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"Well, he certainly isn't the cleverest of folk." An old man once told me.
"Some even say he was dropped on his head as a child. Some folks are cruel like that." He'd continue.
"But I suppose we have to rely on him now. The lad has a pure heart, even if he is lacking where it matters." The man would chuckle.
"Let's just say we're getting ready for a long, cold winter up here."
This boy had a duty. To become a man, to return from his impending journey with food for the bitter winter that is about to befell the humble village. Once every 100 years the great storm comes to pass, and the next in line for the thrown must provide for his people.
He knew not that his actions could determine the lives of hundreds of his people. He was too naive to understand the scope of what he had to do. To him it was an adventure. His mother tried to tell him of the dangers that littered the lands, but each letter that left her lips would weave their way around his brain and come straight out of the other end.
"Monty," His mother began.
"You know that this is very important, don't you?" The boy was too busy eating his final meal before the journey to give a response.
"I just want to know that, no matter of the outcome, we will always love you." The boy couldn't understand her, so continued his food, again with no response.
Hi mother knew that he couldn't bring anyone or anything to help him. She would worry day and night, thinking of some way to get Monty out of such a responsibility, but she always knew what he had to do. There was no escaping the inevitable.
Once he had cleared his plate, he was readied to set off. His mother spoke her gentle goodbyes, but the boy was far too excited to listen. The chill was beginning, but he couldn't feel it, even his bare feet seemed as warm as they ever had been. He would begin on the path that many legends had took before him, the last thing he saw as he turned back to take one look at the village the held so close to his heart was his mother, waving enthusiastically to him. He saw a glint in her eye as a tear rolled down her cheek, but he put it down the cold weather.
He merrily made his way through the tall blades of grass arced over the worn-in pathway. He knew not where he was headed, but the feeling of grass brushing past his feet was enough to tell him he was on the right track.
Shortly after he set off the boy came across a large pond. Not light blue, but a deep purple, shimmering in the moonlight that was getting higher in the sky. He sat at the waters edge and placed his muddy feet into the sparkling body. As his toes hit the surface, the liquid began to fizz, washing the dirt from his skin and soothing him too. He had only heard of such places in fables, the revitalising lakes that were said to appear once every blue moon. Alas, the orb in the sky shone a bright blue.
The boy brought his feet to dry land once again, somehow completely dry and once again full of warmth. He noticed his feet were bronze on the heels, he looked down to see a strip, following the waters edge. A worn and rusty pipe gripping the land and pond at once, ending just in the wake of the pipe's origin, decayed at the end and leaking a purple gas into the sky, that would easily seem invisible was there not a bright moon hung up with the stars. The reason for the pipe was lost on the boys mind, as he scanned the area further. As he stared deep into his reflection, he noticed something at the bed of the small lake. A large sea clamp, bigger than four or five of his people put together. It lay at bottom of the pool, occasionally snapping closed and forcing bubbles ponds brim, before floating beyond the surface, creating a beautiful aura.
The boy stood open-mouthed at the bubbles being carried off to the sky in amazement. Never had he seen such natural beauty in his life. He looked back down at the creature and noticed something as its jaws opened; the biggest, tastiest looking muscle he ever had seen. Surely that could feed his people for some time. His eyes were shining as he glared at his now prized-possession.
"It's so beautiful..." The boy mumbled to himself.
"Bu... should I...?" He carried on, speaking only to himself.
He stood for several moments, watching the shell clamp shut and open once again, over and over.
He finally decided to move on, the job of getting such an object was too great for him.
As he strolled, thinking about the muscle he just passed by, a white flake fell onto his forehead. Perfectly formed, like a star dropping from the black sky. He wiped it from his head as several more began to rain down on the land. He hurried his pace a little along the pathway, but still as jolly and warm as he was when he left his home. Whilst off from the path, the boy took shelter from the frost in a nearby forest. As dark as it was, it was truly a thing of beauty.
The boy glanced around his surroundings, and found something that was truly gifted to him. Four large eggs sat in front of him, he knew what were resting inside of them as well. An unnamed creature from the forest that grew the size of houses if fed properly. Surely if his people nurtured them, they could have food all-year round? The boy pulled some shoots from the ground and used them to tie the eggs to his back.
As he was leaving the darkness of the forest, he heard a growl echo from behind him. He was always taught that noises in the night were nothing more than his imagination, so carried on regardless. He heard footsteps in his wake, so began to steadily speed up. He wasn't taking any chances, despite what he was told when he was younger; those eggs did belong to someone after all.
Once he reached the pool again, he crouched to the ground facing where he came from, waiting to see if anything was on his tail. Just as he was about to get to his feet and carry on, a huge beast, probably the mother of the eggs he had strapped to his back, came hurtling towards him. As it came close it tried to halt, but the fresh snow caused it to slip, sliding straight towards the purple water ahead. As it hit the surface, the splash reached high up to the heavens.
The creature travelled quickly down to the bottom of the water, landing on the shell below with great force. As the beast floated on past the sea clamp, it revealed a great crack through its centre, and the frequent bubbles stopped. The muscle that the boy had dreamed about bringing home then floated to the surface, bobbing slowly closer to him.
The boy unstrapped the eggs from his back and placed them carefully in the long grass. He kneeled there, shivering from the cold at the waters edge, reaching towards the muscle with all his might...
No one knows how the food came to appear at the village’s gates, nor do they know what happened to the young boy. Some say they saw his smiling face carved in the eggs, but that was put down to nothing more than urban myth.
"Monty was his name…." The old man told me.
"Truly a brave soul if there ever was one. We never had any doubt he could come through for his people." The tale continued.
"Some say he sits in the sky next to the stars, still watching down on us, ready to return if danger ever faces our village again." The man stated.
"We always knew he was a hero..."
"Some even say he was dropped on his head as a child. Some folks are cruel like that." He'd continue.
"But I suppose we have to rely on him now. The lad has a pure heart, even if he is lacking where it matters." The man would chuckle.
"Let's just say we're getting ready for a long, cold winter up here."
This boy had a duty. To become a man, to return from his impending journey with food for the bitter winter that is about to befell the humble village. Once every 100 years the great storm comes to pass, and the next in line for the thrown must provide for his people.
He knew not that his actions could determine the lives of hundreds of his people. He was too naive to understand the scope of what he had to do. To him it was an adventure. His mother tried to tell him of the dangers that littered the lands, but each letter that left her lips would weave their way around his brain and come straight out of the other end.
"Monty," His mother began.
"You know that this is very important, don't you?" The boy was too busy eating his final meal before the journey to give a response.
"I just want to know that, no matter of the outcome, we will always love you." The boy couldn't understand her, so continued his food, again with no response.
Hi mother knew that he couldn't bring anyone or anything to help him. She would worry day and night, thinking of some way to get Monty out of such a responsibility, but she always knew what he had to do. There was no escaping the inevitable.
Once he had cleared his plate, he was readied to set off. His mother spoke her gentle goodbyes, but the boy was far too excited to listen. The chill was beginning, but he couldn't feel it, even his bare feet seemed as warm as they ever had been. He would begin on the path that many legends had took before him, the last thing he saw as he turned back to take one look at the village the held so close to his heart was his mother, waving enthusiastically to him. He saw a glint in her eye as a tear rolled down her cheek, but he put it down the cold weather.
He merrily made his way through the tall blades of grass arced over the worn-in pathway. He knew not where he was headed, but the feeling of grass brushing past his feet was enough to tell him he was on the right track.
Shortly after he set off the boy came across a large pond. Not light blue, but a deep purple, shimmering in the moonlight that was getting higher in the sky. He sat at the waters edge and placed his muddy feet into the sparkling body. As his toes hit the surface, the liquid began to fizz, washing the dirt from his skin and soothing him too. He had only heard of such places in fables, the revitalising lakes that were said to appear once every blue moon. Alas, the orb in the sky shone a bright blue.
The boy brought his feet to dry land once again, somehow completely dry and once again full of warmth. He noticed his feet were bronze on the heels, he looked down to see a strip, following the waters edge. A worn and rusty pipe gripping the land and pond at once, ending just in the wake of the pipe's origin, decayed at the end and leaking a purple gas into the sky, that would easily seem invisible was there not a bright moon hung up with the stars. The reason for the pipe was lost on the boys mind, as he scanned the area further. As he stared deep into his reflection, he noticed something at the bed of the small lake. A large sea clamp, bigger than four or five of his people put together. It lay at bottom of the pool, occasionally snapping closed and forcing bubbles ponds brim, before floating beyond the surface, creating a beautiful aura.
The boy stood open-mouthed at the bubbles being carried off to the sky in amazement. Never had he seen such natural beauty in his life. He looked back down at the creature and noticed something as its jaws opened; the biggest, tastiest looking muscle he ever had seen. Surely that could feed his people for some time. His eyes were shining as he glared at his now prized-possession.
"It's so beautiful..." The boy mumbled to himself.
"Bu... should I...?" He carried on, speaking only to himself.
He stood for several moments, watching the shell clamp shut and open once again, over and over.
He finally decided to move on, the job of getting such an object was too great for him.
As he strolled, thinking about the muscle he just passed by, a white flake fell onto his forehead. Perfectly formed, like a star dropping from the black sky. He wiped it from his head as several more began to rain down on the land. He hurried his pace a little along the pathway, but still as jolly and warm as he was when he left his home. Whilst off from the path, the boy took shelter from the frost in a nearby forest. As dark as it was, it was truly a thing of beauty.
The boy glanced around his surroundings, and found something that was truly gifted to him. Four large eggs sat in front of him, he knew what were resting inside of them as well. An unnamed creature from the forest that grew the size of houses if fed properly. Surely if his people nurtured them, they could have food all-year round? The boy pulled some shoots from the ground and used them to tie the eggs to his back.
As he was leaving the darkness of the forest, he heard a growl echo from behind him. He was always taught that noises in the night were nothing more than his imagination, so carried on regardless. He heard footsteps in his wake, so began to steadily speed up. He wasn't taking any chances, despite what he was told when he was younger; those eggs did belong to someone after all.
Once he reached the pool again, he crouched to the ground facing where he came from, waiting to see if anything was on his tail. Just as he was about to get to his feet and carry on, a huge beast, probably the mother of the eggs he had strapped to his back, came hurtling towards him. As it came close it tried to halt, but the fresh snow caused it to slip, sliding straight towards the purple water ahead. As it hit the surface, the splash reached high up to the heavens.
The creature travelled quickly down to the bottom of the water, landing on the shell below with great force. As the beast floated on past the sea clamp, it revealed a great crack through its centre, and the frequent bubbles stopped. The muscle that the boy had dreamed about bringing home then floated to the surface, bobbing slowly closer to him.
The boy unstrapped the eggs from his back and placed them carefully in the long grass. He kneeled there, shivering from the cold at the waters edge, reaching towards the muscle with all his might...
No one knows how the food came to appear at the village’s gates, nor do they know what happened to the young boy. Some say they saw his smiling face carved in the eggs, but that was put down to nothing more than urban myth.
"Monty was his name…." The old man told me.
"Truly a brave soul if there ever was one. We never had any doubt he could come through for his people." The tale continued.
"Some say he sits in the sky next to the stars, still watching down on us, ready to return if danger ever faces our village again." The man stated.
"We always knew he was a hero..."
Page:
It has some nice flavours, but it kinda reminds me of a videogame story, if you know what I mean.
As Para said, it seemed rushed.
It was also a bit slow really.
You're not as good at writing story stories as you are at your more abstract typies. May I suggest a switch back for the next comp?
It was also a bit slow really.
You're not as good at writing story stories as you are at your more abstract typies. May I suggest a switch back for the next comp?
Yes, it was rushed. Did it in 1/2hour-hour. Didn't realise it was shiit though.
Bah.
Bah.
Whereas I plainly thought it was terrible.
Some uber-annoying typos and grammar errors there.
Seems a little rushed, too.
Wasn't bad, just wasn't outstanding either. The ending was nice though, perhaps it could also like to the 'full circle' theme of last time.
Seems a little rushed, too.
Wasn't bad, just wasn't outstanding either. The ending was nice though, perhaps it could also like to the 'full circle' theme of last time.
"Well, he certainly isn't the cleverest of folk." An old man once told me.
"Some even say he was dropped on his head as a child. Some folks are cruel like that." He'd continue.
"But I suppose we have to rely on him now. The lad has a pure heart, even if he is lacking where it matters." The man would chuckle.
"Let's just say we're getting ready for a long, cold winter up here."
This boy had a duty. To become a man, to return from his impending journey with food for the bitter winter that is about to befell the humble village. Once every 100 years the great storm comes to pass, and the next in line for the thrown must provide for his people.
He knew not that his actions could determine the lives of hundreds of his people. He was too naive to understand the scope of what he had to do. To him it was an adventure. His mother tried to tell him of the dangers that littered the lands, but each letter that left her lips would weave their way around his brain and come straight out of the other end.
"Monty," His mother began.
"You know that this is very important, don't you?" The boy was too busy eating his final meal before the journey to give a response.
"I just want to know that, no matter of the outcome, we will always love you." The boy couldn't understand her, so continued his food, again with no response.
Hi mother knew that he couldn't bring anyone or anything to help him. She would worry day and night, thinking of some way to get Monty out of such a responsibility, but she always knew what he had to do. There was no escaping the inevitable.
Once he had cleared his plate, he was readied to set off. His mother spoke her gentle goodbyes, but the boy was far too excited to listen. The chill was beginning, but he couldn't feel it, even his bare feet seemed as warm as they ever had been. He would begin on the path that many legends had took before him, the last thing he saw as he turned back to take one look at the village the held so close to his heart was his mother, waving enthusiastically to him. He saw a glint in her eye as a tear rolled down her cheek, but he put it down the cold weather.
He merrily made his way through the tall blades of grass arced over the worn-in pathway. He knew not where he was headed, but the feeling of grass brushing past his feet was enough to tell him he was on the right track.
Shortly after he set off the boy came across a large pond. Not light blue, but a deep purple, shimmering in the moonlight that was getting higher in the sky. He sat at the waters edge and placed his muddy feet into the sparkling body. As his toes hit the surface, the liquid began to fizz, washing the dirt from his skin and soothing him too. He had only heard of such places in fables, the revitalising lakes that were said to appear once every blue moon. Alas, the orb in the sky shone a bright blue.
The boy brought his feet to dry land once again, somehow completely dry and once again full of warmth. He noticed his feet were bronze on the heels, he looked down to see a strip, following the waters edge. A worn and rusty pipe gripping the land and pond at once, ending just in the wake of the pipe's origin, decayed at the end and leaking a purple gas into the sky, that would easily seem invisible was there not a bright moon hung up with the stars. The reason for the pipe was lost on the boys mind, as he scanned the area further. As he stared deep into his reflection, he noticed something at the bed of the small lake. A large sea clamp, bigger than four or five of his people put together. It lay at bottom of the pool, occasionally snapping closed and forcing bubbles ponds brim, before floating beyond the surface, creating a beautiful aura.
The boy stood open-mouthed at the bubbles being carried off to the sky in amazement. Never had he seen such natural beauty in his life. He looked back down at the creature and noticed something as its jaws opened; the biggest, tastiest looking muscle he ever had seen. Surely that could feed his people for some time. His eyes were shining as he glared at his now prized-possession.
"It's so beautiful..." The boy mumbled to himself.
"Bu... should I...?" He carried on, speaking only to himself.
He stood for several moments, watching the shell clamp shut and open once again, over and over.
He finally decided to move on, the job of getting such an object was too great for him.
As he strolled, thinking about the muscle he just passed by, a white flake fell onto his forehead. Perfectly formed, like a star dropping from the black sky. He wiped it from his head as several more began to rain down on the land. He hurried his pace a little along the pathway, but still as jolly and warm as he was when he left his home. Whilst off from the path, the boy took shelter from the frost in a nearby forest. As dark as it was, it was truly a thing of beauty.
The boy glanced around his surroundings, and found something that was truly gifted to him. Four large eggs sat in front of him, he knew what were resting inside of them as well. An unnamed creature from the forest that grew the size of houses if fed properly. Surely if his people nurtured them, they could have food all-year round? The boy pulled some shoots from the ground and used them to tie the eggs to his back.
As he was leaving the darkness of the forest, he heard a growl echo from behind him. He was always taught that noises in the night were nothing more than his imagination, so carried on regardless. He heard footsteps in his wake, so began to steadily speed up. He wasn't taking any chances, despite what he was told when he was younger; those eggs did belong to someone after all.
Once he reached the pool again, he crouched to the ground facing where he came from, waiting to see if anything was on his tail. Just as he was about to get to his feet and carry on, a huge beast, probably the mother of the eggs he had strapped to his back, came hurtling towards him. As it came close it tried to halt, but the fresh snow caused it to slip, sliding straight towards the purple water ahead. As it hit the surface, the splash reached high up to the heavens.
The creature travelled quickly down to the bottom of the water, landing on the shell below with great force. As the beast floated on past the sea clamp, it revealed a great crack through its centre, and the frequent bubbles stopped. The muscle that the boy had dreamed about bringing home then floated to the surface, bobbing slowly closer to him.
The boy unstrapped the eggs from his back and placed them carefully in the long grass. He kneeled there, shivering from the cold at the waters edge, reaching towards the muscle with all his might...
No one knows how the food came to appear at the village’s gates, nor do they know what happened to the young boy. Some say they saw his smiling face carved in the eggs, but that was put down to nothing more than urban myth.
"Monty was his name…." The old man told me.
"Truly a brave soul if there ever was one. We never had any doubt he could come through for his people." The tale continued.
"Some say he sits in the sky next to the stars, still watching down on us, ready to return if danger ever faces our village again." The man stated.
"We always knew he was a hero..."
"Some even say he was dropped on his head as a child. Some folks are cruel like that." He'd continue.
"But I suppose we have to rely on him now. The lad has a pure heart, even if he is lacking where it matters." The man would chuckle.
"Let's just say we're getting ready for a long, cold winter up here."
This boy had a duty. To become a man, to return from his impending journey with food for the bitter winter that is about to befell the humble village. Once every 100 years the great storm comes to pass, and the next in line for the thrown must provide for his people.
He knew not that his actions could determine the lives of hundreds of his people. He was too naive to understand the scope of what he had to do. To him it was an adventure. His mother tried to tell him of the dangers that littered the lands, but each letter that left her lips would weave their way around his brain and come straight out of the other end.
"Monty," His mother began.
"You know that this is very important, don't you?" The boy was too busy eating his final meal before the journey to give a response.
"I just want to know that, no matter of the outcome, we will always love you." The boy couldn't understand her, so continued his food, again with no response.
Hi mother knew that he couldn't bring anyone or anything to help him. She would worry day and night, thinking of some way to get Monty out of such a responsibility, but she always knew what he had to do. There was no escaping the inevitable.
Once he had cleared his plate, he was readied to set off. His mother spoke her gentle goodbyes, but the boy was far too excited to listen. The chill was beginning, but he couldn't feel it, even his bare feet seemed as warm as they ever had been. He would begin on the path that many legends had took before him, the last thing he saw as he turned back to take one look at the village the held so close to his heart was his mother, waving enthusiastically to him. He saw a glint in her eye as a tear rolled down her cheek, but he put it down the cold weather.
He merrily made his way through the tall blades of grass arced over the worn-in pathway. He knew not where he was headed, but the feeling of grass brushing past his feet was enough to tell him he was on the right track.
Shortly after he set off the boy came across a large pond. Not light blue, but a deep purple, shimmering in the moonlight that was getting higher in the sky. He sat at the waters edge and placed his muddy feet into the sparkling body. As his toes hit the surface, the liquid began to fizz, washing the dirt from his skin and soothing him too. He had only heard of such places in fables, the revitalising lakes that were said to appear once every blue moon. Alas, the orb in the sky shone a bright blue.
The boy brought his feet to dry land once again, somehow completely dry and once again full of warmth. He noticed his feet were bronze on the heels, he looked down to see a strip, following the waters edge. A worn and rusty pipe gripping the land and pond at once, ending just in the wake of the pipe's origin, decayed at the end and leaking a purple gas into the sky, that would easily seem invisible was there not a bright moon hung up with the stars. The reason for the pipe was lost on the boys mind, as he scanned the area further. As he stared deep into his reflection, he noticed something at the bed of the small lake. A large sea clamp, bigger than four or five of his people put together. It lay at bottom of the pool, occasionally snapping closed and forcing bubbles ponds brim, before floating beyond the surface, creating a beautiful aura.
The boy stood open-mouthed at the bubbles being carried off to the sky in amazement. Never had he seen such natural beauty in his life. He looked back down at the creature and noticed something as its jaws opened; the biggest, tastiest looking muscle he ever had seen. Surely that could feed his people for some time. His eyes were shining as he glared at his now prized-possession.
"It's so beautiful..." The boy mumbled to himself.
"Bu... should I...?" He carried on, speaking only to himself.
He stood for several moments, watching the shell clamp shut and open once again, over and over.
He finally decided to move on, the job of getting such an object was too great for him.
As he strolled, thinking about the muscle he just passed by, a white flake fell onto his forehead. Perfectly formed, like a star dropping from the black sky. He wiped it from his head as several more began to rain down on the land. He hurried his pace a little along the pathway, but still as jolly and warm as he was when he left his home. Whilst off from the path, the boy took shelter from the frost in a nearby forest. As dark as it was, it was truly a thing of beauty.
The boy glanced around his surroundings, and found something that was truly gifted to him. Four large eggs sat in front of him, he knew what were resting inside of them as well. An unnamed creature from the forest that grew the size of houses if fed properly. Surely if his people nurtured them, they could have food all-year round? The boy pulled some shoots from the ground and used them to tie the eggs to his back.
As he was leaving the darkness of the forest, he heard a growl echo from behind him. He was always taught that noises in the night were nothing more than his imagination, so carried on regardless. He heard footsteps in his wake, so began to steadily speed up. He wasn't taking any chances, despite what he was told when he was younger; those eggs did belong to someone after all.
Once he reached the pool again, he crouched to the ground facing where he came from, waiting to see if anything was on his tail. Just as he was about to get to his feet and carry on, a huge beast, probably the mother of the eggs he had strapped to his back, came hurtling towards him. As it came close it tried to halt, but the fresh snow caused it to slip, sliding straight towards the purple water ahead. As it hit the surface, the splash reached high up to the heavens.
The creature travelled quickly down to the bottom of the water, landing on the shell below with great force. As the beast floated on past the sea clamp, it revealed a great crack through its centre, and the frequent bubbles stopped. The muscle that the boy had dreamed about bringing home then floated to the surface, bobbing slowly closer to him.
The boy unstrapped the eggs from his back and placed them carefully in the long grass. He kneeled there, shivering from the cold at the waters edge, reaching towards the muscle with all his might...
No one knows how the food came to appear at the village’s gates, nor do they know what happened to the young boy. Some say they saw his smiling face carved in the eggs, but that was put down to nothing more than urban myth.
"Monty was his name…." The old man told me.
"Truly a brave soul if there ever was one. We never had any doubt he could come through for his people." The tale continued.
"Some say he sits in the sky next to the stars, still watching down on us, ready to return if danger ever faces our village again." The man stated.
"We always knew he was a hero..."
Page: