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"SSC 23-Stuck Behind the Wire Fence"

Sitting in a cold horrible old room. As I hear the guards footsteps walk past my door. I look out the window. The rain is pouring down. I hear my door being unlocked. The guard walks in. I smack him in the face. I throw him to the floor. I run down the corridor. Looking for the exit door. I found it and smash though. Then I stop and hide behind a wall. I see a guard coming. He walks past me I grab him by his head and break his neck and throw him to the floor. I look around everything clear. No guards,no nobody. I run for it and stop and look around. I won't beable to get out here I need wire cutters. Theres wire fences everywhere outside. I run back inside. I run down the corridor. I can hear two guards speaking. "One of the prisoners has escaped and killed a guard,we must find him" says one of the guards.

I whistle quite loud. "What was that?" asks one of the guards. "I don't know im going to check" answers the other guard. I hide and hear one of the guards coming. He is coming closer to me. Then he's there right next to me. I grab him and break his neck he drops to the floor. Then the other guard comes along I smack him in the face and he drops to the floor. I grab his gun and hold it at his face.

"Where have you got the wire cutters" I ask. He coughs then answers me "Errrr t-t-t-there in that room I was just in" he answers. I smack him on the head with his gun and knock him out. I run into the room. I search around the room for the wire cutters. Then I find a tool box with the wire cutters in I take them and run outside again. But then I stop. The guards have stopped and pulling me back to my room. Im going to be stuck behind the wire fence for much longer now.

Sitting in a cold horrible old room. As I hear the guards footsteps walk past my door. I look out the window. The rain is pouring down. I hear my door being unlocked. The guard walks in. I smack him in the face. I throw him to the floor. I run down the corridor. Looking for the exit door. I found it and smash though. Then I stop and hide behind a wall. I see a guard coming. He walks past me I grab him by his head and break his neck and throw him to the floor. I look around everything clear. No guards,no nobody. I run for it and stop and look around. I won't beable to get out here I need wire cutters. Theres wire fences everywhere outside. I run back inside. I run down the corridor. I can hear two guards speaking. "One of the prisoners has escaped and killed a guard,we must find him" says one of the guards.

I whistle quite loud. "What was that?" asks one of the guards. "I don't know im going to check" answers the other guard. I hide and hear one of the guards coming. He is coming closer to me. Then he's there right next to me. I grab him and break his neck he drops to the floor. Then the other guard comes along I smack him in the face and he drops to the floor. I grab his gun and hold it at his face.

"Where have you got the wire cutters" I ask. He coughs then answers me "Errrr t-t-t-there in that room I was just in" he answers. I smack him on the head with his gun and knock him out. I run into the room. I search around the room for the wire cutters. Then I find a tool box with the wire cutters in I take them and run outside again. But then I stop. The guards have stopped and pulling me back to my room. Im going to be stuck behind the wire fence for much longer now.

I really wanted to know how he felt during all of this. I guess he was planning the escape for a while, so what was he thinking whilst waiting for the guard to enter? Some description of the guards would have helped too, as they all cae across as faceless goons.

I found it odd that they'd have wire cutters on site, ready for someone to escape with. Maybe if he just got hold of a knife it would seem more likely?

I didn't quite get the ending - well it was obvious that he was recaptured, but you don't actually say that, you say that the guards had stopped.

Anyway, for what it's worth, I think you're improving. - Two minor things, seperate some of the descriptive words in the first sentence with commas, and "Theres" isn't a word - use the apostrophe Luke! (I know, I know) "There's".

Unlucky, Sam Fisher.

I did Kinda get the Idea from Splinter Cell!

hmmmm...confuzzeling...

Why you say that?

Its just not very, well, well put, sort of..... its not bad, its just...a bit conffuzzeling. Sort of...

Yeah I understand you now!

Sarcamsm kills!

How?