Viewing Thread:
"Who wants my MKDD VIP Stars ?"

500 of them to be exact, I can't be bothered with all that malarky, post a short joke by 3.30 today and I will email the code to the person who posted the best one straight way.
Don't post your email addresses now, wait until I pick the winner.

"Docter docter I'm shrinking"the docter replies"I'm busy,you'll just have to be a little patient"

literally lol at joke #1!!

I really want to win so im gonna real hard with several jokes :)


Joke 1:

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. 'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.'

Pattie looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Pattie explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, 'Sure. I have this,' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Pattie explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.' She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?'

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

'It's a knick knack, Pattie Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone.'




Joke 2:

Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake and caught 30 fish. One guy said to his friend...

"Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow."

The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the guy asked his friend, "Did you mark that spot?"

His friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat."

The first one said, "You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?!?"



Joke 3:

Q: Whats brown and sticky?

A: A stick!!



Joke 4:

40 Things Women Cannot Do...

1. Know anything about a car except its colour
2. Understand a film plot
3. Go 24 hours without sending a text message
4. Lift
5. Throw
6. Run
7. Park a car
8. Read a map
9. Resist Ikea
10. Sit still
11. Tell a joke
12. Play pool
13. Pay for dinner
14. Eat a kebab whilst walking
15. Pee out of a train window
16. Argue without shouting
17. Get told off without crying
18. Understand fruit machines
19. Walk past a shoe shop
20. Not comment on strangers clothes
21. Let you sleep with a hangover
22. Get a round in
23. like your friends
24. Enjoy porn
25. Eat a really hot curry
26. Get to the point
27. Buy plain envelopes
28. Take less than 20 minutes in the toilet
29. Sit in a room for five minutes without saying "I'm cold"
30. Go shopping without telephoning 20 mates
31. Assemble furniture
32. Set a video recorder
33. Not try and change you
34. Watch a war film
35. Spend a day by themselves
36. Go to the toilet by themselves
37. Buy a purse that fits in their pocket
38. Choose a video quickly
39. Tell the difference between left and right without looking at their hands
40. Get this far without having argued with at least 1 of the above



Joke 5:

Now that Uday & Qusay have been eliminated, a lot of the lesser known family members are coming to the attention of American authorities.

Among the brothers:

Sooflay ..................the restauranteur
Guday...................the half-Australian brother
Huray.....................the sports fanatic
Sashay....................the gay brother
Sayhay....................the baseball player
Ojay......................the stalker/murderer
Gulay.....................the singer/entertainer
Ebay......................the internet czar
Biliray...................the country music star
Ecksray...................the radiologist
Puray.....................the blender factory owner
Tupay.....................the one with bad hair
Strangeway................the jailer
Darrenday................the crap actor

Among the sisters:

Lattay....................the coffee shop owner
Bufay.....................the 300-pound sister
Dushay....................the clean sister
Phayray...................the zoo worker in the gorilla house
Sapheway..................the grocery store owner
Ollay.....................the half-Spanish sister
Gudlay....................the prostitute
Noway.....................the virgin
Haway.....................the half geordie sister



Thats all... please choose me :)

Valentino Rossi wins! Oh... wait....

the old ones are the best ones;

Man United manager Alex Fergurson sends scouts out around the world
looking for a new midfielder to replace Beckham and to hopefully
win the title. One of his scouts informs him of a young Iraqi
striker who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar. So Fergie
flies to Iraq to watch him and is suitably impressed and arranges for
him to come to Old Trafford.
Two weeks later Man Utd are 4-0 down at home to Liverpool with only 20
minutes left to play. Fergie gives the young Iraqi the nod to go on.
The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for
Man U. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.
When he comes off the pitch the young lad rings his mum to tell her about his first day in English football.
"Hi mum guess what?" he says "I played for 20 mins
today and we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me,
the fans the players and the media, they all love me"
"Great" says his mum "let me tell you about my day. Your father got
shot in the street, your sister and I were beaten and your
brother has joined a gang of looters while you were having a good time."
The young lad is very upset "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry"
"Sorry!" says his mum, "It's your fault that we moved to Manchester in the first place!"

“Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."

"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

*green, hairy and goes up and down

D'oh, ruined the joke.

Ooooh, let me have 'em, I didn't get any stars with my copy of DD, even though it was sealed (which is odd).

Anyway... erm. *Thinks of a joke*.

What's green and goes up and down? A Goblins c***.

Aw, I'm no good with jokes... *ahem* ok, "What happened to the forum user who posted a crap joke in a bid to get stars, but didn't win?"


"He comitted suicide."

So, what do you think....?

Have you heard about the new Pirate film?

It's going to be rated 'AAARRRRRR!'