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"SSC14 - Dragon"

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Fri 19/11/04 at 18:09
Regular
"Copyright (c) 2004"
Posts: 602
Dragon

Fiery mists rise of the barren mountainside, and the falling rain spits and hisses as it hit’s the ground. Bones cast asunder provide what little cover there is from the engulfing winds, carrying the poisonous smog forth. The ragged landscape holds firm against the harsh winds, slicing them through, just like the lives of many men, who’s quest for riches and adventure lead them here. Beneath the ever twirling smoke, the suffocated landscape shifted slightly, disturbed by wanderers amidst the huge rotting heap. A small group of men, hell-bent of a life of luxury had come here to challenge Death to a game of chance. Little did they know, death always wins.

Death holds all the cards.

“.. And the barman says….WHY THE LONG FACE” Roars of jolly laughter echoed through the party of 5 stout men. Their leader, pig nosed and moustached, grinned with glee at his clever contribution to the well-being of his men. After a brief pause one brave soul chirped up. “oh DAMN! I just realised, we’re having lamb for dinner, and I promised I’d be back by now. Sorry fellas, but I have to go.” Ted swung his bow around from his back and aimed an arrow down the hill at the fleeing figure and fired. The arrow glanced off his helmet knocking him to the ground and into a pile of upright bones. The stunned look on Teds face faded away after he realised the body was motionless. “I meant to do that.”, He stated with authority. “As for the rest of you. We’re gonna slay this dragon, or die trying. The next person who tries to defect wont be so lucky”. “HOW WAS HE LUCKY??”, cried a disgruntled grunt. “Uhhh. He got some fresh air and exercise on the way down”

Here be dragons.

Deep inside the mountain, the dragon lay quietly on top of his amassed wealth. Suddenly repeated shouts made him jump up, startled. A huge man plunged a sword into his chest and threw him to the side. As he lay there dying in a pool of his own blood the 4 men surrounded him and started beating him, deeper towards that deep, black hole, and peace. The last light faded from his eyes and the men stopped, cheering. Triumphant they collected their wealth and prepared to head back down the mountain. High on their victory over the terrifying dragon, and weighed down with all they could carry, they stumbled down the mountain, which was now at peace.

The victory of men.

Ted hopped off the sandpit and stuck his hands in his pockets. Around him his friends all mimicked having huge loads of treasure and slumped onto the tarmac, exhausted. Fred sat next to them, nursing a cut on his head and sobbing slightly. They got up and wandered back over to the cat. Ted pulled his penknife out of its stomach and wiped it on the grass. “Stupid cat.”, he said. “ Shouldn’t have come in here”. He kicked its limp body into some bushes, cursing as blood splattered on his shoe. “What have you done NOW, Ted” groaned a middle-aged woman, as she wandered over to the small group. “We found this dead cat, Mrs Peterson” said Ted. “only it was-” Another child started to say but stopped after he saw the glare Ted was giving him and the fact he had a knife against his arm. “Oh dear, you’d better go home" The party trekked off, laughing and joking amongst themselves. Mrs Peterson kicked the cat deeper into the bushes.

Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori.
Fri 19/11/04 at 18:09
Regular
"Copyright (c) 2004"
Posts: 602
Dragon

Fiery mists rise of the barren mountainside, and the falling rain spits and hisses as it hit’s the ground. Bones cast asunder provide what little cover there is from the engulfing winds, carrying the poisonous smog forth. The ragged landscape holds firm against the harsh winds, slicing them through, just like the lives of many men, who’s quest for riches and adventure lead them here. Beneath the ever twirling smoke, the suffocated landscape shifted slightly, disturbed by wanderers amidst the huge rotting heap. A small group of men, hell-bent of a life of luxury had come here to challenge Death to a game of chance. Little did they know, death always wins.

Death holds all the cards.

“.. And the barman says….WHY THE LONG FACE” Roars of jolly laughter echoed through the party of 5 stout men. Their leader, pig nosed and moustached, grinned with glee at his clever contribution to the well-being of his men. After a brief pause one brave soul chirped up. “oh DAMN! I just realised, we’re having lamb for dinner, and I promised I’d be back by now. Sorry fellas, but I have to go.” Ted swung his bow around from his back and aimed an arrow down the hill at the fleeing figure and fired. The arrow glanced off his helmet knocking him to the ground and into a pile of upright bones. The stunned look on Teds face faded away after he realised the body was motionless. “I meant to do that.”, He stated with authority. “As for the rest of you. We’re gonna slay this dragon, or die trying. The next person who tries to defect wont be so lucky”. “HOW WAS HE LUCKY??”, cried a disgruntled grunt. “Uhhh. He got some fresh air and exercise on the way down”

Here be dragons.

Deep inside the mountain, the dragon lay quietly on top of his amassed wealth. Suddenly repeated shouts made him jump up, startled. A huge man plunged a sword into his chest and threw him to the side. As he lay there dying in a pool of his own blood the 4 men surrounded him and started beating him, deeper towards that deep, black hole, and peace. The last light faded from his eyes and the men stopped, cheering. Triumphant they collected their wealth and prepared to head back down the mountain. High on their victory over the terrifying dragon, and weighed down with all they could carry, they stumbled down the mountain, which was now at peace.

The victory of men.

Ted hopped off the sandpit and stuck his hands in his pockets. Around him his friends all mimicked having huge loads of treasure and slumped onto the tarmac, exhausted. Fred sat next to them, nursing a cut on his head and sobbing slightly. They got up and wandered back over to the cat. Ted pulled his penknife out of its stomach and wiped it on the grass. “Stupid cat.”, he said. “ Shouldn’t have come in here”. He kicked its limp body into some bushes, cursing as blood splattered on his shoe. “What have you done NOW, Ted” groaned a middle-aged woman, as she wandered over to the small group. “We found this dead cat, Mrs Peterson” said Ted. “only it was-” Another child started to say but stopped after he saw the glare Ted was giving him and the fact he had a knife against his arm. “Oh dear, you’d better go home" The party trekked off, laughing and joking amongst themselves. Mrs Peterson kicked the cat deeper into the bushes.

Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori.
Fri 19/11/04 at 18:14
Regular
"Copyright (c) 2004"
Posts: 602
I was gonna call it "Poof the magic snapdragon" and do another gay entry, and I also considered having something like in the holy grail, the killer rabbit thing. um..in the end I just went with the flow...I guess and thats what came out. At that stage the title Poof the magic snapdragon didnt fit so I shortened it.

The point is that we consider ourselves to have evolved above animals (well I think most people consider themselves to be above, say, a gerbil?) yet we kill for sport. Animals only kill for food, or in self defense with the exception of some, relatively smart (interesting) animals, such as dolphins which are known to attack and mob porpoise. (that is such a strange...word...porpoise....purpose with a weird accent)
Sat 20/11/04 at 00:20
Regular
Posts: 13,611
A quick, possibly irrelevant, note...

I think the impact of Dulce et decorum est is lessened and the meaning removed completely when the previous line - "The old lie;" - is neglected.

That is, of course, if you're referring to the poem. If not, ignore me.

I'll read it all soon. :-)
Sat 20/11/04 at 01:15
Regular
"Copyright (c) 2004"
Posts: 602
Oh I see. I wasnt lol. I was referring to the saying which Im sure you all know "sweet and honourable it is to die for ones country" or something along those lines. um I remember doing the poem YEARS ago in school. I thought it was pretty good. you now have me intruiged as to the odd lie.

oh right I see. (looked it up) yeah um the whole point of the poem is to show that it ISNT sweet and honourable to die for your country and that its a crock of bull. Its trying to show the reality of war during a time when all you saw of war was "YOUR COUNTRY NEEDS YOU!" (or was that ww2? Im pretty sure wilhelm himself was on a few) um yeah so like that Im showing that the cat died a completely pointless death, like a lot of men during that time. I didnt mean to draw on ww1 though. lol.
Sat 20/11/04 at 10:51
Regular
"bei-jing-jing-jing"
Posts: 7,403
...

I'm stumped.

It used some nice words, but I didn't once feel anything for the story, and I think a few grammatical errors made it thick to read.
Sat 20/11/04 at 11:16
Regular
"Copyright (c) 2004"
Posts: 602
oops lol.

um its basicly these kids pretending there donna slay a dragon, but its just some poor cat.

i just remembered some..saying..arrgh I forgot it again. oohh thats what it was, emily dickensons poem about life under ronald regan, uhhh, the times are tidy. there was some reference to a dragon I randomly remembered which is totally irrelevant I think. nevermind.

aaanyway. the last paragraph is the only part the actually happened (well NONE of it actually happened...you know what I mean)
Sat 20/11/04 at 11:32
Regular
"bei-jing-jing-jing"
Posts: 7,403
I did see a parallel between the dragon and the cat, but like I said I think it was far too thick to read.

Not one of your best.
Sat 20/11/04 at 12:42
Regular
Posts: 10,437
I liked the first paragraph, but from then on the speech and whole idea was a bit weak.

Still, keep on trying, your descriptions are great.
Sat 20/11/04 at 14:27
Regular
"Copyright (c) 2004"
Posts: 602
thanks. when I was writing it I hadnt decided what it was gonna be about..so....it just...went. lol.
Sat 20/11/04 at 19:27
Regular
"WhaleOilBeefHooked"
Posts: 12,425
I agree with Rickoss. A nice opening with some good description but I feel it was let down by the second paragraph.

“HOW WAS HE LUCKY??”

Sorry to be picky but the use of two question marks doesn't entice me to read on.

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