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January 1st 2005
11.27am:
WOOHOO! Good. Morning. World! Good morning diary! Sure, why not? Good morning moderately priced Argos alarm clock.
Ok, I need to calm down.
11.35am: (one coffee later)
I know I have never written in you or one of the many other diaries that I have accumulated over the years from different elderly relatives on birthdays and other such special occasions, but this is mainly due to never having had anything interesting enough to write about. Well this all changed at about 11.15pm last night.
I LOST MY VIRGINITY! I think it's one of those life defining moments when you really become a man. Other such moments include - discovering your first pubic hair, the first time you realise you have the ability to grow a full moustache and waking up to find your very first chest hair. Come to think of it, most of the defining moments in a man’s life seem to involve some sort of body hair.
So, if you couple the fact that last night I had sex for the very first time and this morning I discovered my first chest hair, (just to right of my left nipple), you can begin to understand just how masculine I am feeling at this moment.
I think it’s a little strange that having felt less then a man for years that both these events happened at the same time. Maybe there connected in some way? Maybe the more times you have sex the more hairy you become? If this in fact turns out to be the case, hats of to Pete Sampras. A true grand-slam man! Who would think that after 5 hours of tennis that you would have that kind of energy?
Anyway, I digress. It was a wonderful moment and one that I will remember for the rest of my life it was. I suspect it was quite traditional. You know the story,
December 31st
10.30pm
*Boy meets girl*
10.31pm
*Girl politely listens to boy’s nonsensical waffle*
10.31pm – 11.12pm
*Girl drinks around seven Smirnoff Ice’s*
11.13pm
*Girl starts to believe she misjudged boy and he is in fact much better looking then first thought*
11.15pm
*Boy and girl get pelvic*
That old chestnut.
Anyway, I did enjoy last night, very much so in fact. But oh, my, god I am glad that it’s over and done with.
I liken losing ones virginity to having the Tuberculosis inoculation. You know, you here about it from older people after its happened to them. As you get older you know that the time is getting closer and closer and then, when the time comes, as it turns out, you needn’t have worried so much anyway - because it’s all over in a matter of seconds. You just stick a little something in, release some fluid, pull it back out again and then wipe up any run-over.
Upon waking up this morning I then had to endure the ranting about how this was a one-time thing. How it was the alcohol and I was to never tell anyone. I swore I wouldn’t tell. So this is between you and me diary. You and me.
See you tomorrow when I hope to have developed my second chest hair.
GOD BLESS SMIRNOFF!!
11.27am:
WOOHOO! Good. Morning. World! Good morning diary! Sure, why not? Good morning moderately priced Argos alarm clock.
Ok, I need to calm down.
11.35am: (one coffee later)
I know I have never written in you or one of the many other diaries that I have accumulated over the years from different elderly relatives on birthdays and other such special occasions, but this is mainly due to never having had anything interesting enough to write about. Well this all changed at about 11.15pm last night.
I LOST MY VIRGINITY! I think it's one of those life defining moments when you really become a man. Other such moments include - discovering your first pubic hair, the first time you realise you have the ability to grow a full moustache and waking up to find your very first chest hair. Come to think of it, most of the defining moments in a man’s life seem to involve some sort of body hair.
So, if you couple the fact that last night I had sex for the very first time and this morning I discovered my first chest hair, (just to right of my left nipple), you can begin to understand just how masculine I am feeling at this moment.
I think it’s a little strange that having felt less then a man for years that both these events happened at the same time. Maybe there connected in some way? Maybe the more times you have sex the more hairy you become? If this in fact turns out to be the case, hats of to Pete Sampras. A true grand-slam man! Who would think that after 5 hours of tennis that you would have that kind of energy?
Anyway, I digress. It was a wonderful moment and one that I will remember for the rest of my life it was. I suspect it was quite traditional. You know the story,
December 31st
10.30pm
*Boy meets girl*
10.31pm
*Girl politely listens to boy’s nonsensical waffle*
10.31pm – 11.12pm
*Girl drinks around seven Smirnoff Ice’s*
11.13pm
*Girl starts to believe she misjudged boy and he is in fact much better looking then first thought*
11.15pm
*Boy and girl get pelvic*
That old chestnut.
Anyway, I did enjoy last night, very much so in fact. But oh, my, god I am glad that it’s over and done with.
I liken losing ones virginity to having the Tuberculosis inoculation. You know, you here about it from older people after its happened to them. As you get older you know that the time is getting closer and closer and then, when the time comes, as it turns out, you needn’t have worried so much anyway - because it’s all over in a matter of seconds. You just stick a little something in, release some fluid, pull it back out again and then wipe up any run-over.
Upon waking up this morning I then had to endure the ranting about how this was a one-time thing. How it was the alcohol and I was to never tell anyone. I swore I wouldn’t tell. So this is between you and me diary. You and me.
See you tomorrow when I hope to have developed my second chest hair.
GOD BLESS SMIRNOFF!!
Page:
Don't want jokes, yet you use the phrase 'open myself up' ...
Dear dear.
Dear dear.
Ineedsleep wrote:
> Feet? Mades me even more impressed.
Of course my feet, duuuur.
> Any other 'appendages' leaves the door open for 'pencil thin' jokes
> :D
:O I. Am. Shocked. I'm also not going to open myself up to those jokes. I used my feet. My feet. Yes.
> Feet? Mades me even more impressed.
Of course my feet, duuuur.
> Any other 'appendages' leaves the door open for 'pencil thin' jokes
> :D
:O I. Am. Shocked. I'm also not going to open myself up to those jokes. I used my feet. My feet. Yes.
Feet? Mades me even more impressed.
Any other 'appendages' leaves the door open for 'pencil thin' jokes :D
Any other 'appendages' leaves the door open for 'pencil thin' jokes :D
I wasn't using my hands to type ;)
English_Bloke wrote:
> I'm still a virgin :D
Yeah, yeah course you are young 'un! I'm impressed with the way you managed to type so well with all your figures crossed :D
> I'm still a virgin :D
Yeah, yeah course you are young 'un! I'm impressed with the way you managed to type so well with all your figures crossed :D
Ineedsleep wrote:
> Okay, it had me smiling from the beginning.
That's the plan. I entered something, (no jokes please), and didn't make it depressing or kill someone.
Also, the whole thing is not true. I'm still a virgin :D
> Okay, it had me smiling from the beginning.
That's the plan. I entered something, (no jokes please), and didn't make it depressing or kill someone.
Also, the whole thing is not true. I'm still a virgin :D
Which bit isn't true? You didn't find a chest hair?
:D
Okay, it had me smiling from the beginning.
:D
Okay, it had me smiling from the beginning.
English_Bloke wrote:
> The errors in grammar are to show his excitement and
> inexperience...yus
Aha, nice try.
Good little story.
> The errors in grammar are to show his excitement and
> inexperience...yus
Aha, nice try.
Good little story.
I hasten to add that I wrote this when I was 17...but it's really not true.
A bit inaccurate in parts, but reasonably reasonable.
A guy who just had sex wouldn't write it pretty much straight in his diary.
Usually.
And the title sucked.
But since you're under strain I'll let you off. Unlike Puddin'
Bad-dum-tsch
A guy who just had sex wouldn't write it pretty much straight in his diary.
Usually.
And the title sucked.
But since you're under strain I'll let you off. Unlike Puddin'
Bad-dum-tsch
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