The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
Next Rasta Skank adventure. I thought I'd be more respectful, as he is now a notable, but then I remembered I ripped it out of Grix in the last one ;-).
RASTA SKANK: RAIDERS OF THE LOST X
(Two years have passed since the reclaiming of the Cube. Now Rasta Skank is a programmer of Nintendo Europe.)
**
“ Rasta!”
The call echoed across the busy room.
“ I’m busy!” he yelled back. Well, he was. He needed to complete this level. Rasta’s Mansion was proving a huge success.
“ RASTA! IT’S CRUCIAL!” Grix yelled again. Rasta sighed an put down his controller. He walked slowly across the room to where the Head of Programming sat, a silly grin on his face.
“ Grix, what is it? A new quest?” asked Rasta.
“ Oh yes, a quest, that too, BUT I’m stuck on this level. That’s far more important.”
Rasta sighed and leant down.
“ You have to press jump there, boss.”
“ Ah yes! I see it now!” cried Grix.
“ Yes, you have to have your wits about you when playing….. Super Mario World on the SNES.”
Grix coughed suddenly and stood up. He made his way into the office, falling over only twice. When the door had slammed shut and Grix had put on his hat, they sat down.
“ Now, Rasta, I have had word that Sony have a secret lab, deep in the Congo. I need you to go in and find it.”
” Why the hell is it in deepest Congo? You want a lab to have good results, you put it near power, or civilisation. Sometimes Grix, I think you make up these clichés.”
Grix smiled sheepishly. “ OK, fine, it’s not in deepest Congo. It is, in fact, on the outskirts of Congo, near the local McDonalds.”
Rasta nodded.
“ What’s in there? You do have other people for this. I’m on recovery of gaming artefacts, remember?”
“ Oh yes! So you are! But his file is all the way down near the bottom of the cabinet, and yours was on my desk!” Grix leant back in his chair, confident.
“ Fine. But I’ll need back-up.”
“ Yes!” Grix screwed his eyes up and furrowed his forehead. “ Mr Skank, your team has been assembled. Your usual back-up, Agent ‘Vottanator’, real name unknown, location – my guest room. The wife’s cooking lasagne. Anyway, your technican, Agent ‘Ant’ , real name…. Ant” Grix shrugged. “ location – Skegness.” Rasta grimaced. “ And finally, your Sony expert, Agent ‘Firebalt’, real name Bobajob. Location – Congo. He’s infiltrated it as a big fat congowoman.”
Rasta stood up, and pulled open a drawer. His Colt45 was inside. He holstered it and took the file Grix offered.
“ This message will self destruct in thousands of years.” Said Grix, concentrating.
“ What?” exclaimed Rasta.
“ You see? Like Mission Impossible? It’ll biodegrade? Thousands of years?” Grix was practically bouncing with excitement. Rasta sighed, and strolled out of the door, whistling. Grix smiled, and leant back. Then he toppled over and crashed to the ground.
**
Rasta leant back in the plane, as it flew towards the Congo. Vottanator sat opposite him, eyes furrowed in concentration. Rasta debated the possibilities, and acted.
“ Check.”
They were playing Ninty Chess. Rasta prodded his Bishop, cunningly crafted as a Zelda. It tossed its hair moodily, and floated across the board to check the Mario that stood at Vottanators end.
“ What you going to do? The tension!” said Rasta, cheerily.
“ Shut up.”
Vottanator prodded his Castle, which was an exact replica of Princess Toadstool’s. In charged up the board, then fired a couple of fireballs at the Bishop. Zelda shrieked and ran around in circles as her dress caught on fie. The Castle smirked for a bit, then clubbed her over the head. It grunted, and threw her at Rasta.
“ D’you think this game is a bit violent?” asked Rasta.
“ Shut up.”
Then Ant strolled down the walkway.
“ Aren’t you supposed to be flying the plane?” asked Rasta, worriedly.
“ Don’t worry! I’ve rigged up a super system whereby excess cheese is funnelled into a generator that flies the plane! Sometimes I amaze myself!”
“ He takes after his brother.” Muttered Vottanator.
“ Hey! Grix is completely different to me, Votty!” Ant yelled, swinging his arms about. He proceeded to fall backwards over a seat.
“ Don’t call me that.” Grunted Vottanator. “ Check mate.”
“ WHAT?” yelled Rasta. “ That is not check mate!”
Vottanator got up and walked away, while his players ganged up on Rasta’s Mario.
“ Hey! A-Rasta! A-help me!” But all Rasta could do was grunt as Vottanator’s Castle, which was obviously vindictive, hammered the Mario with a few bricks.
**
RASTA SKANK: RAIDERS OF THE LOST X
(Two years have passed since the reclaiming of the Cube. Now Rasta Skank is a programmer of Nintendo Europe.)
**
“ Rasta!”
The call echoed across the busy room.
“ I’m busy!” he yelled back. Well, he was. He needed to complete this level. Rasta’s Mansion was proving a huge success.
“ RASTA! IT’S CRUCIAL!” Grix yelled again. Rasta sighed an put down his controller. He walked slowly across the room to where the Head of Programming sat, a silly grin on his face.
“ Grix, what is it? A new quest?” asked Rasta.
“ Oh yes, a quest, that too, BUT I’m stuck on this level. That’s far more important.”
Rasta sighed and leant down.
“ You have to press jump there, boss.”
“ Ah yes! I see it now!” cried Grix.
“ Yes, you have to have your wits about you when playing….. Super Mario World on the SNES.”
Grix coughed suddenly and stood up. He made his way into the office, falling over only twice. When the door had slammed shut and Grix had put on his hat, they sat down.
“ Now, Rasta, I have had word that Sony have a secret lab, deep in the Congo. I need you to go in and find it.”
” Why the hell is it in deepest Congo? You want a lab to have good results, you put it near power, or civilisation. Sometimes Grix, I think you make up these clichés.”
Grix smiled sheepishly. “ OK, fine, it’s not in deepest Congo. It is, in fact, on the outskirts of Congo, near the local McDonalds.”
Rasta nodded.
“ What’s in there? You do have other people for this. I’m on recovery of gaming artefacts, remember?”
“ Oh yes! So you are! But his file is all the way down near the bottom of the cabinet, and yours was on my desk!” Grix leant back in his chair, confident.
“ Fine. But I’ll need back-up.”
“ Yes!” Grix screwed his eyes up and furrowed his forehead. “ Mr Skank, your team has been assembled. Your usual back-up, Agent ‘Vottanator’, real name unknown, location – my guest room. The wife’s cooking lasagne. Anyway, your technican, Agent ‘Ant’ , real name…. Ant” Grix shrugged. “ location – Skegness.” Rasta grimaced. “ And finally, your Sony expert, Agent ‘Firebalt’, real name Bobajob. Location – Congo. He’s infiltrated it as a big fat congowoman.”
Rasta stood up, and pulled open a drawer. His Colt45 was inside. He holstered it and took the file Grix offered.
“ This message will self destruct in thousands of years.” Said Grix, concentrating.
“ What?” exclaimed Rasta.
“ You see? Like Mission Impossible? It’ll biodegrade? Thousands of years?” Grix was practically bouncing with excitement. Rasta sighed, and strolled out of the door, whistling. Grix smiled, and leant back. Then he toppled over and crashed to the ground.
**
Rasta leant back in the plane, as it flew towards the Congo. Vottanator sat opposite him, eyes furrowed in concentration. Rasta debated the possibilities, and acted.
“ Check.”
They were playing Ninty Chess. Rasta prodded his Bishop, cunningly crafted as a Zelda. It tossed its hair moodily, and floated across the board to check the Mario that stood at Vottanators end.
“ What you going to do? The tension!” said Rasta, cheerily.
“ Shut up.”
Vottanator prodded his Castle, which was an exact replica of Princess Toadstool’s. In charged up the board, then fired a couple of fireballs at the Bishop. Zelda shrieked and ran around in circles as her dress caught on fie. The Castle smirked for a bit, then clubbed her over the head. It grunted, and threw her at Rasta.
“ D’you think this game is a bit violent?” asked Rasta.
“ Shut up.”
Then Ant strolled down the walkway.
“ Aren’t you supposed to be flying the plane?” asked Rasta, worriedly.
“ Don’t worry! I’ve rigged up a super system whereby excess cheese is funnelled into a generator that flies the plane! Sometimes I amaze myself!”
“ He takes after his brother.” Muttered Vottanator.
“ Hey! Grix is completely different to me, Votty!” Ant yelled, swinging his arms about. He proceeded to fall backwards over a seat.
“ Don’t call me that.” Grunted Vottanator. “ Check mate.”
“ WHAT?” yelled Rasta. “ That is not check mate!”
Vottanator got up and walked away, while his players ganged up on Rasta’s Mario.
“ Hey! A-Rasta! A-help me!” But all Rasta could do was grunt as Vottanator’s Castle, which was obviously vindictive, hammered the Mario with a few bricks.
**
Page:
Next time, I'll try to be more careful with spikes. :-D
But... you killed me? Im not really dead am I? I must have revenge on ANT and Rasta!!
Nice story Stryke, next time try not to kill me though.
Nice story Stryke, next time try not to kill me though.
There we go, last bit. Sorry it took so long. Hope you all enjoyed. I'll write up my rough draught for 'Rasta Skank and the Last Dreamcast' when I can be bothered, but soon.
The figure dived behind a computer as Rasta fired twice. Vottanator turned from the corpse of Firebalt and unleashed a hail of fire. Ant jumped in and head butted a support pole.
“ Cheese!” he proclaimed, before sliding into a heap. The figure leant behind the computer.
“ Rasta! I can offer you a great deal of money if you spare me!”
“ Money means nothing to me!” barked Rasta.
“ Really?”
“ No, not really. It’s this Hero’s Handbook I have.” He held up a thin red volume.
“ You take clichés to far!”
“ Shut up. Now, who are you, you…” Rasta squinted. “ Foul infidel?”
“ Possibly.” Contributed Ant from the ground.
“ Shut up.” Said Vottanator.
The figure rose, and stepped forward into the light. Rasta and Vottanator gasped. Ant looked around worriedly.
“ Goatboy?!”
“ Yes, I survived your Cube Revolution!”
Ant gasped. Vottanator sighed.
“ You’re a bit late on the gasp, Ant.”
Ant looked ashamed, and sat down. He slipped over.
“ So this is what Grix sends? HAHAHAHAH! An aging hero, his incompetent brother, and Votty. Yes, I know, don’t call you that.” Said Goatboy, sneering.
At this point Rasta realised he was still holding his gun.
“ I think I’ll shoot you.”
“ You can’t shoot me!” cackled Goatboy.
“ Why?” asked Rasta worriedly, “ Is my gun malfunctioning? Something wrong with it.”
“ No, you idiot, he meant you can’t shoulder the responsibility of shooting him.”
“Oh.” Two bullets hit Goatboy twice in the stomach. He looked surprised, and doubled over, dead. Vottanator looked shocked.
“ Rasta!”
“What?”
They looked over their shoulders. AliBoy was standing there.
“ Wiv Goatboy dead, I am free to take over ser world!” he laughed, insansely.
“ We stop you, you foul stop him! Nope, wrong page.” Rasta fiddled with the handbook. Vottanator stepped forward, but Ant was faster, he stood up, knocking AliBoy backwards onto a spike.
Don’t ask why there was a spike there. I wanted a spike. Are you oppressing my right to have a spike? Spikes for all. Anyway, back to the story..
Vottanator cheered. Rasta still struggled with the book. Ant looked around and noticed AliBoy.
“ You OK? Let me give you a hand!”
“ He’s dead Ant.”
“ Really? Hmm. I’ll take his pulse.”
“ That’s his stomach, Ant. And there’s a spike through it.”
“ Well, his stomach could have a pulse.”
“ Shut up.”
“ You shut up Votty. Are you oppressing my right to take a pulse?”
“ Yes.”
“ Oh. Fair enough.”
They wandered off. Rasta stood in the centre of the room. He finally found his page.
“ You’re not my father! Oh, wrong page…”
**
Ant looked at the chess board, concentrating.
“ Knight, take his Bishop.”
He prodded his Knight. The piece, crafted as a Link, walked lazily across the board, and chopped the head off the Zelda. It grinned sheepishly at Ant, then fell asleep. Vottanator moved his Castle.
“ Check mate.”
“ Yes, I know!” grinned Ant.
“ What?”
“ Check mate for me!”
Vottanator grunted. He looked more closely.
“ No… I’ve never lost!” But he was wrong, as the Link threw toadstool pawns at Vottanator’s Mario. It got buried quickly, to a little squeak.
He pounded Ant’s Knight.
“ Watch out,” yelled Ant. “ That’s me new exploding chess set!”
Rasta who was in a seat, grinned.
“ I’ll never join the Dark Side!”
“ Shut up.”
“ I’m just saying, in case someone asks one day. Y’know, for a free car of something. I’ll never join the Dark Side, not even if they offer free parking.”
“ Throw that book away, Rasta.” Vottanator looked at Ant. “ You haven’t won. I’ll pull your arms off.”
“ That’s slightly out of character.”
Wookiee popped his head out of the cockpit. “ Don’t use my phrase!”
“ Who’s that?” remarked Ant lazily.
“ Dunno.”
“ Search me.”
They all looked at Wookiee, who grinned in embarrassment.
“ I seem to have wandered into the wrong story.”
Vottanator considered this. “ Do you play Ninty chess?”
“ Not very well.” Said Wookiee.
“ Superb.”
**
RASTA SKANK WILL RETURN..
“ Cheese!” he proclaimed, before sliding into a heap. The figure leant behind the computer.
“ Rasta! I can offer you a great deal of money if you spare me!”
“ Money means nothing to me!” barked Rasta.
“ Really?”
“ No, not really. It’s this Hero’s Handbook I have.” He held up a thin red volume.
“ You take clichés to far!”
“ Shut up. Now, who are you, you…” Rasta squinted. “ Foul infidel?”
“ Possibly.” Contributed Ant from the ground.
“ Shut up.” Said Vottanator.
The figure rose, and stepped forward into the light. Rasta and Vottanator gasped. Ant looked around worriedly.
“ Goatboy?!”
“ Yes, I survived your Cube Revolution!”
Ant gasped. Vottanator sighed.
“ You’re a bit late on the gasp, Ant.”
Ant looked ashamed, and sat down. He slipped over.
“ So this is what Grix sends? HAHAHAHAH! An aging hero, his incompetent brother, and Votty. Yes, I know, don’t call you that.” Said Goatboy, sneering.
At this point Rasta realised he was still holding his gun.
“ I think I’ll shoot you.”
“ You can’t shoot me!” cackled Goatboy.
“ Why?” asked Rasta worriedly, “ Is my gun malfunctioning? Something wrong with it.”
“ No, you idiot, he meant you can’t shoulder the responsibility of shooting him.”
“Oh.” Two bullets hit Goatboy twice in the stomach. He looked surprised, and doubled over, dead. Vottanator looked shocked.
“ Rasta!”
“What?”
They looked over their shoulders. AliBoy was standing there.
“ Wiv Goatboy dead, I am free to take over ser world!” he laughed, insansely.
“ We stop you, you foul stop him! Nope, wrong page.” Rasta fiddled with the handbook. Vottanator stepped forward, but Ant was faster, he stood up, knocking AliBoy backwards onto a spike.
Don’t ask why there was a spike there. I wanted a spike. Are you oppressing my right to have a spike? Spikes for all. Anyway, back to the story..
Vottanator cheered. Rasta still struggled with the book. Ant looked around and noticed AliBoy.
“ You OK? Let me give you a hand!”
“ He’s dead Ant.”
“ Really? Hmm. I’ll take his pulse.”
“ That’s his stomach, Ant. And there’s a spike through it.”
“ Well, his stomach could have a pulse.”
“ Shut up.”
“ You shut up Votty. Are you oppressing my right to take a pulse?”
“ Yes.”
“ Oh. Fair enough.”
They wandered off. Rasta stood in the centre of the room. He finally found his page.
“ You’re not my father! Oh, wrong page…”
**
Ant looked at the chess board, concentrating.
“ Knight, take his Bishop.”
He prodded his Knight. The piece, crafted as a Link, walked lazily across the board, and chopped the head off the Zelda. It grinned sheepishly at Ant, then fell asleep. Vottanator moved his Castle.
“ Check mate.”
“ Yes, I know!” grinned Ant.
“ What?”
“ Check mate for me!”
Vottanator grunted. He looked more closely.
“ No… I’ve never lost!” But he was wrong, as the Link threw toadstool pawns at Vottanator’s Mario. It got buried quickly, to a little squeak.
He pounded Ant’s Knight.
“ Watch out,” yelled Ant. “ That’s me new exploding chess set!”
Rasta who was in a seat, grinned.
“ I’ll never join the Dark Side!”
“ Shut up.”
“ I’m just saying, in case someone asks one day. Y’know, for a free car of something. I’ll never join the Dark Side, not even if they offer free parking.”
“ Throw that book away, Rasta.” Vottanator looked at Ant. “ You haven’t won. I’ll pull your arms off.”
“ That’s slightly out of character.”
Wookiee popped his head out of the cockpit. “ Don’t use my phrase!”
“ Who’s that?” remarked Ant lazily.
“ Dunno.”
“ Search me.”
They all looked at Wookiee, who grinned in embarrassment.
“ I seem to have wandered into the wrong story.”
Vottanator considered this. “ Do you play Ninty chess?”
“ Not very well.” Said Wookiee.
“ Superb.”
**
RASTA SKANK WILL RETURN..
AliBoy wrote:
> Stryke when will there be more?
I foolishy forgot I had a GAD to claim today, and bought Super Streety Fighter Turbo Revival *gasp*, and I find it curiously addictive. So I'll try later on, but only if my run as the cool green guy Blanka is brought to an end by that fiendish mastermind that is M.Bison.
> Stryke when will there be more?
I foolishy forgot I had a GAD to claim today, and bought Super Streety Fighter Turbo Revival *gasp*, and I find it curiously addictive. So I'll try later on, but only if my run as the cool green guy Blanka is brought to an end by that fiendish mastermind that is M.Bison.
Stryke when will there be more?
The_Vottanator wrote:
> Why you little.... :-D
;-) hehehehehe.
> Why you little.... :-D
;-) hehehehehe.
"Rasta prodded his Bishop"
lol
lol
Why you little.... :-D
Page: