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You are a developer. You have created what can be best described as a shoddy game.
However, you know that there are people out there that will buy it, because no matter how pants the game, someone will fork over their money for it because they don't know any better.
You spend a mint on packaging and promo, because despite the saying, you still refuse to believe the saying "You can't polish a poo".
So you're ready to go with your mediocre game, what's the best thing to do now?
That's right, give to to a magazine to stick on the cover!
That way, people actually get to sample the choad before they realise how stinky it is!
Why?
Why let people see you have a rubbish game, instead of letting gullible people just buy it and sob because they now own rubbish.
I don't understand.
I get PC Gamer, and month after month there is total bum-candle demos on the disc, ones I play and think "My lord this is bad, glad I got the chance to play this stinkloaf".
But why advertise your pappy title?
Last month's issue was a perfect example:
Star Wars:Galactic Battlegrounds
Cool. I like RTS games and I like Star Wars. This game is made for me. Install and sit through lego ads for ages to get to the game.
Right, cool. There's some stormtroopers and there's Darth Vader! I will rule. Attack the rebels Vader, show them your..hang on, since when did Darth Vader run like Libarace? Darth Vader isn't spastic or camp, why he run like that? Why he have blue trim?
Why graphics so shoddy and Stormtroopers shout acknowledgement when I tell the speederbike to hit a tree?
This sucks.
How do I make Vader go mental? Why is this so unplayable?
Why..oh who cares, I'm uninstalling this floater and never, ever playing it.
Next game:
Heroes of Might and Magic.
Christ, a beardy RPG game. I hate these, but I'll give it a go.
Right, there's my wizard bloke. I hate wizards. Ok, he's walking about and there's his sister. Now she explains some manky story about magic and spells...*sigh* spells and turn based combat, ok it's just not my type of game, that's all.
Right, here the goblins (there just had to be goblins in this somewhere), know I will cast a wolf-spell and attack th..oh, ok. So the wolf spell means a flea-bitten mutt wanders about sniffing goblin butt and freezing.
This blows.
Bad graphics, poor control system and it's an RPG for beardy loners that wish to seek the mystical druid apples of Sqwangor to swap for the ogre's biscuits of Smeedlefwap.
No thanks.
Ah, Empire Earth. Another RTS, excellent.
Well, graphics are dull and functional, seen this a million times before.
What, no tutorial mode? Just some American voice telling me to garrison troops in a shed?
How? How do I do this then? Tell me damn you, don't just send Pikemen in to ravage my cornfields, instruct me.
Jesus, another stinky game demo that I will never buy.
---
Same story month after month, poor demos of shoddy games.
So we can play poor stuff and not buy it.
So why let your pikey game go onto a demo disc?
Surely it's better to let fools buy it unaware?
However, you know that there are people out there that will buy it, because no matter how pants the game, someone will fork over their money for it because they don't know any better.
You spend a mint on packaging and promo, because despite the saying, you still refuse to believe the saying "You can't polish a poo".
So you're ready to go with your mediocre game, what's the best thing to do now?
That's right, give to to a magazine to stick on the cover!
That way, people actually get to sample the choad before they realise how stinky it is!
Why?
Why let people see you have a rubbish game, instead of letting gullible people just buy it and sob because they now own rubbish.
I don't understand.
I get PC Gamer, and month after month there is total bum-candle demos on the disc, ones I play and think "My lord this is bad, glad I got the chance to play this stinkloaf".
But why advertise your pappy title?
Last month's issue was a perfect example:
Star Wars:Galactic Battlegrounds
Cool. I like RTS games and I like Star Wars. This game is made for me. Install and sit through lego ads for ages to get to the game.
Right, cool. There's some stormtroopers and there's Darth Vader! I will rule. Attack the rebels Vader, show them your..hang on, since when did Darth Vader run like Libarace? Darth Vader isn't spastic or camp, why he run like that? Why he have blue trim?
Why graphics so shoddy and Stormtroopers shout acknowledgement when I tell the speederbike to hit a tree?
This sucks.
How do I make Vader go mental? Why is this so unplayable?
Why..oh who cares, I'm uninstalling this floater and never, ever playing it.
Next game:
Heroes of Might and Magic.
Christ, a beardy RPG game. I hate these, but I'll give it a go.
Right, there's my wizard bloke. I hate wizards. Ok, he's walking about and there's his sister. Now she explains some manky story about magic and spells...*sigh* spells and turn based combat, ok it's just not my type of game, that's all.
Right, here the goblins (there just had to be goblins in this somewhere), know I will cast a wolf-spell and attack th..oh, ok. So the wolf spell means a flea-bitten mutt wanders about sniffing goblin butt and freezing.
This blows.
Bad graphics, poor control system and it's an RPG for beardy loners that wish to seek the mystical druid apples of Sqwangor to swap for the ogre's biscuits of Smeedlefwap.
No thanks.
Ah, Empire Earth. Another RTS, excellent.
Well, graphics are dull and functional, seen this a million times before.
What, no tutorial mode? Just some American voice telling me to garrison troops in a shed?
How? How do I do this then? Tell me damn you, don't just send Pikemen in to ravage my cornfields, instruct me.
Jesus, another stinky game demo that I will never buy.
---
Same story month after month, poor demos of shoddy games.
So we can play poor stuff and not buy it.
So why let your pikey game go onto a demo disc?
Surely it's better to let fools buy it unaware?
Page:
Lotus challenge for the PS2. Everyone wanted this until they played it, and now it will suffer.
Mr.Snuggly wrote:
> Disclaimer: Goatboy is in no way affiliated with Special Reserve, and his views
> do not reflect the actual content of the games he described. He rants a lot,
> you see.
That's a typical Goatboy statement, either your Goaty in disguise, or your just trying to be like him..........
> Disclaimer: Goatboy is in no way affiliated with Special Reserve, and his views
> do not reflect the actual content of the games he described. He rants a lot,
> you see.
That's a typical Goatboy statement, either your Goaty in disguise, or your just trying to be like him..........
Disclaimer: Goatboy is in no way affiliated with Special Reserve, and his views do not reflect the actual content of the games he described. He rants a lot, you see.
Because the company will have exclusivity contracts etc. with publishers which will bring money into their pockets. Advertising can also be reduced in price by offering magazines exclusives and demos, and a game that sucks and will get a really bad review, may find a few extra people who will like it if they play a little first.
That's what I'm saying.
If you let a shoddy demo get out there, people are going to know it's bad and not buy the game, whereas without a demo available, maybe you would see it and get it on the off chance?
I know I've saved hundreds of pounds by seeing a demo and thinking "Oh cool, I might buy that game" and, more often than not, think "Blimey, glad I played the demo, that was awful"
So why, if the game is fundamentally rubbish, release a demo on a magazine?
If you let a shoddy demo get out there, people are going to know it's bad and not buy the game, whereas without a demo available, maybe you would see it and get it on the off chance?
I know I've saved hundreds of pounds by seeing a demo and thinking "Oh cool, I might buy that game" and, more often than not, think "Blimey, glad I played the demo, that was awful"
So why, if the game is fundamentally rubbish, release a demo on a magazine?
Emmmmm, do people actually go out and buy games when they have played a pants demo of it???
I know I wouldn't, maybe I'm just more sensible than I thought???
I know I wouldn't, maybe I'm just more sensible than I thought???
And I'm not talking about demos being "unfinished code" so maybe the graphics have the odd glitch, that's understandable.
I mean demos of games so bad you immediately think "Why on earth would you let people play this and realise how nasty this is?"
There is usually a quality demo each month and shedloads of add-ons, patches and various tools, but 8-10 game demos are rank.
And beware the Star Wars one, when you close it down, it opens 28 new windows trying to take you to the lego site.
And that ain't an exaggeration, I counted them this morning just to make sure.
Play the demo and it forces you to buy lego online.
Why?
Star Wars lego is rubbish. Luke didn't have a yellow face.Ever.
I mean demos of games so bad you immediately think "Why on earth would you let people play this and realise how nasty this is?"
There is usually a quality demo each month and shedloads of add-ons, patches and various tools, but 8-10 game demos are rank.
And beware the Star Wars one, when you close it down, it opens 28 new windows trying to take you to the lego site.
And that ain't an exaggeration, I counted them this morning just to make sure.
Play the demo and it forces you to buy lego online.
Why?
Star Wars lego is rubbish. Luke didn't have a yellow face.Ever.
You are a developer. You have created what can be best described as a shoddy game.
However, you know that there are people out there that will buy it, because no matter how pants the game, someone will fork over their money for it because they don't know any better.
You spend a mint on packaging and promo, because despite the saying, you still refuse to believe the saying "You can't polish a poo".
So you're ready to go with your mediocre game, what's the best thing to do now?
That's right, give to to a magazine to stick on the cover!
That way, people actually get to sample the choad before they realise how stinky it is!
Why?
Why let people see you have a rubbish game, instead of letting gullible people just buy it and sob because they now own rubbish.
I don't understand.
I get PC Gamer, and month after month there is total bum-candle demos on the disc, ones I play and think "My lord this is bad, glad I got the chance to play this stinkloaf".
But why advertise your pappy title?
Last month's issue was a perfect example:
Star Wars:Galactic Battlegrounds
Cool. I like RTS games and I like Star Wars. This game is made for me. Install and sit through lego ads for ages to get to the game.
Right, cool. There's some stormtroopers and there's Darth Vader! I will rule. Attack the rebels Vader, show them your..hang on, since when did Darth Vader run like Libarace? Darth Vader isn't spastic or camp, why he run like that? Why he have blue trim?
Why graphics so shoddy and Stormtroopers shout acknowledgement when I tell the speederbike to hit a tree?
This sucks.
How do I make Vader go mental? Why is this so unplayable?
Why..oh who cares, I'm uninstalling this floater and never, ever playing it.
Next game:
Heroes of Might and Magic.
Christ, a beardy RPG game. I hate these, but I'll give it a go.
Right, there's my wizard bloke. I hate wizards. Ok, he's walking about and there's his sister. Now she explains some manky story about magic and spells...*sigh* spells and turn based combat, ok it's just not my type of game, that's all.
Right, here the goblins (there just had to be goblins in this somewhere), know I will cast a wolf-spell and attack th..oh, ok. So the wolf spell means a flea-bitten mutt wanders about sniffing goblin butt and freezing.
This blows.
Bad graphics, poor control system and it's an RPG for beardy loners that wish to seek the mystical druid apples of Sqwangor to swap for the ogre's biscuits of Smeedlefwap.
No thanks.
Ah, Empire Earth. Another RTS, excellent.
Well, graphics are dull and functional, seen this a million times before.
What, no tutorial mode? Just some American voice telling me to garrison troops in a shed?
How? How do I do this then? Tell me damn you, don't just send Pikemen in to ravage my cornfields, instruct me.
Jesus, another stinky game demo that I will never buy.
---
Same story month after month, poor demos of shoddy games.
So we can play poor stuff and not buy it.
So why let your pikey game go onto a demo disc?
Surely it's better to let fools buy it unaware?
However, you know that there are people out there that will buy it, because no matter how pants the game, someone will fork over their money for it because they don't know any better.
You spend a mint on packaging and promo, because despite the saying, you still refuse to believe the saying "You can't polish a poo".
So you're ready to go with your mediocre game, what's the best thing to do now?
That's right, give to to a magazine to stick on the cover!
That way, people actually get to sample the choad before they realise how stinky it is!
Why?
Why let people see you have a rubbish game, instead of letting gullible people just buy it and sob because they now own rubbish.
I don't understand.
I get PC Gamer, and month after month there is total bum-candle demos on the disc, ones I play and think "My lord this is bad, glad I got the chance to play this stinkloaf".
But why advertise your pappy title?
Last month's issue was a perfect example:
Star Wars:Galactic Battlegrounds
Cool. I like RTS games and I like Star Wars. This game is made for me. Install and sit through lego ads for ages to get to the game.
Right, cool. There's some stormtroopers and there's Darth Vader! I will rule. Attack the rebels Vader, show them your..hang on, since when did Darth Vader run like Libarace? Darth Vader isn't spastic or camp, why he run like that? Why he have blue trim?
Why graphics so shoddy and Stormtroopers shout acknowledgement when I tell the speederbike to hit a tree?
This sucks.
How do I make Vader go mental? Why is this so unplayable?
Why..oh who cares, I'm uninstalling this floater and never, ever playing it.
Next game:
Heroes of Might and Magic.
Christ, a beardy RPG game. I hate these, but I'll give it a go.
Right, there's my wizard bloke. I hate wizards. Ok, he's walking about and there's his sister. Now she explains some manky story about magic and spells...*sigh* spells and turn based combat, ok it's just not my type of game, that's all.
Right, here the goblins (there just had to be goblins in this somewhere), know I will cast a wolf-spell and attack th..oh, ok. So the wolf spell means a flea-bitten mutt wanders about sniffing goblin butt and freezing.
This blows.
Bad graphics, poor control system and it's an RPG for beardy loners that wish to seek the mystical druid apples of Sqwangor to swap for the ogre's biscuits of Smeedlefwap.
No thanks.
Ah, Empire Earth. Another RTS, excellent.
Well, graphics are dull and functional, seen this a million times before.
What, no tutorial mode? Just some American voice telling me to garrison troops in a shed?
How? How do I do this then? Tell me damn you, don't just send Pikemen in to ravage my cornfields, instruct me.
Jesus, another stinky game demo that I will never buy.
---
Same story month after month, poor demos of shoddy games.
So we can play poor stuff and not buy it.
So why let your pikey game go onto a demo disc?
Surely it's better to let fools buy it unaware?
Page: