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Just got emailed this, not sure if it's true, but quite funny nonetheless.
Listed below are genuine announcements made by tube drivers on the London Underground:
"To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage, what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?"
**********************************************************
At Camden town station (on a crowded Saturday afternoon): "Please let the passengers off the train first. Please let the passengers off the train first. Please let the passengers off the train first. Let the passengers
off the train FIRST! Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like
sardines,see if I care, I'm going home."
**************************************************
"Ladies & Gentleman, upon departing the train may I remind you to take your rubbish with you. Despite the fact that you are in something that is metal, fairly round, filthy and smells, this is a tube train for public transport and not a bin on wheels"
**************************************************
Driver: "I apologise for the delay leaving the station ladies and gentlemen; this is due to a passenger m@sturbating on the train at Edgware Road. Someone has activated the alarm and he is being removed from the train.
*************************************************
"Ladies and Gentlemen do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a
great time. I felt sadly let down by the fact that none of you sent me a card! I drive you to work and back home each day and not even a card.
"The bad news is that there is a point's failure somewhere
between Stratford and East Ham, which means that we probably won't reach our destination. We may have to stop and return. I won't reverse back up the line - simply get out walk up the platform and go back to where we started. In the meantime if you get bored you can simply talk to the man in front or beside you or opposite you. Let me start you off: "Hi, my name's Gary how do you do?"
**************************************************
"Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller
suffering from elbow and backside syndrome, not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any".
***********************************************
"Please mind the closing doors..." The doors close...The doors reopen. "Passengers are reminded that the big red slidey things on the side of the train are called the doors. Let's try it again. Please stand clear of the doors." The doors close... "Thank you."
************************************************
"I am sorry about the delay, apparently some nutter has just
wandered into the tunnel at Euston. We don't know when we'll be moving again, but these people tend to come out pretty quickly...usually in bit
Listed below are genuine announcements made by tube drivers on the London Underground:
"To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage, what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?"
**********************************************************
At Camden town station (on a crowded Saturday afternoon): "Please let the passengers off the train first. Please let the passengers off the train first. Please let the passengers off the train first. Let the passengers
off the train FIRST! Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like
sardines,see if I care, I'm going home."
**************************************************
"Ladies & Gentleman, upon departing the train may I remind you to take your rubbish with you. Despite the fact that you are in something that is metal, fairly round, filthy and smells, this is a tube train for public transport and not a bin on wheels"
**************************************************
Driver: "I apologise for the delay leaving the station ladies and gentlemen; this is due to a passenger m@sturbating on the train at Edgware Road. Someone has activated the alarm and he is being removed from the train.
*************************************************
"Ladies and Gentlemen do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a
great time. I felt sadly let down by the fact that none of you sent me a card! I drive you to work and back home each day and not even a card.
"The bad news is that there is a point's failure somewhere
between Stratford and East Ham, which means that we probably won't reach our destination. We may have to stop and return. I won't reverse back up the line - simply get out walk up the platform and go back to where we started. In the meantime if you get bored you can simply talk to the man in front or beside you or opposite you. Let me start you off: "Hi, my name's Gary how do you do?"
**************************************************
"Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller
suffering from elbow and backside syndrome, not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any".
***********************************************
"Please mind the closing doors..." The doors close...The doors reopen. "Passengers are reminded that the big red slidey things on the side of the train are called the doors. Let's try it again. Please stand clear of the doors." The doors close... "Thank you."
************************************************
"I am sorry about the delay, apparently some nutter has just
wandered into the tunnel at Euston. We don't know when we'll be moving again, but these people tend to come out pretty quickly...usually in bit
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Chuckle at original self, and then snigger at YHs insane post.
You are a very funny man.
You are a very funny man.
Hang on, I've seen this before.....
:)
:)
Damn, I did. Hm, I didn't remember it though..
Pop!
Stryke, you even replied to this!
Stryke, you even replied to this!
Slaveunit wrote:
You mean that
> isn't your name? How can you live such a lie!
I know, I know, it's a little crazy of me, isn't it?
Still, someone has to be a little *hits self over head with frying pan* mad in this *kicks self in shins while rolling in a bath of beans* boring humdrum world.
You mean that
> isn't your name? How can you live such a lie!
I know, I know, it's a little crazy of me, isn't it?
Still, someone has to be a little *hits self over head with frying pan* mad in this *kicks self in shins while rolling in a bath of beans* boring humdrum world.
Your Honour wrote:
> Well, not my real name, just this one.
You mean that isn't your name? How can you live such a lie!
> Well, not my real name, just this one.
You mean that isn't your name? How can you live such a lie!
Slaveunit wrote:
Yeah, we all knew that but what about the ones that people have sent
> you and you forwarded? they still have your name on...
True.
Well, not my real name, just this one.
Yeah, we all knew that but what about the ones that people have sent
> you and you forwarded? they still have your name on...
True.
Well, not my real name, just this one.
Your Honour wrote:
> I don't have any jokes. I am a very unfunny person.
Yeah, we all knew that but what about the ones that people have sent you and you forwarded? they still have your name on...
:)
> I don't have any jokes. I am a very unfunny person.
Yeah, we all knew that but what about the ones that people have sent you and you forwarded? they still have your name on...
:)
Slaveunit wrote:
> Surely you have forwarded a joke onto someone, and they have passed it on....
I don't have any jokes.
I am a very unfunny person.
> Surely you have forwarded a joke onto someone, and they have passed it on....
I don't have any jokes.
I am a very unfunny person.
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