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A newspaper reporter is walking down a street in Manchester when he notices a woman walking towards him, pushing a baby in a pram.
Suddenly, a Rottweiller leaps out of a garden and attacks the buggy.
A passing skinhead runs forward and wrestles the dog to the ground, killing it and saving the baby.
The reporter says, "That’s really great, that will make a really good story, but I need an angle. Do you support Manchester United?"
"No," says the man.
"Oh, so I can't say 'Red's supporter saves baby.' Do you support City?"
"No," says the man.
"Oh, so I can't say 'Blues supporter saves baby.'"
"What team do you support?" asks the reporter.
"Liverpool" replies the skinhead.
"Great!" says newspaper supporter. "Scouse git kills family pet."
Suddenly, a Rottweiller leaps out of a garden and attacks the buggy.
A passing skinhead runs forward and wrestles the dog to the ground, killing it and saving the baby.
The reporter says, "That’s really great, that will make a really good story, but I need an angle. Do you support Manchester United?"
"No," says the man.
"Oh, so I can't say 'Red's supporter saves baby.' Do you support City?"
"No," says the man.
"Oh, so I can't say 'Blues supporter saves baby.'"
"What team do you support?" asks the reporter.
"Liverpool" replies the skinhead.
"Great!" says newspaper supporter. "Scouse git kills family pet."
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why not
hers a few i found at joke.com
What to not say to the nice policeman.
I can't reach my license unless
you hold my beer.
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my
radar detector wasn't plugged
in.
Aren't you the guy from the
Village People?
Hey, you must've been doing
about 125 mph to keep up with
me! Good Job!
I thought you had to be in
relatively good physical
condition to be a police officer.
I was going to be a cop, but I
decided to finish high school
instead.
Bad cop! No doughnut!
You're not gonna check the
trunk, are you?
Gee, that gut sure doesn't
inspire confidence.
Didn't I see you get your butt
kicked on Cops?
Wow, you look just like the guy
in the picture on my girlfriend's
nightstand.
Is it true that people become
cops because they are too
dumb to work at McDonald's?
I pay your salary!
So, uh, you on the take or
what?
Gee, Officer! That's terrific! The
last officer only gave me a
warning, too!
Do you know why you pulled
me over? Okay, just so one of
us does.
I was trying to keep up with
traffic. Yes, I know there is no
other car around--that's how
far ahead of me they are.
What do you mean, "Have I
been drinking?" You're the
trained specialist.
Well, when I reached down to
pick up my bag of crack, my
gun fell off my lap and got
lodged between the brake
pedal and the gas pedal,
forcing me to speed out of
control.
Hey, is that a 9mm? That's
nothing compared to this .44
magnum!
Hey, can you give me another
one of those full body cavity
searches?
Different Ways To Say ''You're Stupid''
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
Dumber than a box of hair.
A few peas short of a casserole.
Doesn't have all her cornflakes in one box.
The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
One taco short of a combination plate.
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
All foam, no beer.
The cheese slid off her cracker.
Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on
the heel.
He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on
the way down.
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
As smart as bait.
Chimney's clogged.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril
hair.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Forgot to pay her brain bill.
Her sewing machine's out of thread.
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
If she had another brain, it would be lonely.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
No grain in the silo.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Receiver is off the hook.
Several nuts short of a full pouch.
Skylight leaks a little.
Slinky's kinked.
Surfing in Nebraska.
Too much yardage between the goal posts.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
The lights are on, but nobody's home.
24 cents short of a quarter.
What to not say to the nice policeman.
I can't reach my license unless
you hold my beer.
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my
radar detector wasn't plugged
in.
Aren't you the guy from the
Village People?
Hey, you must've been doing
about 125 mph to keep up with
me! Good Job!
I thought you had to be in
relatively good physical
condition to be a police officer.
I was going to be a cop, but I
decided to finish high school
instead.
Bad cop! No doughnut!
You're not gonna check the
trunk, are you?
Gee, that gut sure doesn't
inspire confidence.
Didn't I see you get your butt
kicked on Cops?
Wow, you look just like the guy
in the picture on my girlfriend's
nightstand.
Is it true that people become
cops because they are too
dumb to work at McDonald's?
I pay your salary!
So, uh, you on the take or
what?
Gee, Officer! That's terrific! The
last officer only gave me a
warning, too!
Do you know why you pulled
me over? Okay, just so one of
us does.
I was trying to keep up with
traffic. Yes, I know there is no
other car around--that's how
far ahead of me they are.
What do you mean, "Have I
been drinking?" You're the
trained specialist.
Well, when I reached down to
pick up my bag of crack, my
gun fell off my lap and got
lodged between the brake
pedal and the gas pedal,
forcing me to speed out of
control.
Hey, is that a 9mm? That's
nothing compared to this .44
magnum!
Hey, can you give me another
one of those full body cavity
searches?
Different Ways To Say ''You're Stupid''
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
Dumber than a box of hair.
A few peas short of a casserole.
Doesn't have all her cornflakes in one box.
The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
One taco short of a combination plate.
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
All foam, no beer.
The cheese slid off her cracker.
Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on
the heel.
He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on
the way down.
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
As smart as bait.
Chimney's clogged.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril
hair.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Forgot to pay her brain bill.
Her sewing machine's out of thread.
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
If she had another brain, it would be lonely.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
No grain in the silo.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Receiver is off the hook.
Several nuts short of a full pouch.
Skylight leaks a little.
Slinky's kinked.
Surfing in Nebraska.
Too much yardage between the goal posts.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
The lights are on, but nobody's home.
24 cents short of a quarter.
Thinking of you all whilst I sit at home trying to be polite in reviewing a movie that I hated beyond all reason simply because it has Jude Law in it.
"You're all working for the man, whilst I work with the brother man"
"You're all working for the man, whilst I work with the brother man"
Have fun! I'll think of you at 5:30 when I'm leaving for home.
Think of you. And laugh. "Ho ho," I shall say. "YH is at work. Tee hee!"
Or something.
Think of you. And laugh. "Ho ho," I shall say. "YH is at work. Tee hee!"
Or something.
Wòókiee Møn§†€R wrote:
Not true.
My elbow is the one that
> doesn't smell so bad.
WM, i really didnt want to know that! I'm not really too concerened with your personal hygiene to be honest. Although i'd imagine it would make an excellent biology case study! :-)
Anyway, got to go to work now, back about 10, if anyone's interested.
Not true.
My elbow is the one that
> doesn't smell so bad.
WM, i really didnt want to know that! I'm not really too concerened with your personal hygiene to be honest. Although i'd imagine it would make an excellent biology case study! :-)
Anyway, got to go to work now, back about 10, if anyone's interested.
i was just telling you i came across it one day whilst searching for jokes and it said over 18's only on the site.
Your Honour wrote:
> Typical gooner, can't spell, doesnt know his @rse from his elbow!
Not true.
My elbow is the one that doesn't smell so bad.
> Typical gooner, can't spell, doesnt know his @rse from his elbow!
Not true.
My elbow is the one that doesn't smell so bad.
Wòókiee Møn§†€R wrote:
> I just noticed that it says "newspaper supporter" at the
> bottom, and not 'reporter'!
Damn cut & paste... and I checked
> it twice, too!
Typical gooner, can't spell, doesnt know his @rse from his elbow!
:-P
> I just noticed that it says "newspaper supporter" at the
> bottom, and not 'reporter'!
Damn cut & paste... and I checked
> it twice, too!
Typical gooner, can't spell, doesnt know his @rse from his elbow!
:-P
You're 15 - what are you doing going there?
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