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"SSC14 - Blowing Smoke"

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Tue 16/11/04 at 15:41
Regular
"SOUP!"
Posts: 13,017
The train screamed as it surged through the dark tunnel. Choking coal-smoke billowed relentlessly from its ever-pumping high-brimmed funnels and quickly rose onto the bridge, enclosing me in its suffocating white-grey billows. I inhaled deeply and smiled as the thick smoke filled my lungs and led to a short fit of spluttering. As the grey cloud lifted my gaze followed it up into the sky, rising almost majestically in the light spring air, and dissolving amongst the blueness. What intrigued me most was the illusion that the sky was blue, despite all of the black smoke and steam that is released into the air. Not just now, but every day. Trains and coal fires and factories and furnaces, all pumping their filthy blackness up there, but it still stays a glimmering blue.

The sky puts on a brave face and doesn’t show its weaknesses.

The same, I think, can be said of people. Despite all of their troubles and the uttermost negative aspects of their life, they will still put on a happy guise and smile. I know not if this is a good thing, or perhaps merely an inbuilt automatic human function, but is something my observations of humanity have proven to be true.

As I walked slowly across the bridge back towards the village I spied Mr and Mrs Green engaging in polite conversation about the weather with Mr Faherty, the local butcher. Mr Green knew that Mr Faherty was the father of his daughter, though never confronted his wife about it. Partly, I suspected, because he didn’t want anyone to know of his impotency, but mostly due to the fact that the illusion he was happily married to a faithful wife with a beautiful daughter, was much better than living a lonely single life or admitting he was a cuckold hubby. Mrs Green smiled lustfully at Mr Faherty as the couple bade him good day and continued home. Mr Faherty, on the other hand, was fighting a somewhat different battle. He was a stout man in his early forties, though had never married, which was something of an oddity in these times. The reason he never tied the knot with one of the numerous pretty local girls was that he was a homosexual who engaged in weekly raunchy sessions with Reverend Pith of St Marks parish. He convinced himself that if he slept with a woman from time to time it would counterbalance his homosexuality and stop him living sinfully in the eyes of God. Though if he had listened at church instead of gazing longingly at Reverend Pith, he would realise that adultery is addressed in one of the Ten Commandments whilst homosexually isn’t. Whether Mr Faherty was trying to convince the town, or his self, he was heterosexual was a different matter.

I continued in strides up the small hill towards St Marks and took a left towards my cottage. As I opened the door I was greeted by the pleasant, almost delectable scent of my wife. I followed the smell through the empty kitchen and up the stairs into our bedroom where the bedcovers shrouded an obvious lump in the centre. I slowly peeled back the covers to reveal my wife’s elegant skeletal face, her voluptuous rotting breasts and her cavernous stomach that had recently become a maggot’s nest. Her yellowing skin was delicately torn away around yawning flesh wounds and her head lolled back against the mattress, her pupils rolled up into her skull. “You’ve been waiting for me, haven’t you darling” I said softly, before stripping and sliding into bed next to her cold body. “Ooh you’re icy dear, let me warm you up.”

The townsfolk probably knew of my wife’s fate and the fact I hadn’t quite come to terms with losing her yet. Though they got on with their everyday business without mentioning anything, blinded by their own smoke, billowing it out into the atmosphere and making it all look clear and blue. Living harmoniously with one other in our quiet little village.
Thu 18/11/04 at 16:23
Regular
"bei-jing-jing-jing"
Posts: 7,403
You definitely posted it on here Para. I remember.

Although I did LOVE the new intro. It was immense.
Thu 18/11/04 at 15:55
"period drama"
Posts: 19,792
Paradox: wrote:
> Just because it's an uncommon word does it mean I should limit it's
> use?

It being uncommon has nothing to do with things.
It just didn't flow too well for me with the same word being using in such a short space of time, never does.
Thu 18/11/04 at 13:08
Regular
"SOUP!"
Posts: 13,017
It is a story I wrote a while ago but I'm not altogether convinced I posted it, I might just have MSNd you it or something.

Either way I stripped it down and rewrote chunks of it, not because I'm feeling uncreative but because it applies directly to the Smoke topic that's been set. Seemed a waste not to use it, I'm fairly resourceful I think.
Thu 18/11/04 at 00:19
Regular
"bei-jing-jing-jing"
Posts: 7,403
You've done this already, it just has a different intro, I remember reading it distinctly, obvioysly because I rock.

And yes, it's good, but I get the impression you are lacking creatively at the moment. Do I have an accurate nose?
Wed 17/11/04 at 22:37
Regular
"Laughingstock"
Posts: 3,522
Liked it. And the last bit tickled me.
Wed 17/11/04 at 21:00
Regular
"SOUP!"
Posts: 13,017
hmm.

Just because it's an uncommon word does it mean I should limit it's use?
Wed 17/11/04 at 20:33
"period drama"
Posts: 19,792
It's only that you used billowed twice in such a short time (well, billowed and billows, but you know what I mean)
Wed 17/11/04 at 18:13
Regular
"SOUP!"
Posts: 13,017
blame Mav.

He approved that bit.
Wed 17/11/04 at 16:59
Regular
"Copyright (c) 2004"
Posts: 602
The only tiny problem I had with it (apart from the whole dead body thing..oh and the fact there wasnt a clear storyline..which doesnt really matter..I can never have one) was in the first paragraph:

"Choking coal-smoke billowed relentlessly from its ever-pumping high-brimmed funnels and quickly rose onto the bridge, enclosing me in its suffocating white-grey billows"

billows.
Wed 17/11/04 at 11:33
Regular
Posts: 10,437
I liked it, although at times it didn't flow too well.

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