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"SSC15 - Free"

Deep beneath the gentle waves,
Hung motionless in coral caves,
With all who dwell there in his gaze,
The ocean’s fort is where he stays.

As swiftly as he lay there still,
The water waits to heed his will,
And ripples in its anxious chill,
The quiet calm before the thrill.

At once the depths are now alive,
And startled shoals surrender size,
The monster king begins to rise,
With bloody cries and fire eyes.

Explosions underwater break,
The subtleties in his awake,
As plumes of smoke make clear opaque,
It is now time to leave this lake.

A bullet fired from the ground,
The water breaking all around,
And bitter air can quench when found,
The deep blue’s king has now been crowned.

The surface sounds its gentle tone,
And twinkles light that’s not its own,
A broken moon then left alone,
The great beyond now beckons home.

This really isn't my cup of tea but I gather from the other comments that it's good so all must be well :)

Very good Mav!

Paradox for quotable.

You always quote me, FFF.

I'm so quotable.

Really, I am.

Mmmm ... sublime.
As Kyz said, beautifully sculpted.

Except: "It is now time to leave this lake" which didn't sit too well with me. But otherwise, mehexellenté

Beautifully subtle, but left a lasting impression. Nice change of pace. :)

Really beautifully sculpted piece there.

Yeah, thanks for pointing out the weakness in the last verse. It was proving a bit of a pain to write and I'm now much happier with it.

As for putting something across, there were many themes going through my head when writing it and many different areas of inspiration. Some of these are probably more obvious to notice than others, but I'd be lying if I said there was one all-encompassing meaning behind it.

I'm glad you revised the second last line, it didn't fit the rhyme at all, and you needed to bring the moon into play more. It's now very good.

Other than that it is tremendously worded but I can't work out whether its supposed to be putting across anything other than a wonderful picture. Superbly rhythemic it is, and worded, and more. I'm just a bit curious over whether there was something I'm missing. It was hardly obvious. If it was the whole breaking free thing I feel it needed to be stressed more. The picture seemed first on the agenda.

If it was purely a descriptive and rhythemic piece, you've achieved what you intended with flying colours.

Wow, I thought I had read my last ballad in English last year.

Modern ballad too, not traditional which is good.

Oral tradition and all that.

Oh I'm getting all technical.

Yes, very good.