Viewing Thread:
"Saying What You Want To (Men Buying Cards)"

This topic contains censored swear words, please don't edit it staffies.

I don't buy cards. The exceptions I make are only for stupidity, such as buying "Sorry your nan died" as a birthday card. I fought a moral battle over that, humour won, I bought the card and gave it. I gave another girl a "I hear it's a boy, congratulations!" for christmas. I get strange looks, a rumour even started spreading, but it's still great fun.

But I'm finally getting around to doing research about this, and something occured to me.

Do men not buy cards because they're just painful, pointlessly over the top and unfunny, or is it because they don't want to express themselves, even if it IS for humour?

Want some serious answers here, genuinely trying to figure it out. Would you be more inclined to buy a "You f**king ass" birthday-hate-card?

The way I figure it is, people wouldn't just buy "I hate you" cards for the hell of it, maybe as a kinda friendly bored quick laugh thing, but I think the direction for it would be to look at excuses for doing so: I.E. taking birthdays, instead of sending a "happy birthday hope you're well" sending a "I'm going to feed you your spleen" card - encouraging it as part of society, instead of the cheap quick laugh route.

Even if was a valentines card just saying "Yeah, you're ok I guess" instead of this smushy crap. If you love someone that much, you don't want to get down on one knee, sing a ballad and bring them roses - you want to f**k them. Club them on the head and bring them back to your cave. Isn't that what love is all about? Hell, if you don't have to club them, even better.

Now I'm sure men don't sit around never wanting to say -anything-, well I don't. It just seems like a massive problem of communication. We're offered easy routes to say things, but all these things never ever say what we -really- want to say. Even the best efforts are filtered down, watery and uncomfortable.

So actually, as a question, I'd like to ask what you'd like to tell people. What do you really want to say to the girl you've got a crush on? And seriously, not "um.. wanna go out..?", I want to know what you want to do to her.

What would you like to say to your parents, your wife, your workmates?

I've had a bit of an vision about all this, I've been surrounded by too many people who never say what they want to, talk behind people's backs. If you haven't got the entire set of balls to say something to someone's face, I think it'd be great to have another option, even if it's just a start. If it encourages people at all to start saying what the hell they want to, bring out confidence in people, then I'm all for it.

(I'd like to tell Grix to shut up lol)

But.. I guess it's about offering an alternative that doesn't exist. I know I can't have eevvverry single bloody emotional ass feck whatever, but that's why it's important to try and keep it pretty raw.

I mean, I completely understand what you're saying about coming around for pancakes in 30 mins whatever, and that's another of these massive pitfalls: which is why raw is an important word.

Even making a card about breaking up with someone because your lover had an affair, maybe that's far too much detail too? If you look deeper, it's more about a break of trust, and maybe that can apply to more things. Does the deeper you go into the big chain of things that go on make it any more powerful?

Maybe "you slept with another woman and now I hate you" isn't as powerful as "you have lost my trust for you and it will never return".. but I'd never use that wording anyway.

Araarhajh I could write for hours and hours and still go around in circles and hardly reach any conclusions. I just a few main points to focus on.

One is raw humour - hopefully making it more intrusive and less flat.

Two is celebrations of things you wouldn't normally - "Congratulations, you've got AIDS!".. ok, maybe that wouldn't sell. But the idea is to challenge things that society kinda sweeps under the rug somewhat. Like a valentines card custom made for paedophiles. *shakes head* Going to hell going to hell..

Three is good art/photography - Naturally I want them to look professional

Four is cheap and easy to order - Will be a website process etc

Other than that I have no idea. I guess that's a pretty solid start though? Everything else I'm a little confused about, but as for content I'm very happy with point two. I want to celebrate things in a way people generally wouldn't and challenge it that way. I want people to really make moral judgements before payment, and actually maybe even get some sort of rush or kick out of buying it? I dunno.

It's really just an idea that I want to develop.

gerrid wrote:
"These "defence" cards you talk about don't exist."

No, they do, honest! I've seen them.. they're bloody awful. Very hard to find, but they do exist.

But anyway, existing or not, that's what I'm just -not- aiming for, so whatever.

As for the rest of that, good point well made, that's something I'm worried about myself. Hell of a lot to think about, you know?

I'm crossing a lot of borders and bouncing around here, when perhaps I should just concentrate on making them absolutely ridiculous instead. I think sex orientated cards are the best sort of area for the 'suits everyone' thing mind, think everyone agrees there.

Christ, should just make sex cards.

arghhh so much going on at the moment and so much to think about. Why can't I do simple projects?

(..no, I won't bother.)

Thank you, shut up. I'd still over-complicate a simple project anyway in order to try and make it as good as possible. Then I'll get just completely unfocused and give up.

Rar.

I've got a funny feeling all these statements are going to go flying out the window when it comes down to it though. I'll just end up making stupidly offensive and ridiculous cards.

I'm an Eric the Penguin card person myself.

Grix Thraves wrote:
> But the last thing I want is to make all these pathetic 'defense'
> cards. If you want to pull each others hair, do it in the playground.

To be honest, I think you're a little confused. These "defence" cards you talk about don't exist. The whole point of cards is to show good will towards people - "i like you", "i'm happy for you", "i'm sad for you", "let's bee friends" - that kind of thing. If you are angry at someone you don't go to the trouble of buying them a card. They don't exist because no one would buy them.

I understand your urge to make cards with people's real thought on them, but, you can't know everyone's real thoughts and motivations. The cards we have are general and clichéd because they have to apply to everyone. There's no use making a card that's to specific, like "Happy 14th June Mrs Coolbean I hope you enjoyed your pancakes today I will be visiting you in half an hour to drop off your present!", because only one person would buy it. If people want to have a card with their actual own thoughts on it then they'll buy a blank card and write it on that. Or even better, write a letter (jealous of my lyrical skills yet?). Although I do see potential for an anniversary card "I have enjoyed rogering you for this past twelvemonth, but I would appreciate it if we increased the frequency of our encounters"

I tend to buy cards only when I can't be bothered to make them. A homemade card does mean something, because it shows that you care enough to devote a little effort. I see cards more as an aide memoire than anything else.

They're something to look at to remind you of times past (your first anniversary, your first birthday card from a girlfriend, your first valentines card). After all of the "firsts" they are really just a gesture to show that you're thinking of someone. It's nice ro recieve brithday cards because it shows that people are thinking about you and your birthday enough to send you a card. It's not so much what the card says as much as the fact that you got a card in the first place.

Valentines cards are a whole other kettle of fish. Men only get them because if they don't their woman will get angry, and women only get them because if they forget they can't guilt trip man for forgetting. Buying valentines cards is just a social expectation, and really is a hollow gesture.

What I find difficult is thinking up something to say when I don't actually have anything to say. I've got a 2 year anniversary coming up - but what do I write in the card? What I really feel? "I like you I'm happy we've been going out for so long", or do I have to make up some ballhat feelings to make it seem like I care?

Yeah, I like that.

I think I'm just scared of some sort of 'emotion production line'. At least, an emotion production line which is telling everyone to be in love etc, not covering absolutely everything.

But of course, where's the market for the one or two people that feel -this- way instead? There is none. It's dominated with happy-clappy ass and I think it just makes people feel alone.

There have been a million times when I've felt really bad, really happy, utterly, utterly suicidally depressed and it's difficult to find ANYTHING that I can possibly relate to. And no wonder people feel so alone and as if they're the only ones, you know? There's hardly anything out there that's raw or solid enough to really make them feel as if someone else understands... and not just saying: "Hey, it's ok! It'll all be ok!" etc, but actually understanding through experience. Not just saying "I know what you're going through" and listing 'symptoms'. This is tough, but that's why it'll work.

And I don't want to -use- people's emotions to make money.. but I need some sort of extra incentive and support, when I basically just want to put out there something quite deep to me that has really affected my life, and if it makes somebody laugh, then fantastic. I don't, ever, ever want to put down emotions, make them seem stupid or pointless or worthless or anything.. just I dunno, see the lighter side of finding out you have a critical illness. If there's anything that brings people down to earth, it's laughter. If we can get more people laughing at their set-backs, their faults, their hardships, maybe they'll be easier to face. And that's another worrying thing, it's easy to fall into the trap of "it's ok, I understand" with a picture of me, smiling with a thumbs up, making them feel like a 'special little snowflake', rather than genuinely knocking people back down to earth. Arghhh so many damn pitfalls. Actually, I may use that "It's ok, I understand" with a picture of me for a laugh.

Maybe I can let in one or two mass produced ass-laughs on the side, but it's all just for funding. I need to make a living, and making people laugh seems like quite a satisfying way to do so.

Just gotta make sure I do this -right-.

I know someone who always tried to find the most tacky and lame card possible. He had a contest going between himself and his father.

I tried it on my mum's birthday, and went for a blatantly inappropriate lame alcohlic ladette card, which seemed to amuse her.

I now fully intend to do go for intentionally lame cards for very one I ever buy. Ever.

Haha, I used to do that with cards.
I couldn't stand a crappy card with a rubbish message inside.

Although, it got to the stage where people expected me to get them a 'funny card' and write something that wasn't all "Oh, happy 18th, now we can go to the pub!!!"... so I got a normal card with a normal message... they weren't happy.

I once got a "Happy 13th Birthday From the Thundercats" merchandise card (with a badge!), for my 10th birthday. The person who got it was a few years below at school too, so he should have had a rough idea of my age, the idiot.

Oh, and Harlow is possibly the only place on Earth that you'll find "For Mummy's Boyfriend" cards. I wish I was joking.

Ok, that's clever