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"Heard this one?"

Two blokes are sat in a pub, drunk as skunks, and trying to work out what the bloke sat at the bar does for a living. "He's a lawyer", says one.
"Nah. He's a doctor", says the other.
Just then, the man in question gets up and heads for the toilet. "I'll ask him", says one drunk, and he gets up and staggers after him.
In the gents, the drunk stands at the urinal next to the bloke and slurs, "Excuse me, mate, but me and my pal were trying to figure out what it is you do for a living. Can you put us out of our misery, please?"
"Sure", the guy says. "I'm a logical scientist."
"A logde what?" asks the drunk, nearly peeing on his shoes.
"A logical scientist. Let me explain: do you own a goldfish?"
"Erm, yes", replies the drunk.
"Do you keep it in a tank or in a garden pond?"
"Pond."
So I assume you've got a fairly large garden?"
"Yep."
"And with a large garden you're bound to have a large house."
"Yep - five bedrooms, built it myself."
"So, having a large house I can deduce that you have a family."
"Yeah - three kids and a wife."
"And, being married I assume you make love to your wife regularly and therefore don't m********e."
"You've got that right, mate! Never need to, if you know what I mean", the drunk says with a knowing wink.
"So", the guy says, "From asking you whether you own a goldfish I've deduced that you don't m********e. That's what a logical scientist does."
"That's amazing", says the drunk. "Thanks mate."
And with that, they both leave the toilet. The drunk staggers back to his mate and sits down heavily. "Well?" his mate asks. "What does he do?"
"He's a logical scientist", he answers.
"And what's one of them?", he asks with a puzzled look.
"I'll explain. You got a goldfish?"
"No."
"Then you're a w##ker!"

:D

I know a friend who'd love that

Two blokes are sat in a pub, drunk as skunks, and trying to work out what the bloke sat at the bar does for a living. "He's a lawyer", says one.
"Nah. He's a doctor", says the other.
Just then, the man in question gets up and heads for the toilet. "I'll ask him", says one drunk, and he gets up and staggers after him.
In the gents, the drunk stands at the urinal next to the bloke and slurs, "Excuse me, mate, but me and my pal were trying to figure out what it is you do for a living. Can you put us out of our misery, please?"
"Sure", the guy says. "I'm a logical scientist."
"A logde what?" asks the drunk, nearly peeing on his shoes.
"A logical scientist. Let me explain: do you own a goldfish?"
"Erm, yes", replies the drunk.
"Do you keep it in a tank or in a garden pond?"
"Pond."
So I assume you've got a fairly large garden?"
"Yep."
"And with a large garden you're bound to have a large house."
"Yep - five bedrooms, built it myself."
"So, having a large house I can deduce that you have a family."
"Yeah - three kids and a wife."
"And, being married I assume you make love to your wife regularly and therefore don't m********e."
"You've got that right, mate! Never need to, if you know what I mean", the drunk says with a knowing wink.
"So", the guy says, "From asking you whether you own a goldfish I've deduced that you don't m********e. That's what a logical scientist does."
"That's amazing", says the drunk. "Thanks mate."
And with that, they both leave the toilet. The drunk staggers back to his mate and sits down heavily. "Well?" his mate asks. "What does he do?"
"He's a logical scientist", he answers.
"And what's one of them?", he asks with a puzzled look.
"I'll explain. You got a goldfish?"
"No."
"Then you're a w##ker!"