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Very busy at work today, but I just HAD to post this...
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A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line, "OK, now what?"
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A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line, "OK, now what?"
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lol
LOL!!!!!
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There was a butler who worked for a wealthy couple.The husband was old, the wife was young and beautiful.One night the couple went out to dinner. The young wife returned home earlier thna her husband, and she called her butler, Sam, into her room.
She told him: 'Sam, I want you to take my shoes off.' So Sam took her shoes off. Next she said:'Sam, now I want you to take my stockings off.'Now,Sam, take my dress off.Now my bra,and now my panties.And Sam, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again...'
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There was a butler who worked for a wealthy couple.The husband was old, the wife was young and beautiful.One night the couple went out to dinner. The young wife returned home earlier thna her husband, and she called her butler, Sam, into her room.
She told him: 'Sam, I want you to take my shoes off.' So Sam took her shoes off. Next she said:'Sam, now I want you to take my stockings off.'Now,Sam, take my dress off.Now my bra,and now my panties.And Sam, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again...'
Theres an english man,scottish man and irish man they all go to the pub for a pint.
After they have finished drinking their lager they all need the loo and the landlord says theres only one toilet.
The english man says "right then ill go to the loo first.So he walks towards the toilet and sees a fiver on the table and goes to grab it, then suddenly a voice says "i am the ghost of auntie mable leave that fiver on the table so the english man leaves it.
The scottish man says "ill go now.So he walks towards the toilet and sees a fiver on the table and goes to grab it, then suddenly a voice says "i am the ghost of auntie mable leave that fiver on the table so the scottish man leaves it.
The irish man says "finally i can go to the loo.So he walks towards the toilet and sees a fiver on the table and goes to grab it, then suddenly a voice says "i am the ghost of auntie mable leave that fiver on the table.Then the irish man says i am the ghost of donald duck ill take that fiver and run like f**k.
After they have finished drinking their lager they all need the loo and the landlord says theres only one toilet.
The english man says "right then ill go to the loo first.So he walks towards the toilet and sees a fiver on the table and goes to grab it, then suddenly a voice says "i am the ghost of auntie mable leave that fiver on the table so the english man leaves it.
The scottish man says "ill go now.So he walks towards the toilet and sees a fiver on the table and goes to grab it, then suddenly a voice says "i am the ghost of auntie mable leave that fiver on the table so the scottish man leaves it.
The irish man says "finally i can go to the loo.So he walks towards the toilet and sees a fiver on the table and goes to grab it, then suddenly a voice says "i am the ghost of auntie mable leave that fiver on the table.Then the irish man says i am the ghost of donald duck ill take that fiver and run like f**k.
ok heres one:
A boy called Billy was having his birthday tommorow, his mum was making a cake the night before, on top were some juicy red cheries! Billy asked his mum if she could have some but she said "NO!!"
That night he snuck down stairs when everyone was in bed and ate all the cheries. After though he felt very guilty and worried what his mum would do!!
So he got some ball bearings and painted them red and stuck them on. That day his mum offered out the cake, but Billy did not want any. After it was all gone, his mum went to the toliet. Suddenly his mum shot out of the bathroom and shouted: " I have just farted and i cracked the toliet!!"
To which his dad replied:
" I just farted and shot the dog!!!!!"
LOL
A boy called Billy was having his birthday tommorow, his mum was making a cake the night before, on top were some juicy red cheries! Billy asked his mum if she could have some but she said "NO!!"
That night he snuck down stairs when everyone was in bed and ate all the cheries. After though he felt very guilty and worried what his mum would do!!
So he got some ball bearings and painted them red and stuck them on. That day his mum offered out the cake, but Billy did not want any. After it was all gone, his mum went to the toliet. Suddenly his mum shot out of the bathroom and shouted: " I have just farted and i cracked the toliet!!"
To which his dad replied:
" I just farted and shot the dog!!!!!"
LOL
ALL of these jokes left me grinning like a cheshire cat - thanks laddies!!
:D:D:D:D:D
:D:D:D:D:D
Theres an english man,scottish man and irish man they all have 13 year old daughters.
The english man goes in his duaghters room and finds a half full bottle of whisky and says "i didnt know my duaghter drank.
The scottish man goes in his duaghters room and finds a packet of fags with some missing and says "i didnt know my duaghter smoked.
The irish man goes in his duaghters room and finds a packet of condoms with one missing and says "i didnt know my duaghter had a c**k.
The english man goes in his duaghters room and finds a half full bottle of whisky and says "i didnt know my duaghter drank.
The scottish man goes in his duaghters room and finds a packet of fags with some missing and says "i didnt know my duaghter smoked.
The irish man goes in his duaghters room and finds a packet of condoms with one missing and says "i didnt know my duaghter had a c**k.
ha ha! these jokes are so funny!(¦oD
Excellent!
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