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"Funniest Joke Competition. Send them in."

Send in your funniest joke and you could win absolutely nothing!

Send in your funniest joke and you could win absolutely nothing!

Funniest joke- people thinking liverpool will win the premiership, ha

.

David Beckham comes up to Posh and says "Victoria I can't do this jigsaw puzzle but I can't do it, it's really doin me ead in"
"Ring Alex Ferguson David, he said he would help you whenever you needed it."
So David rang up Alex.
"Hi Alex, erm, can you help me with this jigsaw i'm doin, it's really hard, it's meanna be a tiger, I can't do it."
"Sure Dave bring it right over and we'll do it together."

So david brought the jigsaw round to Alex's
"Right david tip it out on the table," david tipped the contents of the box onto the table

"david," said Alex straining not to laugh
"david that's a pack of frosties!!!!

Why did the gum cross the road? Because it was stuck on the bottom of the shoe.

I want to die in my sleep like my Grandfather.

Not screaming and clawing at the dashboard like the passengers in his car.

David Beckham was signing autographs before a match and he saw a bloke holding a metal cylinder.
"What's that?" asked Beckham.
"This thing? It's a flask David, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold" The man replied.
"Oh, I'll have to get me one of them" David said.

The next day at training, Beckham walks into the changing room carrying his flask.
"What's that?" asked Roy Keane.
"This is a flask, it keeps warm things warm and cold things cold." Replied Beckham.
"Sounds good, I'll have to get me one of those." Said Keane. "What have you got in that then David?"
"I've got 2 cups of tea and a choc ice."

Right, as you know, when the great flood came and GOD told Noah to build a boat and put on 2 of every animal on the boat. So, Noah put two lions (Male and Female), 2 hedgehogs etc.

But which animal was not in pairs when Noah launched his boat?

Worms they when in apples!

Ha Ha

What's brown and sticky
A stick!

Many years ago at the fair town of Notredame, just after Quasimodo had died, the Arch-bishop was looking to hire someone to take Quasimodo's job. After a while, a man with no arms comes in, the Arch-bishop says,
"How do you ring the bell?"
"With my face" he said, he then shows them, he leans back and strikes the bell with his face,
"Your hired the Arch-bishop says"

On the next day the Arch-bishop goes to the tower to make sure everythings alright, but just as he's about to hit the bell he misses and falls off the tower.
The Arch-bishop runs down to see if he is alright to only find that he was dead, suddenly a croud gathers round and one of them says
"Arch-bishop, who's he?" to which he replied
"I don't know but his face rings a bell."

The next day the Arch-bishop was hiring people once again, then a really upset man comes in and say's
"Erm... I'm the brother of the bloke that died yesterday." the Arch-bishop hires him out of sympathy.

So the next day the Arch-bishop checks on him to see if he's alright, but just as he's about to strike the bell, he misses and falls off the tower aswell. The Arch-bishop runs down to see if hes ok but to find that he has died aswell, once again another crowd gathers, and one ofthem said
"Arch-bishop, whos he?" to which he replied
"I don't know but he's a dead ringer for his brother."