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You are a developer. You have created what can be best described as a shoddy game.
However, you know that there are people out there that will buy it, because no matter how pants the game, someone will fork over their money for it because they don't know any better.
You spend a mint on packaging and promo, because despite the saying, you still refuse to believe the saying "You can't polish a poo".
So you're ready to go with your mediocre game, what's the best thing to do now?
That's right, give to to a magazine to stick on the cover!
That way, people actually get to sample the choad before they realise how stinky it is!
Why?
Why let people see you have a rubbish game, instead of letting gullible people just buy it and sob because they now own rubbish.
I don't understand.
I get PC Gamer, and month after month there is total bum-candle demos on the disc, ones I play and think "My lord this is bad, glad I got the chance to play this stinkloaf".
But why advertise your pappy title?
Last month's issue was a perfect example:
Star Wars:Galactic Battlegrounds
Cool. I like RTS games and I like Star Wars. This game is made for me. Install and sit through lego ads for ages to get to the game.
Right, cool. There's some stormtroopers and there's Darth Vader! I will rule. Attack the rebels Vader, show them your..hang on, since when did Darth Vader run like Libarace? Darth Vader isn't spastic or camp, why he run like that? Why he have blue trim?
Why graphics so shoddy and Stormtroopers shout acknowledgement when I tell the speederbike to hit a tree?
This sucks.
How do I make Vader go mental? Why is this so unplayable?
Why..oh who cares, I'm uninstalling this floater and never, ever playing it.
Next game:
Heroes of Might and Magic.
Christ, a beardy RPG game. I hate these, but I'll give it a go.
Right, there's my wizard bloke. I hate wizards. Ok, he's walking about and there's his sister. Now she explains some manky story about magic and spells...*sigh* spells and turn based combat, ok it's just not my type of game, that's all.
Right, here the goblins (there just had to be goblins in this somewhere), know I will cast a wolf-spell and attack th..oh, ok. So the wolf spell means a flea-bitten mutt wanders about sniffing goblin butt and freezing.
This blows.
Bad graphics, poor control system and it's an RPG for beardy loners that wish to seek the mystical druid apples of Sqwangor to swap for the ogre's biscuits of Smeedlefwap.
No thanks.
Ah, Empire Earth. Another RTS, excellent.
Well, graphics are dull and functional, seen this a million times before.
What, no tutorial mode? Just some American voice telling me to garrison troops in a shed?
How? How do I do this then? Tell me damn you, don't just send Pikemen in to ravage my cornfields, instruct me.
Jesus, another stinky game demo that I will never buy.
---
Same story month after month, poor demos of shoddy games.
So we can play poor stuff and not buy it.
So why let your pikey game go onto a demo disc?
Surely it's better to let fools buy it unaware?
However, you know that there are people out there that will buy it, because no matter how pants the game, someone will fork over their money for it because they don't know any better.
You spend a mint on packaging and promo, because despite the saying, you still refuse to believe the saying "You can't polish a poo".
So you're ready to go with your mediocre game, what's the best thing to do now?
That's right, give to to a magazine to stick on the cover!
That way, people actually get to sample the choad before they realise how stinky it is!
Why?
Why let people see you have a rubbish game, instead of letting gullible people just buy it and sob because they now own rubbish.
I don't understand.
I get PC Gamer, and month after month there is total bum-candle demos on the disc, ones I play and think "My lord this is bad, glad I got the chance to play this stinkloaf".
But why advertise your pappy title?
Last month's issue was a perfect example:
Star Wars:Galactic Battlegrounds
Cool. I like RTS games and I like Star Wars. This game is made for me. Install and sit through lego ads for ages to get to the game.
Right, cool. There's some stormtroopers and there's Darth Vader! I will rule. Attack the rebels Vader, show them your..hang on, since when did Darth Vader run like Libarace? Darth Vader isn't spastic or camp, why he run like that? Why he have blue trim?
Why graphics so shoddy and Stormtroopers shout acknowledgement when I tell the speederbike to hit a tree?
This sucks.
How do I make Vader go mental? Why is this so unplayable?
Why..oh who cares, I'm uninstalling this floater and never, ever playing it.
Next game:
Heroes of Might and Magic.
Christ, a beardy RPG game. I hate these, but I'll give it a go.
Right, there's my wizard bloke. I hate wizards. Ok, he's walking about and there's his sister. Now she explains some manky story about magic and spells...*sigh* spells and turn based combat, ok it's just not my type of game, that's all.
Right, here the goblins (there just had to be goblins in this somewhere), know I will cast a wolf-spell and attack th..oh, ok. So the wolf spell means a flea-bitten mutt wanders about sniffing goblin butt and freezing.
This blows.
Bad graphics, poor control system and it's an RPG for beardy loners that wish to seek the mystical druid apples of Sqwangor to swap for the ogre's biscuits of Smeedlefwap.
No thanks.
Ah, Empire Earth. Another RTS, excellent.
Well, graphics are dull and functional, seen this a million times before.
What, no tutorial mode? Just some American voice telling me to garrison troops in a shed?
How? How do I do this then? Tell me damn you, don't just send Pikemen in to ravage my cornfields, instruct me.
Jesus, another stinky game demo that I will never buy.
---
Same story month after month, poor demos of shoddy games.
So we can play poor stuff and not buy it.
So why let your pikey game go onto a demo disc?
Surely it's better to let fools buy it unaware?
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The demo is always better than the game... always
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*fades out again*
See what I did there?
*fades out*
*fades out again*
See what I did there?
Grix Thraves wrote:
> And then sometimes the demo is better than the rest of the game. Take
> Carmageddon, or Shadows of the Empire.
That was the case in Carmageddon.... what a demo...
...not a game :-(
Shame really.
> And then sometimes the demo is better than the rest of the game. Take
> Carmageddon, or Shadows of the Empire.
That was the case in Carmageddon.... what a demo...
...not a game :-(
Shame really.
Isn't it fortunate that Capcom wasn't able to release Super Street Fighter X2 revival plus turbo wantai 2000!! As demos, they wouldn't have sold anything, but then again if they did release them in demo form first maybe they wouldn't have sold and there wouldn't be so many and we had a proper sequel and, and....
.................or a man with a mullet.
So that just goes to show...
Never trust a Demo ... or a Hippy
Never trust a Demo ... or a Hippy
And then sometimes the demo is better than the rest of the game. Take Carmageddon, or Shadows of the Empire.
Ive not bought games because the demos were pants...
Only to discover that the actual releases were pretty good...
Its always confused my why they would let mags give out demos that make their own product seem in such a bad light?
Only to discover that the actual releases were pretty good...
Its always confused my why they would let mags give out demos that make their own product seem in such a bad light?
The early demo of GT3 was a bit cheddar, but luckily they sorted it out for release and told the world that they had. Many don't bother.
Mr.Snuggly wrote:
> Disclaimer: Goatboy is in no way affiliated with Special Reserve, and his views
> do not reflect the actual content of the games he described. He rants a lot,
> you see.
This is absolutely true.
I am not saying that because I felt a game was rubbish, it is.
It didn't appeal to me is all.
I mean, I hate Champ Man and thought the demo for that was godawful, yet I am in the minority.
Yet I thought Wolf Dog 'N Sheep was excellent, yet it sold very little, as did Giants:Citizen Kabuto.
It's all a matter of opinion.
You may enjoy these games, and that's what the demo is for.
...but c'mon, Super Bust-A-Move???
> Disclaimer: Goatboy is in no way affiliated with Special Reserve, and his views
> do not reflect the actual content of the games he described. He rants a lot,
> you see.
This is absolutely true.
I am not saying that because I felt a game was rubbish, it is.
It didn't appeal to me is all.
I mean, I hate Champ Man and thought the demo for that was godawful, yet I am in the minority.
Yet I thought Wolf Dog 'N Sheep was excellent, yet it sold very little, as did Giants:Citizen Kabuto.
It's all a matter of opinion.
You may enjoy these games, and that's what the demo is for.
...but c'mon, Super Bust-A-Move???
Slaveunit wrote:
> Lotus challenge for the PS2. Everyone wanted this until they played it, and now
> it will suffer.
True... but who remebers the very early demos of GT3? If the public had gone by them, PS2 owners probably wouldn't have bought the game!!
The Lotus demo should never have been released when it was, but somehow I feel they were under pressure to put it up against GT3... They failed... badly... It's still a crock!!
> Lotus challenge for the PS2. Everyone wanted this until they played it, and now
> it will suffer.
True... but who remebers the very early demos of GT3? If the public had gone by them, PS2 owners probably wouldn't have bought the game!!
The Lotus demo should never have been released when it was, but somehow I feel they were under pressure to put it up against GT3... They failed... badly... It's still a crock!!
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