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McDonalds have finally given in to the increased demand and popularity of Burger King. The business is failing, so today, at a press conference they announced a change to the McDonalds branding.
From this day onwards, McDonalds is changing it’s targets and appeal with a new range of delicious products for everyone to enjoy. Branching out in such a way allows the company to bring in more money from different areas of the market and regain a solid foundation among the world’s biggest.
They will become : McEVERYTHING
A spokesman said, before unveiling the new products:
“Although McDonalds is branching out into new areas, we thrive to stay a dirty, messy, limp-lettuced food hole sucking money from the moronic little people called children hell-bent on collecting all 20,000 varieties of plastic flowers and garage doors.”
Lovely.
Along with the new products, McDonalds has ensured buyers that their product still come under the same, timeworn McDonalds promise of quality as follows:
*****
We strive to make the product you saw as delicious and tempting on the telly as floppy, cold and vomit-enducing as possible in real life
*****
THE NEW PRODUCTS FOR *McEVERYTHING*
1) McWIFE.
That’s right, for a simple £2.99 you can get your clammy hands on a wife. Illegally exported from suppressed countries of death and disease, your wife will be begging for a british passport fresh from the box. In a language you won’t understand.
And you can super-size your wife for an extra 99p. The wife will bring with her several screaming man-hating child arsonists and a money-sucking drug addiction.
*SPECIAL OFFER* For a limited time only, pay another 50p and you’re new wife will come with both old, complaining, rotting parents just released from a mental asylum. These charming additions to your new family complain all day, all night, have no public manners, and come with a free gift of either a leg-humping ball-grabbing rat-dog *OR* a swearing, smoking, bad-assed budgie.
2) McRELIGION
New to the 99p choices menu, you can now buy a starter pack for a new religion and, while stocks last, ‘The Penguin Big Book Of “Thou Shalt Nots” ’ or a freshly-captured Tibetan Monk.
In the pack you will get:
* 1 small deity of your choice *OR* the best-seller “So, You Want To Be God?”
* 1 mystical cape of knowledge.
* 1 circumcision kit (optional).
* 1 smoke bomb for magical appearances / disappearances.
* 1 pack of mixed, salted miracles.
* 1 pack of mixed, buttered plagues.
* 2 Stone Tablets for commandment carvings *OR* a pack of pre-carved tablets including such classics as “Thous Shalt Give Sex On Demand” and “Thou Shalt Buy Me A Pony”
* 1 pillar of fire
*1 “Mix and Match - Animals” kit, for creating lesser deities of your choice with FREE extra limbs.
*1 sacrificial alter
*1 box of thunder bolts, twice charged for extra smiting
*1 beard and sandals kit.
4) McREGIME
Ever wanted to take over a poor, suffering country and hold it down under a power-hungry regime of your very own?
Well, now’s your chance.
Coming in with various tiers and price ranges, now everyone can afford to start up their own regime!
TIER 1 (99p)
With the basic package you’ll get a small country of your very own filled with precious oil. Although you’ll need to remove the current government form power first with the 3 secret snipers bundled in.
TIER 2 (£1.99)
Moving up, your country will already be under your power and you’ll have an army of secret police to torture and bully the commoners into liking you. Various statues will be erected in your name (untoppleable) and 3 palaces thrown in for extra measure.
TIER 3 (£3.99)
Here’s where it gets good.
You’ll now get people willing to sell you materials for making nukes and chemical weapons, plus several assorted bunkers to store them in. You’ll also get the choice of a variety of look-alikes to step into public appearances so much so no-one know what you look like anymore OR a crazy information minister who’ll stick by you whatever the weather, providing a humorous front for your evil schemes.
TIER 4 (£9.99)
Here it is, the mega bucket itself.
You’ll get a evil hidden lair inside a volcano, a time-machine and the first few pieces of your very own Death Star. There are 5 million pieces for you collect (offer open for 2 weeks) to complete your world- and, eventually, galaxy-dominating plans
FREE! With every tier, a moustache grooming kit complete with templates of the greats - Hitler and Saddam and a full scale-model of Osama’s beard.
AND! For a limited time only, a vengeful warrior who turns out to be your son! Bargain!
******
These are the first three products in the McEverything Range.
Expect more soon.
INCLUDING:
THE XXX RANGE:-
McPIMP
McPORNSTAR
McDOG-BREEDER
THE ANIMAL COLLECTION:-
McGOPHER
McLORIS
McMARMOT
And many more fantastic offers still to come.
McEVERYTHING.
“What You Want, When You Want It”
From this day onwards, McDonalds is changing it’s targets and appeal with a new range of delicious products for everyone to enjoy. Branching out in such a way allows the company to bring in more money from different areas of the market and regain a solid foundation among the world’s biggest.
They will become : McEVERYTHING
A spokesman said, before unveiling the new products:
“Although McDonalds is branching out into new areas, we thrive to stay a dirty, messy, limp-lettuced food hole sucking money from the moronic little people called children hell-bent on collecting all 20,000 varieties of plastic flowers and garage doors.”
Lovely.
Along with the new products, McDonalds has ensured buyers that their product still come under the same, timeworn McDonalds promise of quality as follows:
*****
We strive to make the product you saw as delicious and tempting on the telly as floppy, cold and vomit-enducing as possible in real life
*****
THE NEW PRODUCTS FOR *McEVERYTHING*
1) McWIFE.
That’s right, for a simple £2.99 you can get your clammy hands on a wife. Illegally exported from suppressed countries of death and disease, your wife will be begging for a british passport fresh from the box. In a language you won’t understand.
And you can super-size your wife for an extra 99p. The wife will bring with her several screaming man-hating child arsonists and a money-sucking drug addiction.
*SPECIAL OFFER* For a limited time only, pay another 50p and you’re new wife will come with both old, complaining, rotting parents just released from a mental asylum. These charming additions to your new family complain all day, all night, have no public manners, and come with a free gift of either a leg-humping ball-grabbing rat-dog *OR* a swearing, smoking, bad-assed budgie.
2) McRELIGION
New to the 99p choices menu, you can now buy a starter pack for a new religion and, while stocks last, ‘The Penguin Big Book Of “Thou Shalt Nots” ’ or a freshly-captured Tibetan Monk.
In the pack you will get:
* 1 small deity of your choice *OR* the best-seller “So, You Want To Be God?”
* 1 mystical cape of knowledge.
* 1 circumcision kit (optional).
* 1 smoke bomb for magical appearances / disappearances.
* 1 pack of mixed, salted miracles.
* 1 pack of mixed, buttered plagues.
* 2 Stone Tablets for commandment carvings *OR* a pack of pre-carved tablets including such classics as “Thous Shalt Give Sex On Demand” and “Thou Shalt Buy Me A Pony”
* 1 pillar of fire
*1 “Mix and Match - Animals” kit, for creating lesser deities of your choice with FREE extra limbs.
*1 sacrificial alter
*1 box of thunder bolts, twice charged for extra smiting
*1 beard and sandals kit.
4) McREGIME
Ever wanted to take over a poor, suffering country and hold it down under a power-hungry regime of your very own?
Well, now’s your chance.
Coming in with various tiers and price ranges, now everyone can afford to start up their own regime!
TIER 1 (99p)
With the basic package you’ll get a small country of your very own filled with precious oil. Although you’ll need to remove the current government form power first with the 3 secret snipers bundled in.
TIER 2 (£1.99)
Moving up, your country will already be under your power and you’ll have an army of secret police to torture and bully the commoners into liking you. Various statues will be erected in your name (untoppleable) and 3 palaces thrown in for extra measure.
TIER 3 (£3.99)
Here’s where it gets good.
You’ll now get people willing to sell you materials for making nukes and chemical weapons, plus several assorted bunkers to store them in. You’ll also get the choice of a variety of look-alikes to step into public appearances so much so no-one know what you look like anymore OR a crazy information minister who’ll stick by you whatever the weather, providing a humorous front for your evil schemes.
TIER 4 (£9.99)
Here it is, the mega bucket itself.
You’ll get a evil hidden lair inside a volcano, a time-machine and the first few pieces of your very own Death Star. There are 5 million pieces for you collect (offer open for 2 weeks) to complete your world- and, eventually, galaxy-dominating plans
FREE! With every tier, a moustache grooming kit complete with templates of the greats - Hitler and Saddam and a full scale-model of Osama’s beard.
AND! For a limited time only, a vengeful warrior who turns out to be your son! Bargain!
******
These are the first three products in the McEverything Range.
Expect more soon.
INCLUDING:
THE XXX RANGE:-
McPIMP
McPORNSTAR
McDOG-BREEDER
THE ANIMAL COLLECTION:-
McGOPHER
McLORIS
McMARMOT
And many more fantastic offers still to come.
McEVERYTHING.
“What You Want, When You Want It”
Page:
Phish.
Guff.
*Eats lemon*
Blades .....
Guff.
*Eats lemon*
Blades .....
John.J wrote:
> Is this story true?
*Eyes light up as he reads about the McWIFE*
> Is this story true?
*Eyes light up as he reads about the McWIFE*
Coconuts aren't crazy.
You can have a very enlightening conversation with a coconut, they have a very good philosophy on life.
I can't remember it right now, but it was good,
*Wanders off*
Therapy didn't work, by the by.
They tried to steal my carrots
You can have a very enlightening conversation with a coconut, they have a very good philosophy on life.
I can't remember it right now, but it was good,
*Wanders off*
Therapy didn't work, by the by.
They tried to steal my carrots
gerrid wrote:
> Psychosematic?
That boy needs therapy, CRAZY AS A COCONUT!
> Psychosematic?
That boy needs therapy, CRAZY AS A COCONUT!
the_aoe_slaught wrote:
> Wasn't you talking about McDonalds a minute ago... Because I didnt
> notice when we changed to KFC.
Yeah, I did have a little in-joke there.
But it was crap, so it went. Must have missed that bit .... oop.
Cheers everyone, feels strange to actually get some replies for once.
> Wasn't you talking about McDonalds a minute ago... Because I didnt
> notice when we changed to KFC.
Yeah, I did have a little in-joke there.
But it was crap, so it went. Must have missed that bit .... oop.
Cheers everyone, feels strange to actually get some replies for once.
McReligion
hoho
hoho
FinalFantasyFanatic wrote:
> TIER 4 (£9.99)
> Here it is, the mega bucket itself.
Wasn't you talking about McDonalds a minute ago... Because I didnt notice when we changed to KFC.
Great Post!
> TIER 4 (£9.99)
> Here it is, the mega bucket itself.
Wasn't you talking about McDonalds a minute ago... Because I didnt notice when we changed to KFC.
Great Post!
Is this story true?
Psychosematic?
Damned American Globalisation.
*mumbles*
:D
Funny stuff.
*mumbles*
:D
Funny stuff.
Page: