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I had to give some prospective users from Government and Local Authorities an hour on the environmental website/database that we use, on behalf of the developers and the presentation involved a flashy touch screen plasma thingymajig. Being me I undertook zero preperation ("Ah I use it all the time should be a doddle") and decided to talk at the delegates whilst demonstarting the very boring site, which is mainly text-based and filled with boxes; that have some or no text in themsleves. There also happened to be a very lovely Oriental girl in attendance; who was also posh totty etc etc.
Within minutes of waving my hands around, repeating myself and coughing, I finally got into the site and spent most of my time, with my back turned to the audience, mumbling about certain features and wrestling with the boogering touch screen (think the crime computer database manipulation in Minority Report as undertaken by someone having an epileptic fit) and sweating profousely as I leapt about. After a while I was simply trying to provide the audience with the least sweaty view of me (I think I've got a virus or similar) and praying that the portable keyboard I was clutching to my bossom, like a maternal monkey with child, contiued to work or I'd have to resort to the touch screen.
Needless to say it only worked in one position, a la me positioned directly in front of the screen, blocking the view and only allowed the projection of my wavering voice in the opposite direction intended.
And I honestly believe that the woman who had her eyes shut throughout was sleeping.
I did not leave Ms Lovely my business card and got out quickly....though not before one person remarked "were you alright? You looked very uncomfortable up there, was it hot?"
Yes it was hot, an embarrasing inferno that has purged me, ensuring that never again shall I attempt another presentation, lest I burn forever due the abominational sin that it would represent.
Saggy is sagging in shame.
Within minutes of waving my hands around, repeating myself and coughing, I finally got into the site and spent most of my time, with my back turned to the audience, mumbling about certain features and wrestling with the boogering touch screen (think the crime computer database manipulation in Minority Report as undertaken by someone having an epileptic fit) and sweating profousely as I leapt about. After a while I was simply trying to provide the audience with the least sweaty view of me (I think I've got a virus or similar) and praying that the portable keyboard I was clutching to my bossom, like a maternal monkey with child, contiued to work or I'd have to resort to the touch screen.
Needless to say it only worked in one position, a la me positioned directly in front of the screen, blocking the view and only allowed the projection of my wavering voice in the opposite direction intended.
And I honestly believe that the woman who had her eyes shut throughout was sleeping.
I did not leave Ms Lovely my business card and got out quickly....though not before one person remarked "were you alright? You looked very uncomfortable up there, was it hot?"
Yes it was hot, an embarrasing inferno that has purged me, ensuring that never again shall I attempt another presentation, lest I burn forever due the abominational sin that it would represent.
Saggy is sagging in shame.
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I hate presentations, the last one i did was about hackers.
I was so nervous that i ended up speaking so fast i could have passed for a rap star.
I was so nervous that i ended up speaking so fast i could have passed for a rap star.
Yeah, I did this thing once, there must have been at least 30,000,000 people there.I had to stand up and sing linkin park crawling. Did it without a hitch, you guys are big girls,(lol) the stage was covered in flowers when I had finished, and a few broken bottles, but that's not the point...
You big girl. I just did a presentation the other week, about CGI in films. I simply talked a bit, showed a bit of video, talked a bit more, showed some more video and so on and so forth until I was finished ten minutes later. Mind, it was only in front of 20/30 people. But I'd be just as comfortable in front of 3000. Crowds never bother me, though I still get nervous from time to time...
Thanks guys,
I want to go to uni and i'm not exactly looking forward to it now...
I want to go to uni and i'm not exactly looking forward to it now...
I think the way I looked could be done with..
Thinking of something really funny and wanting to laugh out loud. At a funeral.
Thinking of something really funny and wanting to laugh out loud. At a funeral.
I wish there were some screaming monkeys in my presentation. In fact a monkey could have given a better presentation than mine.
Hopefully your presentation was seen as inspirational and demonstrated the angst invovled in working with expert systems.
In fact I want Emotion Eric to do an impression-expression of me half way through my presentation when it finally dawned on me that I stank; literally and metaphorically.
Hopefully your presentation was seen as inspirational and demonstrated the angst invovled in working with expert systems.
In fact I want Emotion Eric to do an impression-expression of me half way through my presentation when it finally dawned on me that I stank; literally and metaphorically.
When I was at Uni, I had to do a moot, a sort of mock court case. I shambled in ten minutes late looking flustered and realised I couldn't even argue my way out of a paper bag - my head was about to burst due to the insane hangover I had. After 15 minutes of moronic arguing over petty facts that, in all fairness, had nothing to do with the case in question, I relinquished my position by saying, "my defendant has changed his plea to guilty."
The tutor was extremely shocked but also amused and he let me off.
The tutor was extremely shocked but also amused and he let me off.
The worst presentation I've done was a couple of years ago, on expert systems.
I was messing about the day before with the presentation, putting sounds etc on it, as I knew that the sound wouldn't be available in the presenting room.
However on this occasion it was.
Cars zooming past, women and monkeys screaming.
All while I was trying to do a serious prensentation whilst not laughing my head off.
I was messing about the day before with the presentation, putting sounds etc on it, as I knew that the sound wouldn't be available in the presenting room.
However on this occasion it was.
Cars zooming past, women and monkeys screaming.
All while I was trying to do a serious prensentation whilst not laughing my head off.
I had to give some prospective users from Government and Local Authorities an hour on the environmental website/database that we use, on behalf of the developers and the presentation involved a flashy touch screen plasma thingymajig. Being me I undertook zero preperation ("Ah I use it all the time should be a doddle") and decided to talk at the delegates whilst demonstarting the very boring site, which is mainly text-based and filled with boxes; that have some or no text in themsleves. There also happened to be a very lovely Oriental girl in attendance; who was also posh totty etc etc.
Within minutes of waving my hands around, repeating myself and coughing, I finally got into the site and spent most of my time, with my back turned to the audience, mumbling about certain features and wrestling with the boogering touch screen (think the crime computer database manipulation in Minority Report as undertaken by someone having an epileptic fit) and sweating profousely as I leapt about. After a while I was simply trying to provide the audience with the least sweaty view of me (I think I've got a virus or similar) and praying that the portable keyboard I was clutching to my bossom, like a maternal monkey with child, contiued to work or I'd have to resort to the touch screen.
Needless to say it only worked in one position, a la me positioned directly in front of the screen, blocking the view and only allowed the projection of my wavering voice in the opposite direction intended.
And I honestly believe that the woman who had her eyes shut throughout was sleeping.
I did not leave Ms Lovely my business card and got out quickly....though not before one person remarked "were you alright? You looked very uncomfortable up there, was it hot?"
Yes it was hot, an embarrasing inferno that has purged me, ensuring that never again shall I attempt another presentation, lest I burn forever due the abominational sin that it would represent.
Saggy is sagging in shame.
Within minutes of waving my hands around, repeating myself and coughing, I finally got into the site and spent most of my time, with my back turned to the audience, mumbling about certain features and wrestling with the boogering touch screen (think the crime computer database manipulation in Minority Report as undertaken by someone having an epileptic fit) and sweating profousely as I leapt about. After a while I was simply trying to provide the audience with the least sweaty view of me (I think I've got a virus or similar) and praying that the portable keyboard I was clutching to my bossom, like a maternal monkey with child, contiued to work or I'd have to resort to the touch screen.
Needless to say it only worked in one position, a la me positioned directly in front of the screen, blocking the view and only allowed the projection of my wavering voice in the opposite direction intended.
And I honestly believe that the woman who had her eyes shut throughout was sleeping.
I did not leave Ms Lovely my business card and got out quickly....though not before one person remarked "were you alright? You looked very uncomfortable up there, was it hot?"
Yes it was hot, an embarrasing inferno that has purged me, ensuring that never again shall I attempt another presentation, lest I burn forever due the abominational sin that it would represent.
Saggy is sagging in shame.
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