The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
A man is sitting in a smoky room with a single light bulb hanging down from the ceiling. He’s in front of a table with a cup of stale coffee and a tape recorder on it. The man drags a cigarette up to the butt before putting out in the coffee. As a siren sounds outside he begins to speak.
“It all started 1000 days ago. I heard on the Upwire that top shop Special Reserve had launched a new discussions forum. Under the name Turbonutter I hung around the Sony forum, asking and answering questions. I had a good time and found myself coming on more and more, especially with new members coming every day. I stayed on for a few weeks, until my PC was stolen and I lost my Internet access. Cut off from the forum, by habit was broken and I stopped visiting.
I resisted the lure of UKdiscussions for about 200 days, until one night I found my regular forum had been shut down. Feeling forum withdrawal, I decided to re-visit UKdiscussions. I clicked on and realised it had changed greatly. It had a whole new layout, a status system and a strange new forum. Maybe it had always been there, to be honest I can’t remember. I ignored this and headed straight for the Sony forum again. The good times rolled again for a few days but it just wasn’t as lively as my previous forum. I stayed on however, until a “Notable” graced our shores. I checked him out and discovered he was elected Notable because of contributions to the Future of Gaming forum. “I must see this” I thought, and surfed over. When I looked at it, I thought “WOW!” The place was alive with topics and threads being replied to every second. “This is my kinda place.” I thought.
From then on I had a very happy time with the FOG. Eventually it became so popular it split into two FOGs, Prime and Chat, and I posted on them regularly. I became addicted to the place, and used well over my 50 free hours of Internet time per month on it. I was known as the man that never sleeps, posting well into the night. I sacrificed sleep for that place. On my 500th day, August 19th, I was elected Notable, with just 2 votes more than Goatboy. Before, I kept saying to myself “I can quit anytime I want to” but now I was a Notable, the FOG had me well and truly locked in.
Day after day I spent even more hours on the FOG. I couldn’t stop posting. I fell out with friends, girlfriends left me and my schooling fell by the wayside. The FOG was my life and I couldn’t stop. Robin Haswell started to die, and in his place rose Turbonutter. The old Robin surfaced only to eat and sleep, before the mad forum poster took over again. I couldn’t concentrate without being online, and I used my mum’s credit card to have broadband installed. I was out of control.
My “life” carried on like this until, 10 days ago disaster struck. I accidentally left myself logged in on a library computer at School. One boy came on and played a cruel joke. He littered the place with obscenities under my name, and when I logged on the next day, the glaring message “USER BANNED” flashed on my screen. My life was destroyed and I was so shocked I fainted at my computer. Turbonutter had been killed, and Robin was too weak to survive. I couldn’t eat nor sleep, I was shaking so much with fear. I had to do something about this.
I woke up the next morning with a plan. Today was the Big Meet at the new Special Reserve shop in Leeds. All the FOG was going to be there, as well as Tony and Ali. I packed a shotgun into a backpack and set off. I took the 88 bus out of my village and then the 98 bus to Leeds. When I arrived I headed off towards the shop. There was a large crowd surrounding the shop. I was amazed at how many members there actual were on the FOG. Rumour was the legendary Kon Artis was going to be there. I scanned the crowd for my only liability, and I spotted him near the back. I grabbed him and pulled him out of sight.
“Turbo-”
“Phil, quiet! You remember that photo I showed you of myself? Did you show it to anyone else?”
“Er, no, I don’t think so.”
“Good. Look, you trust me don’t you?”
“Yeah, why?”
“I’m going to do something but you mustn’t tell anyone who I am, OK?”
“Er, yeah. Sure.”
“Good.”
We re-joined the crowd. Reaper sidled off to find Iguana. I made my way through the foggers until I could see Tony, standing on a table. Despite being over 45, he looked quite young, despite his grey hair and receding hairline. I climbed onto a table and walked up to him.
“Hello Tony, I’m Grix Thraves.”
“No you’re not,” Tony turned round, “Grix is over-”
Tony stopped as he heard a click from behind him and felt cold steel being pressed into the back oh his head. The crowd went silent. He slowly raised his hands and turned round to see the barrel of a shotgun aiming at his face.
“Everyone get down on the ground!” I ordered. The FOG members slowly lay down. There’s something about 200 people cowering on the ground in fear that I will never forget.
“Who are you?” asked Tony.
“I was Turbonutter, but now I am nothing. Tony, you deleted my life like I was nothing. How could you do that? Me, your most loyal member, banned. Did you not think that I might not have done that/ No, you just banned me without thinking about it. You’ve destroyed my life, and I will destroy yours, unless…”
“Anything!”
“I want to be unbanned. Now. Then, we can forget about this mishap.”
“Er, OK I’m sure that can be arr-”
As Tony spoke the air was filled with the sound of sirens and screeching tyres. Someone had called the police and they were outside.
“Oh, bollards.”
I held up the Special Reserve shop all night. The police sent in food and blankets and we arranged some consoles to be set up. I hadn’t slept in 47 hours and I was feeling it. I was getting really desperate. The police knew I had to sleep sometime and they were playing the waiting game. I had no idea what to do. It seemed like my life was over. I was never going to be re-instated on the FOG, and there wouldn’t be the Internet in prison. At 12:00 that day, exactly a week ago, I gave myself up. I put down my gun, the police came in and arrested me.
After that, I spent the next two days sleeping in a police cell, and then the rest being interviewed by the police. I told them about the guy at school, being banned and the whole plan, but they didn’t believe me. They couldn’t accept my motives for doing what I did. I don’t even think I can. All I know is, I logged on to a website and 1000 days later I’m sitting in a police interrogation room.”
A fat man in a light brown suit walks into the room. He sits opposite Turbonutter and starts the tape recorder.
“Well, Mr…”
“Nutter. Call me Mr. Nutter. Please.”
“Well, Mr. Nutter, the CPS has accepted your motives. Have you anything else to add?”
“What can I say? I’m addicted.”
THE END
“It all started 1000 days ago. I heard on the Upwire that top shop Special Reserve had launched a new discussions forum. Under the name Turbonutter I hung around the Sony forum, asking and answering questions. I had a good time and found myself coming on more and more, especially with new members coming every day. I stayed on for a few weeks, until my PC was stolen and I lost my Internet access. Cut off from the forum, by habit was broken and I stopped visiting.
I resisted the lure of UKdiscussions for about 200 days, until one night I found my regular forum had been shut down. Feeling forum withdrawal, I decided to re-visit UKdiscussions. I clicked on and realised it had changed greatly. It had a whole new layout, a status system and a strange new forum. Maybe it had always been there, to be honest I can’t remember. I ignored this and headed straight for the Sony forum again. The good times rolled again for a few days but it just wasn’t as lively as my previous forum. I stayed on however, until a “Notable” graced our shores. I checked him out and discovered he was elected Notable because of contributions to the Future of Gaming forum. “I must see this” I thought, and surfed over. When I looked at it, I thought “WOW!” The place was alive with topics and threads being replied to every second. “This is my kinda place.” I thought.
From then on I had a very happy time with the FOG. Eventually it became so popular it split into two FOGs, Prime and Chat, and I posted on them regularly. I became addicted to the place, and used well over my 50 free hours of Internet time per month on it. I was known as the man that never sleeps, posting well into the night. I sacrificed sleep for that place. On my 500th day, August 19th, I was elected Notable, with just 2 votes more than Goatboy. Before, I kept saying to myself “I can quit anytime I want to” but now I was a Notable, the FOG had me well and truly locked in.
Day after day I spent even more hours on the FOG. I couldn’t stop posting. I fell out with friends, girlfriends left me and my schooling fell by the wayside. The FOG was my life and I couldn’t stop. Robin Haswell started to die, and in his place rose Turbonutter. The old Robin surfaced only to eat and sleep, before the mad forum poster took over again. I couldn’t concentrate without being online, and I used my mum’s credit card to have broadband installed. I was out of control.
My “life” carried on like this until, 10 days ago disaster struck. I accidentally left myself logged in on a library computer at School. One boy came on and played a cruel joke. He littered the place with obscenities under my name, and when I logged on the next day, the glaring message “USER BANNED” flashed on my screen. My life was destroyed and I was so shocked I fainted at my computer. Turbonutter had been killed, and Robin was too weak to survive. I couldn’t eat nor sleep, I was shaking so much with fear. I had to do something about this.
I woke up the next morning with a plan. Today was the Big Meet at the new Special Reserve shop in Leeds. All the FOG was going to be there, as well as Tony and Ali. I packed a shotgun into a backpack and set off. I took the 88 bus out of my village and then the 98 bus to Leeds. When I arrived I headed off towards the shop. There was a large crowd surrounding the shop. I was amazed at how many members there actual were on the FOG. Rumour was the legendary Kon Artis was going to be there. I scanned the crowd for my only liability, and I spotted him near the back. I grabbed him and pulled him out of sight.
“Turbo-”
“Phil, quiet! You remember that photo I showed you of myself? Did you show it to anyone else?”
“Er, no, I don’t think so.”
“Good. Look, you trust me don’t you?”
“Yeah, why?”
“I’m going to do something but you mustn’t tell anyone who I am, OK?”
“Er, yeah. Sure.”
“Good.”
We re-joined the crowd. Reaper sidled off to find Iguana. I made my way through the foggers until I could see Tony, standing on a table. Despite being over 45, he looked quite young, despite his grey hair and receding hairline. I climbed onto a table and walked up to him.
“Hello Tony, I’m Grix Thraves.”
“No you’re not,” Tony turned round, “Grix is over-”
Tony stopped as he heard a click from behind him and felt cold steel being pressed into the back oh his head. The crowd went silent. He slowly raised his hands and turned round to see the barrel of a shotgun aiming at his face.
“Everyone get down on the ground!” I ordered. The FOG members slowly lay down. There’s something about 200 people cowering on the ground in fear that I will never forget.
“Who are you?” asked Tony.
“I was Turbonutter, but now I am nothing. Tony, you deleted my life like I was nothing. How could you do that? Me, your most loyal member, banned. Did you not think that I might not have done that/ No, you just banned me without thinking about it. You’ve destroyed my life, and I will destroy yours, unless…”
“Anything!”
“I want to be unbanned. Now. Then, we can forget about this mishap.”
“Er, OK I’m sure that can be arr-”
As Tony spoke the air was filled with the sound of sirens and screeching tyres. Someone had called the police and they were outside.
“Oh, bollards.”
I held up the Special Reserve shop all night. The police sent in food and blankets and we arranged some consoles to be set up. I hadn’t slept in 47 hours and I was feeling it. I was getting really desperate. The police knew I had to sleep sometime and they were playing the waiting game. I had no idea what to do. It seemed like my life was over. I was never going to be re-instated on the FOG, and there wouldn’t be the Internet in prison. At 12:00 that day, exactly a week ago, I gave myself up. I put down my gun, the police came in and arrested me.
After that, I spent the next two days sleeping in a police cell, and then the rest being interviewed by the police. I told them about the guy at school, being banned and the whole plan, but they didn’t believe me. They couldn’t accept my motives for doing what I did. I don’t even think I can. All I know is, I logged on to a website and 1000 days later I’m sitting in a police interrogation room.”
A fat man in a light brown suit walks into the room. He sits opposite Turbonutter and starts the tape recorder.
“Well, Mr…”
“Nutter. Call me Mr. Nutter. Please.”
“Well, Mr. Nutter, the CPS has accepted your motives. Have you anything else to add?”
“What can I say? I’m addicted.”
THE END
Page:
Grix`s Brain wrote:
> I thought it was a bunch of self gratifying crap. If I had an anus,
> I could have pulled a better story from it.
NRA
> I thought it was a bunch of self gratifying crap. If I had an anus,
> I could have pulled a better story from it.
NRA
I only need one ego than- ohh wait!! - 40p a bag you say? Ummmm...
Alter egos, alter egos, geddem while they're hot!
Alter egos, 40p a bag! Roll up, roll up, get yer alter egos here!
Alter egos, 40p a bag! Roll up, roll up, get yer alter egos here!
Hmm, I like it. Maybe near Xmas I'll use it.
AlphaCoffee
Pffff.... Elvis the Maian... reminds me of someone.
Yeah same for me DJ, I will never change my name. Never have, never will.
(;o|
(;o|
Page: