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I'm scared. Really scared. I'm scared of growing up, of having to start taking responsibility for myself, of having to start taking things seriously, of having to have a future.
I've just finished Yr 10, Yr 11 and GCSE's loom, and it's not that I'm worried about them, it's the whole deal of starting to grow up. Within about 6 months I'm really gonna have to start thinking about what I want to do with my life. At the moment I have absolutely no idea, no inkling whatsoever of what I want to do with my life. I have no direction whatsoever. I know what I'm good at but that doesn't necessarily mean I want to do it in the future, I don't want to build a life around something that I only have lukewarm feelings towards.
I'd love to be a professional musician, but, come on, let's be realistic here, that's not gonna happen. I don't have the dedication or indeed the talent to do that. It's not pessimism, it's not negativity, it's cold hard fact. So what do I want to do? Like I've said. I. DON'T. KNOW! And it frustrates me. I know, "I'm young and shouldn't be thinking like this", but that's not the point. I am thinking like this. And it scares me.
I feel so lonely too. It's not that I'm a recluse or a weirdo. It's not that I don't have friends or don't fit in, it's just that I'm so shy and self-concious that I feel out of place in most social situations. I'm so intensely guarded about myself, it leads me to bottle things up, get really frustrated and down (like now) and so recede further into my shell. I can't let anyone in, I can't seem to let anyone get close to me and I don't know why. The only reason I can type this now is because typing words on a screen dehumanizes it. I can pretend I've never written this if I want to. I can't do that if I speak these things to someone, yet I so dearly want to.
And the most frustrating thing of all is, I was just starting to break down the 15-year-thick wall that I've built around myself. I was just starting to open up that little bit more, to start to relax socially and to stop thinking about how what I'm doing appears to others all the time. Just starting to change really, when the f###ing school year ended. Odd really that I should wish for the school year to carry on longer than necessary, but I really felt the change a-comin'. And now what? I've got 8 weeks of doing sod all at home. I'm not the type to go and hang around on street corners drinking cider at night, so that rules that out, I get bored aimlessly wandering around town and I simply can't be arrsed to go to the cinema. I'm a very lazy person. So over these 8 weeks I'll simply build the wall back up again and return to shcool back where I started. And that really hisses me off.
Generally I think this is a "what am I doing with my life, I'm sucha flawed person" kinda post, which it's not meant to be. I just needed to get all that off my chest. I'm sure when life throws challenges at me in a couple of years time I'll deal with them, I'll end up doing something. But I can just tell it'll be a shatty office job and I'll be left grinding away the rest of my life in a 9-5 hating myself for what I've become and for not becoming what I could've been.
Rar. I'll probably delete this...
I've just finished Yr 10, Yr 11 and GCSE's loom, and it's not that I'm worried about them, it's the whole deal of starting to grow up. Within about 6 months I'm really gonna have to start thinking about what I want to do with my life. At the moment I have absolutely no idea, no inkling whatsoever of what I want to do with my life. I have no direction whatsoever. I know what I'm good at but that doesn't necessarily mean I want to do it in the future, I don't want to build a life around something that I only have lukewarm feelings towards.
I'd love to be a professional musician, but, come on, let's be realistic here, that's not gonna happen. I don't have the dedication or indeed the talent to do that. It's not pessimism, it's not negativity, it's cold hard fact. So what do I want to do? Like I've said. I. DON'T. KNOW! And it frustrates me. I know, "I'm young and shouldn't be thinking like this", but that's not the point. I am thinking like this. And it scares me.
I feel so lonely too. It's not that I'm a recluse or a weirdo. It's not that I don't have friends or don't fit in, it's just that I'm so shy and self-concious that I feel out of place in most social situations. I'm so intensely guarded about myself, it leads me to bottle things up, get really frustrated and down (like now) and so recede further into my shell. I can't let anyone in, I can't seem to let anyone get close to me and I don't know why. The only reason I can type this now is because typing words on a screen dehumanizes it. I can pretend I've never written this if I want to. I can't do that if I speak these things to someone, yet I so dearly want to.
And the most frustrating thing of all is, I was just starting to break down the 15-year-thick wall that I've built around myself. I was just starting to open up that little bit more, to start to relax socially and to stop thinking about how what I'm doing appears to others all the time. Just starting to change really, when the f###ing school year ended. Odd really that I should wish for the school year to carry on longer than necessary, but I really felt the change a-comin'. And now what? I've got 8 weeks of doing sod all at home. I'm not the type to go and hang around on street corners drinking cider at night, so that rules that out, I get bored aimlessly wandering around town and I simply can't be arrsed to go to the cinema. I'm a very lazy person. So over these 8 weeks I'll simply build the wall back up again and return to shcool back where I started. And that really hisses me off.
Generally I think this is a "what am I doing with my life, I'm sucha flawed person" kinda post, which it's not meant to be. I just needed to get all that off my chest. I'm sure when life throws challenges at me in a couple of years time I'll deal with them, I'll end up doing something. But I can just tell it'll be a shatty office job and I'll be left grinding away the rest of my life in a 9-5 hating myself for what I've become and for not becoming what I could've been.
Rar. I'll probably delete this...
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Don't worry, it's just teen angst.
I don't mean that to sound cruel, it's just how it is. Everybody goes through it when they start facing "the world". Every person has always experienced that, I know I did. The only difference is that there was no internet to be all tortured on to others.
Like Snuggly said, being 31 I've only just clicked on what I want to do - and it's never too late to do something.
I've had dull jobs, enjoyable jobs, well paying jobs, crap money jobs.
At the end of the day, as long as you enjoy life it really doesn't matter what you do or where you end up.
I was a marketing monkey designing concepts and presentations for products I didn't care about to people I loathed for 4 years, then it landed on my brain "Hang on, this sucks" so that afternoon I handed my notice in and walked away from comfort and £ to pursue what I wanted to do.
There were fistfuls of people moaning about their job, but nobody just thinks "I'm off" and quits, they'd rather stay comfy and complain.
That's wasting life, not taking examinations in specific subjects.
To wake up at 50 and realised you never went for what made you happy is more of a crime than anything else you could do.
So don't worry. Take subjects you're interested in, not ones you think might serve you better. I took Law at A Level and hated it with a passion, yet I loved English Lit & Film Studies.
The English Lit will serve me in good stead, but the film studies? Pfffft, I'll take a ticket and join the line of 138130948120 other people convinced they'll be the next Scorcese. But it doesn't matter because I enjoyed it.
I keep hammering this but it's true: Enjoy life. Don't sit in an office being angry if you hate that, life's too short. Walk away, hand your notice in and go do something else.
I wasn't sure at 16/17/18 what I wanted to do, but I was a stupid kid convinced the world owed him a career in Hollywood because I watched all the movies and read all the books. Yeah right.
So 30 years down the line, into adulthood and grownuppy stuff?
"I want to be a teacher"
It took me that long to figure it out, but I've had more fun in the past 9 months since I quit my job in marketing.
I've been a postman whilst I sort out everything, wont start until next year because I need ££££ under my belt before I start the degree - I'm not 18 anymore and I have outgoings & bills which mean I can't be a full-time student.
But hey, if it takes me another 5 years to get the necessary bits of paper then that's nothing.
I've done 31, another 5 is easy.
Relax, go watch a movie and please, stop sending electronic arcing ropes of angst into the cyberspace.
It's just a job.
I don't mean that to sound cruel, it's just how it is. Everybody goes through it when they start facing "the world". Every person has always experienced that, I know I did. The only difference is that there was no internet to be all tortured on to others.
Like Snuggly said, being 31 I've only just clicked on what I want to do - and it's never too late to do something.
I've had dull jobs, enjoyable jobs, well paying jobs, crap money jobs.
At the end of the day, as long as you enjoy life it really doesn't matter what you do or where you end up.
I was a marketing monkey designing concepts and presentations for products I didn't care about to people I loathed for 4 years, then it landed on my brain "Hang on, this sucks" so that afternoon I handed my notice in and walked away from comfort and £ to pursue what I wanted to do.
There were fistfuls of people moaning about their job, but nobody just thinks "I'm off" and quits, they'd rather stay comfy and complain.
That's wasting life, not taking examinations in specific subjects.
To wake up at 50 and realised you never went for what made you happy is more of a crime than anything else you could do.
So don't worry. Take subjects you're interested in, not ones you think might serve you better. I took Law at A Level and hated it with a passion, yet I loved English Lit & Film Studies.
The English Lit will serve me in good stead, but the film studies? Pfffft, I'll take a ticket and join the line of 138130948120 other people convinced they'll be the next Scorcese. But it doesn't matter because I enjoyed it.
I keep hammering this but it's true: Enjoy life. Don't sit in an office being angry if you hate that, life's too short. Walk away, hand your notice in and go do something else.
I wasn't sure at 16/17/18 what I wanted to do, but I was a stupid kid convinced the world owed him a career in Hollywood because I watched all the movies and read all the books. Yeah right.
So 30 years down the line, into adulthood and grownuppy stuff?
"I want to be a teacher"
It took me that long to figure it out, but I've had more fun in the past 9 months since I quit my job in marketing.
I've been a postman whilst I sort out everything, wont start until next year because I need ££££ under my belt before I start the degree - I'm not 18 anymore and I have outgoings & bills which mean I can't be a full-time student.
But hey, if it takes me another 5 years to get the necessary bits of paper then that's nothing.
I've done 31, another 5 is easy.
Relax, go watch a movie and please, stop sending electronic arcing ropes of angst into the cyberspace.
It's just a job.
Yeah you have to buy it, it's such a great book.
Your writing an animation too? How far have you got with it? I've just bought 'How To Write For Animation' and that covers everything to do with creating a show and pitching it etc. It was sent the other day so I don't know how good it is yet but it has some good reviews.
Your writing an animation too? How far have you got with it? I've just bought 'How To Write For Animation' and that covers everything to do with creating a show and pitching it etc. It was sent the other day so I don't know how good it is yet but it has some good reviews.
I've been looking for Campbell's book for ages, I should really just order it online...
Anyway, I'll be working with my mate Mick over the summer, writing scripts for him to make (he's got a few contacts, so who know how far they'll go) while also trying to pitch my animation idea to some companies/channels. And I'll also be trying to get into the porn industry (no, I'm not joking)
Anyway, I'll be working with my mate Mick over the summer, writing scripts for him to make (he's got a few contacts, so who know how far they'll go) while also trying to pitch my animation idea to some companies/channels. And I'll also be trying to get into the porn industry (no, I'm not joking)
POP for MoJoJoJo
The older you get the more you realise that qualifications are irrelevant. Just because you get a B in GCSE Business studies, it doesn't mean you'll be good at running a business. Qualifications do not define who you are, they only limit what you can do.
Mr Snuggly wrote:
> I didn't know what I wanted to do until I was about 21-22ish. True
> story. Goatboy, who I believe is still 30, only realised what he
> wanted to do about 6 months ago. You're 15, you're not expected to
> know yet.
Absolutely. I followed the career path of a solicitor. I'd been in the job 9 months, having spent 4 years training for it, before realising that I'd rather be providing oral gratification to smeg-encrusted goat members than remain in the profession. Now I'm in a job that I don't much care about whilst I pursue an acting career. Took me until I was 27 before I realised acting was the thing for me.
> I didn't know what I wanted to do until I was about 21-22ish. True
> story. Goatboy, who I believe is still 30, only realised what he
> wanted to do about 6 months ago. You're 15, you're not expected to
> know yet.
Absolutely. I followed the career path of a solicitor. I'd been in the job 9 months, having spent 4 years training for it, before realising that I'd rather be providing oral gratification to smeg-encrusted goat members than remain in the profession. Now I'm in a job that I don't much care about whilst I pursue an acting career. Took me until I was 27 before I realised acting was the thing for me.
MoJoJoJo wrote:
> Hey, I've done GCSEs, A levels, a National Diploma and I'm still
> unsure of what I want to do.
>
> Dream job? Director.
> Slightly more realistic job? Freelance script writer.
> Most probabal job? Working in an office the rest of my life.
>
> I'm in denial about it, but that's probably where I'll end up - that
> sad guy working in an office who tells people about the sitcom he's
> writing which every major channel is interested in, but never gets
> made.
Same position as me. Just finished my BND too, getting grades tomorrow. I want to do the same kind of thing as you, and it's hard. So hard that you get to a stage when you think you're never going to make it. But it's possible.
While looking for work I met a guy who runs his own video production company and is starting work on his first feature this year. He couldn't give me a paying job, but I'm working as a Production Assistant on the film. Not only is this going to be a great experience (meeting contacts, working as part of a real film crew, gaining valuable experience that you won't get from a degree etc) but it's made me realise that it's possible to make it. Shame it's unpaid though. So I'm just looking for a job. Any reasonable job to put some money in my pocket while I work on the project. It's taking place mainly on weekends so it doesn't really limit my chances of getting a weekday job. Plus there's a strong possibility of a job with this guy's company in the near future, so I just have to wait until then.
Just write your script, save up your money and do it. You'll find a way. It's inspired me and now I'm working on my first feature script and developing my animated series to pitch to channels. Need more inspiration? Check out these two books:
Make Your Own Damn Movie - Lloyd Kaufman
If Chins Could Kill - Bruce Campbell
Just don't give up on it. Even if you get stuck in a rubbish job, just do it on your own time. And if you get an office job there's a chance you'll have a computer to work and type on...
> Hey, I've done GCSEs, A levels, a National Diploma and I'm still
> unsure of what I want to do.
>
> Dream job? Director.
> Slightly more realistic job? Freelance script writer.
> Most probabal job? Working in an office the rest of my life.
>
> I'm in denial about it, but that's probably where I'll end up - that
> sad guy working in an office who tells people about the sitcom he's
> writing which every major channel is interested in, but never gets
> made.
Same position as me. Just finished my BND too, getting grades tomorrow. I want to do the same kind of thing as you, and it's hard. So hard that you get to a stage when you think you're never going to make it. But it's possible.
While looking for work I met a guy who runs his own video production company and is starting work on his first feature this year. He couldn't give me a paying job, but I'm working as a Production Assistant on the film. Not only is this going to be a great experience (meeting contacts, working as part of a real film crew, gaining valuable experience that you won't get from a degree etc) but it's made me realise that it's possible to make it. Shame it's unpaid though. So I'm just looking for a job. Any reasonable job to put some money in my pocket while I work on the project. It's taking place mainly on weekends so it doesn't really limit my chances of getting a weekday job. Plus there's a strong possibility of a job with this guy's company in the near future, so I just have to wait until then.
Just write your script, save up your money and do it. You'll find a way. It's inspired me and now I'm working on my first feature script and developing my animated series to pitch to channels. Need more inspiration? Check out these two books:
Make Your Own Damn Movie - Lloyd Kaufman
If Chins Could Kill - Bruce Campbell
Just don't give up on it. Even if you get stuck in a rubbish job, just do it on your own time. And if you get an office job there's a chance you'll have a computer to work and type on...
Mr Snuggly wrote:
> I didn't know what I wanted to do until I was about 21-22ish. True
> story. Goatboy, who I believe is still 30, only realised what he
> wanted to do about 6 months ago. You're 15, you're not expected to
> know yet.
This puts my advice to shame! :-D
> I didn't know what I wanted to do until I was about 21-22ish. True
> story. Goatboy, who I believe is still 30, only realised what he
> wanted to do about 6 months ago. You're 15, you're not expected to
> know yet.
This puts my advice to shame! :-D
Ah, just the one today. And I thought Firefox had just crashed.
Secondary school was the best. All you had to do was pay attention in class for a few minutes (the trick was when and for how long) per lesson, you didn't really have to worry about your exam results since they won't have much of a major effect on your progression (compared to college and uni), and there was none of that "adulty" stuff to worry about; loans, paying rent, shopping... you didn't even have to revise up until exam time, where a 2 day cram would be sufficient for half of your subjects.
Trust me, when you look back you'd think of those days as the best. Unless you got bullied or had a crappy family.
Trust me, when you look back you'd think of those days as the best. Unless you got bullied or had a crappy family.
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