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Send in your funniest joke and you could win absolutely nothing!
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etila wrote:
> Osama Bin Laden was addressing his followers as the planes hit the trade
> towers.
"Osama why are you crying? This is a great day for
> Muslims!" asked his advisor.
"I happen to know that there were two
> empty seats on that plane!"
this is not funny.
> Osama Bin Laden was addressing his followers as the planes hit the trade
> towers.
"Osama why are you crying? This is a great day for
> Muslims!" asked his advisor.
"I happen to know that there were two
> empty seats on that plane!"
this is not funny.
A man walks into a newsagent's and up to the counter.
"A packet of crisps please", asks the man.
"What flavour would you like?", asks the cashier.
"Plain!"
----------------------
A man walks into McDonalds and up to the counter.
"Hello, welcome to McDonalds. How may I help you?", asks the cashier.
"I'd like two flaming towers (WTC) and an apple turnover (Pentagon)", replied the man.
-----------------------
Yo momma iis so stupid I told her to take the train and she took the train twice!
Yo momma is so fat last time she saw 90210 was on the scale.
Yo momma is so fat she uses a vcr as a beeper.
Yo momma is so dirty when the colonel yelled hit the dirt everyone punched yo mama.
Yo momma is so dumb she need's a tutor to read lips.
Yo Momma is so dumb she triped over a cordless phone!
Yo momma is so dumb she thought taco bell was a phone company in mexico.
Yo Momma is so old, I told her to act her age and she Died!
Yo momma is so ugly she stuck her head out a car window and got arrested for mooning
Yo momma is so ugly, when she moved into her new apartment the neighbors chipped in to buy her a curtain!
You were so ugly at birth, your parents named you SH(T HAppens
Yo momma's armpit is so hairy, she look like she got Don King in a head lock.
Yo momma smells so bad, she went to Taco Bell and everyone ran for the border.
Yo momma is so hairy you almost died of carpet burns when you were born.
Yo momma is so stupid she went to the Gap to fix her teeth.
Yo momma is so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!
Yo momma is so fat when her water broke people yelled "TIDAL WAVE!
Yo momma is so fat she fell in love and broke it!
Yo momma is so fat when she jumped in the ocean the whales started singing "we are family, I got all my sister with me....."
Yo momma is so hairy, bigfoot takes pictures of her!
Yo momma is so nasty, when I asked what's for dinner, she lifted up her feet and said "CORN"!
Yo momma is so dumb, she got stabbed in a shootout!
Yo momma is so fat, she bungee jumped and fell straight to Hell.
Yo momma is so fat, she did a backflip and hit Jesus in the chin.
Yo momma is so fat and old, when God said "Let There be Light", he told her to move her fat a(s out of the way.
Firebalt.
"A packet of crisps please", asks the man.
"What flavour would you like?", asks the cashier.
"Plain!"
----------------------
A man walks into McDonalds and up to the counter.
"Hello, welcome to McDonalds. How may I help you?", asks the cashier.
"I'd like two flaming towers (WTC) and an apple turnover (Pentagon)", replied the man.
-----------------------
Yo momma iis so stupid I told her to take the train and she took the train twice!
Yo momma is so fat last time she saw 90210 was on the scale.
Yo momma is so fat she uses a vcr as a beeper.
Yo momma is so dirty when the colonel yelled hit the dirt everyone punched yo mama.
Yo momma is so dumb she need's a tutor to read lips.
Yo Momma is so dumb she triped over a cordless phone!
Yo momma is so dumb she thought taco bell was a phone company in mexico.
Yo Momma is so old, I told her to act her age and she Died!
Yo momma is so ugly she stuck her head out a car window and got arrested for mooning
Yo momma is so ugly, when she moved into her new apartment the neighbors chipped in to buy her a curtain!
You were so ugly at birth, your parents named you SH(T HAppens
Yo momma's armpit is so hairy, she look like she got Don King in a head lock.
Yo momma smells so bad, she went to Taco Bell and everyone ran for the border.
Yo momma is so hairy you almost died of carpet burns when you were born.
Yo momma is so stupid she went to the Gap to fix her teeth.
Yo momma is so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!
Yo momma is so fat when her water broke people yelled "TIDAL WAVE!
Yo momma is so fat she fell in love and broke it!
Yo momma is so fat when she jumped in the ocean the whales started singing "we are family, I got all my sister with me....."
Yo momma is so hairy, bigfoot takes pictures of her!
Yo momma is so nasty, when I asked what's for dinner, she lifted up her feet and said "CORN"!
Yo momma is so dumb, she got stabbed in a shootout!
Yo momma is so fat, she bungee jumped and fell straight to Hell.
Yo momma is so fat, she did a backflip and hit Jesus in the chin.
Yo momma is so fat and old, when God said "Let There be Light", he told her to move her fat a(s out of the way.
Firebalt.
An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder had spent 25 years of his life sentence in prison. While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.
He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed on the other side of the room. He got on the bed and whispered something in her ear to which she replied, "Yes."
Suddenly he got up and left the room.
As soon as he had a chance, the husband made his way across the room with the chair in tow, and turned to his pretty young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown.
He whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend as if you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives depend on it!"
"Dear", the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way. He told me he thinks you're really cute and asked me if we keep the Vaseline in the bathroom".
He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed on the other side of the room. He got on the bed and whispered something in her ear to which she replied, "Yes."
Suddenly he got up and left the room.
As soon as he had a chance, the husband made his way across the room with the chair in tow, and turned to his pretty young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown.
He whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend as if you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives depend on it!"
"Dear", the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way. He told me he thinks you're really cute and asked me if we keep the Vaseline in the bathroom".
Boy: Teacher, would you punish a boy for sumin' he didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not!
Boy:Good, I haven't done my homework!!!!
Teacher: Of course not!
Boy:Good, I haven't done my homework!!!!
Why can't they watch T.V in Afganistan?
Because of the Tellyban.
(applauds heard in distance, I walk off with gayest joke award. I live to give)
Because of the Tellyban.
(applauds heard in distance, I walk off with gayest joke award. I live to give)
Many years ago at the fair town of Notredame, just after Quasimodo had died, the Arch-bishop was looking to hire someone to take Quasimodo's job. After a while, a man with no arms comes in, the Arch-bishop says,
"How do you ring the bell?"
"With my face" he said, he then shows them, he leans back and strikes the bell with his face,
"Your hired the Arch-bishop says"
On the next day the Arch-bishop goes to the tower to make sure everythings alright, but just as he's about to hit the bell he misses and falls off the tower.
The Arch-bishop runs down to see if he is alright to only find that he was dead, suddenly a croud gathers round and one of them says
"Arch-bishop, who's he?" to which he replied
"I don't know but his face rings a bell."
The next day the Arch-bishop was hiring people once again, then a really upset man comes in and say's
"Erm... I'm the brother of the bloke that died yesterday." the Arch-bishop hires him out of sympathy.
So the next day the Arch-bishop checks on him to see if he's alright, but just as he's about to strike the bell, he misses and falls off the tower aswell. The Arch-bishop runs down to see if hes ok but to find that he has died aswell, once again another crowd gathers, and one ofthem said
"Arch-bishop, whos he?" to which he replied
"I don't know but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
"How do you ring the bell?"
"With my face" he said, he then shows them, he leans back and strikes the bell with his face,
"Your hired the Arch-bishop says"
On the next day the Arch-bishop goes to the tower to make sure everythings alright, but just as he's about to hit the bell he misses and falls off the tower.
The Arch-bishop runs down to see if he is alright to only find that he was dead, suddenly a croud gathers round and one of them says
"Arch-bishop, who's he?" to which he replied
"I don't know but his face rings a bell."
The next day the Arch-bishop was hiring people once again, then a really upset man comes in and say's
"Erm... I'm the brother of the bloke that died yesterday." the Arch-bishop hires him out of sympathy.
So the next day the Arch-bishop checks on him to see if he's alright, but just as he's about to strike the bell, he misses and falls off the tower aswell. The Arch-bishop runs down to see if hes ok but to find that he has died aswell, once again another crowd gathers, and one ofthem said
"Arch-bishop, whos he?" to which he replied
"I don't know but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
Right, as you know, when the great flood came and GOD told Noah to build a boat and put on 2 of every animal on the boat. So, Noah put two lions (Male and Female), 2 hedgehogs etc.
But which animal was not in pairs when Noah launched his boat?
Worms they when in apples!
Ha Ha
But which animal was not in pairs when Noah launched his boat?
Worms they when in apples!
Ha Ha
David Beckham was signing autographs before a match and he saw a bloke holding a metal cylinder.
"What's that?" asked Beckham.
"This thing? It's a flask David, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold" The man replied.
"Oh, I'll have to get me one of them" David said.
The next day at training, Beckham walks into the changing room carrying his flask.
"What's that?" asked Roy Keane.
"This is a flask, it keeps warm things warm and cold things cold." Replied Beckham.
"Sounds good, I'll have to get me one of those." Said Keane. "What have you got in that then David?"
"I've got 2 cups of tea and a choc ice."
"What's that?" asked Beckham.
"This thing? It's a flask David, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold" The man replied.
"Oh, I'll have to get me one of them" David said.
The next day at training, Beckham walks into the changing room carrying his flask.
"What's that?" asked Roy Keane.
"This is a flask, it keeps warm things warm and cold things cold." Replied Beckham.
"Sounds good, I'll have to get me one of those." Said Keane. "What have you got in that then David?"
"I've got 2 cups of tea and a choc ice."
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