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"SSC14 - Dragon"

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Fri 19/11/04 at 18:09
Regular
"Copyright (c) 2004"
Posts: 602
Dragon

Fiery mists rise of the barren mountainside, and the falling rain spits and hisses as it hit’s the ground. Bones cast asunder provide what little cover there is from the engulfing winds, carrying the poisonous smog forth. The ragged landscape holds firm against the harsh winds, slicing them through, just like the lives of many men, who’s quest for riches and adventure lead them here. Beneath the ever twirling smoke, the suffocated landscape shifted slightly, disturbed by wanderers amidst the huge rotting heap. A small group of men, hell-bent of a life of luxury had come here to challenge Death to a game of chance. Little did they know, death always wins.

Death holds all the cards.

“.. And the barman says….WHY THE LONG FACE” Roars of jolly laughter echoed through the party of 5 stout men. Their leader, pig nosed and moustached, grinned with glee at his clever contribution to the well-being of his men. After a brief pause one brave soul chirped up. “oh DAMN! I just realised, we’re having lamb for dinner, and I promised I’d be back by now. Sorry fellas, but I have to go.” Ted swung his bow around from his back and aimed an arrow down the hill at the fleeing figure and fired. The arrow glanced off his helmet knocking him to the ground and into a pile of upright bones. The stunned look on Teds face faded away after he realised the body was motionless. “I meant to do that.”, He stated with authority. “As for the rest of you. We’re gonna slay this dragon, or die trying. The next person who tries to defect wont be so lucky”. “HOW WAS HE LUCKY??”, cried a disgruntled grunt. “Uhhh. He got some fresh air and exercise on the way down”

Here be dragons.

Deep inside the mountain, the dragon lay quietly on top of his amassed wealth. Suddenly repeated shouts made him jump up, startled. A huge man plunged a sword into his chest and threw him to the side. As he lay there dying in a pool of his own blood the 4 men surrounded him and started beating him, deeper towards that deep, black hole, and peace. The last light faded from his eyes and the men stopped, cheering. Triumphant they collected their wealth and prepared to head back down the mountain. High on their victory over the terrifying dragon, and weighed down with all they could carry, they stumbled down the mountain, which was now at peace.

The victory of men.

Ted hopped off the sandpit and stuck his hands in his pockets. Around him his friends all mimicked having huge loads of treasure and slumped onto the tarmac, exhausted. Fred sat next to them, nursing a cut on his head and sobbing slightly. They got up and wandered back over to the cat. Ted pulled his penknife out of its stomach and wiped it on the grass. “Stupid cat.”, he said. “ Shouldn’t have come in here”. He kicked its limp body into some bushes, cursing as blood splattered on his shoe. “What have you done NOW, Ted” groaned a middle-aged woman, as she wandered over to the small group. “We found this dead cat, Mrs Peterson” said Ted. “only it was-” Another child started to say but stopped after he saw the glare Ted was giving him and the fact he had a knife against his arm. “Oh dear, you’d better go home" The party trekked off, laughing and joking amongst themselves. Mrs Peterson kicked the cat deeper into the bushes.

Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori.
Sun 05/12/04 at 17:47
Regular
Posts: 23,216
Good fun
Fri 03/12/04 at 20:18
Regular
"Copyright (c) 2004"
Posts: 602
thanks. well. I had smoke at the start. I dont work well around a theme...its always spur of the moment CRAPNEEDTOCRAP
Fri 03/12/04 at 15:07
Regular
"SOUP!"
Posts: 13,017
I quite enjoyed that, you could've stretched it out a bit.

It felt quite rushed, as if you were telling it in person and needed to go to the toilet.

Twist was cool.

No link to smoke, though.
Thu 25/11/04 at 20:55
Regular
"Going nowhere fast"
Posts: 6,574
Guess everything has already been said but the thought of a dragon jumping up startled did make me smile :)

Other than that the idea was icky.
Sat 20/11/04 at 20:43
"period drama"
Posts: 19,792
Great first paragraph, went way downhill from there.
I blame your concentration span.
Sat 20/11/04 at 19:27
Regular
"WhaleOilBeefHooked"
Posts: 12,425
I agree with Rickoss. A nice opening with some good description but I feel it was let down by the second paragraph.

“HOW WAS HE LUCKY??”

Sorry to be picky but the use of two question marks doesn't entice me to read on.
Sat 20/11/04 at 14:27
Regular
"Copyright (c) 2004"
Posts: 602
thanks. when I was writing it I hadnt decided what it was gonna be about..so....it just...went. lol.
Sat 20/11/04 at 12:42
Regular
Posts: 10,437
I liked the first paragraph, but from then on the speech and whole idea was a bit weak.

Still, keep on trying, your descriptions are great.
Sat 20/11/04 at 11:32
Regular
"bei-jing-jing-jing"
Posts: 7,403
I did see a parallel between the dragon and the cat, but like I said I think it was far too thick to read.

Not one of your best.
Sat 20/11/04 at 11:16
Regular
"Copyright (c) 2004"
Posts: 602
oops lol.

um its basicly these kids pretending there donna slay a dragon, but its just some poor cat.

i just remembered some..saying..arrgh I forgot it again. oohh thats what it was, emily dickensons poem about life under ronald regan, uhhh, the times are tidy. there was some reference to a dragon I randomly remembered which is totally irrelevant I think. nevermind.

aaanyway. the last paragraph is the only part the actually happened (well NONE of it actually happened...you know what I mean)

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