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"What’s the best one-liner you’ve heard that really put someone in his or her place?"

At the pub this evening I heard one that made me chuckle.

A group of blokes, around 17 were in the pub. One of them was clearly the loud ringleader guy. So, this really good-looking woman came in, wearing a low cut top and very short skirt. As she walked past the group the loud one said, “I wouldn’t mind having those legs rapped round my head”, without even braking stride, in a very loud voice the girl said, “why? Because your nose is bigger then your nob?”

Well, it made me laugh and shut the guy up.

So, what have you heard?

maddmun may be our winner!

*BEST LINE EVER*

I won't go into detail, but me matey got into an argument with this girl. She tried to shout at him, but kinda stammered and couldn't say it properly. He say:

"Spit it out, your mum does"

Mucho hilarity

From a joke:

A teacher was telling the class about the test the next day.

"Now, I will have no excuses from anyone about this test, unless of course you have pneumonia or a close relative has died, etc"

One kid decided to have a laugh:

"What if I'm suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The teacher calmly replied:

"I guess you'll have to write the answers with your other hand"

------

:D

Some little Git at school, a gimpish midgit, but still a bully, taking the mick out of one of my mates who has trouble breathing and walking. he kept calling him a 'flobbertrog' and ran away when ever I came over to tell him to get lost.

He wasn't watching me, and was concentrating on making spastic motions and noises in front of him, and dodging away when he tried to hit him.

I came up behind him, and stared at him. he said 'wart are you looking art, dickweed?' and I said:

'I'm just wondering, how do you tell which ass you s**t out of?'

then I kicked him. Hard. In the nads.

I don't mean to blow my own trumpet (brazen lie), but in a maths class several years ago this girl was constantly giving banter to the teacher who was giving a fair bit back, as they always did every lesson. Eventually the teacher, losing whatever jovial argument they were having, turns to the boys in the room and says "look fellahs, who's voice have we heard this lesson more than anyone else?"

I just gave the first honest answer that came into my head, before realising it was funny.

"Yours"

Mystique wrote:
> *Sigh*
> I'm going to die alone.

One of many consequences of being a Trekkie!

:-)

Sorry to be a killjoy, but do film and TV really count? Being as they are scripted, and everything...

Nevermind, at least that vibrating dong of yours will never leave you.

Edgy wrote:
> In an episode of Deep Space 9:
******
Dax, Bashire and Garak.
"The Search"

*Sigh*
I'm going to die alone.

I had your mum last night...
I dont have a mum, my dad shares yours...
Call girls dont count...

(not as good as the pud one though, pure genius)...