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"SSC 9 - Til Death Do Us Part"

Veins chill, the inflowing juice of the damned streams. This time, this place, and everything around me is just another interspersed snapshot of my existence; another moment shared by both relentless torture and pure pleasure. My thoughts wander blankly, questioning why I ever betrayed myself, how I ever got into the situations and misfortunes that now confront me. I’ll be fine as long as I have you though, I’ll be just fine.

I recollect - it must have started when we discovered each other a couple of years back, you and I. It seemed a struggle to hit it off between us at first, constant attempts, but I was at that time of my life when I needed someone, and that someone was you. Off the back of a bad relationship, depression, and God knows what else, I was willing to try anything, and then one day it just worked, we clicked into place. You were the fuel to my fire; I abruptly caught alight with a joy I never thought possible to experience.

Bursting with flame, character, a carefree barrier. Bursting with life.

And what a pair we were. Times with you were blissful. I was so happy words couldn’t express; relatives, friends and probably even complete strangers observed how chirpy, joking and happy-go-lucky I was when we were together, joyfully together. On numerous occasions my parents praised me on how my life was going, how I was embracing it, but in all honesty I couldn’t have cared if they had shunned you anyway without a second thought. I’d have been with you, on your side; they didn’t seem to have the same significance to me anymore. I don’t even recall them recognising you as a turning point in my life.

In your absence, though, my existence could be compared to that of a scarecrow. Minutes, hours and days seemed to slither by, the tick-tocking of uncomforting clocks the only noise on the air of my surroundings; a lonely mans only company. Every thrill, exhilaration or even standard feelings that any average person would expect to feel weren’t even present in minorities. Then, when I found you, when I embraced you, I became a different person all over again, reborn into the skin of the happiest man alive.

I need you more and more and more.

This fire, fire driven and fuelled by you, is like no other sensation. It feels incredible. Warm, comforting, yet also buzzing and flickering with excitement. But every day it stays within the confines of my body, it scorches me.

I need you more and more and more. Without you I’m nothing but a faceless nobody, leading a faceless excuse of a life. I can’t live without you; you’re worth the world. Your rush, your well being, your ever-lasting protection. We’re made for each other. I inject you once more. And again. And again.

Veins chill, the inflowing juice of the damned streams. I lie here losing my senses, losing my consciousness…losing my breath.

Yeah, I kept reading over that when checking for errors but couldn't see a way round it. They aren't meant to know of him using the drugs, even though that sentence suggests that they might.

Yeah, one of those little niggling things.

Anyway stop dodging my story! I want critique!

Indeed, it didn't take away from the effectiveness of the story, just made me stop and wonder.

Maybe he was trying to create the paranoia felt by drug addicts by assuming they DID know, and saying about shunning the drugs?

I think "shun me" would work better though.

We're etching at the minor details here though.

Paradox: wrote:
> It's about drugs - you got that yeah?
>
> Its just saying he doesnt care if other people judge his addiction,
> he'll adhere to it.
>
> Or so I read it

Yeah, I got that it was about drugs, but it doesn't seem right.


"On numerous occasions my parents praised me on how my life was going, how I was embracing it,"

So his parents think his life is going well, okay with that.

"but in all honesty I couldn’t have cared if they had shunned you anyway without a second thought. "

But this line would suggest that they knew about the drugs, and were happy with that in order for them to be able to shun him for using them. If it were "shunned me" instead of "shunned you" it'd be okay, but you can't shun what you don't know about.

"I’d have been with you, on your side; they didn’t seem to have the same significance to me anymore. I don’t even recall them recognising you as a turning point in my life."

Here I can see he would stick with drugs even if his parents didn't approve, but there seems to be something missing. Did they know when he was doing well, or was it later when there was a downward turning point?

It's the role of the parents that confuses me, what they knew, if and when they knew.

It's about drugs - you got that yeah?

Its just saying he doesnt care if other people judge his addiction, he'll adhere to it.

Or so I read it

I think this is a piece that reads well, and most of it works even better once you get to the end and read it with a different viewpoint.

However, this bit:

but in all honesty I couldn’t have cared if they had shunned you anyway without a second thought.

didn't quite make sense to me. Am I missing something there?

Seemed a bit similar to others, as Mav said (sorry about refusing PT invites the other night, I was in a Ranking game, so) but still good.

Content and themes have to change though - my most recent story is probably the last of that type with all those silly themes in it.

If we're not honest, Forest Fan, what are we?

I pointed out that Ashman writes well, which you can tell from some "nice expressions". I think you perhaps need to rethink your "short, snappy sentences" comment, however, because I've got no idea what you're talking about with this.

But I've read this story before. So many times. It's let off slightly for the twist at the end, but everything else is painfully familiar. I stand by my comment that it wasn't enthralling or interesting, because it bored me. In my opinion Ash, you can and have written much better.

However, kudos to you if this is intended to be a subtle point on the increasing amount of similar styled stories in the SSC - in which case, you have fooled us all.

Mav wrote:
> However, why
> you feel like tying yourself down to something so dull and familiar
> is a mystery. There was literally nothing of interest that made me
> want to read on, or care about the main character.

To be fair Mav, I have to say sometimes you seem to judge entries a little too unfairly. Personally, I prefer easier to read lighter pieces, but that generally hasn't been the pattern of SSC - this piece had some nice expressions in it, and to say it wasn't of interest was certainly a perculiar thing to describe this story as considering it's well constructed snappy sentences.