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"Last Tuesday (Story)"

It was a dark and scary night. Scary as in "Argh, there's a giant frozen monkey sleeping under my bed" scary. Glancing through the trees as I walked through the infamous "Bum-man killer" woods, I spotted a shadow over by a wall, so naturally I had to go and check it out. And by checking it out I mean running away like a little girlie.

So after about 15 minutes of running, I came to a clearing in the middle of the woods. Now, funnily enough, this clearing had a dancing gorilla in the middle of it. Upon further inspection it was actually Kyz, who had stabbed himself in the foot yet again with his ego, I mean, penknife.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"A bullet jumped up a bit me in the but-tocks"

"Idiot."

I left the deranged fool and set off again, hoping to find the exit. After 30 minutes or so, I reached the edge of the woods, and was standing at the side of a giant lake. Now, this was no ordinary lake, because it was full of chocolate milk. I found a boat, with the highly original name "Boat" and began to paddle. Since it was late at night, and it was fairly clear, I looked up at the stars. I think I saw a constellation that resembled a dead antelope, but I can't remember back to last Tuesday.

Anyway, as I was paddling through the giant chocolate milk-filled lake, a mermoose swam up to the side of the boat. However, it was actually Parr.

"Why Chipseh why? Why did you have to shoot me in the ass?"

"Er…"

"Why Chipseh why?"

I hit the muppet around the head with an oar, and made sure he sank well below the surface before paddling onwards.

It wasn't long before I reached the middle of the giant chocolate milk-filled lake, and when I did a crazy squid decided to rear its ugly head.

"I AM A SQUID"

"Oh really?"

"YES! NOW GIVE ME FOUR ROUBLES OR I WILL EAT YOUR OVERLY-LARGE HAT"

"I'm not wearing a hat…"

"OH! WELL, HAVE A NICE DAY"

"It's night time."

"OH FOR FU…"

I managed to leave before his squid voice insulted my ears with his scary Scouse insults.

When I finally reached the other side of the lake, I spotted a tavern. I walked through the doors, and a strange bearded man shot me a dirty look.

"You're not welcome here fella'"

"Who are you?"

"Name's Mystique"

"Nice beard"

I ignored him/her/the goat and ordered myself a beer.

"Don't have no beer"

"What do you have then?"

"Don't have no then"

"No, I mean..."

"Don't have no mean"

After shooting his head off with Mystique's luger, I grabbed a glass of water and went over to the pinball table. It was entitled "Hooker Ball". 100,000 points later, and after completing the main objective of the game- getting laid, I thought it was best to head off home.

Unfortunately for me, this was not easy, as a large woman was standing in the doorway. And by Woman I mean a "Scary man in women's clothing that was smoking a cigar and rubbing his hairy armpits" woman.

"Gizza shag"

"You what?"

"Gizza Shag"

"Look Mad Muel, however funny you find it, dressing up like a large woman is not exactly enticing"

"I got hairy legs. Gizza shag."

Using the only weapon I had left, a gopher, I threw it at his face and walked out of the scary tavern full of people with identity issues. Now why the hell Kyz was in the forest, I don't know.

I eventually reached my house, a barrel at the back of O' Murphey's pub, and drifted off to sleep.

I was woken up 10 minutes later when a stray dog was humping my arm. A few hits in quick succession with a shoe sorted that out, and I finally got to sleep again.

And when I woke, a terror that was so unimaginable you'd probably find it in a Kyz spoof was staring at my face.

It was no other than Parr, the Mermoose. Except he had SARS. And Rabies.

*Piercing Scream*

It wasn't a comeback. A comeback from *what* exactly?

Is this an argument?

Haha.

That has the be *the* poorest comeback of all time Kyle.

And besides, I have a Lucky rabbits foot. So, er, Ner.

I hex you!

Perhaps.

Perhaps not.

Perhaps because I felt it was appropriate.

Perhaps not.

Would be more appropriately named, "Lets dredge up the past because I have nobody to patronise at this exact moment in time"

It was a dark and scary night. Scary as in "Argh, there's a giant frozen monkey sleeping under my bed" scary. Glancing through the trees as I walked through the infamous "Bum-man killer" woods, I spotted a shadow over by a wall, so naturally I had to go and check it out. And by checking it out I mean running away like a little girlie.

So after about 15 minutes of running, I came to a clearing in the middle of the woods. Now, funnily enough, this clearing had a dancing gorilla in the middle of it. Upon further inspection it was actually Kyz, who had stabbed himself in the foot yet again with his ego, I mean, penknife.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"A bullet jumped up a bit me in the but-tocks"

"Idiot."

I left the deranged fool and set off again, hoping to find the exit. After 30 minutes or so, I reached the edge of the woods, and was standing at the side of a giant lake. Now, this was no ordinary lake, because it was full of chocolate milk. I found a boat, with the highly original name "Boat" and began to paddle. Since it was late at night, and it was fairly clear, I looked up at the stars. I think I saw a constellation that resembled a dead antelope, but I can't remember back to last Tuesday.

Anyway, as I was paddling through the giant chocolate milk-filled lake, a mermoose swam up to the side of the boat. However, it was actually Parr.

"Why Chipseh why? Why did you have to shoot me in the ass?"

"Er…"

"Why Chipseh why?"

I hit the muppet around the head with an oar, and made sure he sank well below the surface before paddling onwards.

It wasn't long before I reached the middle of the giant chocolate milk-filled lake, and when I did a crazy squid decided to rear its ugly head.

"I AM A SQUID"

"Oh really?"

"YES! NOW GIVE ME FOUR ROUBLES OR I WILL EAT YOUR OVERLY-LARGE HAT"

"I'm not wearing a hat…"

"OH! WELL, HAVE A NICE DAY"

"It's night time."

"OH FOR FU…"

I managed to leave before his squid voice insulted my ears with his scary Scouse insults.

When I finally reached the other side of the lake, I spotted a tavern. I walked through the doors, and a strange bearded man shot me a dirty look.

"You're not welcome here fella'"

"Who are you?"

"Name's Mystique"

"Nice beard"

I ignored him/her/the goat and ordered myself a beer.

"Don't have no beer"

"What do you have then?"

"Don't have no then"

"No, I mean..."

"Don't have no mean"

After shooting his head off with Mystique's luger, I grabbed a glass of water and went over to the pinball table. It was entitled "Hooker Ball". 100,000 points later, and after completing the main objective of the game- getting laid, I thought it was best to head off home.

Unfortunately for me, this was not easy, as a large woman was standing in the doorway. And by Woman I mean a "Scary man in women's clothing that was smoking a cigar and rubbing his hairy armpits" woman.

"Gizza shag"

"You what?"

"Gizza Shag"

"Look Mad Muel, however funny you find it, dressing up like a large woman is not exactly enticing"

"I got hairy legs. Gizza shag."

Using the only weapon I had left, a gopher, I threw it at his face and walked out of the scary tavern full of people with identity issues. Now why the hell Kyz was in the forest, I don't know.

I eventually reached my house, a barrel at the back of O' Murphey's pub, and drifted off to sleep.

I was woken up 10 minutes later when a stray dog was humping my arm. A few hits in quick succession with a shoe sorted that out, and I finally got to sleep again.

And when I woke, a terror that was so unimaginable you'd probably find it in a Kyz spoof was staring at my face.

It was no other than Parr, the Mermoose. Except he had SARS. And Rabies.

*Piercing Scream*