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Ever get the impression that everything English is just pure crap?
Yes, this rant stems from yesterday’s unpleasant football fiasco where we were robbed by a stupid referee with a bleached blonde beard. Though football is perhaps one of the biggest businesses on Earth, players are worth millions, stadiums worth billions and the advertising rights are like golddust, the sport is still caught up in the mid fifties as far as technology goes. The only real development that has been made is the increase in sponsorship and the balls are approximately 18.5% funkier than they were. Though a sport like rugby that is violent, brutal and probably soon to be deemed politically incorrect is about 50 years more advanced that football.
“Why are you hurting our fragile football-loving ears with these cruel words, Para?” I hear you cry. Because rugby has realised that fans get angry if the referee makes a wrong decision and so if the referee isn’t sure of something, the event is viewed on a big screen and the decision analysed by a panel of off-field referees. Instead of the referee claiming Terry fouled/groped/hurt the feelings of the Portuguese keeper, the decision could have been viewed and England could have had a goal they rightly deserved.
Whilst we’re on the subject, I’ll take a pop at Beckham too. Not only because he’s a tabloid plaything who hogs the media spotlight because they think we care who he is banging or what he is wearing, but also because he’s absolutely crap. He is supposed to be the captain of the England team. Now lets see what Dictionary.com thinks a captain is defined as:
Captain:
1. Abbr. Capt. One who commands, leads, or guides others
In the match last night did David Beckham look particularly commanding? Was he rallying the players to attack and defend when they needed to, or did he prance about doing absolutely nothing? I favour the latter. The only person on the England team who did anything close to captaining was David James, who commanded his defence and did well to guide them into shutting down the torrent of Portuguese attacks. Perhaps Beckham is too scared to open his mouth and tell the players what to do because he sounds about seven years old; or perhaps he is in the position of captain because Hello! and OK! magazine say he should; and he doesn’t actually have any idea what the hell he is doing there. Either way, he should no longer be captain, he should join Southgate in the pit of eternal penalty-messing-up torture and never represent my country again.
Reverting back to my original point of England being rubbish at everything – lets now take a firm dig at Tim Henman. “Tiger Tim” the tabloids print, unaware of their lame untruth. He’s anything but a tiger; he’s a spoilt pasty-white rich boy who swings the racket feebly with his limp wrists, then crashes out of the tournament to the devastation of the aristocratic strawberry guzzling spectators and Persil, who are probably the only people in the world actually stupid enough to pay him. No, The Sun, Mr. Henman isn’t a tiger at all; he is built up every year by the tabloids then beaten by some foreign unknown who can actually play tennis. If you have to compare him to an animal please be realistic and perhaps dub him Tim the feeble sparrow.
Even age-old British institutions are crap. Royal Mail lost a parcel that I posted to an eBay member, only to resurface 3 months late. I complained after 2 weeks that they’d lost my parcel and threatened to cut their feet off to no avail, so after 3 weeks I made a more polite complaint without using expletives and references to “the guy who gets shot in the face in Pulp Fiction”, and got a response a further 6 weeks later that basically said “oops, we’ll go look”. The eBay guy emailed me after 3 months and told me he’d finally got the parcel and so I flooded the Royal Mail served (that can only seemingly handle 3 emails at a time before breaking like Beckham at a spelling contest) with requests that they apologise to me formally and confess to being crap. They sent me a personal letter of apology and two books of first class stamps. The lesson is bug people until they give you free stuff.
I cant even be bothered to delve into the troubling prospects of joining the EU, the Euro and the influence America is having over Tony ‘Puppet on a string’ Blair. I hope Kilroy becomes grand senator of the world and builds his own Arian supremacy; well I don’t hope… but anything is better than this.
Yes, this rant stems from yesterday’s unpleasant football fiasco where we were robbed by a stupid referee with a bleached blonde beard. Though football is perhaps one of the biggest businesses on Earth, players are worth millions, stadiums worth billions and the advertising rights are like golddust, the sport is still caught up in the mid fifties as far as technology goes. The only real development that has been made is the increase in sponsorship and the balls are approximately 18.5% funkier than they were. Though a sport like rugby that is violent, brutal and probably soon to be deemed politically incorrect is about 50 years more advanced that football.
“Why are you hurting our fragile football-loving ears with these cruel words, Para?” I hear you cry. Because rugby has realised that fans get angry if the referee makes a wrong decision and so if the referee isn’t sure of something, the event is viewed on a big screen and the decision analysed by a panel of off-field referees. Instead of the referee claiming Terry fouled/groped/hurt the feelings of the Portuguese keeper, the decision could have been viewed and England could have had a goal they rightly deserved.
Whilst we’re on the subject, I’ll take a pop at Beckham too. Not only because he’s a tabloid plaything who hogs the media spotlight because they think we care who he is banging or what he is wearing, but also because he’s absolutely crap. He is supposed to be the captain of the England team. Now lets see what Dictionary.com thinks a captain is defined as:
Captain:
1. Abbr. Capt. One who commands, leads, or guides others
In the match last night did David Beckham look particularly commanding? Was he rallying the players to attack and defend when they needed to, or did he prance about doing absolutely nothing? I favour the latter. The only person on the England team who did anything close to captaining was David James, who commanded his defence and did well to guide them into shutting down the torrent of Portuguese attacks. Perhaps Beckham is too scared to open his mouth and tell the players what to do because he sounds about seven years old; or perhaps he is in the position of captain because Hello! and OK! magazine say he should; and he doesn’t actually have any idea what the hell he is doing there. Either way, he should no longer be captain, he should join Southgate in the pit of eternal penalty-messing-up torture and never represent my country again.
Reverting back to my original point of England being rubbish at everything – lets now take a firm dig at Tim Henman. “Tiger Tim” the tabloids print, unaware of their lame untruth. He’s anything but a tiger; he’s a spoilt pasty-white rich boy who swings the racket feebly with his limp wrists, then crashes out of the tournament to the devastation of the aristocratic strawberry guzzling spectators and Persil, who are probably the only people in the world actually stupid enough to pay him. No, The Sun, Mr. Henman isn’t a tiger at all; he is built up every year by the tabloids then beaten by some foreign unknown who can actually play tennis. If you have to compare him to an animal please be realistic and perhaps dub him Tim the feeble sparrow.
Even age-old British institutions are crap. Royal Mail lost a parcel that I posted to an eBay member, only to resurface 3 months late. I complained after 2 weeks that they’d lost my parcel and threatened to cut their feet off to no avail, so after 3 weeks I made a more polite complaint without using expletives and references to “the guy who gets shot in the face in Pulp Fiction”, and got a response a further 6 weeks later that basically said “oops, we’ll go look”. The eBay guy emailed me after 3 months and told me he’d finally got the parcel and so I flooded the Royal Mail served (that can only seemingly handle 3 emails at a time before breaking like Beckham at a spelling contest) with requests that they apologise to me formally and confess to being crap. They sent me a personal letter of apology and two books of first class stamps. The lesson is bug people until they give you free stuff.
I cant even be bothered to delve into the troubling prospects of joining the EU, the Euro and the influence America is having over Tony ‘Puppet on a string’ Blair. I hope Kilroy becomes grand senator of the world and builds his own Arian supremacy; well I don’t hope… but anything is better than this.
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Mattributé wrote:
> Very_Metal wrote:
> "the ref got it SOOOOOO wrong!!!! we were robbed!! think i'll
> go
> smash something"
>
> How many were arrested last night? About 10, was it? So we should
> change the whole rules and dynamics of football for ten retards?
>
> Great plan!
No we should just lock the ten retards up for a few lifes
> Very_Metal wrote:
> "the ref got it SOOOOOO wrong!!!! we were robbed!! think i'll
> go
> smash something"
>
> How many were arrested last night? About 10, was it? So we should
> change the whole rules and dynamics of football for ten retards?
>
> Great plan!
No we should just lock the ten retards up for a few lifes
Very_Metal wrote:
> "the ref got it SOOOOOO wrong!!!! we were robbed!! think i'll go
> smash something"
How many were arrested last night? About 10, was it? So we should change the whole rules and dynamics of football for ten retards?
Great plan!
> "the ref got it SOOOOOO wrong!!!! we were robbed!! think i'll go
> smash something"
How many were arrested last night? About 10, was it? So we should change the whole rules and dynamics of football for ten retards?
Great plan!
Thought it was a tad harsh.
Now hush!
;)
Now hush!
;)
Aww you edited it. :P
AliBoy wrote:
> These things happen in football, just have to deal with them.
>
> England played pretty pap last night, everything seemed to be
> "Rooney this and Rooney that" and when he went off
> everything just went poor.
>
> I thought that Terry did make enough contact on the keeper to
> obstruct him from making an effort to save the header.
> End of the day if the ref has seen something wrong then his decision
> is final.
Im sorry but what the hell are you on about, how on earth did terry get in the way, for the entire thing he had his eyes entirly on the ball, he didn't even glance at the keeper once, the keeper realising that he was going to get beaten dived under terry and then appealed, it was probley the worst desicion of the tournament so far, I agree entirly that for the most part of the game we where apsolutly rubbish, but we should have won anyway, a vidoe ref is the answer, as someone has pointed out already it hasn't ruined rugby or cricket, it shouldn't be used most of the time but on the occasions like disallowing a goal or a dogy dive in the penalty area then they would be a great help, why is football still in the 50's. People who dive should also be punished, they should get an yellow card if they make too much of a foul, rooling around for 30 secs only to get up unhurt when the ref gives the dicisions, some of our dives deserved red cards, it completly ruins the game , just cos they can't play they have to resort to cheating, thats got that of my cheast
> These things happen in football, just have to deal with them.
>
> England played pretty pap last night, everything seemed to be
> "Rooney this and Rooney that" and when he went off
> everything just went poor.
>
> I thought that Terry did make enough contact on the keeper to
> obstruct him from making an effort to save the header.
> End of the day if the ref has seen something wrong then his decision
> is final.
Im sorry but what the hell are you on about, how on earth did terry get in the way, for the entire thing he had his eyes entirly on the ball, he didn't even glance at the keeper once, the keeper realising that he was going to get beaten dived under terry and then appealed, it was probley the worst desicion of the tournament so far, I agree entirly that for the most part of the game we where apsolutly rubbish, but we should have won anyway, a vidoe ref is the answer, as someone has pointed out already it hasn't ruined rugby or cricket, it shouldn't be used most of the time but on the occasions like disallowing a goal or a dogy dive in the penalty area then they would be a great help, why is football still in the 50's. People who dive should also be punished, they should get an yellow card if they make too much of a foul, rooling around for 30 secs only to get up unhurt when the ref gives the dicisions, some of our dives deserved red cards, it completly ruins the game , just cos they can't play they have to resort to cheating, thats got that of my cheast
Yes, Tim Henman is crap...that's why he reached the semi-finals of the French Open, a surface he doesn't enjoy playing on at all.
Aristocratic strawberry guzzlers? Me and my family go to Wimbledon almost every year - we're not aristocratic and we don't eat strawberries (at least not at Wimbledon), but we DO like watching tennis and happen to be members of a tennis club that are given tickets!
I like Tim. Generally nice, quiet guy whose the best tennis player we've got.
And heh @ Cyclone.
Aristocratic strawberry guzzlers? Me and my family go to Wimbledon almost every year - we're not aristocratic and we don't eat strawberries (at least not at Wimbledon), but we DO like watching tennis and happen to be members of a tennis club that are given tickets!
I like Tim. Generally nice, quiet guy whose the best tennis player we've got.
And heh @ Cyclone.
Paradox: wrote:
>but anything is better than this.
F**k off. I'm sorry, but no.
Sorry, but that tipped me off.
>but anything is better than this.
F**k off. I'm sorry, but no.
Sorry, but that tipped me off.
Yes, all Englishness is crap because Englishness is all and encompassing for every single person within English borders at this point.
What?
What?
Mattributé wrote:
> Yeah, stopping a football game to look at a decision would ruin the
> whole flow and feel of the game.
not in the case of last night. the ball was in the net so the game was effectively stopped anyway.
besides, it's that kind of opinion that keeps football firmly placed in bad press;
"the ref got it SOOOOOO wrong!!!! we were robbed!! think i'll go smash something"
but, offer an alternative and it'll "ruin the flow".
can't have it both ways.
> Yeah, stopping a football game to look at a decision would ruin the
> whole flow and feel of the game.
not in the case of last night. the ball was in the net so the game was effectively stopped anyway.
besides, it's that kind of opinion that keeps football firmly placed in bad press;
"the ref got it SOOOOOO wrong!!!! we were robbed!! think i'll go smash something"
but, offer an alternative and it'll "ruin the flow".
can't have it both ways.
Paradox: wrote:
> the balls are approximately 18.5% funkier than they were.
i'd like a source for these figures please, i've seen a lot of wild figures regarding ball funk and i'm conducting intensive research....
> the balls are approximately 18.5% funkier than they were.
i'd like a source for these figures please, i've seen a lot of wild figures regarding ball funk and i'm conducting intensive research....
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