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"A Phillosopher and His Lady Wife"

“Everything is relative. Think about it, every single thing is connected by the three vital principles of modern living; life, death and money. It is rather tricky to find any creature, item or obscure curiosity that cannot be grouped in one of those three categories.”

The room fell quiet and my buxom wife smiled up at me from the bed. “I don’t understand what you mean darling but it was awfully nice hearing it”

This was this thing that really got to me. Knowing that I was to spend my life with this vivacious lady who had the intellect of a shoe and couldn’t fathom even the faintest understanding of any of my theories. I considered myself a philosopher, and as my lady wife often said I spent more time thinking about things than actually doing them. My trade was woodcraft but I spent precious little time carving or sawing, I much preferred to sit on the cliffs and ponder the meaning of life, religion and other such enriching matters.

My village, alas, my country does not understand my theories, but would smile blankly and tell me it was a nice story none the less. I travelled with my books of theorems to visit King James in London but he scratched his head and grimaced as he failed to read past the first line. I fear a great intellect is my burden, I feel quite alone in the world with nobody to impress and no great heights to aspire to. I am the great height of my time and nothing is driving me on but curiosity itself.

I have, bundled in a red leather bound book, theories of evolution and humanity, views on religion and politics, of law and crime, mathematics and science and of time and space. But one fine day, perched on the edge of the cliffs pondering existence and all its elements I was struck like lightning with a long overdue epiphany. That it wasn’t being understood now that mattered and philosophising life was nowhere near as important as living it. I dashed home to my sweet lady wife and ravaged her on the kitchen table, much to her delight.

Three years later and I feel complete. I still read my theories from time to time, but only as bedtime stories to my young son, Isaac, who seems to enjoy listening to my theories as much as he enjoys watching the apple tree in the garden. Some day I think he may follow in my philosophising footsteps and some day introduce a theory that changes the way people think about the world, then again perhaps not.

I still sit atop the cliffs some days, gazing out to see. Though I no longer ponder the workings of humanity, instead I paint the beautiful views. The crimson sky and the flock of seagulls nesting in the cliff tops, the fishing boats heading home after a hard days work, and just sometimes a marlin leaping out of the water and basking for precious few seconds in the late afternoon sun before plunging back into the deep.

I head home each night each night and kiss my lady wife tenderly on the cheek. Knowing that I was to spend my life with this vivacious lady who doesn’t have the faintest understanding of my dormant theories brings a smile to my face. Say what you like; that love is blind or perhaps that opposites attract, all I know is that I am happy and the matter doesn’t need to be pondered any more.

Ah, great story. Loved reading that.

A more than deserved win, Para, I liked it a lot.

Reminds me of Vonnegut for somee reason.

I think it's the bit in Slaughterhouse 5 when he's in bed with his wife.

Or is that The Sirens of Titan?

I've forgotten, I read them as a kid. :S

The perfect example of enlightenment.

Forest Fan could learn from this! :-)

Yep Issac is a young Mr Newton, well spotted.

I thought I was overdue a "nice" story as most of my creations entail some form of macabre. I think I may write like this more often.

I don’t understand what you mean darling but it was awfully nice hearing it


Actually I did, and it was nice, in a nice way. Isaac being the Mister Newton, aye?

I never said she was young.

She's old. Really old, like forty!

A philosopher ravaging his young buxom wife on a table, in a kitchen - I'm reporting this post, forthwith!

Very nicely written with an undeniable style throughout. Even after the character’s change you could still sense fragments of his personality remaining due to the similar style.

I don’t know why, but it just had an innocence about it that I enjoyed; which leads me into thinking that it may have been the best piece I've read from you.

Maybe.

Well done anyway.

Thank you :-)