've 'the best years of your life' been for you?
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We get lied to a lot growing up, usually by people trying to manipulate us into someone convenient for themselves.
During school you're taught to work hard for your future, get good academic grades and you'll get a good job.
In truth it's only half the story. Sure they're very important, but so is your personal development. Excluding either in single-minded pursuit of the other is a bad move, even within the specific goal of getting a decent job.
Teachers would have you focus solely on the academics so that you're good, compliant, quiet students who don't rock the boat.
They may have an interest in helping you along with your life too, but in hindsight, for the most part, my teachers were looking for an easy life. Some of the things I remember them doing showed a horrible apathy towards their 'duties', for the sake of a quiet life.
As you're growing up middle-class society teaches you to be a nice guy. Be nice, be benign, and you'll find a happy, stable life and a woman who loves you.
Balls, if you're 'nice' and 'benign' you can't pro-actively claim the kind of life you want, you can't push the issue and demand better. And you can't really give a woman what she wants.
You're kept docile and passive not for your own benefit, but so that you're not difficult to be around, you don't rock the boat and you're not hard work for the rest of society.
My perception of working class society (having lived in chavsville for the last 2 years) is that the world teaches you to stand up for yourself, to be aggressive and abrasive, unpleasant to be around.
That doesn't seem to do you many favours either. I have some good friends from that working class background. But they're outnumbered by the a**holes and lowlives I've come across.
Are these two opposite ends of behaviour, that we need to balance against each other to live well, without making ourselves lowlife pariahs?
I'm not sure, it seems more like the two ways to fail to be assertive - to be too passive or too aggressive.
Assertiveness isn't strictly the mere balance of passive and aggressive behaviour, it's channeling of one's own self interest ('aggression', if you will) in a way that targets what you want whilst still being respectful of other people.
It's taking particular aspects of each side, not just mixing them both into a shade of grey.
Like the aggressives, you pursue what you want.
Unlike the aggressives, you don't treat others badly in doing this.
Like the passives, you're respectful of other people.
Unlike the passives, you're willing to rock the boat, make demands of them as necessary, while still being aware of their needs.
The true 'alpha male' is not the strongest in the group, but the one who is strong, but also commands the true friendship and loyalty of the group.
During school you're taught to work hard for your future, get good academic grades and you'll get a good job.
In truth it's only half the story. Sure they're very important, but so is your personal development. Excluding either in single-minded pursuit of the other is a bad move, even within the specific goal of getting a decent job.
Teachers would have you focus solely on the academics so that you're good, compliant, quiet students who don't rock the boat.
They may have an interest in helping you along with your life too, but in hindsight, for the most part, my teachers were looking for an easy life. Some of the things I remember them doing showed a horrible apathy towards their 'duties', for the sake of a quiet life.
As you're growing up middle-class society teaches you to be a nice guy. Be nice, be benign, and you'll find a happy, stable life and a woman who loves you.
Balls, if you're 'nice' and 'benign' you can't pro-actively claim the kind of life you want, you can't push the issue and demand better. And you can't really give a woman what she wants.
You're kept docile and passive not for your own benefit, but so that you're not difficult to be around, you don't rock the boat and you're not hard work for the rest of society.
My perception of working class society (having lived in chavsville for the last 2 years) is that the world teaches you to stand up for yourself, to be aggressive and abrasive, unpleasant to be around.
That doesn't seem to do you many favours either. I have some good friends from that working class background. But they're outnumbered by the a**holes and lowlives I've come across.
Are these two opposite ends of behaviour, that we need to balance against each other to live well, without making ourselves lowlife pariahs?
I'm not sure, it seems more like the two ways to fail to be assertive - to be too passive or too aggressive.
Assertiveness isn't strictly the mere balance of passive and aggressive behaviour, it's channeling of one's own self interest ('aggression', if you will) in a way that targets what you want whilst still being respectful of other people.
It's taking particular aspects of each side, not just mixing them both into a shade of grey.
Like the aggressives, you pursue what you want.
Unlike the aggressives, you don't treat others badly in doing this.
Like the passives, you're respectful of other people.
Unlike the passives, you're willing to rock the boat, make demands of them as necessary, while still being aware of their needs.
The true 'alpha male' is not the strongest in the group, but the one who is strong, but also commands the true friendship and loyalty of the group.
Firstly, Before i start posting a response, its lovely to see UKChatforums.com back :)! Yay!
Interesting post this duck, I've been thinking about my future alot quite recently, I've now finished my A levels and infact - i wish i did - But i didn't enjoy them as much as everyone else puts them out, Mainly because i was quite remote from the Community itself (14 miles away from the school) so this proved quite difficult to attend any Social activities, with cost and etc) Not only this, well - I’m the youngest in my year, 22nd of August, Everyone went clubbing or drinking, could never follow :-/ But on the bright side, I enjoyed my lessons, and the people I worked with. Independent learning and interesting curriculum’s :)!
Now i've finished A levels with not-so-great results, but i'm looking ahead. Whats next? I picked boldly to go on a Gap year, Me and my friend are going to South Amercia for 3 months in Feburary. Its going to be an experience to remember, like all you people explain here, will i ever get another chance to do something like it again in my life?
Interesting post this duck, I've been thinking about my future alot quite recently, I've now finished my A levels and infact - i wish i did - But i didn't enjoy them as much as everyone else puts them out, Mainly because i was quite remote from the Community itself (14 miles away from the school) so this proved quite difficult to attend any Social activities, with cost and etc) Not only this, well - I’m the youngest in my year, 22nd of August, Everyone went clubbing or drinking, could never follow :-/ But on the bright side, I enjoyed my lessons, and the people I worked with. Independent learning and interesting curriculum’s :)!
Now i've finished A levels with not-so-great results, but i'm looking ahead. Whats next? I picked boldly to go on a Gap year, Me and my friend are going to South Amercia for 3 months in Feburary. Its going to be an experience to remember, like all you people explain here, will i ever get another chance to do something like it again in my life?
I remember years ago having to write something for English, (I can't remember what the title we were given was...) but I somehow twisted it slightly and ended up writing about the dilemma that we're told our childhood (ie. school) years will be the best of our life, yet at the same time teachers / parents / the world at large are constantly telling us during this time to work hard, get good grades, and then we'll get better jobs and be better off and have better lives in the long-run...
So on the one hand we're meant to be having a wonderful time enjoying our innocent youth and having fun. On the other we're being told to work really hard now and do well at school to prepare ourselves for later life.
Okay, I guess you can do both, but they are in direct conflict (unless you're one of the few who actually enjoyed all your lessons at school).
[EDIT] - I think I actually also included another dilemma in the essay (although maybe it was a different essay... I cannae remember), the dilemma of religion and not wishing to be punished for all eternity for 'sinning' but also not wishing to live life by a set of rules that aren't definied by my own morality and then die only to discover there is no God/Heaven/Hell (well, you wouldn't 'discover' it, if there is no afterlife you'll know nothing of it, but you get my meaning).
So on the one hand we're meant to be having a wonderful time enjoying our innocent youth and having fun. On the other we're being told to work really hard now and do well at school to prepare ourselves for later life.
Okay, I guess you can do both, but they are in direct conflict (unless you're one of the few who actually enjoyed all your lessons at school).
[EDIT] - I think I actually also included another dilemma in the essay (although maybe it was a different essay... I cannae remember), the dilemma of religion and not wishing to be punished for all eternity for 'sinning' but also not wishing to live life by a set of rules that aren't definied by my own morality and then die only to discover there is no God/Heaven/Hell (well, you wouldn't 'discover' it, if there is no afterlife you'll know nothing of it, but you get my meaning).
I'd say the present it currently the best time of my life. I didn't really like school as I was towards the top of most of my classes so was picked on a bit although it wasn't hard being one of the brighter kids at the school I went to!
At college I found A - Levels really hard compared to GCSE's which really got me down and stressed me out as no matter how hard I tried I couldn't seem to get very good marks.
I did get enough UCAS points to get into Uni and the first year of that was really enjoyable as I didn't find it too hard going and you just needed to pass at 40% for each module to get to the second year as your first year results didn't count towards your final classification.
The second and especially the third years weren't as enjoyable with the pressure of getting good marks although Uni was where I first started to socialise by going to the pub etc so not all bad!
After Uni and starting my career was exciting but the pressure of putting all the theory into prcatice put pressure on me and wasn't totally enjoyable but now 3 years later I'm settled and in a good job with a nice house etc so now all the hard work is paying off I'm starting to enjoy life like I should have really done for the last 8 - 10 years as all the pressure on me was put on myself by me and not others.
The only thing that this has brought which isn't very nice is a nagging feeling I can't seem to get rid of where I think about something going horribly wrong and wrecking it all - me or the missis getting a terminal illness for example.
When I do get these thoughts nowadays though I just think it's not worth worrying about and if (and it's a huge if) it does happen I'll worry about it then.
At college I found A - Levels really hard compared to GCSE's which really got me down and stressed me out as no matter how hard I tried I couldn't seem to get very good marks.
I did get enough UCAS points to get into Uni and the first year of that was really enjoyable as I didn't find it too hard going and you just needed to pass at 40% for each module to get to the second year as your first year results didn't count towards your final classification.
The second and especially the third years weren't as enjoyable with the pressure of getting good marks although Uni was where I first started to socialise by going to the pub etc so not all bad!
After Uni and starting my career was exciting but the pressure of putting all the theory into prcatice put pressure on me and wasn't totally enjoyable but now 3 years later I'm settled and in a good job with a nice house etc so now all the hard work is paying off I'm starting to enjoy life like I should have really done for the last 8 - 10 years as all the pressure on me was put on myself by me and not others.
The only thing that this has brought which isn't very nice is a nagging feeling I can't seem to get rid of where I think about something going horribly wrong and wrecking it all - me or the missis getting a terminal illness for example.
When I do get these thoughts nowadays though I just think it's not worth worrying about and if (and it's a huge if) it does happen I'll worry about it then.
hm. Best years of my life.
There weren't any.
Every part of my life has been equally bad and good. Hated school but loved life as a kid outside of school, loved college but my personal life sucked and Uni was great but had some really dark times, although balanced by some great times.
So, the best years of my life are also the worst, it continues even now. Children and a nice house are great, but affording all this and the battle between my wife and my family isn't.
Yin and Yang...
There weren't any.
Every part of my life has been equally bad and good. Hated school but loved life as a kid outside of school, loved college but my personal life sucked and Uni was great but had some really dark times, although balanced by some great times.
So, the best years of my life are also the worst, it continues even now. Children and a nice house are great, but affording all this and the battle between my wife and my family isn't.
Yin and Yang...
That's OK :-D, I don't really mind.
Yeah, sorry about that :-(
I guess I gathered that from the sterotypical view of you being talented with computing and such, and therefore being male...
Sorry.
I guess I gathered that from the sterotypical view of you being talented with computing and such, and therefore being male...
Sorry.
to Cruciatum Fixative - 21 I'll take as a compliment; not so happy about the 'man' though. Guess it's hard to tell who people are from a few posts.
Jo
Jo
Wow, I mean no offence, but I thought you were a 21 year old man Dr Jo.
I do often wonder how I come to these precise conclusions...
Anyway, congratulations for your child and marriage :-)
I do often wonder how I come to these precise conclusions...
Anyway, congratulations for your child and marriage :-)
Anyone who says school days are the best of your life is talking nonsense. I've enjoyed life significantly more since I left that place.
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