The "Creative Writing" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
Hey guys, if you could give suggestions comments and your opinions on this be great. Its my first draft so hit it with a vengeance.
.....
Her bare feet beat along the ground, the grass tickling at her toes, picking up speed she ran, skipping over puddles and sweeping past nettles trying not to be stung. Her arms raised, lifted outstretched slicing through the air. She glided, closing her eyes she could feel the warmth of the ground as her feet patted the dirt track. She spread her hands trying to touch the long grasses she could hear cutting through the air each side of her. The sun lit the ground in front of her until her shadow was lost as it passed underneath willow trees cascading into the river; the ripples followed her, the breeze was picking up and brought a chill about the place, as the cold passed through her; she stopped.
The long grasses clapped in the wind, and the river - now tormented, violently rushed past her bringing squawking crows rapidly following its path. Behind her, the sun seemed to slide away as black clouds brought a line of grey that swept over the ground. Her deep breaths turned into short gasps as she drew her hands inwards now clenched into fists, her eyelids squeezed shut. The cold air surrounded her as she gave off heat; her body was getting hotter and hotter as the breeze gave more of a chill. Her heart thumped in her chest. -‘Run’, -‘Run’ it said. ‘I can’t’. – ‘Run and it will stop, run and you’ll escape’. As she inhaled a suffocating pain tightened around her, it slithered past her belly and wrapped itself around her chest. The breeze sliced like ice on the sides of her face and scuttled down her spine. -- ‘Why don’t you run, why do you stand still’.
The sound of the willow tree creaked swaying in time with the wind. Its leaves whistled as the branches swung, the noise pierced through the air till the breeze plucked each leaf from the branches and the clatter of its wooden arms battered each other. She bit down on her teeth leaving only her nose to draw in the air, as she inhaled, the hairs in her nostrils singed and her lungs filled with oxygen burning the depths of her fleshy organs, her eyes watering.
- ‘Nobodies here. You hurt… Run’. ‘I can’t’. The clouds thickened in the air, the moon had risen in the east, but its light was trapped in the sky behind a film of fog and the dark clouds captured it so it didn’t reach the ground. She stood still, her eyes shut tight. She focused on her legs, feeling the strain of the tense muscles that wrenched downwards, she tried to imagine she was running, running along the river looking deep into the rushing water to see to the bottom as rays of light shone through breaking the surface.
The feeling in her legs ran down through her feet into her toes and she felt the soles of her feet firmly pressed on the ground. In the distance a sound started to form. Her ears tuned in trying to block out the wind and the storm, the battering branches and river rushing by. She could hear a rumble; it drew closer and her heartbeat quickened to the pace. She felt the earth beneath her shuddering and beating in time with hers, heat came from the ground and it began to burn her feet, she clenched her hands tighter not moving her feet from the spot. Claps of thunder pounded against the ground causing the earth to shake, the wind scuttled around her legs and was causing her to sway, the wind began to chuck the dust from the dirt surrounding her into the air and the ground began to crack with the heat, from beneath its depths and the sound of it pulsating, the scurrying of legs could be heard. Thousands of tiny legs and the sounds of squealing, the sound rose from the cracks above the clapping sky, it pierced her ears as she released her fists pressing them tightly against her skin and aching drums. Clenching her teeth she tilted her head back trying to balance herself as the ground shook around her – ‘RUN, you’re going to die, RUN’ Her eyelids no longer clenched tight, they opened staring at the thick black and grey clouds, She could feel the scurrying draw close and her feet blistering with burns but as she inhaled the air coughing from the dust, past the lightning and clouds she could see the Sun. It’s entire outline being covered by the chaos in front of it. - ‘Feel them, they’re coming closer, feel the ground beneath you falling away… RUN’.
Behind her the willow tree cracked and its roots moved with the earth. The sound of scuttling rose from beneath it and mounted onto its broken trunk; She stared up through the clouds and felt her feet pressed hard tense as the scuttling rose higher and higher and she felt it draw closer and closer, She continued to look through the black focusing on the burning red outline behind it, the wind slithered down her legs and as she felt the first single scuttle on the ground edging towards her toes she lifted her foot and holding her breath slammed it on the creature which squealed as it crunched into the dirt. She closed her eyes and dropped her head. ‘You RUN’.
.....
Her bare feet beat along the ground, the grass tickling at her toes, picking up speed she ran, skipping over puddles and sweeping past nettles trying not to be stung. Her arms raised, lifted outstretched slicing through the air. She glided, closing her eyes she could feel the warmth of the ground as her feet patted the dirt track. She spread her hands trying to touch the long grasses she could hear cutting through the air each side of her. The sun lit the ground in front of her until her shadow was lost as it passed underneath willow trees cascading into the river; the ripples followed her, the breeze was picking up and brought a chill about the place, as the cold passed through her; she stopped.
The long grasses clapped in the wind, and the river - now tormented, violently rushed past her bringing squawking crows rapidly following its path. Behind her, the sun seemed to slide away as black clouds brought a line of grey that swept over the ground. Her deep breaths turned into short gasps as she drew her hands inwards now clenched into fists, her eyelids squeezed shut. The cold air surrounded her as she gave off heat; her body was getting hotter and hotter as the breeze gave more of a chill. Her heart thumped in her chest. -‘Run’, -‘Run’ it said. ‘I can’t’. – ‘Run and it will stop, run and you’ll escape’. As she inhaled a suffocating pain tightened around her, it slithered past her belly and wrapped itself around her chest. The breeze sliced like ice on the sides of her face and scuttled down her spine. -- ‘Why don’t you run, why do you stand still’.
The sound of the willow tree creaked swaying in time with the wind. Its leaves whistled as the branches swung, the noise pierced through the air till the breeze plucked each leaf from the branches and the clatter of its wooden arms battered each other. She bit down on her teeth leaving only her nose to draw in the air, as she inhaled, the hairs in her nostrils singed and her lungs filled with oxygen burning the depths of her fleshy organs, her eyes watering.
- ‘Nobodies here. You hurt… Run’. ‘I can’t’. The clouds thickened in the air, the moon had risen in the east, but its light was trapped in the sky behind a film of fog and the dark clouds captured it so it didn’t reach the ground. She stood still, her eyes shut tight. She focused on her legs, feeling the strain of the tense muscles that wrenched downwards, she tried to imagine she was running, running along the river looking deep into the rushing water to see to the bottom as rays of light shone through breaking the surface.
The feeling in her legs ran down through her feet into her toes and she felt the soles of her feet firmly pressed on the ground. In the distance a sound started to form. Her ears tuned in trying to block out the wind and the storm, the battering branches and river rushing by. She could hear a rumble; it drew closer and her heartbeat quickened to the pace. She felt the earth beneath her shuddering and beating in time with hers, heat came from the ground and it began to burn her feet, she clenched her hands tighter not moving her feet from the spot. Claps of thunder pounded against the ground causing the earth to shake, the wind scuttled around her legs and was causing her to sway, the wind began to chuck the dust from the dirt surrounding her into the air and the ground began to crack with the heat, from beneath its depths and the sound of it pulsating, the scurrying of legs could be heard. Thousands of tiny legs and the sounds of squealing, the sound rose from the cracks above the clapping sky, it pierced her ears as she released her fists pressing them tightly against her skin and aching drums. Clenching her teeth she tilted her head back trying to balance herself as the ground shook around her – ‘RUN, you’re going to die, RUN’ Her eyelids no longer clenched tight, they opened staring at the thick black and grey clouds, She could feel the scurrying draw close and her feet blistering with burns but as she inhaled the air coughing from the dust, past the lightning and clouds she could see the Sun. It’s entire outline being covered by the chaos in front of it. - ‘Feel them, they’re coming closer, feel the ground beneath you falling away… RUN’.
Behind her the willow tree cracked and its roots moved with the earth. The sound of scuttling rose from beneath it and mounted onto its broken trunk; She stared up through the clouds and felt her feet pressed hard tense as the scuttling rose higher and higher and she felt it draw closer and closer, She continued to look through the black focusing on the burning red outline behind it, the wind slithered down her legs and as she felt the first single scuttle on the ground edging towards her toes she lifted her foot and holding her breath slammed it on the creature which squealed as it crunched into the dirt. She closed her eyes and dropped her head. ‘You RUN’.
Page:
There have been no replies to this thread yet.
Hey guys, if you could give suggestions comments and your opinions on this be great. Its my first draft so hit it with a vengeance.
.....
Her bare feet beat along the ground, the grass tickling at her toes, picking up speed she ran, skipping over puddles and sweeping past nettles trying not to be stung. Her arms raised, lifted outstretched slicing through the air. She glided, closing her eyes she could feel the warmth of the ground as her feet patted the dirt track. She spread her hands trying to touch the long grasses she could hear cutting through the air each side of her. The sun lit the ground in front of her until her shadow was lost as it passed underneath willow trees cascading into the river; the ripples followed her, the breeze was picking up and brought a chill about the place, as the cold passed through her; she stopped.
The long grasses clapped in the wind, and the river - now tormented, violently rushed past her bringing squawking crows rapidly following its path. Behind her, the sun seemed to slide away as black clouds brought a line of grey that swept over the ground. Her deep breaths turned into short gasps as she drew her hands inwards now clenched into fists, her eyelids squeezed shut. The cold air surrounded her as she gave off heat; her body was getting hotter and hotter as the breeze gave more of a chill. Her heart thumped in her chest. -‘Run’, -‘Run’ it said. ‘I can’t’. – ‘Run and it will stop, run and you’ll escape’. As she inhaled a suffocating pain tightened around her, it slithered past her belly and wrapped itself around her chest. The breeze sliced like ice on the sides of her face and scuttled down her spine. -- ‘Why don’t you run, why do you stand still’.
The sound of the willow tree creaked swaying in time with the wind. Its leaves whistled as the branches swung, the noise pierced through the air till the breeze plucked each leaf from the branches and the clatter of its wooden arms battered each other. She bit down on her teeth leaving only her nose to draw in the air, as she inhaled, the hairs in her nostrils singed and her lungs filled with oxygen burning the depths of her fleshy organs, her eyes watering.
- ‘Nobodies here. You hurt… Run’. ‘I can’t’. The clouds thickened in the air, the moon had risen in the east, but its light was trapped in the sky behind a film of fog and the dark clouds captured it so it didn’t reach the ground. She stood still, her eyes shut tight. She focused on her legs, feeling the strain of the tense muscles that wrenched downwards, she tried to imagine she was running, running along the river looking deep into the rushing water to see to the bottom as rays of light shone through breaking the surface.
The feeling in her legs ran down through her feet into her toes and she felt the soles of her feet firmly pressed on the ground. In the distance a sound started to form. Her ears tuned in trying to block out the wind and the storm, the battering branches and river rushing by. She could hear a rumble; it drew closer and her heartbeat quickened to the pace. She felt the earth beneath her shuddering and beating in time with hers, heat came from the ground and it began to burn her feet, she clenched her hands tighter not moving her feet from the spot. Claps of thunder pounded against the ground causing the earth to shake, the wind scuttled around her legs and was causing her to sway, the wind began to chuck the dust from the dirt surrounding her into the air and the ground began to crack with the heat, from beneath its depths and the sound of it pulsating, the scurrying of legs could be heard. Thousands of tiny legs and the sounds of squealing, the sound rose from the cracks above the clapping sky, it pierced her ears as she released her fists pressing them tightly against her skin and aching drums. Clenching her teeth she tilted her head back trying to balance herself as the ground shook around her – ‘RUN, you’re going to die, RUN’ Her eyelids no longer clenched tight, they opened staring at the thick black and grey clouds, She could feel the scurrying draw close and her feet blistering with burns but as she inhaled the air coughing from the dust, past the lightning and clouds she could see the Sun. It’s entire outline being covered by the chaos in front of it. - ‘Feel them, they’re coming closer, feel the ground beneath you falling away… RUN’.
Behind her the willow tree cracked and its roots moved with the earth. The sound of scuttling rose from beneath it and mounted onto its broken trunk; She stared up through the clouds and felt her feet pressed hard tense as the scuttling rose higher and higher and she felt it draw closer and closer, She continued to look through the black focusing on the burning red outline behind it, the wind slithered down her legs and as she felt the first single scuttle on the ground edging towards her toes she lifted her foot and holding her breath slammed it on the creature which squealed as it crunched into the dirt. She closed her eyes and dropped her head. ‘You RUN’.
.....
Her bare feet beat along the ground, the grass tickling at her toes, picking up speed she ran, skipping over puddles and sweeping past nettles trying not to be stung. Her arms raised, lifted outstretched slicing through the air. She glided, closing her eyes she could feel the warmth of the ground as her feet patted the dirt track. She spread her hands trying to touch the long grasses she could hear cutting through the air each side of her. The sun lit the ground in front of her until her shadow was lost as it passed underneath willow trees cascading into the river; the ripples followed her, the breeze was picking up and brought a chill about the place, as the cold passed through her; she stopped.
The long grasses clapped in the wind, and the river - now tormented, violently rushed past her bringing squawking crows rapidly following its path. Behind her, the sun seemed to slide away as black clouds brought a line of grey that swept over the ground. Her deep breaths turned into short gasps as she drew her hands inwards now clenched into fists, her eyelids squeezed shut. The cold air surrounded her as she gave off heat; her body was getting hotter and hotter as the breeze gave more of a chill. Her heart thumped in her chest. -‘Run’, -‘Run’ it said. ‘I can’t’. – ‘Run and it will stop, run and you’ll escape’. As she inhaled a suffocating pain tightened around her, it slithered past her belly and wrapped itself around her chest. The breeze sliced like ice on the sides of her face and scuttled down her spine. -- ‘Why don’t you run, why do you stand still’.
The sound of the willow tree creaked swaying in time with the wind. Its leaves whistled as the branches swung, the noise pierced through the air till the breeze plucked each leaf from the branches and the clatter of its wooden arms battered each other. She bit down on her teeth leaving only her nose to draw in the air, as she inhaled, the hairs in her nostrils singed and her lungs filled with oxygen burning the depths of her fleshy organs, her eyes watering.
- ‘Nobodies here. You hurt… Run’. ‘I can’t’. The clouds thickened in the air, the moon had risen in the east, but its light was trapped in the sky behind a film of fog and the dark clouds captured it so it didn’t reach the ground. She stood still, her eyes shut tight. She focused on her legs, feeling the strain of the tense muscles that wrenched downwards, she tried to imagine she was running, running along the river looking deep into the rushing water to see to the bottom as rays of light shone through breaking the surface.
The feeling in her legs ran down through her feet into her toes and she felt the soles of her feet firmly pressed on the ground. In the distance a sound started to form. Her ears tuned in trying to block out the wind and the storm, the battering branches and river rushing by. She could hear a rumble; it drew closer and her heartbeat quickened to the pace. She felt the earth beneath her shuddering and beating in time with hers, heat came from the ground and it began to burn her feet, she clenched her hands tighter not moving her feet from the spot. Claps of thunder pounded against the ground causing the earth to shake, the wind scuttled around her legs and was causing her to sway, the wind began to chuck the dust from the dirt surrounding her into the air and the ground began to crack with the heat, from beneath its depths and the sound of it pulsating, the scurrying of legs could be heard. Thousands of tiny legs and the sounds of squealing, the sound rose from the cracks above the clapping sky, it pierced her ears as she released her fists pressing them tightly against her skin and aching drums. Clenching her teeth she tilted her head back trying to balance herself as the ground shook around her – ‘RUN, you’re going to die, RUN’ Her eyelids no longer clenched tight, they opened staring at the thick black and grey clouds, She could feel the scurrying draw close and her feet blistering with burns but as she inhaled the air coughing from the dust, past the lightning and clouds she could see the Sun. It’s entire outline being covered by the chaos in front of it. - ‘Feel them, they’re coming closer, feel the ground beneath you falling away… RUN’.
Behind her the willow tree cracked and its roots moved with the earth. The sound of scuttling rose from beneath it and mounted onto its broken trunk; She stared up through the clouds and felt her feet pressed hard tense as the scuttling rose higher and higher and she felt it draw closer and closer, She continued to look through the black focusing on the burning red outline behind it, the wind slithered down her legs and as she felt the first single scuttle on the ground edging towards her toes she lifted her foot and holding her breath slammed it on the creature which squealed as it crunched into the dirt. She closed her eyes and dropped her head. ‘You RUN’.
Page: