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"SSC26-My Sad night with no-one"

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Thu 09/06/05 at 22:23
Regular
"Catch it!"
Posts: 6,840
I've been waiting for good news at dinner time, from my wife but no nothing. I sit there at the table. Slowly chomping on some bread, then a note is bought to me. I take it and looked at it, it said in big letters,” WE’RE OVER MIKE". I ripped the note up and throw the bits to the floor. I just had to go and have a little bit of time to clear my head. I ran out the restaurant kicking a chair over on my way out. AHHHHHH what the hell had I done, I thought, I had done nothing. We were going to get married and have kids she said she waited to grow old together. But what was the good news she had to tell me. I had to find out.

I run but then stop what am I thinking, she won't take me back. I scream out in rage I’m so angry and depressed. There’s a shop a little way in front of me, with a big glass window. I run jumping forwards about to smash through the glass window. But NO I stop and just lay on the floor. As it starts to rain, I start to cry cold tears run down my face. I jump up and run through the rain, back to the restaurant. I need something to eat.

I walk into the restaurant with rain dripping off my hair, I think about her the way she walked, the way she moved, the way she looked, the way she talked, so real, and I couldn't go on with out her. I sit down in a chair at a table. I put up my hand and call the waiter, a waiter comes over to me "Yes sir what do you want for your dinner" "ERRRM some fish with pea's please" "Certainly sir" "Thank you". I wanted a fish something with bones in so I might choke on them. I hadn't to wait for a little while, so in the meantime I sat there thinking, about things and what had gone wrong.

Well nothing had gone wrong really I hadn't done anything bad, why did she just say its over? This fish was bought over to me and I looked down at it. It looked like it had a frown on its face; it looked like it was angry with me and didn't want me to eat it. Yeah well course it didn't want me to eat it but it did. With out looking for bones and it happened I started choking. Everyone in the restaurant looked at me. Someone ran over to me and went he’s choking. Yeah course I’m bloody choking, I felt like say but I couldn't because I was choking.

"He's going purple" someone screamed. Then I stopped and blacked out. Clouds everywhere I was in heaven and I had died on my sad night with no-one. I walked on the clouds and looked forwards it was her now I knew why it was over. Because she was going to die and she wanted me to join her.
Sun 12/06/05 at 22:38
Regular
"Catch it!"
Posts: 6,840
FinalFantasyFanatic wrote:
> There's plenty of people giving him plenty of good advice, though.
> Yet he just seems to ignore it all, which really annoys me.

No I have been taking your advice.
Sun 12/06/05 at 21:50
Regular
"0228"
Posts: 5,953
It's hard to just become a good writer. I think you either have it or you don't, e.g. people like you and Meka are talented story tellers, people like Bob and I are not.
Sun 12/06/05 at 21:47
"period drama"
Posts: 19,792
There's plenty of people giving him plenty of good advice, though.
Yet he just seems to ignore it all, which really annoys me.
Sun 12/06/05 at 21:17
Regular
"0228"
Posts: 5,953
It is better than when he first joined. That's not saying much though...
Sun 12/06/05 at 21:15
Regular
"bot"
Posts: 3,491
You couldn't be trying too hard given the number of mistakes in all of your stories.
Sun 12/06/05 at 21:13
Regular
"Catch it!"
Posts: 6,840
Shut up Im trying to improve.
Sun 12/06/05 at 20:57
Regular
"bot"
Posts: 3,491
Del Rogeo wrote:
> Does every single one of Cross Bob's stories end up with at least one
> person getting killed or horribly injured?

Generally, yes.

> Also, why does this story switch randomly between past and present
> tense ("I ran", "I run")?

It's something to do with the fact that he's an idiot with little grasp of grammatical concepts.
Sun 12/06/05 at 19:43
Regular
Posts: 928
Does every single one of Cross Bob's stories end up with at least one person getting killed or horribly injured?

Also, why does this story switch randomly between past and present tense ("I ran", "I run")?
Sat 11/06/05 at 11:23
Regular
"not dead"
Posts: 11,145
You're still improving, Crossbob, and plotwise it's more interesting that your earlier stuff. But you say it's his wife in the first line, and say later that you planned to marry. How would she know that he'd want to die?
Sat 11/06/05 at 00:38
Regular
"bot"
Posts: 3,491
er...erm....eh?

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