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"Embarrassing yourself, Essex stylee."

So I'm walking up the town, and what should I find in the college, but a couple arguing? Not just your everyday argument though - the man had the woman pinned to the stairs, and that dog won't hunt. So I slowed down, eventualy stopping next to them. The man had already seen me and got up, and then the woman saw me. I was about to ask if everything was OK, but the man got there first: "Hey mate, do you think it's cold out?"...."Huh? Why the stupid question?", I looked at the woman "Is everything alright here?". It clearly wasn't, but she had her chance, and she said "Yes, we're fine". She'd clearly been crying, but she could have said. I don't want to get involved in a domestic, so I carried on walking after giving the man a stare that would give Mohammed Ali the willies.

Later on, after I'd met the girlfriend, I passed a group of ASBO-types in the town, and I recognised one of them. Making eye contact with him, he didn't look away. He knew it was me, so I thought I'd get there first this time. "Yeah mate, it's freezing", what a witty reply to his question that he'd asked earlier whilst arguing with his (now it was lighter) she-hag. "You what...?", "Er, didn't you ask me if it was cold earlier?", "No", "Er...sorry wrong person...". Aaaargh, it was the wrong flipping person! It looked like him, and it looked like her, but once they'd stopped it clearly wasn't! What a fool I am.

Anyway, I explained to my girlfriend why I'd nearly started on a complete stranger. Then when we got outside the couple had made it to the town, still arguing, and pushing each other. Fine, they can stab each other for all I care if they're going to continue like that. And now I have an overwhelming desire to find the chav I gave the reply to, because it's really, really bugging me that he only has half the story. Bah, what a fool.

Lil Ginge wrote:
Im sure in cases like these my
> little plastic rape alarm will stop the knives and bullets coming my
> way
>

How do those things work, a massive noise when used? I was going to get one; purely for safety, of course - but they're only free for women. I have to make do with my BB gun.

Aw monkey

How I miss Essex from posts like these.. Thankyou for keeping me updated so I feel happier whilst at Uni I am lifted from the place.

Though Kingston is getting bad there have been about three stabbings and a shooting recently.. Sheesh! Im sure in cases like these my little plastic rape alarm will stop the knives and bullets coming my way

I am guessing Pitsea? Basildon? Harlow? Either way - good for you for not wimping out and walking on by. You gave her a chance.

They're all part of the collective, you tell one, you tell them all.

But you'll never even see him again, so why?

Easy mistake to make. One chav looks the same as the next.

"I fink 'ee was mockin me style innit I slash im up good"

man I bet that chav is sitting in his corsa thinking "why did that idiot say it's feezing i'm gonna stab him up good and his girlfriend". You should be afraid.

Wow, that story was really entertaining to read.

There's a moral in this story.

Never talk to chavs.

Would have been boom if it was the right guy, that will teach you for leaving your computer.