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"I have a relationship problem...:("

Well as many of you know by now I'm your resident gay member and I have been having some relationship problems as of late. In fact it's been scheisse. I have been going out with my PERFECT boyfriend for the past 3 months (on the 16th on this month) and it's been amazing being with him. However on Wednesday I made a big mistake.

My ex called Chris well...my new guy is very protective of me around him as Chris has tried while we're going out, to err get at me. So I said to Mark look if you're that bothered about Chris, I'll never see him again. He's my past and you're my future. Mark declined though and said "No he's been a good friend to you for near enough 3 years now I don't want to be the reason you stop seeing him.

I just left it at that after and me and Mark continued our great relationship. We had plans to move in with each other in Mid-october, we both gave up uni for it and he's working his ass of working anti-social ours to get the initial money until I start saving from a part time job i plan to get on Tuesday.

He only gets Wednesdays off from this job and we planned to spend everyone together. Just being together...it's all I ever want. However on his first wednesday off I made the biggest mistake of my life.

I spent a great day as always with him and I decided to end the night by taking him to an Edinburgh gay bar (habanas) as he hadn't seen any of Edinburgh's. When we were there we started drinking and having a good time when my ex-Chris came in. I told Mark who he was and said to Mark "Don't worry I wont come back for a drink with him".

After a couple of hours Mark had to go home. I wanted to spend as much time as I could with him so I convinced him to stay for a while longer and get the late train home. Eventually he had to go though so I walked him to the train station, hugged him, kissed him, told him how much I loved him and said goodbye. Seconds later Chris phoned and said "Why don't you come back for one drink? There's a pineapple bacardi waiting for you" I said no but then he said "For god's sake! You've got to have a life outside Mark you know"...so I reconsidered and joined him for one drink, two if you count the bottle of volvic I bought for the walk home.

While I was there though Mark phoned my mobile. I said "Hey babe, sorry I'm at Haban...." and he hung up on me. I thought he was just a bit annoyed at me for going back for a drink but I still felt like crap that I'd caused the one man I truely love to feel like that so I walked home and couldn't get to sleep. I tried phoning and texting him but he answered and replied to nothing. It just made me feel worse and worse and I knew he must be angry about something else too.

I got up the next day and the first thing I checked was my phone to see if he got back to me and he hadn't so I went on MSN were he explained all. I promised him I would never see Chris again if that's what he wanted a while ago he was upset that I went back to see him after Habanas. I was sure Mark said he didn't want me to stop seeing Chris so I didn't give it much thought but now I know I should have kept that promise regardless and I am keeping it now.

Mark says he lost his trust in me that night and now we don't have a relationship...it hurt me so so much to see him say that. It was terrible.

I felt so bad for hurting him and I didn't know what to do. However, he did talk to me again. In fact I met Mark again yesterday. He phoned me at 1:00am after work and after talking for an hour-hour and a half he asked if I wanted to come and see him. I always said I was just a phonecall away and I went to see him a few hours later (got there at 12 noon). At first it was hard but I knew it would be. We talked about it at the start and decided just to put it behind us and try and get back what we had (we're not breaking up!!! YES!) I was so relieved when I heard that and it made me so so happy to be given the chance to make him happy again.

He say's it's going to be hard and I can understand why it will be but I'm sure we'll work through it. I can't afford us not to, I made a mistake and although I can't change it. We all learn from our mistakes and take something from it, I took the lesson that I can never ever do anything to jeapordise our relationship again. I love him far far too much to ever lose him.

I'm sure when he saw me he must have been able to see how much I was hurting, how truely sorry I was and there must have been some part of him that saw that I'd learnt my lesson, even if it was the hard way.

The only problem now is earning his trust again. It's going to be so so hard, I have to earn his trust again and he has to learn to trust again. All I want though is our relationship as it was. Perfect, just like him.

He works 8 till 8 Sat and Sun after a 6 till midnight work shift on Friday. I've never spent so long not talking to him before and considering the circumstances I'm sure you can understand how much I miss him and want to talk to him. I want to be with him so much. Earlier on I couldn't really take it. It felt so bad just wanting to phone him but knowing he was at work. I needed a distraction and I turned to something I never have before.

I decided to self harm, not properly really. I didn't drag a stanley knife across my skin. I was smoking at the time and I stubbed it out on my wrist. The pain of the burn took away some of the mental pain but now I realise it was just a distraction and now I have to cover the burn scar. I'm not sure if I regret it because it made me feel better for a few moments but I just don't know what to do. It's so frustrating knowing you'd do anything for someone, knowing they could trust you and that you'd die for them and them not to trust you back. I just love him so much and want him to love me like he did before. I just feel so bad right now.

I don't know what you're all going to make of this post and I don't know what kind of responses I'm wanting but I just wanted to talk to some people about it. Thanks for your time.

Cub!st wrote:
> I never said I was Mem.

You're acting like you are. In fact, you're acting like you're so special - I can't even voice an opinion. Politically correct or politically racist?

I never said I was Mem.

Lol easy to see a breeder wrote that definition and another decided my tone...despite me writing it:S

Cub!st wrote:
> I
> say breeder in a very matter of fact tone.

You say it in an irritating condescending, offensive manner. I said it was offensive (as did munn, earlier), yet you continue to use it.

You're not above anyone. You're not "better" because you're gay. You're not special. Stop trying to act like you are.

edit: aha, so "breeder" is an accepted offensive term too.
Fine, if it's acceptable for you to call us that, you're now officially she-boy.

Cub!st wrote:
> Forest Fan wrote:
> Cub!st, being as smart as you are; could you please give me some
> sort
> of vague explanation as to how you came into existence?
>
> I came into existence through sexual intercourse between two
> breeders. That doesn't mean I have to be one.

Let's look at the dictionary definition of the word 'breeder' for a minute shall we Cub!st?

Taken from dictionary.com

3. Offensive Slang. A heterosexual person.

-------------------------------------

So let me get this straight, there's nothing wrong with using offensive slang then? Yet, when a single straight person makes as much as a disapproving comment - you complain. Can't say I share your optimism at your supposed superior intelligence. Wait a second, offensive slang almost constitutes to abusive behaviour...

Cub!st wrote:
> Actually I'd wager I am smarter than you breeder.

Ahahahahah.

You don't even realise where willies are supposed to go.

I'd call them smart.

Ohhh Mad, have I touched a nerve? ;)

Cub!st wrote:
> heh it's interesting that you all feel so strongly about continuing
> the human race. You're all saying it like you regard it as a duty
> instead of the product of being a simply being heterosexual. Hmmm
> interesting.

It only came about because of your "breeder" crap. There are plenty of straight people who never have children, so they aren't "breeders". What's your cute name for them, eh?

Forest Fan wrote:
> Silent Thunder wrote:
> Forest Fan would you say God would forgive Cubist?
>
> If Cub!st wants forgiveness than yes, as like with anyone else.

If I need to ask forgiveness for being the way "God made me" then maybe god shouldn't have made me this way.