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Well as many of you know by now I'm your resident gay member and I have been having some relationship problems as of late. In fact it's been scheisse. I have been going out with my PERFECT boyfriend for the past 3 months (on the 16th on this month) and it's been amazing being with him. However on Wednesday I made a big mistake.
My ex called Chris well...my new guy is very protective of me around him as Chris has tried while we're going out, to err get at me. So I said to Mark look if you're that bothered about Chris, I'll never see him again. He's my past and you're my future. Mark declined though and said "No he's been a good friend to you for near enough 3 years now I don't want to be the reason you stop seeing him.
I just left it at that after and me and Mark continued our great relationship. We had plans to move in with each other in Mid-october, we both gave up uni for it and he's working his ass of working anti-social ours to get the initial money until I start saving from a part time job i plan to get on Tuesday.
He only gets Wednesdays off from this job and we planned to spend everyone together. Just being together...it's all I ever want. However on his first wednesday off I made the biggest mistake of my life.
I spent a great day as always with him and I decided to end the night by taking him to an Edinburgh gay bar (habanas) as he hadn't seen any of Edinburgh's. When we were there we started drinking and having a good time when my ex-Chris came in. I told Mark who he was and said to Mark "Don't worry I wont come back for a drink with him".
After a couple of hours Mark had to go home. I wanted to spend as much time as I could with him so I convinced him to stay for a while longer and get the late train home. Eventually he had to go though so I walked him to the train station, hugged him, kissed him, told him how much I loved him and said goodbye. Seconds later Chris phoned and said "Why don't you come back for one drink? There's a pineapple bacardi waiting for you" I said no but then he said "For god's sake! You've got to have a life outside Mark you know"...so I reconsidered and joined him for one drink, two if you count the bottle of volvic I bought for the walk home.
While I was there though Mark phoned my mobile. I said "Hey babe, sorry I'm at Haban...." and he hung up on me. I thought he was just a bit annoyed at me for going back for a drink but I still felt like crap that I'd caused the one man I truely love to feel like that so I walked home and couldn't get to sleep. I tried phoning and texting him but he answered and replied to nothing. It just made me feel worse and worse and I knew he must be angry about something else too.
I got up the next day and the first thing I checked was my phone to see if he got back to me and he hadn't so I went on MSN were he explained all. I promised him I would never see Chris again if that's what he wanted a while ago he was upset that I went back to see him after Habanas. I was sure Mark said he didn't want me to stop seeing Chris so I didn't give it much thought but now I know I should have kept that promise regardless and I am keeping it now.
Mark says he lost his trust in me that night and now we don't have a relationship...it hurt me so so much to see him say that. It was terrible.
I felt so bad for hurting him and I didn't know what to do. However, he did talk to me again. In fact I met Mark again yesterday. He phoned me at 1:00am after work and after talking for an hour-hour and a half he asked if I wanted to come and see him. I always said I was just a phonecall away and I went to see him a few hours later (got there at 12 noon). At first it was hard but I knew it would be. We talked about it at the start and decided just to put it behind us and try and get back what we had (we're not breaking up!!! YES!) I was so relieved when I heard that and it made me so so happy to be given the chance to make him happy again.
He say's it's going to be hard and I can understand why it will be but I'm sure we'll work through it. I can't afford us not to, I made a mistake and although I can't change it. We all learn from our mistakes and take something from it, I took the lesson that I can never ever do anything to jeapordise our relationship again. I love him far far too much to ever lose him.
I'm sure when he saw me he must have been able to see how much I was hurting, how truely sorry I was and there must have been some part of him that saw that I'd learnt my lesson, even if it was the hard way.
The only problem now is earning his trust again. It's going to be so so hard, I have to earn his trust again and he has to learn to trust again. All I want though is our relationship as it was. Perfect, just like him.
He works 8 till 8 Sat and Sun after a 6 till midnight work shift on Friday. I've never spent so long not talking to him before and considering the circumstances I'm sure you can understand how much I miss him and want to talk to him. I want to be with him so much. Earlier on I couldn't really take it. It felt so bad just wanting to phone him but knowing he was at work. I needed a distraction and I turned to something I never have before.
I decided to self harm, not properly really. I didn't drag a stanley knife across my skin. I was smoking at the time and I stubbed it out on my wrist. The pain of the burn took away some of the mental pain but now I realise it was just a distraction and now I have to cover the burn scar. I'm not sure if I regret it because it made me feel better for a few moments but I just don't know what to do. It's so frustrating knowing you'd do anything for someone, knowing they could trust you and that you'd die for them and them not to trust you back. I just love him so much and want him to love me like he did before. I just feel so bad right now.
I don't know what you're all going to make of this post and I don't know what kind of responses I'm wanting but I just wanted to talk to some people about it. Thanks for your time.
My ex called Chris well...my new guy is very protective of me around him as Chris has tried while we're going out, to err get at me. So I said to Mark look if you're that bothered about Chris, I'll never see him again. He's my past and you're my future. Mark declined though and said "No he's been a good friend to you for near enough 3 years now I don't want to be the reason you stop seeing him.
I just left it at that after and me and Mark continued our great relationship. We had plans to move in with each other in Mid-october, we both gave up uni for it and he's working his ass of working anti-social ours to get the initial money until I start saving from a part time job i plan to get on Tuesday.
He only gets Wednesdays off from this job and we planned to spend everyone together. Just being together...it's all I ever want. However on his first wednesday off I made the biggest mistake of my life.
I spent a great day as always with him and I decided to end the night by taking him to an Edinburgh gay bar (habanas) as he hadn't seen any of Edinburgh's. When we were there we started drinking and having a good time when my ex-Chris came in. I told Mark who he was and said to Mark "Don't worry I wont come back for a drink with him".
After a couple of hours Mark had to go home. I wanted to spend as much time as I could with him so I convinced him to stay for a while longer and get the late train home. Eventually he had to go though so I walked him to the train station, hugged him, kissed him, told him how much I loved him and said goodbye. Seconds later Chris phoned and said "Why don't you come back for one drink? There's a pineapple bacardi waiting for you" I said no but then he said "For god's sake! You've got to have a life outside Mark you know"...so I reconsidered and joined him for one drink, two if you count the bottle of volvic I bought for the walk home.
While I was there though Mark phoned my mobile. I said "Hey babe, sorry I'm at Haban...." and he hung up on me. I thought he was just a bit annoyed at me for going back for a drink but I still felt like crap that I'd caused the one man I truely love to feel like that so I walked home and couldn't get to sleep. I tried phoning and texting him but he answered and replied to nothing. It just made me feel worse and worse and I knew he must be angry about something else too.
I got up the next day and the first thing I checked was my phone to see if he got back to me and he hadn't so I went on MSN were he explained all. I promised him I would never see Chris again if that's what he wanted a while ago he was upset that I went back to see him after Habanas. I was sure Mark said he didn't want me to stop seeing Chris so I didn't give it much thought but now I know I should have kept that promise regardless and I am keeping it now.
Mark says he lost his trust in me that night and now we don't have a relationship...it hurt me so so much to see him say that. It was terrible.
I felt so bad for hurting him and I didn't know what to do. However, he did talk to me again. In fact I met Mark again yesterday. He phoned me at 1:00am after work and after talking for an hour-hour and a half he asked if I wanted to come and see him. I always said I was just a phonecall away and I went to see him a few hours later (got there at 12 noon). At first it was hard but I knew it would be. We talked about it at the start and decided just to put it behind us and try and get back what we had (we're not breaking up!!! YES!) I was so relieved when I heard that and it made me so so happy to be given the chance to make him happy again.
He say's it's going to be hard and I can understand why it will be but I'm sure we'll work through it. I can't afford us not to, I made a mistake and although I can't change it. We all learn from our mistakes and take something from it, I took the lesson that I can never ever do anything to jeapordise our relationship again. I love him far far too much to ever lose him.
I'm sure when he saw me he must have been able to see how much I was hurting, how truely sorry I was and there must have been some part of him that saw that I'd learnt my lesson, even if it was the hard way.
The only problem now is earning his trust again. It's going to be so so hard, I have to earn his trust again and he has to learn to trust again. All I want though is our relationship as it was. Perfect, just like him.
He works 8 till 8 Sat and Sun after a 6 till midnight work shift on Friday. I've never spent so long not talking to him before and considering the circumstances I'm sure you can understand how much I miss him and want to talk to him. I want to be with him so much. Earlier on I couldn't really take it. It felt so bad just wanting to phone him but knowing he was at work. I needed a distraction and I turned to something I never have before.
I decided to self harm, not properly really. I didn't drag a stanley knife across my skin. I was smoking at the time and I stubbed it out on my wrist. The pain of the burn took away some of the mental pain but now I realise it was just a distraction and now I have to cover the burn scar. I'm not sure if I regret it because it made me feel better for a few moments but I just don't know what to do. It's so frustrating knowing you'd do anything for someone, knowing they could trust you and that you'd die for them and them not to trust you back. I just love him so much and want him to love me like he did before. I just feel so bad right now.
I don't know what you're all going to make of this post and I don't know what kind of responses I'm wanting but I just wanted to talk to some people about it. Thanks for your time.
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Cub!st wrote:
> Oh ok then Mem, you can use a dictionary definition to decide for you
> what is and isn't offensive to you.
Maybe you think we need to use a dictionary to decide what we think is offensive to us, but both Memo and I agreed that it was offensive before FF posted that, yet you still refuse to stop using it.
> Oh ok then Mem, you can use a dictionary definition to decide for you
> what is and isn't offensive to you.
Maybe you think we need to use a dictionary to decide what we think is offensive to us, but both Memo and I agreed that it was offensive before FF posted that, yet you still refuse to stop using it.
Cub!st wrote:
> What terms did I criticise btw Mem? I don't even remember that heh
The fudge-packing thing.
You said something along the lines of:
"well that's different because those are accepted offensive terms. When I call you a breeder it's not the same thing."
When it is, because I find it offensive, and because it is accepted as offensive.
I really don't understand how you can't grasp this simple concept.
> What terms did I criticise btw Mem? I don't even remember that heh
The fudge-packing thing.
You said something along the lines of:
"well that's different because those are accepted offensive terms. When I call you a breeder it's not the same thing."
When it is, because I find it offensive, and because it is accepted as offensive.
I really don't understand how you can't grasp this simple concept.
Jonathan Nash wrote:
> Just because you (apparently) don't find "breeders"
> offensive, doesn't mean that other people don't, and if you were
> reasonable like you seem to think you are, you wouldn't continually
> call people it to provoke a response.
Which is what I've been trying to say. For years now, apparently.
> Just because you (apparently) don't find "breeders"
> offensive, doesn't mean that other people don't, and if you were
> reasonable like you seem to think you are, you wouldn't continually
> call people it to provoke a response.
Which is what I've been trying to say. For years now, apparently.
What terms did I criticise btw Mem? I don't even remember that heh
Oh ok then Mem, you can use a dictionary definition to decide for you what is and isn't offensive to you. I'm sure if I looked up "Poof" or something like that it'd probably say offensive term for a gay guy but no gay guys I know find it offensive. Try and be a little more laid back eh?
We're not getting at you because you're gay, Cubist, but because of this air of specialness you like to put around yourself that makes you immune to being reasonable.
Just because you (apparently) don't find "breeders" offensive, doesn't mean that other people don't, and if you were reasonable like you seem to think you are, you wouldn't continually call people it to provoke a response.
Just because you (apparently) don't find "breeders" offensive, doesn't mean that other people don't, and if you were reasonable like you seem to think you are, you wouldn't continually call people it to provoke a response.
Cub!st wrote:
> Meh, if you find it offensive that's your problem not mine.
You really are a complete retard, aren't you?
You have no concern for people other than yourself.
Once again, you criticised me for using terms that you found offensive, but if I do the same when you say something that I find offensive, it doesn't matter.
Well sorry, but it doesn't work like that.
You're not the centre of the universe.
> Meh, if you find it offensive that's your problem not mine.
You really are a complete retard, aren't you?
You have no concern for people other than yourself.
Once again, you criticised me for using terms that you found offensive, but if I do the same when you say something that I find offensive, it doesn't matter.
Well sorry, but it doesn't work like that.
You're not the centre of the universe.
Lol interesting logic Mad, hmmm living up to your username anyway.
Oh and by the way the only part of your comment JN I find offensive the moron part.
Oh and by the way the only part of your comment JN I find offensive the moron part.
Memorandum wrote:
> Do I have to go and point out the Dictionary.com quote that Forest
> Fan posted earlier?
No, remember, it was written by a breeder, so it's OK for him to use it.
> Do I have to go and point out the Dictionary.com quote that Forest
> Fan posted earlier?
No, remember, it was written by a breeder, so it's OK for him to use it.
Cub!st wrote:
> SO's Breeder though Mem, just another way of saying the same thing.
An offensive way.
You panned me earlier for using "generally accepted offensive terms" but suddenly it's fine for you to use a generally accepted offensive term to describe straight people?
Do I have to go and point out the Dictionary.com quote that Forest Fan posted earlier?
Cub!st wrote:
> Not
> offensive in my mind anyway.
That means nothing. Again, I could say terms that I used earlier weren't offensive in my mind, but you would object (as you did) because you did find them offensive.
Idiot.
> SO's Breeder though Mem, just another way of saying the same thing.
An offensive way.
You panned me earlier for using "generally accepted offensive terms" but suddenly it's fine for you to use a generally accepted offensive term to describe straight people?
Do I have to go and point out the Dictionary.com quote that Forest Fan posted earlier?
Cub!st wrote:
> Not
> offensive in my mind anyway.
That means nothing. Again, I could say terms that I used earlier weren't offensive in my mind, but you would object (as you did) because you did find them offensive.
Idiot.
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