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"Great Lies To Tell Small Children"

I bought a book for my stepbrother called "Great lies To Tell Small Children", which is basically a cartoon book made by the bloke who invented the suicide bunnies.

Within it's fairly decent sized pages, are lots of little white lies you could tell kids (extremely funny...but cruel) and little illustrations to go with it.

Such lies are

In June each year Scotland is towed 3000 miles south so it can have a summer. Only 10% of Scots know this

When you become a teenager you grow more hair and you may get spots. Your nose then grows small teeth called "denticles"

If you break the law of gravity, the penalty is hanging

They seriously are really funny.

So come on freeola, lets make our own set of funny/cruel white lies to tell kids (well, the last bit is optional...)

I'll start:
During a fire drill
"Don't worry kids, this isn't a fire drill, it's a bomb scare. If worse comes to worse, put your head between your legs and kiss your bum goodbye"

I think you missed my point...

...I don't like the ladies to have hairy chests...

Edgy wrote:
> Shepps 123 wrote:
> how about the traditional:
>
> "if you eat your crusts it'll put hair on your chest"
>
> Doesn't this put girls off eating the crusts?

depends on whether the girl like men with hairy chests!

"your pet will go to heaven"

Rubbish.

"santa is real, so be good"

For a short while it works.


"If you don't do as i say, you're not going to get that !"

Kinda works, but you need to be ruthless enough to carry it out.


"Your mum said no. So you can't"
Hide the fact that it isn't true yet it has power behind those words.

ByteMe wrote:
> When the ice cream van plays a tune it means they're sold out.

I like that one :-)

"There is a God"

Sorry, couldn't resist.

My favourites:

Every night, the cat buries a new piece of chocolate in the litter box.

The yellow snow tastes the best.

When the ice cream van plays a tune it means they're sold out.

And one for the festive season...

Sorry son, It's just been on Sky News, Santa has been gored to death by his reindeer.

:-)

Shepps 123 wrote:
> how about the traditional:
>
> "if you eat your crusts it'll put hair on your chest"

Doesn't this put girls off eating the crusts?

How about:

"Eating carrots will make you able to see in the dark"

For years I believed that my vision was superior to other children's at school :).

how about the traditional:

"if you eat your crusts it'll put hair on your chest"

Although, maybe there's some truth in it

I bought that book for my wife when she was pregnant, it is excellent. I'll need to see what she did with it but I'm sure my favourite was something like "you don't need to worry about the bogeyman, he's not real, it's burglers you need to worry about. Goodnight".