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Ok, checking out my old games yesterday, I fired up an RPG game. Now, I know some of you RPG’ers can get a little scary, so just relax and realise that this is just my opinion.
I hate RPG games with a passion.
I don’t just mean I don’t enjoy them, they make me physically want to punch the next wizard I see.
Who plays these things? Why do they play these things?
Most games are a laugh, puzzle games can be quite involving. However, the thought of spending 3 days walking round a village to get a key from some dusty old fart that wants me to swap it for a sword makes me want to set fire to my head.
What is the appeal of these games?
I bought Final Fantasy something on the PSX on the recommendation of a mate (you will pay for conning me like that), and I gave it a go.
Was ok, strolled about trying to get into fights with children and use bins and stuff, then came to battle a giant scorpion.
Ok, I have to chuck a spell at it…a gun would be easier but ok, I’ll play along.
Right then, spelled him. Only now it’s his turn to attack.
Turn based attacks? Is this some pokey kung-fu flick where the 28 opponents all line up to attack in an orderly fashion instead of piling in and killing our intrepid hero?
Bunch of big old pants mate.
But I persevered and continued on.
Mooched about the woods for a bit and needed some stone to cross the bridge. Don’t ask me why, but the mystical old man said I did. Only to get the stone, I had to change some bird’s dog into a chair using the “morph” spell, that could only be obtained through more poncy item swapping.
Does this never end?
Why don’t these people just meet in the tavern and exchange their unwanted goods with each other?
Why wait for me to come along and traipse about performing chores when all I want to do is cross the dam bridge??
Why? Why do I have to solve the water puzzle for the Mythical Tree People of Sqangorjeepong so they’ll give me a staff to swap for some apples?
What kind of half-assed Wizard people are so good that they need a wandering stranger to go fetch them a scroll from some mook that lives in a ditch and wants to give me riddles?
Rubbish Wizards, don’t want their help if they can’t perform simple tasks without me.
And if I have to go to one more Inn and chat with some Vagabond that will tell me the password for the cave-entrance if I go fetch him someone, I will personally hunt down every D&D fan that ever rolled a D84 and beat them up with a stick.
(After I’ve traded some marbles I got for solving a riddle set by a giant talking tree of course)
Give me the old BBC adventure games where great fun could be had watching the computer come back with “I do not understand that word” and “I cannot open the box with my big stupid face”
Bah, Lylat Wars sucks
I hate RPG games with a passion.
I don’t just mean I don’t enjoy them, they make me physically want to punch the next wizard I see.
Who plays these things? Why do they play these things?
Most games are a laugh, puzzle games can be quite involving. However, the thought of spending 3 days walking round a village to get a key from some dusty old fart that wants me to swap it for a sword makes me want to set fire to my head.
What is the appeal of these games?
I bought Final Fantasy something on the PSX on the recommendation of a mate (you will pay for conning me like that), and I gave it a go.
Was ok, strolled about trying to get into fights with children and use bins and stuff, then came to battle a giant scorpion.
Ok, I have to chuck a spell at it…a gun would be easier but ok, I’ll play along.
Right then, spelled him. Only now it’s his turn to attack.
Turn based attacks? Is this some pokey kung-fu flick where the 28 opponents all line up to attack in an orderly fashion instead of piling in and killing our intrepid hero?
Bunch of big old pants mate.
But I persevered and continued on.
Mooched about the woods for a bit and needed some stone to cross the bridge. Don’t ask me why, but the mystical old man said I did. Only to get the stone, I had to change some bird’s dog into a chair using the “morph” spell, that could only be obtained through more poncy item swapping.
Does this never end?
Why don’t these people just meet in the tavern and exchange their unwanted goods with each other?
Why wait for me to come along and traipse about performing chores when all I want to do is cross the dam bridge??
Why? Why do I have to solve the water puzzle for the Mythical Tree People of Sqangorjeepong so they’ll give me a staff to swap for some apples?
What kind of half-assed Wizard people are so good that they need a wandering stranger to go fetch them a scroll from some mook that lives in a ditch and wants to give me riddles?
Rubbish Wizards, don’t want their help if they can’t perform simple tasks without me.
And if I have to go to one more Inn and chat with some Vagabond that will tell me the password for the cave-entrance if I go fetch him someone, I will personally hunt down every D&D fan that ever rolled a D84 and beat them up with a stick.
(After I’ve traded some marbles I got for solving a riddle set by a giant talking tree of course)
Give me the old BBC adventure games where great fun could be had watching the computer come back with “I do not understand that word” and “I cannot open the box with my big stupid face”
Bah, Lylat Wars sucks
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Goatboy wrote:
>What kind of half-assed
> Wizard people are so good that they need a wandering stranger to go
> fetch them a scroll from some mook that lives in a ditch and wants
> to give me riddles?
That still makes me laugh today.
>What kind of half-assed
> Wizard people are so good that they need a wandering stranger to go
> fetch them a scroll from some mook that lives in a ditch and wants
> to give me riddles?
That still makes me laugh today.
I just cant seem to get into RPG's. I have quite a collection but to be honest Im not that good at them!!
Not sure what you mean about spells but it's tiring to swing a sword about so why wouldn't it be tiring to manipulate large forces in order to create the desired magical effect. Comes to the same thing really. Hit points can be used to represent grazing blows that wouldn't kill you but might hamper your fighting so more of them will make you easier to kill till the final blow is struck. They could also represent how capable you are to avoid blows since you will become gradually more tired and your opponent will get lucky some time. There's a lot of excuses for this sort of thing. Anyway, it's not like you spend your whole day fighting off aliens, zombies, terrorists, dragons and various other forces that appear in games but usually not in real life. So why be to bothered about the statistics when you can be bothered about the game.
While we are on the subject...
One thing that gets me about a lot of RPGs is the way they handle magic. Now, I don't know about you, but surely if you were to get a magic spell off of someone, you could use it when and where you liked? Oh, I know that there's all this stuff with how much power you need to use the spell, and how powerful your magic attributes are etc... but it grates a bit when all I want to do cast a bloomin spell on a rock that doesn't budge, but it either doesn't work, or I don't have enough 'magic experience' to use the blasted thing.
What's all that about?
And hit points....why? I mean, yes training can get you more muscular and able to hold a bigger weapon, but does someone who slashes 3 people's legs off have more experience that a bloke who uses his sword to chop down a tree? hm? And why is it that this lady who stands outside the tavern all day doesn't even talk to me unless I have some sort of small Bonzai tree in my bag? (or am I getting this mixed up with real life experiences?...)
So, in essence, yes, I agree with Goatboy, RPGs are confusing, but then so am I.
One thing that gets me about a lot of RPGs is the way they handle magic. Now, I don't know about you, but surely if you were to get a magic spell off of someone, you could use it when and where you liked? Oh, I know that there's all this stuff with how much power you need to use the spell, and how powerful your magic attributes are etc... but it grates a bit when all I want to do cast a bloomin spell on a rock that doesn't budge, but it either doesn't work, or I don't have enough 'magic experience' to use the blasted thing.
What's all that about?
And hit points....why? I mean, yes training can get you more muscular and able to hold a bigger weapon, but does someone who slashes 3 people's legs off have more experience that a bloke who uses his sword to chop down a tree? hm? And why is it that this lady who stands outside the tavern all day doesn't even talk to me unless I have some sort of small Bonzai tree in my bag? (or am I getting this mixed up with real life experiences?...)
So, in essence, yes, I agree with Goatboy, RPGs are confusing, but then so am I.
Thanks.
More of a goatee than a fully fledged chin-privet though.
Just need my cloak of Thwangmor spell and some beard, swap it for the surfboard of Fwapmoshing and I'll complete this RPG yet.
More of a goatee than a fully fledged chin-privet though.
Just need my cloak of Thwangmor spell and some beard, swap it for the surfboard of Fwapmoshing and I'll complete this RPG yet.
er....beard
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