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Long ago, in the land of Forumnia lived a man named er-noah. He was a carpenter by trade, and a hard-working, Tony fearing man. He had three sons, DanUK, Bonus and Rastabillyskank, who were also carpenters, as they enjoyed working with their father.
The land of Forumnia had recently fallen into turmoil. Chief of the Guard, Sniper, was a bitter twisted man, with no love for Tony. Snipers followers were also strange twisted individuals, full of spite and anger.
One day Tony came unto er-noah and gave him a warning "This land is corrupt, it needs to be cleansed. er-noah you are a good man, and serve me well, so I ask this of you. Build an ark and take the animals of Forumnia upon it. This will become your home for 40 days and forty nights as I shall bring rain down upon this land, destroying all!"
er-noah was a little shocked by Tony's extreme actions, but being only a mere mortal, decided it was best not to question the ways of Tony. He begun work on his ark immediately.
**********
A few months later the ark was complete. How the bitter and twisted people of Forumnia mocked er-noah. Dan2K1 said that it was unfair that he wasn't allowed on. FantasyMeister decided to wait to see if the next ark would be any better. Turbonutter said that it wasn't fast enough. Worse of all was Sniper. He said that er-noah and his sons were a bunch of stupid gay idiots. er-noah simply turned the other cheek, he knew none of his sons were gay, for they were all married!
On the very night that the final nail had gone into the ark Tony again came unto er-noah. "er-noah you have served me well, building something of such magnitude in such a short time, I expected it would take you a couple of hundred years, given the limited technology of our times....Anyway, moving swiftly away from this huge plothole, and hope that there are no holes in your ark, it is time to round up all of the animals from Forumnia, and bring them to the ark. I have listed them on a parchment you will find in the morning. Let not another man onto the ark. The ark is for you and your family, and the animals only. The other people have no love for me, and must die!"
Again er-noah thought that Tony's actions were extreme, but his actions where not to be questioned.
**********
In the morning er-noah found the parchment as he was packing for his time on the ark. The list was not a long one, for the animals of Forumnia were relatively few:
Ant
Spider
Fish-e
Iguana
Goatboy
SHEEPY
monkey-man
Tigerblade
Golden Rhino
Wookiee Monster
Meka Dragon
Grix Thraves
er-noah glanced briefly at the list, then handed it to his sons "Find these animals and bring them unto the ark" said er-noah, before going back into his suitcase to check that he had packed enough underwear to last 40 days.
The three sons looked at the list. "Okay, we'll take four each." Said Bonus. He was the smart one, he could count!
"Okay, I'll get Ant, Goatboy, monkey-man and Wookiee Monster then, said DanUK.
"Well I'll have Spider, SHEEPY, Tigerblade and Meka Dragon." Said Bonus.
"Well I guess that leaves me with Fish-e, Iquana, Golden Rhino and, um, Grix Thraves...okay." Said RBS, looking somewhat confused.
The brothers set off in search of the creatures, knowing that each ones survival depended upon their work.
**********
Later that day er-noah approached his sons "tell me DanUK, how went your search for the creatures of Forumnia?"
"Quite successful" began DanUK, before clearing his throat and continuing "I soon stumbled across Ant, he was in our cupboards trying to steal our sugar. I tried to put a glass on top of him, but these Ant's are very strong, and he tipped it up! He has really annoyed at me trying to capture him, so he pee'd on the floor. I knew he couldn't resist the sugar though, so I set a trap for him. I drugged the sugar and put it in a bowl on the floor. When he began tucking in to the sugar I dropped a glass tank on top of the bowl. With the sugar being drugged he didn't have the strength to lift it! He's currently sitting in the insect section of the ark, sipping on a sugar smoothie."
"Very good" said er-noah, "anything else?"
"Yes, father! After my good start I was pumped up, and looking forward to the challenge of catching Goatboy. I found him in the DVD field..."
"DVD?" Questioned er-noah.
"Yes the Delicious Vegetable Delights field. He was feasting on a stack of turnips. Anyway, I snuck up behind him, holding my noose, ready to slip it over his neck. Suddenly I realised what a stupid idea this was, as I'd strangle the poor thing! Goatboy must have seen me too, as he turned and butted me hard in the side, look!" DanUK whipped down his trousers to show a large bruise.
"Nasty!" Said er-no "But did you manage to capture him?"
"Eventually, yes. Knowing his love for movies, I managed to calm him down by doing my interpretation of Gladiator, using some of the vegetables as the characters. The carrot really did make a good Russel Crowe. Anyway, once this was finished I immediately started my The Mummy Returns re-enactment. Goatboy was fast asleep long before potato the Rock had even finished his part! So I tied Goatboy up, and wheeled him onto the ark. My wife is milking him right now!"
"Wonderful!" said er-noah. "Anymore?"
"Yes father, my success didn't end there! I wandered into the jungle looking for monkey-man, and he was right there in front of me, desperate for attention. All I had to do was listen to him, and he followed me right onto the ark!"
"I'm proud of you son! Did you get anymore?" said er-noah
"Alas no father. After searching for a number of hours I managed to find the trail of Wookiee Monster. I followed this, and eventually I could see him in the distance. Then something very strange happened. a giant metal bird flew down from the sky. It opened up and the Wookiee got in. There was another human inside too. It flew off again after that, but I believe the Wookiee is safe!"
Hearing the end of DanUK's tale er-noah moved on to his second son, Bonus.
"How did you do today son?" he asked.
"Well" said Bonus "It started well. I found Spider spinning a web in the barn. I watched him wait patiently to catch flies in his web, and it gave me an idea. If I put a jar by his web, soon enough he'd wander into it. I waited, and the spider did go inside the jar, so I put the lid on, and took him to the ark."
"Good, good. Any more?" said er-noah
"Yes father. Over on the FOG plains I saw SHEEPY grazing. I asked him to come on the ark, but then I realised he wanted a drink...."
"How did you know that?" asked er-no.
"Well he kept on asking for the BAAA.... So I fetched a little wine, and held it under his nose. He followed me right onto the ark, so I gave him a drop. He was very thankfull!"
"Very good, but did you get any more?" asked er-no. "Yes I did father. Tigerblade was the next on my list, and he took some catching. I chased him through the forest for many hours. Eventually he turned around and started to chase me, realising that I'd make a decent meal! I hid in the bushes until he was gone, and came up with a cunning plan. I painted a big rock so that it looked like the rest of the forest, then searched for Tigerblade. When he saw me he gave chase immediately. I ran towards the painted rock, and jumped over it. Our Tiger friend tried to run through it, not realising it was there, and hit his head, knocking himself out! I dragged him onto the ark. He's awake now, but has a bit of a headache!"
"Ingenious son! I'm very proud." said er-noah "But did you manage to catch any more?"
"Alas no, father. I knew that Meka dragon lived in the cave, but every time I approached he blew flames at me, so I couldn't get him. I thought we'd try him again in the morning."
"Yes, we'll give it a shot, as long as it hasn't already started to rain too hard." Replied er-noah, before moving on to RBS.
"Ah, Rasta, how did you get on today?"
"Good father!" Started RBS "Fish-e was the first on my list, so I went down to the lake, and found him swimming around happily. I called out to him 'Fish-e' I said 'you must come with me onto our ark, as rain will fall for 40 days!' He gave me the oddest look then said 'excuse me, but how exactly will that bother me? I live in the water anyway!' I thanked him for his time, and set off on my search for Iguana."
"Hmmm son, you should have realised that Fish-e would not need to board the ark! Did you find Iguana?"
"Indeed I did father. She was sunning herself on some rocks, catching passing flies with her tongue. I saw this and realised I could use it to catch her. I grabbed a little black fly-like stone, and attached it to a thin piece of string. I threw it into the air, and Iguana lashed out her tongue. This got caught in the string, and I was able to follow it to her! She was so relieved when I took the string out of her mouth that she gave me a quick tongue lashing!"
"I wouldn't get too excited about that." Replied er-noah. "Did you catch any more creatures?"
"Yes father, I did. Next on my list was Golden Rhino, a rather big fellow, certainly one that I wouldn't be able to carry. I knew I'd need to outsmart him. I saw him on the plains, ramming his horn into a tree. I picked up a piece of bark from the ground, and shaped it to a point. I approached Golden Rhino, and touched his horn, I then held up the piece of bark and shouted 'I've got the horn!' Golden Rhino chased me right back to the ark after it!"
"Very good son! Did you catch the final creature?" said er-noah
"Um father" replied RBS.
"Yes son."
"WTF is a Grix Thraves?"
With this er-noah fell silent. He had absolutely no idea! He decided it was probably best left alone, and that they'd better get some sleep.
During the night the rain started to fall.
er-noah woke in quite a panic. There was already at least two inches on the ground, and he hadn't quite finished packing! He quickly rounded up his sons, and their wives, and got them onto the ark.
By the time that everyone was on board the water was already at waist height.
From the nearby town the sounds of anarchy could be heard. Snipers voice could clearly be heard calling everyone morons for not supplying him with his own boat, then screams of terror could be heard. Bonus cried out "Look father, flames!"
er-noah sent the ark towards the town.
"It's Meka! He's come out of his cave, due to the water and is attacking the town!" Said DanUK.
er-noah let the ark move into a position in which they could see what was going on. A dozen or so charred corpses floated on the surface of the water. Meka was breathing flames at anyone and everyone he could see, but the water was rising. Only his head remained above the water.
"We have to save him, or there will be no dragons in the new Forumnia, after the rain subsides!" said er-noah, steering towards Meka.
Meka saw then approach and set a fireball towards the ark. It caught the very top of the ark, and set it on fire.
Tony was smiling upon er-noah though, and increased the volume of the rain fall, quickly putting out the fire before it could do any damage.
er-noah looked back towards Meka as all but the tip of his head was under water.
"We cannot save him, 'tis too dangerous." Said er-noah reluctanly. "There will be no dragons in the world anymore."
er-noah gave Meka a final glance. He was now completely under water, trying to gasp for air that just wasn't available.
Unfortunatley Meka had breathed his last breath, but he was not finished. Dragons are quite unlike any other creature, and their internal organs don't respond too well when they get no oxygen. If a dragon can breath no fire, then strange things go on inside them, and more often than not, they explode.
Meka was no different to any other dragon, and he burst open. Chunks of dragon flew into the air, with the majority of it landing right on the ark.
Tony really was smiling upon er-noah and his family. There was enough dragon steak to feed them for at least 40 days and 40 nights!
The land of Forumnia had recently fallen into turmoil. Chief of the Guard, Sniper, was a bitter twisted man, with no love for Tony. Snipers followers were also strange twisted individuals, full of spite and anger.
One day Tony came unto er-noah and gave him a warning "This land is corrupt, it needs to be cleansed. er-noah you are a good man, and serve me well, so I ask this of you. Build an ark and take the animals of Forumnia upon it. This will become your home for 40 days and forty nights as I shall bring rain down upon this land, destroying all!"
er-noah was a little shocked by Tony's extreme actions, but being only a mere mortal, decided it was best not to question the ways of Tony. He begun work on his ark immediately.
**********
A few months later the ark was complete. How the bitter and twisted people of Forumnia mocked er-noah. Dan2K1 said that it was unfair that he wasn't allowed on. FantasyMeister decided to wait to see if the next ark would be any better. Turbonutter said that it wasn't fast enough. Worse of all was Sniper. He said that er-noah and his sons were a bunch of stupid gay idiots. er-noah simply turned the other cheek, he knew none of his sons were gay, for they were all married!
On the very night that the final nail had gone into the ark Tony again came unto er-noah. "er-noah you have served me well, building something of such magnitude in such a short time, I expected it would take you a couple of hundred years, given the limited technology of our times....Anyway, moving swiftly away from this huge plothole, and hope that there are no holes in your ark, it is time to round up all of the animals from Forumnia, and bring them to the ark. I have listed them on a parchment you will find in the morning. Let not another man onto the ark. The ark is for you and your family, and the animals only. The other people have no love for me, and must die!"
Again er-noah thought that Tony's actions were extreme, but his actions where not to be questioned.
**********
In the morning er-noah found the parchment as he was packing for his time on the ark. The list was not a long one, for the animals of Forumnia were relatively few:
Ant
Spider
Fish-e
Iguana
Goatboy
SHEEPY
monkey-man
Tigerblade
Golden Rhino
Wookiee Monster
Meka Dragon
Grix Thraves
er-noah glanced briefly at the list, then handed it to his sons "Find these animals and bring them unto the ark" said er-noah, before going back into his suitcase to check that he had packed enough underwear to last 40 days.
The three sons looked at the list. "Okay, we'll take four each." Said Bonus. He was the smart one, he could count!
"Okay, I'll get Ant, Goatboy, monkey-man and Wookiee Monster then, said DanUK.
"Well I'll have Spider, SHEEPY, Tigerblade and Meka Dragon." Said Bonus.
"Well I guess that leaves me with Fish-e, Iquana, Golden Rhino and, um, Grix Thraves...okay." Said RBS, looking somewhat confused.
The brothers set off in search of the creatures, knowing that each ones survival depended upon their work.
**********
Later that day er-noah approached his sons "tell me DanUK, how went your search for the creatures of Forumnia?"
"Quite successful" began DanUK, before clearing his throat and continuing "I soon stumbled across Ant, he was in our cupboards trying to steal our sugar. I tried to put a glass on top of him, but these Ant's are very strong, and he tipped it up! He has really annoyed at me trying to capture him, so he pee'd on the floor. I knew he couldn't resist the sugar though, so I set a trap for him. I drugged the sugar and put it in a bowl on the floor. When he began tucking in to the sugar I dropped a glass tank on top of the bowl. With the sugar being drugged he didn't have the strength to lift it! He's currently sitting in the insect section of the ark, sipping on a sugar smoothie."
"Very good" said er-noah, "anything else?"
"Yes, father! After my good start I was pumped up, and looking forward to the challenge of catching Goatboy. I found him in the DVD field..."
"DVD?" Questioned er-noah.
"Yes the Delicious Vegetable Delights field. He was feasting on a stack of turnips. Anyway, I snuck up behind him, holding my noose, ready to slip it over his neck. Suddenly I realised what a stupid idea this was, as I'd strangle the poor thing! Goatboy must have seen me too, as he turned and butted me hard in the side, look!" DanUK whipped down his trousers to show a large bruise.
"Nasty!" Said er-no "But did you manage to capture him?"
"Eventually, yes. Knowing his love for movies, I managed to calm him down by doing my interpretation of Gladiator, using some of the vegetables as the characters. The carrot really did make a good Russel Crowe. Anyway, once this was finished I immediately started my The Mummy Returns re-enactment. Goatboy was fast asleep long before potato the Rock had even finished his part! So I tied Goatboy up, and wheeled him onto the ark. My wife is milking him right now!"
"Wonderful!" said er-noah. "Anymore?"
"Yes father, my success didn't end there! I wandered into the jungle looking for monkey-man, and he was right there in front of me, desperate for attention. All I had to do was listen to him, and he followed me right onto the ark!"
"I'm proud of you son! Did you get anymore?" said er-noah
"Alas no father. After searching for a number of hours I managed to find the trail of Wookiee Monster. I followed this, and eventually I could see him in the distance. Then something very strange happened. a giant metal bird flew down from the sky. It opened up and the Wookiee got in. There was another human inside too. It flew off again after that, but I believe the Wookiee is safe!"
Hearing the end of DanUK's tale er-noah moved on to his second son, Bonus.
"How did you do today son?" he asked.
"Well" said Bonus "It started well. I found Spider spinning a web in the barn. I watched him wait patiently to catch flies in his web, and it gave me an idea. If I put a jar by his web, soon enough he'd wander into it. I waited, and the spider did go inside the jar, so I put the lid on, and took him to the ark."
"Good, good. Any more?" said er-noah
"Yes father. Over on the FOG plains I saw SHEEPY grazing. I asked him to come on the ark, but then I realised he wanted a drink...."
"How did you know that?" asked er-no.
"Well he kept on asking for the BAAA.... So I fetched a little wine, and held it under his nose. He followed me right onto the ark, so I gave him a drop. He was very thankfull!"
"Very good, but did you get any more?" asked er-no. "Yes I did father. Tigerblade was the next on my list, and he took some catching. I chased him through the forest for many hours. Eventually he turned around and started to chase me, realising that I'd make a decent meal! I hid in the bushes until he was gone, and came up with a cunning plan. I painted a big rock so that it looked like the rest of the forest, then searched for Tigerblade. When he saw me he gave chase immediately. I ran towards the painted rock, and jumped over it. Our Tiger friend tried to run through it, not realising it was there, and hit his head, knocking himself out! I dragged him onto the ark. He's awake now, but has a bit of a headache!"
"Ingenious son! I'm very proud." said er-noah "But did you manage to catch any more?"
"Alas no, father. I knew that Meka dragon lived in the cave, but every time I approached he blew flames at me, so I couldn't get him. I thought we'd try him again in the morning."
"Yes, we'll give it a shot, as long as it hasn't already started to rain too hard." Replied er-noah, before moving on to RBS.
"Ah, Rasta, how did you get on today?"
"Good father!" Started RBS "Fish-e was the first on my list, so I went down to the lake, and found him swimming around happily. I called out to him 'Fish-e' I said 'you must come with me onto our ark, as rain will fall for 40 days!' He gave me the oddest look then said 'excuse me, but how exactly will that bother me? I live in the water anyway!' I thanked him for his time, and set off on my search for Iguana."
"Hmmm son, you should have realised that Fish-e would not need to board the ark! Did you find Iguana?"
"Indeed I did father. She was sunning herself on some rocks, catching passing flies with her tongue. I saw this and realised I could use it to catch her. I grabbed a little black fly-like stone, and attached it to a thin piece of string. I threw it into the air, and Iguana lashed out her tongue. This got caught in the string, and I was able to follow it to her! She was so relieved when I took the string out of her mouth that she gave me a quick tongue lashing!"
"I wouldn't get too excited about that." Replied er-noah. "Did you catch any more creatures?"
"Yes father, I did. Next on my list was Golden Rhino, a rather big fellow, certainly one that I wouldn't be able to carry. I knew I'd need to outsmart him. I saw him on the plains, ramming his horn into a tree. I picked up a piece of bark from the ground, and shaped it to a point. I approached Golden Rhino, and touched his horn, I then held up the piece of bark and shouted 'I've got the horn!' Golden Rhino chased me right back to the ark after it!"
"Very good son! Did you catch the final creature?" said er-noah
"Um father" replied RBS.
"Yes son."
"WTF is a Grix Thraves?"
With this er-noah fell silent. He had absolutely no idea! He decided it was probably best left alone, and that they'd better get some sleep.
During the night the rain started to fall.
er-noah woke in quite a panic. There was already at least two inches on the ground, and he hadn't quite finished packing! He quickly rounded up his sons, and their wives, and got them onto the ark.
By the time that everyone was on board the water was already at waist height.
From the nearby town the sounds of anarchy could be heard. Snipers voice could clearly be heard calling everyone morons for not supplying him with his own boat, then screams of terror could be heard. Bonus cried out "Look father, flames!"
er-noah sent the ark towards the town.
"It's Meka! He's come out of his cave, due to the water and is attacking the town!" Said DanUK.
er-noah let the ark move into a position in which they could see what was going on. A dozen or so charred corpses floated on the surface of the water. Meka was breathing flames at anyone and everyone he could see, but the water was rising. Only his head remained above the water.
"We have to save him, or there will be no dragons in the new Forumnia, after the rain subsides!" said er-noah, steering towards Meka.
Meka saw then approach and set a fireball towards the ark. It caught the very top of the ark, and set it on fire.
Tony was smiling upon er-noah though, and increased the volume of the rain fall, quickly putting out the fire before it could do any damage.
er-noah looked back towards Meka as all but the tip of his head was under water.
"We cannot save him, 'tis too dangerous." Said er-noah reluctanly. "There will be no dragons in the world anymore."
er-noah gave Meka a final glance. He was now completely under water, trying to gasp for air that just wasn't available.
Unfortunatley Meka had breathed his last breath, but he was not finished. Dragons are quite unlike any other creature, and their internal organs don't respond too well when they get no oxygen. If a dragon can breath no fire, then strange things go on inside them, and more often than not, they explode.
Meka was no different to any other dragon, and he burst open. Chunks of dragon flew into the air, with the majority of it landing right on the ark.
Tony really was smiling upon er-noah and his family. There was enough dragon steak to feed them for at least 40 days and 40 nights!
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Your Honour wrote:
> Wookiee, did you first use it in that George & the Dragon story?
Yup, I believe so!
> Wookiee, did you first use it in that George & the Dragon story?
Yup, I believe so!
Yeah, well my Dad used it before you were even born.
:op
:op
Wookiee, did you first use it in that George & the Dragon story?
Yeah, I remember this.
Y'know, I think I was the one who first used the term 'Forumnia' as a description for 'the land of the forums'.
And Meka's ripped it a few times.
I really should start charging Copyright fees. :-)
Y'know, I think I was the one who first used the term 'Forumnia' as a description for 'the land of the forums'.
And Meka's ripped it a few times.
I really should start charging Copyright fees. :-)
I'd completely forgotten about this one. I believe there were a couple fo other FOG bible stories too. Wookiee and his console of many colours was another one, I believe.
Cheers for the reminder er-no. :o)
Cheers for the reminder er-no. :o)
I just found this while looking for another story, and it did rule and still does.
Nice. :)
Consider it pop'd for Meka.
Nice. :)
Consider it pop'd for Meka.
er-cellent story Meka! Super...
(Grix, that story would have been great)
(Grix, that story would have been great)
What's this, thread of the notables?
There's energy in the air...
There's energy in the air...
Lol, I liked that story!!
Well done Meka.
And make sure you include me in the chat about stories!! Please?? Please!?
Well done Meka.
And make sure you include me in the chat about stories!! Please?? Please!?
Heh, ok. Just make it after 3:00... I won't be on until then.
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