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"The 3 Bears"

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table, he
looks into his small bowl.It is empty. "Who's been eating my
porridge?",he squeaks.

Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair.
He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my
Porridge?", he roars.

Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and
yells, "For Christ's sake, how many times do we have to go through this with you idiots?

It was Momma Bear who got up first,
It was Momma Bear who woke everyone in the house,
It was Momma Bear who made the coffee,
It was Momma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put
everything away,
It was Momma Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the
newspaper,
It was Momma Bear who set the damn table,
It was Momma Bear who put the friggin cat out, cleaned the litter box,
and filled the cat's water and food dish, and, now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs,
and grace Momma Bear's kitchen with your grumpy presence,
listen good, cause I'm only going to say this one more time.

"I HAVEN'T MADE THE F*****G PORRIDGE YET !!

After a nasty divorce, this man decides to go on a vacation to
Egypt. While there, he finds a magic lamp and rubs it. A genie
comes about and says, "I'll give you three wishes, but your
ex-wife will get the same thing that you wish for."

The man thinks, and says, "I wish for five million dollars." The
genie says "You know your ex-wife will get the same thing,
right?" The man nods his head, and gets his money.

For his second wish, he wishes for a new computer. Instantly, he
and his ex-wife have a new computer.

The genie asks, "What is your final wish?" The man answers, "I
wish I had a 10-inch dick."

Ok... its getting boring now...

nice

A Cork Radio Station (in Ireland), 96 FM, was
running a competition to find contestants who could come up with
words that were not found in any English Dictionary, yet could
still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The
prize was a trip to Bali for a week.

The DJ, Neil, had many callers; the following two standing out:

DJ: 96FM, what's your name
Caller: Hi, me name's Dave
DJ: Dave, what is your word
Caller: Goan.....spelt G-O-A-N, pronounced 'go-an'
DJ: We are just chef**king that (pause) and you are correct,
Dave, 'goan' is certainly a word not found in the English
Dictionary. Now the next question, for a trip for two to Bali
is: What sentence can you use that word in that would make
logical sense?
Caller: "Goan f*f**k yourself"

At this point, the DJ cut the caller short and announced that
there is no place for that sort of language on a family show.

After many more unsuccessful calls, the DJ took the following
caller:

DJ: 96FM, what's your name
Caller: Hi, me name's Jeff
DJ: Jeff, what is your word
Caller: Smee.....spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced 'smee'
DJ: We are chef**king that (pause) and you are correct, Jeff.
'Smee' is certainly a word not found in the English Dictionary.
Now the next question, for a trip for two to Bali, is: What
sentence can you use that word in that would make logical sense?
Caller: "Smee again! Goan f*f**k yourself!"

Two men are sitting drinking at a bar at the top of the Empire
State Building, when the first man turns to the other and says
"You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top
of this building, the winds around the building are so intense
that by the time you fall to the 10th floor, they carry you
around the building and back into a window". The bartender just
shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.

The second guy says, "What, are you nuts? There's no way that
could happen. "No, its true," the first man says. "Let me prove
it to you." He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and
plummets toward the street below. As he nears the 10th floor,
the high winds whip him around the building and back into the
10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.

He meets the second man, who looks quite astonished. "You know,
I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time
fluke." "No, I'll prove it again," says the first man as he
jumps again. Just as he is hurtling toward the street, the 10th
floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the
window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.

"Well, why not." the second guy says, "It works. I'll try it."
He jumps over the balcony, plunges downward passes the 11th,
10th 9th, 8th, floors. . . . . and hits the sidewalk with a
SPLAT.

Back upstairs the bartender turns to the other drinker and says,
"You know Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk".

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table, he
looks into his small bowl.It is empty. "Who's been eating my
porridge?",he squeaks.

Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair.
He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my
Porridge?", he roars.

Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and
yells, "For Christ's sake, how many times do we have to go through this with you idiots?

It was Momma Bear who got up first,
It was Momma Bear who woke everyone in the house,
It was Momma Bear who made the coffee,
It was Momma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put
everything away,
It was Momma Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the
newspaper,
It was Momma Bear who set the damn table,
It was Momma Bear who put the friggin cat out, cleaned the litter box,
and filled the cat's water and food dish, and, now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs,
and grace Momma Bear's kitchen with your grumpy presence,
listen good, cause I'm only going to say this one more time.

"I HAVEN'T MADE THE F*****G PORRIDGE YET !!