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"Be yourself"

It's the tickle at the back of your throat that you cant quite reach with your tongue. The tell-tale lump in your throat that doesn't disappear no matter how hard you swallow. The dull tingle at the bottom of your spine that makes your shoulders convulse in wretched nothingness.

And when you ask yourself why, to justify these instances of self-abstained guilt, you can't. A Houdini-esque conscience darting between moral guidelines. Justifying everything you've ever done wrong.
Sin's are guilty pleasures justified by wrongdoings of others. It's not evil by comparrison so it's not a crime.

You eventually find yourself hating the world. Misanthropy hatches from within. You see others displacing their sick instances of self-indulgent guilt and criticise them for it, but continue to do it. You build up a false persona to cover yourself and stop people seeing what you're really like, but you hate it when people are phoney.

A life based on misinformation and false pretenses, hating what you are but hating other more for being themselves. You hate people for not looking into the real you, but do all you can to shelter yourself, through embarrasment, shame or
both.

You gradually build up rage, blaming society for your conceeded lifestyle and grow ever-lonely. The people you get close to dont even know you at all, only who you tell them you are. Wash, rinse and repeat. Your churned up little soul implodes and expires, leaving you no more than a hollow shell with a ficticious background and endless regret.

Yeah, of course it is.

I'm just on a real downer right now. Hence the topic.

Paradox: wrote:
> It's all pretty vacant and scripted.

That's the negative way of looking at it. Sometimes I feel that way too - like I'm on my own personal mousewheel and I can't get off.
But these days I prefer to view self-identity (if that's the right word) as something that can be altered, transfigured. It's more interesting to view it that way.

Depends what you're tied down with doesn't it.

Theoretically everything is choice, but there's the niggling voices making you do stuff and limiting you.

It's all pretty vacant and scripted.

Paradox: wrote:
> But then assuming your free will thing it right, then you're right and
> wrong, because it gives the free will to not have free will. To
> obstruct yourself.

Well we can hark on about free will forever: do we have it, do we not??. I'd say we all have choices but our choices are limited due to reasons which change daily. Some have more free will than others.

I agree too

But then assuming your free will thing it right, then you're right and wrong, because it gives the free will to not have free will. To obstruct yourself.

Chews

Well I might be right...

In fact I probably am

Black Glove wrote:
> I'm not saying I'm right. That's why I threw in the free-will bit at
> the end.
> Self-doubt.

free will is a luxury we dont have.

Chew on that.

Ok, then I don't