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"Summing up pre-season"

"Jose Mourinho, you have won Champions League. This may be a one-off or not. We don't care. Here's some money, come coach my team."
"No, I am Portuguese and shall stay loyal to Porto. Besides, my family is here. I will never move."
"Here's some more money."
"OK"
"Boss, take me with no."
"Shut up Deco."

"Houllier, you are crap. Go away."
"But Hamann's crap and you let him stay."
"You signed him."
"Ah. Bye."
"Will you stay now Stevie?"
"*Scouse*"
"We'll take that as a yes. Cool."

"Vieria, come to Madrid."
"Maybe."

"Santini, you've taken a team brimming with superb players and lost to Greece. This is apalling. Where will you take your supreme lack of talent?"
"Spurs."
"Seems fair."

"Vieria, come to Madrid."
"Maybe."

"I'm old and you're old too, Shearer. Fancy going to Celtic?"
"No Bobby. Sign Kluivert. And Nicky Butt."
"Ok."

"Jose, who will you sign?"
"Well, I certainly won't be raiding my old club!"
"Very noble of you. So who will you sign?"
"Ferriera and Carvalho. But they would've left anyway. So I'm being noble and smooth by taking them to Chelsea."
"Very noble of you."
"Thank you."

"Vieria, come to Madrid."
"Maybe."

"Cisse is here! He's all blonde. We're definitely going to win the league now, Spanish-style. What do you think boys?"
"*Scouse talk*"
"Great. Mikey, will you commit now?"
"Certainly. Without a doubt."

"Fergie, you need a brilliant and astute summer signing."
"Aye."
"So who is it?"
"Alan Smith."
"...Sigh."

"Vieria, come to Madrid."
"Maybe."

"Fergie, you need a brilliant and astute summer signing."
"Aye."
"So who is it?"
"Heinze."
"...Sigh."


"After long deliberation, I have decided to make John Terry club captain."
"What, the guy who was captain last time?"
"Yes."
"You're a genius, Jose."
"I know. And I've got Deco."
"That's Joe Cole."
"Where? Next to Deco?"
"...Sigh."

"Santini, you've finally done something. Who've you signed."
"Mendes."
"Enjoy 10th place."
"I will!"

"Vieria, come to Madrid."
"Maybe."

Rooney'd be nothing without a striker alongside him who's willing to do the hard work, like Owen was in Euro 2004.

I'll be perfectly happy to take it all back against Smith if he proves himself. I'd like to see United lift it instead of Arsenal. It was an amazing goal in the Shield by the Smith. I just don't think he's got what it takes when he's not the local boy done good anymore.

I still think Smith has the potential to be there, though, because he is quite different to many of the modern game's players - especially 90% of all foreigners making the journey to get more money.

For all I said before, he should be England's answer to Alan Shearer, I believe. We cannot rely on Michael Owen alone for goals. He can't do everything upfront while Rooney's playing to the sound of clicking cameras as pens scribble against clipboards.

Ruud van Nistelrooy has a high level of determination for getting on the end of every ball the enters the box. Alan Smith has that, too. But, he's also willing to fight for every ball and every last point his team can salvage (that's why he got sent off in a very-rare England appearence).


Wayne Rooney can do nothing for us, expect, replace David Beckham.

Solskjær wrote:
>
> However, although he's not a 'Wayne Rooney'

--

I hate Rooney. YOu must believe this. I think he's overhyped to the max. He's no Owen.

--

or some Portuguese
> international after one good season

--

You must love the talent that is Maniche.

Alan Smith will sit on the bench. He's a good player, I'm not denying that. But so is Darren Huckerby. So is Sean Davis. So is Michael Dawson. So is Lauren. So is John O'Shea. So is Jamie Carragher. I could go on for a while. My point is that there are quite a few 'good players' out there. But to be a striker for a team like Man United, you've got to be a great player. Look at the players who have been United legends over the past decade. Giggs, Cantona, Scholes, Irwin. Great players. Smith's not in their league.

Living in Manchester, I love talking to Man United fans now. It just shows swhat total and utter biased nobs most of them are.

All of last season, Smith was noithing but an arrogannt thug with no talent and a temper. I was singing his praises, telling thyem how brilliant he is and how he has enough drive and passion to be amongst the best in the country. But did any of them listen to me? No. When I was disappointed that he wasn't in the England squad? They laughed. 'Alan Smith is crap. He doesn't deserve to wear the shirt'.

Npow look at you all. I've got a step-brother who's thinking of getting Smith on the back of his shirt after abusing him all last season. I've got mates who say he's been the best performer in pre-season. People are saying that he's fit for England. He's been playing the same way for the last 12 fecking months.

The M.E.N. even said that everyone had taken to him to their hearts.

I seriously do hope that you scummers get Rooney soon. Just to watch Smith detriorate on the bench. The watch him waste the best years of his life being back up to Van Nistelrooy and running up and down the sidelines. If Leeds get back up next season, I'd LOVE to see his response. If Leeds put in a bid for him, I'd like to see how he reacts. Because, in truth, Smithy isn't a Leeds fan. He isn't a football fan. He's just a talented footballer looking for trophies. And we've got enough of those already

On the Vieira thing, I can't see him leaving Highbury this week.

He's been given until Saturday to answer 'Yes or No' (having kept almost silent on this whole ordeal, himself) - not that I expect him, being a footballer, to answer before Friday, at the earliest - but, it'd do so much to his reputation to just up and leave the club like this.

And, I'm talking in a bad way, of course. Arsénal would certainly suffer more with the loss of Henry or Bergkamp, for example, but, after last season's succesful run - and they're still unbeaten now - they could be on the verge of something truly great, this year.
I still don't think Wenger's team are quite capable of winning all three major trophies to equal United's superiority, but a Champions' League triumph could be on the cards with the squad on such a high - and it's growing.

With the crap (Parlour and Wiltord) already cleaned out, and only Jens Lehmann left in stain, they certainly don't need to lose such an influential player so key to the team's defensive strengths right now - even if Sol Campbell could make a better captain.


Back to the point... I don't think he has the courage to up and move like this, seeing as how David Beckham wasn't exactly a 'success' when he took the big step across the Spain. Real seem to be deteriorating and a time when Arsénal could well become the dominant side in British Football for severa years to come, at least.

It's taken too long and he's had too much time to re-think about it all and realise what he has at Arsénal he could not get anywhere else (unless you bring money into the subject, of course).

It's funny because it does a very good job of 'summing up pre-season'! Well done. :)

However, although he's not a 'Wayne Rooney' or some Portuguese international after one good season, Alan Smith is - and will prove to be - a great signing for us (especially at the price we payed!). ;)

Ferguson didn't go bigger because we don't really need 'bigger', right now. Once Rio Ferdinand returns and Heinze comes back to establish himself (in-time), we'll have a strong, first-choice eleven; with Ruud van Nistelrooy and Louis Saha upfront, built on the relationship that grew between them last season.

A man who, I feel should be starting every game for England, is certainly a lot more of a reassurance on your subs' bench that the 'on-form; off-form' Diego Forlan, with Ole Solskjaer likely to miss the whole season - if not the rest of his career! - and no undoubtabley talent and able youngsters ever gonna get their chance in a "serious" competition.

Seeing him in action for Watford last night, I still can't believe he just let Danny Webber go like that... The same thing happened with David Healy - top-scorer for Northern Ireland - who went on to great goal-scoring things with Preston... And, although we payed Wolves a whole £1m for him several years back, we've still barely had a sniff of Daniel Nardiello, who just doesn't stop scoring for the reserves (...when he isn't on-loan somewhere).


I don't understand what 'the general public' has against Alan Smith, though... I mean, they're not all Leeds fans, in spite of him for ditching the sinking ship to cross the Pennines. Is it just because "Sven" picks Wayne Rooney - the BOY everyone seems to love - over him??
Sure, he's hot-tempered, but so was Eric Cantona. This lad's got a great level of passion and determination to win things - and that's how he's gone about things so far. He NEVER gives up. He scored a superb goal against Arsénal - especially as the loan striker!

If he doesn't start for England with Rooney out of the scene next month, I'll be gunning for Sven's evil, big, bald head!
And, if Fergie lets Nardiello get-away like all the rest, I'll... Give him a punch, or something....

That was total and utter genius.

Well done.

Cheers lads. So, who reckons this "Veiria to go on Thursday" is true? He'll say maybe again.

enjoyed that

Mendes? What about Defendi instead? Would of been a bonus if you wrote something like this about the Vieira saga:

"He's going"
"No he's not"
"........."
"What is he thinking?!"

Of course you could make that sound funnier but I can't be bothered to try at this time.