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THE UNDERTAKER slowly saunters towards the ring, flaunting his hauntingly robust muscles by flexing himself ridiculously often. He surely is a beast of a man.
"he sure is, JR, I've been downstairs on the Undertaker many a time, and I can assure you, he is the most beastly man I ever set my lips upon."
"is that right, THE KING, MY GOD HE IS HUGE isn't he?"
"Yes, he towers in a 6'10" and weighs 1000 pounds!"
"OH. MY. GOD. Here comes his opponent."
The manic-psychotic rambler from the desert Slack-Jawed Phil Jimley is now making his way to the ring, and OH DEAR GOD HE HAS A SURPRISINGLY FLEXIBLE STEEL CHAIR.
"that steel chair is going to cause A LOT of damage, King!"
"Sure thing, honey, I've been hit during my days in the ring and OH MY GOD they bend over your head incredibly because of the sheer force these men thrust them upon you with."
Both men are now in the ring, squaring up, separated only by a small, frightened looking referee who will inevitably get knocked down at a crucial moment later on.
DING DING DING
The match is underway.
The Undertaker slams his giant body straight into Phil's with a giant running mega-slam clothesline deathslide! Oh dear god he is on THE GROUND.
But Phil is right back up he doesn't look too bad after that MASSIVE hit from the Undertaker.
The Undertaker is standing in the corner and not fighting.
"What is he doing?" says JR, "He's...he's shining his big boot!"
"Oh my god JR not the boot-shiner"
The Undertaker runs, HURTLES towards Phil and delivers a devastating boot-shiner to the left-knee, OH MY GOD HIS RIGHT KNEE IS IN SO MUCH PAIN.
Undertaker goes for a pin but it's only a two count.
Phil is now up and he needs to make a move he can't let the Undertaker dominate him, he isn't quite into that kind of thing.
Phil with a big right hand, left hand, right, left, left, left, right, left and RIGHT and then a HARD KICK to the shin. Undertaker is holding his chin.
Oh dear god his left cheek is in so much pain right now.
"Phil still hasn't used that chair, King"
"Yeah, JR, it's still just sitting there in the corner - I'm sure it'll come into play soon!"
AND WITH THAT a giant slam to the head of the undertaker with the chair as the Philler breaks the steel chair into 3 pieces.
"OH MY GOD KING HE'S SMASHED THAT CHAIR INTO 100 PIECES THE PIECES ARE LYING ALL OVER THE RING THERE MUST BE ABOUT 3000 OF THEM"
Phil goes for the pin, surely this is it!
1.....2.............................and undertaker kicks out!!!!
BUT OH MY GOD PHIL IS MAD.
He thinks that was a terribly long count by the referee, almost as if...as if the ref was counting slowly to make sure Undertaker got there in time so that the match wouldn't end incorrectly!
And with that Phil picks up his chair again and SLAMS the head of the referee what a MADMAN.
He's just CRAZY.
The Undertaker is back up again and he's just taken Phil from behind with a Sizzling Sausage Piledriver POWERBOMB. He's on top of Phil now for the pin it has to be a 3 count BUT OH NO THE REF IS STILL OUT!
The Undertaker will not be pleased.
"OH MY GOD WHAT AN EVENETFUL MATCH KING! MY HAT IS ALMOST FALLING OFF"
The Undertaker is dragging Phil to the conveniently placed Spanish announcers table to make sure he's completely out by the time the referee recovers and as he rests him on it for a diving elbow smash destroyer the table falls apart like it was built for the sole purpose of breaking.
"OH MY GOD JR THAT MOVE WAS DEVASTATING I DON'T KNOW HOW HE'LL EVER RECOVER"
Phil is up again as the Undertaker stands menacingly in the ring.
Phil goes into the ring and oh my god some guy has appeared from nowhere with an erect ladder it has to be about 15ft tall.
"Oh dear god", says JR, "not the ladder, that thing must be 34ft high"
Johnny Boy Johnson Jr climbs atop the 300ft ladder and jumps off and lands SLAP BANG on the Undertakers head.
Phil slowly crawls across to pin him just as the referee comes to and pins him - 1, 2, 3 it's all over.
"What a match, JR, we'll never see another like it."
Undertaker then stands up and looks annoyed, before walking backstage looking angry and menacing.
"he sure is, JR, I've been downstairs on the Undertaker many a time, and I can assure you, he is the most beastly man I ever set my lips upon."
"is that right, THE KING, MY GOD HE IS HUGE isn't he?"
"Yes, he towers in a 6'10" and weighs 1000 pounds!"
"OH. MY. GOD. Here comes his opponent."
The manic-psychotic rambler from the desert Slack-Jawed Phil Jimley is now making his way to the ring, and OH DEAR GOD HE HAS A SURPRISINGLY FLEXIBLE STEEL CHAIR.
"that steel chair is going to cause A LOT of damage, King!"
"Sure thing, honey, I've been hit during my days in the ring and OH MY GOD they bend over your head incredibly because of the sheer force these men thrust them upon you with."
Both men are now in the ring, squaring up, separated only by a small, frightened looking referee who will inevitably get knocked down at a crucial moment later on.
DING DING DING
The match is underway.
The Undertaker slams his giant body straight into Phil's with a giant running mega-slam clothesline deathslide! Oh dear god he is on THE GROUND.
But Phil is right back up he doesn't look too bad after that MASSIVE hit from the Undertaker.
The Undertaker is standing in the corner and not fighting.
"What is he doing?" says JR, "He's...he's shining his big boot!"
"Oh my god JR not the boot-shiner"
The Undertaker runs, HURTLES towards Phil and delivers a devastating boot-shiner to the left-knee, OH MY GOD HIS RIGHT KNEE IS IN SO MUCH PAIN.
Undertaker goes for a pin but it's only a two count.
Phil is now up and he needs to make a move he can't let the Undertaker dominate him, he isn't quite into that kind of thing.
Phil with a big right hand, left hand, right, left, left, left, right, left and RIGHT and then a HARD KICK to the shin. Undertaker is holding his chin.
Oh dear god his left cheek is in so much pain right now.
"Phil still hasn't used that chair, King"
"Yeah, JR, it's still just sitting there in the corner - I'm sure it'll come into play soon!"
AND WITH THAT a giant slam to the head of the undertaker with the chair as the Philler breaks the steel chair into 3 pieces.
"OH MY GOD KING HE'S SMASHED THAT CHAIR INTO 100 PIECES THE PIECES ARE LYING ALL OVER THE RING THERE MUST BE ABOUT 3000 OF THEM"
Phil goes for the pin, surely this is it!
1.....2.............................and undertaker kicks out!!!!
BUT OH MY GOD PHIL IS MAD.
He thinks that was a terribly long count by the referee, almost as if...as if the ref was counting slowly to make sure Undertaker got there in time so that the match wouldn't end incorrectly!
And with that Phil picks up his chair again and SLAMS the head of the referee what a MADMAN.
He's just CRAZY.
The Undertaker is back up again and he's just taken Phil from behind with a Sizzling Sausage Piledriver POWERBOMB. He's on top of Phil now for the pin it has to be a 3 count BUT OH NO THE REF IS STILL OUT!
The Undertaker will not be pleased.
"OH MY GOD WHAT AN EVENETFUL MATCH KING! MY HAT IS ALMOST FALLING OFF"
The Undertaker is dragging Phil to the conveniently placed Spanish announcers table to make sure he's completely out by the time the referee recovers and as he rests him on it for a diving elbow smash destroyer the table falls apart like it was built for the sole purpose of breaking.
"OH MY GOD JR THAT MOVE WAS DEVASTATING I DON'T KNOW HOW HE'LL EVER RECOVER"
Phil is up again as the Undertaker stands menacingly in the ring.
Phil goes into the ring and oh my god some guy has appeared from nowhere with an erect ladder it has to be about 15ft tall.
"Oh dear god", says JR, "not the ladder, that thing must be 34ft high"
Johnny Boy Johnson Jr climbs atop the 300ft ladder and jumps off and lands SLAP BANG on the Undertakers head.
Phil slowly crawls across to pin him just as the referee comes to and pins him - 1, 2, 3 it's all over.
"What a match, JR, we'll never see another like it."
Undertaker then stands up and looks annoyed, before walking backstage looking angry and menacing.
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From what I remember of those, this lends itself to TV comedy more. Especially as there would be 2 people on screen with 2 announcers off screen.
That works well for TV.
That works well for TV.
What you don't realise is that this is poor in comparison to the older efforts of djerrud/nash-boy and myself.
Bill Bailey would have to be the UnderTaker, sheer class!
Well I think it was bloody good.
Like the good old staring contensts in Big Train but obviously a lot more over-the-top.
Damn good.
Seriously: send it off it's better than the **** the Beeb's got on at the mo.
and it lends itself to quite a few different comediens too I could see Bill Baily doing it, the League of Gentlemen guys doing it and even French and Saunder's couldn't fail to make people laugh with it.
Send it off Memo.
Like the good old staring contensts in Big Train but obviously a lot more over-the-top.
Damn good.
Seriously: send it off it's better than the **** the Beeb's got on at the mo.
and it lends itself to quite a few different comediens too I could see Bill Baily doing it, the League of Gentlemen guys doing it and even French and Saunder's couldn't fail to make people laugh with it.
Send it off Memo.
What about Nash? Eh? What about him?
It was golden.
AMazing, hutch. Not as good as the other one you (or djerrud) did, but still, fecking genius.
It was okay, but nothing special.
mikelar wrote:
> illt go for millions. (of air atoms)
lol good one
> illt go for millions. (of air atoms)
lol good one
OMG F-ING, C-ING AMAXING, BE MY WIFE,
SIGN ME COPY ?
illt go for millions. (of air atoms)
SIGN ME COPY ?
illt go for millions. (of air atoms)
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