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"SSC24-Skateboarding to the heavens"

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Sat 14/05/05 at 01:58
Regular
"Catch it!"
Posts: 6,840
Today will be today,tomorrow will be tomorrow. But the Skateboarding will be tomorrow,today and yesterday. The skateboarding will never stop. I jump on my skateboard jumped some steps smashed to the ground and showed off my style. I ran down the road and jumped a metal pole grinding as I went along scraping along and making sparks fly like a fire exploding in to bits. Then I dropped down I flipped I flew like a bird flying into the sky. I was great this was so good.

I ran into a shopping center then I jumped back on my board and sped off though the shopping center. I heard screams of guards they were coming to get me I jumped over a ledge down on to a little water. I kick-flipped off of it. I heard a guard behind me I zoomed off not letting him grab me.

I smashed though the back doors of the building on to the road. I scarped on the front of a car and dropped to the road. A car drove in front of me I grabbed the back of it and it dragged me along on my skateboard. I was coming towards a road. But then by mistake I slipped from my skateboard it flew under the wheels crushing it instanly. I tried to move but my body was dragged under the wheels too squashing me. Killing me straight away with my crushed up skateboard making me lose my style.

I was dead but at least maybe I could skateboard in the heavens now and my wings would make me get higher on my skateboard.
Thu 19/05/05 at 21:41
Regular
"Catch it!"
Posts: 6,840
Thanks!
Thu 19/05/05 at 20:23
Regular
Posts: 5,848
The first paragraph was actually a good paragraph, certainly raising your standards. Slightly mundane but the description and 'echoing' style was a little different and fairly interesting

I think the story got weaker though, it would be better (next time) to add more sophisticated words to the story and make it a little more attention grabbing. After that it felt a little basic with no real detail

Not too bad at all, you're genuinely improving
Thu 19/05/05 at 15:09
Regular
"Catch it!"
Posts: 6,840
Really?
Mon 16/05/05 at 16:49
Regular
"A Paladin with a PH"
Posts: 684
Actually, it may not be tomorrow, because it seems to be dwindling, in my area at least.
Sun 15/05/05 at 16:59
Regular
Posts: 928
Yeah.

What, exactly, was meant by those first sentences?
Sun 15/05/05 at 16:20
Regular
"bot"
Posts: 3,491
C$ Bb wrote:
> Today will be today,tomorrow will be tomorrow. But the Skateboarding
> will be tomorrow,today and yesterday. The skateboarding will never
> stop.

C$ Bb wrote:
> I just do im great!


aaaaaaaaaagrrrrahahahhdsgaghsdhhhahahahahahhhahaha
Sun 15/05/05 at 16:16
Regular
Posts: 928
Cross Bob, read a good short story. Then read your efforts. Spot the difference(s).
Sun 15/05/05 at 15:33
Regular
"A Paladin with a PH"
Posts: 684
...then I turned off Tony Hawk's Underground
Sun 15/05/05 at 08:44
Regular
"not dead"
Posts: 11,145
Honestly, I think the first paragraph is amongst the best things you've written - for instance the description of the sparks etc, you need to put that kind of detail in the rest of the story too in order to start improving your writing.
Sun 15/05/05 at 02:36
Regular
"Catch it!"
Posts: 6,840
JFH wrote:
> C$ Bb wrote:
> Mike Swade wrote:
> How do you get such great and imaginative ideas Crossbob?
>
> I just do im great!
>
> You crack me up crossbob, you really do.

Thank you!!!!

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