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SR - The Soap Opera
Episode 2
Notice:
This script is best read aloud in overly-melodramatic voices. The men are all tall, dark handsome with deep, gravely voices (although this is definitely not the case in real life) and the women fit, busty, stupid and high-pitched.
****Scene 1 - a new resident.****
A familiar face steps from a train and into SR Soap Opera land, a bag in one hand and a scrap of paper in the other. He over-acts looking around, then stops a stranger in the street.
“Excuse me, Miss? I’m looking for ....” he glances down at the paper, “Memo’s grotty love grotto. Can you help me?”
The woman looks him up and down then slaps him hard across the face in a very fake way.
“You pig. Get outta my life, you’re never getting the kids.”
“Erm ... kids? Excuse me? Who ARE you ...?” He raises a handsome eyebrow, the woman looks uncomfortable.
“I’m sorry .... that’s what I was told to do. It’s all I do. It’s all I’ve ever done and it usually works. I’m the face-slapping kid-keeping slutty wife to all.” She slaps him again. “You PIG!” And runs off.
*
The familiar face finds himself at the door to Memo’s grotty love grotto - a stolen dumpster next to a rubbish tip with a door cut from the side. He knocks, melodramatically.
A man - also tall dark and handsome, opens it wearing a short pink dressing gown.
The stranger introduces himself. “The name’s NASH. Jonathan Nash.”
“KYP KYP KYP KYP KYP”
“Excuse me?”
“Frooty gerbil man.”
“No, my name’s NASH. Like I said.”
Memo gives a stare straight from acting night-school, then his face lightens. “Witness protection?”
NASH nods. “It was horrible ... those poor marmots ... they didn’t stand a chance. I couldn’t afford facial reconstruction surgery and I’ve been exiled from everywhere else. So here I am.” He holds up a brown sack which wriggles and meows. “I brought a friend, for old times sake.”
Memo nods and shows some leg. “Lets get freaky”
NASH’s eyes pop. He lets out a low whistle. “Nash am the winner.”
Viewing figures drop dramatically.
****Scene 2 : AJ & gerrid step out****
AJ watches as gerrid kicks down a door in a very macho style and races into the house. The pair are greeted in the living room.
“El Blokey. I know your little secret.” gerrid starts. A squirrel runs across the floor. “What was that?”
“What was what?” El Blokey looks a little nervous.
“That.”
“Oh, just a squirrel. Friend of mine.”
“Friend?”
“Well ... we’re very close .... “
“Close enough for you-know-what?”
“ .... erm ...“ Something bigger creeps from behind the sofa.
“And the fox?”
“Well .... it’s nothing serious ... “
“The bear?”
“ ... you know how it is”
“Giraffe?”
“Just let me explain! You don’t understand! It’s not what you think!”
“I’m thinking secks. And lots of it. Hot, passionate squirrel secks.”
“Oh ... well, it’s exactly what you think then. But they seduced ME!”
AJ clears his throat. “Gerrid? His little secret?”
“Oh, right, yeah. Sorry.” He clears his throat and raises both eyebrows. “I know your little secret, El Blokey, now you’re gonna give me what I want or I’ll tell the world.”
El Blokey sighs in a typical man-given-up-on-everything way and sinks down on the sofa. “I know you know. I even killed you for it, but that obviously didn’t work.”
AJ puts up his hand. “ .... I’m the only one who doesn’t actually know what you did.”
“Oh. Sorry. I locked Tony in a dungeon because he wouldn’t marry me. Nor would Rasta. Or IB. Or anyone. Now they’re all in my dungeon.”
AJ sweeps everything off the coffee table in a rage as he was taught. “How could you?!”
Gerrid gently massages his hairy man boobs until he calms down. “It’s all right AJ. It’s all right. El Blokey? You better not go anywhere for now, or something real bad might happen. We’ll be seeing you.”
“But gerrid,” AJ starts, “Shouldn’t we rescue them people.”
Gerrid stares moodily into middle-distance.
“Someday, AJ, someday.”
He goes to leave, but turns back.
“I’m taking the squirrel.”
“And?” El Blokey asks.
“And the fox.”
**End Episode 2**
Episode 2
Notice:
This script is best read aloud in overly-melodramatic voices. The men are all tall, dark handsome with deep, gravely voices (although this is definitely not the case in real life) and the women fit, busty, stupid and high-pitched.
****Scene 1 - a new resident.****
A familiar face steps from a train and into SR Soap Opera land, a bag in one hand and a scrap of paper in the other. He over-acts looking around, then stops a stranger in the street.
“Excuse me, Miss? I’m looking for ....” he glances down at the paper, “Memo’s grotty love grotto. Can you help me?”
The woman looks him up and down then slaps him hard across the face in a very fake way.
“You pig. Get outta my life, you’re never getting the kids.”
“Erm ... kids? Excuse me? Who ARE you ...?” He raises a handsome eyebrow, the woman looks uncomfortable.
“I’m sorry .... that’s what I was told to do. It’s all I do. It’s all I’ve ever done and it usually works. I’m the face-slapping kid-keeping slutty wife to all.” She slaps him again. “You PIG!” And runs off.
*
The familiar face finds himself at the door to Memo’s grotty love grotto - a stolen dumpster next to a rubbish tip with a door cut from the side. He knocks, melodramatically.
A man - also tall dark and handsome, opens it wearing a short pink dressing gown.
The stranger introduces himself. “The name’s NASH. Jonathan Nash.”
“KYP KYP KYP KYP KYP”
“Excuse me?”
“Frooty gerbil man.”
“No, my name’s NASH. Like I said.”
Memo gives a stare straight from acting night-school, then his face lightens. “Witness protection?”
NASH nods. “It was horrible ... those poor marmots ... they didn’t stand a chance. I couldn’t afford facial reconstruction surgery and I’ve been exiled from everywhere else. So here I am.” He holds up a brown sack which wriggles and meows. “I brought a friend, for old times sake.”
Memo nods and shows some leg. “Lets get freaky”
NASH’s eyes pop. He lets out a low whistle. “Nash am the winner.”
Viewing figures drop dramatically.
****Scene 2 : AJ & gerrid step out****
AJ watches as gerrid kicks down a door in a very macho style and races into the house. The pair are greeted in the living room.
“El Blokey. I know your little secret.” gerrid starts. A squirrel runs across the floor. “What was that?”
“What was what?” El Blokey looks a little nervous.
“That.”
“Oh, just a squirrel. Friend of mine.”
“Friend?”
“Well ... we’re very close .... “
“Close enough for you-know-what?”
“ .... erm ...“ Something bigger creeps from behind the sofa.
“And the fox?”
“Well .... it’s nothing serious ... “
“The bear?”
“ ... you know how it is”
“Giraffe?”
“Just let me explain! You don’t understand! It’s not what you think!”
“I’m thinking secks. And lots of it. Hot, passionate squirrel secks.”
“Oh ... well, it’s exactly what you think then. But they seduced ME!”
AJ clears his throat. “Gerrid? His little secret?”
“Oh, right, yeah. Sorry.” He clears his throat and raises both eyebrows. “I know your little secret, El Blokey, now you’re gonna give me what I want or I’ll tell the world.”
El Blokey sighs in a typical man-given-up-on-everything way and sinks down on the sofa. “I know you know. I even killed you for it, but that obviously didn’t work.”
AJ puts up his hand. “ .... I’m the only one who doesn’t actually know what you did.”
“Oh. Sorry. I locked Tony in a dungeon because he wouldn’t marry me. Nor would Rasta. Or IB. Or anyone. Now they’re all in my dungeon.”
AJ sweeps everything off the coffee table in a rage as he was taught. “How could you?!”
Gerrid gently massages his hairy man boobs until he calms down. “It’s all right AJ. It’s all right. El Blokey? You better not go anywhere for now, or something real bad might happen. We’ll be seeing you.”
“But gerrid,” AJ starts, “Shouldn’t we rescue them people.”
Gerrid stares moodily into middle-distance.
“Someday, AJ, someday.”
He goes to leave, but turns back.
“I’m taking the squirrel.”
“And?” El Blokey asks.
“And the fox.”
**End Episode 2**
Page:
Well, you love NASH.
And I love creature secks.
What's to stop the words a flowin'
And I love creature secks.
What's to stop the words a flowin'
Good reason.
It's even better than the first one, by the way.
It seems odd though, there are four episodes here in the space of two days!
It's even better than the first one, by the way.
It seems odd though, there are four episodes here in the space of two days!
Dunno.
Got bored
Got bored
And why did you change your name?
It's like a freakin' competition now.
SR - The Soap Opera
Episode 2
Notice:
This script is best read aloud in overly-melodramatic voices. The men are all tall, dark handsome with deep, gravely voices (although this is definitely not the case in real life) and the women fit, busty, stupid and high-pitched.
****Scene 1 - a new resident.****
A familiar face steps from a train and into SR Soap Opera land, a bag in one hand and a scrap of paper in the other. He over-acts looking around, then stops a stranger in the street.
“Excuse me, Miss? I’m looking for ....” he glances down at the paper, “Memo’s grotty love grotto. Can you help me?”
The woman looks him up and down then slaps him hard across the face in a very fake way.
“You pig. Get outta my life, you’re never getting the kids.”
“Erm ... kids? Excuse me? Who ARE you ...?” He raises a handsome eyebrow, the woman looks uncomfortable.
“I’m sorry .... that’s what I was told to do. It’s all I do. It’s all I’ve ever done and it usually works. I’m the face-slapping kid-keeping slutty wife to all.” She slaps him again. “You PIG!” And runs off.
*
The familiar face finds himself at the door to Memo’s grotty love grotto - a stolen dumpster next to a rubbish tip with a door cut from the side. He knocks, melodramatically.
A man - also tall dark and handsome, opens it wearing a short pink dressing gown.
The stranger introduces himself. “The name’s NASH. Jonathan Nash.”
“KYP KYP KYP KYP KYP”
“Excuse me?”
“Frooty gerbil man.”
“No, my name’s NASH. Like I said.”
Memo gives a stare straight from acting night-school, then his face lightens. “Witness protection?”
NASH nods. “It was horrible ... those poor marmots ... they didn’t stand a chance. I couldn’t afford facial reconstruction surgery and I’ve been exiled from everywhere else. So here I am.” He holds up a brown sack which wriggles and meows. “I brought a friend, for old times sake.”
Memo nods and shows some leg. “Lets get freaky”
NASH’s eyes pop. He lets out a low whistle. “Nash am the winner.”
Viewing figures drop dramatically.
****Scene 2 : AJ & gerrid step out****
AJ watches as gerrid kicks down a door in a very macho style and races into the house. The pair are greeted in the living room.
“El Blokey. I know your little secret.” gerrid starts. A squirrel runs across the floor. “What was that?”
“What was what?” El Blokey looks a little nervous.
“That.”
“Oh, just a squirrel. Friend of mine.”
“Friend?”
“Well ... we’re very close .... “
“Close enough for you-know-what?”
“ .... erm ...“ Something bigger creeps from behind the sofa.
“And the fox?”
“Well .... it’s nothing serious ... “
“The bear?”
“ ... you know how it is”
“Giraffe?”
“Just let me explain! You don’t understand! It’s not what you think!”
“I’m thinking secks. And lots of it. Hot, passionate squirrel secks.”
“Oh ... well, it’s exactly what you think then. But they seduced ME!”
AJ clears his throat. “Gerrid? His little secret?”
“Oh, right, yeah. Sorry.” He clears his throat and raises both eyebrows. “I know your little secret, El Blokey, now you’re gonna give me what I want or I’ll tell the world.”
El Blokey sighs in a typical man-given-up-on-everything way and sinks down on the sofa. “I know you know. I even killed you for it, but that obviously didn’t work.”
AJ puts up his hand. “ .... I’m the only one who doesn’t actually know what you did.”
“Oh. Sorry. I locked Tony in a dungeon because he wouldn’t marry me. Nor would Rasta. Or IB. Or anyone. Now they’re all in my dungeon.”
AJ sweeps everything off the coffee table in a rage as he was taught. “How could you?!”
Gerrid gently massages his hairy man boobs until he calms down. “It’s all right AJ. It’s all right. El Blokey? You better not go anywhere for now, or something real bad might happen. We’ll be seeing you.”
“But gerrid,” AJ starts, “Shouldn’t we rescue them people.”
Gerrid stares moodily into middle-distance.
“Someday, AJ, someday.”
He goes to leave, but turns back.
“I’m taking the squirrel.”
“And?” El Blokey asks.
“And the fox.”
**End Episode 2**
Episode 2
Notice:
This script is best read aloud in overly-melodramatic voices. The men are all tall, dark handsome with deep, gravely voices (although this is definitely not the case in real life) and the women fit, busty, stupid and high-pitched.
****Scene 1 - a new resident.****
A familiar face steps from a train and into SR Soap Opera land, a bag in one hand and a scrap of paper in the other. He over-acts looking around, then stops a stranger in the street.
“Excuse me, Miss? I’m looking for ....” he glances down at the paper, “Memo’s grotty love grotto. Can you help me?”
The woman looks him up and down then slaps him hard across the face in a very fake way.
“You pig. Get outta my life, you’re never getting the kids.”
“Erm ... kids? Excuse me? Who ARE you ...?” He raises a handsome eyebrow, the woman looks uncomfortable.
“I’m sorry .... that’s what I was told to do. It’s all I do. It’s all I’ve ever done and it usually works. I’m the face-slapping kid-keeping slutty wife to all.” She slaps him again. “You PIG!” And runs off.
*
The familiar face finds himself at the door to Memo’s grotty love grotto - a stolen dumpster next to a rubbish tip with a door cut from the side. He knocks, melodramatically.
A man - also tall dark and handsome, opens it wearing a short pink dressing gown.
The stranger introduces himself. “The name’s NASH. Jonathan Nash.”
“KYP KYP KYP KYP KYP”
“Excuse me?”
“Frooty gerbil man.”
“No, my name’s NASH. Like I said.”
Memo gives a stare straight from acting night-school, then his face lightens. “Witness protection?”
NASH nods. “It was horrible ... those poor marmots ... they didn’t stand a chance. I couldn’t afford facial reconstruction surgery and I’ve been exiled from everywhere else. So here I am.” He holds up a brown sack which wriggles and meows. “I brought a friend, for old times sake.”
Memo nods and shows some leg. “Lets get freaky”
NASH’s eyes pop. He lets out a low whistle. “Nash am the winner.”
Viewing figures drop dramatically.
****Scene 2 : AJ & gerrid step out****
AJ watches as gerrid kicks down a door in a very macho style and races into the house. The pair are greeted in the living room.
“El Blokey. I know your little secret.” gerrid starts. A squirrel runs across the floor. “What was that?”
“What was what?” El Blokey looks a little nervous.
“That.”
“Oh, just a squirrel. Friend of mine.”
“Friend?”
“Well ... we’re very close .... “
“Close enough for you-know-what?”
“ .... erm ...“ Something bigger creeps from behind the sofa.
“And the fox?”
“Well .... it’s nothing serious ... “
“The bear?”
“ ... you know how it is”
“Giraffe?”
“Just let me explain! You don’t understand! It’s not what you think!”
“I’m thinking secks. And lots of it. Hot, passionate squirrel secks.”
“Oh ... well, it’s exactly what you think then. But they seduced ME!”
AJ clears his throat. “Gerrid? His little secret?”
“Oh, right, yeah. Sorry.” He clears his throat and raises both eyebrows. “I know your little secret, El Blokey, now you’re gonna give me what I want or I’ll tell the world.”
El Blokey sighs in a typical man-given-up-on-everything way and sinks down on the sofa. “I know you know. I even killed you for it, but that obviously didn’t work.”
AJ puts up his hand. “ .... I’m the only one who doesn’t actually know what you did.”
“Oh. Sorry. I locked Tony in a dungeon because he wouldn’t marry me. Nor would Rasta. Or IB. Or anyone. Now they’re all in my dungeon.”
AJ sweeps everything off the coffee table in a rage as he was taught. “How could you?!”
Gerrid gently massages his hairy man boobs until he calms down. “It’s all right AJ. It’s all right. El Blokey? You better not go anywhere for now, or something real bad might happen. We’ll be seeing you.”
“But gerrid,” AJ starts, “Shouldn’t we rescue them people.”
Gerrid stares moodily into middle-distance.
“Someday, AJ, someday.”
He goes to leave, but turns back.
“I’m taking the squirrel.”
“And?” El Blokey asks.
“And the fox.”
**End Episode 2**
Page: