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"Be yourself"

It's the tickle at the back of your throat that you cant quite reach with your tongue. The tell-tale lump in your throat that doesn't disappear no matter how hard you swallow. The dull tingle at the bottom of your spine that makes your shoulders convulse in wretched nothingness.

And when you ask yourself why, to justify these instances of self-abstained guilt, you can't. A Houdini-esque conscience darting between moral guidelines. Justifying everything you've ever done wrong.
Sin's are guilty pleasures justified by wrongdoings of others. It's not evil by comparrison so it's not a crime.

You eventually find yourself hating the world. Misanthropy hatches from within. You see others displacing their sick instances of self-indulgent guilt and criticise them for it, but continue to do it. You build up a false persona to cover yourself and stop people seeing what you're really like, but you hate it when people are phoney.

A life based on misinformation and false pretenses, hating what you are but hating other more for being themselves. You hate people for not looking into the real you, but do all you can to shelter yourself, through embarrasment, shame or
both.

You gradually build up rage, blaming society for your conceeded lifestyle and grow ever-lonely. The people you get close to dont even know you at all, only who you tell them you are. Wash, rinse and repeat. Your churned up little soul implodes and expires, leaving you no more than a hollow shell with a ficticious background and endless regret.

Can we all just cry?

*weeps*

Paradox: wrote:
> Yeah, of course it is.
>
> I'm just on a real downer right now. Hence the topic.

It's coming back from Download that's done it. I feel a bit empty at the moment as well.

Goatboy wrote:
> [URL]http://www.teemarto.com/mod/tee01/images/1/large/4227.gif[/URL]

heh :-)

Ahahahahah

[URL]http://www.teemarto.com/mod/tee01/images/1/large/4227.gif[/URL]

I've been kinda depressed recently... for one reason which has sprouted into hundreds.

I'm cheering up.

[URL]http://www.genxvideo.com/film_genres/teena.jpg[/URL]

It always confused me when writing things like personal statements or CV's or doing interviews because the teacher/parent would tell you to be yourself, and then go on to lecture you on how "yourself" should be...

I am currently enjoying ACTUALLY being myself, even if it means my philsophy essays/exams only scrape passes. I'm just glad the maths department have a sense of humour! :-)

Nah, I'm more creative when depressed. I quite like it.

That's a cue for me to say something annoying like "chin up, mate!!!"- but I won't.
Oh, too late.

Anyway, sleep with muddled dreams beckon...