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"SSC 23-Stuck Behind the Wire Fence"

Sitting in a cold horrible old room. As I hear the guards footsteps walk past my door. I look out the window. The rain is pouring down. I hear my door being unlocked. The guard walks in. I smack him in the face. I throw him to the floor. I run down the corridor. Looking for the exit door. I found it and smash though. Then I stop and hide behind a wall. I see a guard coming. He walks past me I grab him by his head and break his neck and throw him to the floor. I look around everything clear. No guards,no nobody. I run for it and stop and look around. I won't beable to get out here I need wire cutters. Theres wire fences everywhere outside. I run back inside. I run down the corridor. I can hear two guards speaking. "One of the prisoners has escaped and killed a guard,we must find him" says one of the guards.

I whistle quite loud. "What was that?" asks one of the guards. "I don't know im going to check" answers the other guard. I hide and hear one of the guards coming. He is coming closer to me. Then he's there right next to me. I grab him and break his neck he drops to the floor. Then the other guard comes along I smack him in the face and he drops to the floor. I grab his gun and hold it at his face.

"Where have you got the wire cutters" I ask. He coughs then answers me "Errrr t-t-t-there in that room I was just in" he answers. I smack him on the head with his gun and knock him out. I run into the room. I search around the room for the wire cutters. Then I find a tool box with the wire cutters in I take them and run outside again. But then I stop. The guards have stopped and pulling me back to my room. Im going to be stuck behind the wire fence for much longer now.

Paradox: wrote:
> Crossbob, how old are you?
>
> You use an awful lot of simple sentences which tends to be a dominant
> factor in writing for the under tens.
>
> Try and use commas to join short sentences together and feel free to
> jazz up your writing with more adjectives and describe the setting,
> emotions, rather than just what is directly happening.
>
> "I kicked the door" could be "I clenched my teeth and
> took a run up, laucnhing my heavy black boot into the centre of the
> the oak-panneled door. It broke with a satisfying crack and I plunged
> outside into the biting cold."
>
> See what I did there? Try do that a bit more mate, your writing will
> be a lot more readable.

I will do that from now on!

Lard Funkelstein wrote:
>
> Give up story writing, you're terrible

A tad harsh, at least he is trying to be creative.

'Cold horrible old room'

Euch!

Everything is wrong about that. For a start it's boring. Secondly there's no grammar or punctuation included. Thirdly, what the hell is that? one of the worst descriptions ever

I refuse to read on

The title was far too obvious aswell

Give up story writing, you're terrible

physical age: 13
mental age: 7

Crossbob, how old are you?

You use an awful lot of simple sentences which tends to be a dominant factor in writing for the under tens.

Try and use commas to join short sentences together and feel free to jazz up your writing with more adjectives and describe the setting, emotions, rather than just what is directly happening.

"I kicked the door" could be "I clenched my teeth and took a run up, laucnhing my heavy black boot into the centre of the the oak-panneled door. It broke with a satisfying crack and I plunged outside into the biting cold."

See what I did there? Try do that a bit more mate, your writing will be a lot more readable.

C®ø§$ Bób wrote:
> I did Kinda get the Idea from Splinter Cell!

Replace "Kinda" with "completely".

How?

Sarcamsm kills!

Yeah I understand you now!

Its just not very, well, well put, sort of..... its not bad, its just...a bit conffuzzeling. Sort of...